Without Regret (Broken Roads Book 1)

by Cat Mason

  “What the hell is this shit!” Kate shouts from the opened door. Pressing her freshly painted red lips into a hard line, she narrows her eyes at Dad. “I spent the better part of two hours last night, doing everything short of lighting myself on fire, trying to get giggles out of that kid.”

  Looking up at her, Dad chuckles. “I always get the first laughs,” he replies with a shrug. “Ask your mother. It’s a historical fact and even written in the baby books.” Shifting the baby, he pulls her into his lap and blows kisses onto her chubby cheeks again. Alyssa’s laugh grows louder, her little legs kicking away.

  “Oh, I can’t believe this.” Stomping over, Kate snatches the baby from Dad’s arms. Holding her up, so that they are eye to eye, she arches a brow. “Come on, kid. I’m not above bribery for the sake of baby giggles. Let’s go spike your bottle with chocolate milk and feed you suckers.”

  “Don’t you dare, Kate!” I shout, leaping to my feet and chasing after her as she heads into the house. “I’ll shave your eyebrows in your sleep!”

  After wrestling my baby away from Kate, before she destroys her stomach and puts her in a sugar-induced coma for the rest of the afternoon, I manage to get her down for a nap long enough to finish the laundry and get myself ready. While packing up her diaper bag, I get all the details on dinner from Dad, and inform him that we will meet them there since Ray doesn’t live too far from the restaurant.

  Pulling into the parking spot beside Ray’s car, I climb out, shoulder my purse and her bag, then unfasten her seat from the base. Making my way up the steps, I knock on the door. A loud crash echoes from the other side of the door followed by the sound of Ray cursing.

  Coming into view, he smiles as he opens the door. “Sorry, I was in the back. Didn’t hear you pull up.”

  “Are we too early?” I ask nervously.

  “No,” he says, grabbing the baby carrier from me and tugging me inside with his free hand. Sitting Alyssa down, he grabs my bags and places them down beside her. “Let’s rewind and start this over,” he says, pulling me into his arms. Pressing a kiss to my lips, he hums in appreciation. “Hi.”

  “Hi,” I sigh, my fingers sliding up the back of his neck.

  “I needed this.” With one more brush of his lips, he pulls back. “I’ve got something to show you.”

  Releasing his hold on me, he bends at the waist and starts unbuckling the straps of Alyssa’s carrier. “Well, hello,” he says sweetly as he lifts her into his arms. “Are you excited to see my surprise?” he asks her.

  Holding her to him with one arm, he wraps the other around me, moving us down the hallway. Stopping at door, opposite his bedroom, Ray blows out a breath, then pushes open the door with his foot.

  My jaw drops.

  Against the far wall is a black wooden crib with purple bedding that is covered in white and yellow flowers. Opposite that is a matching changing table and rocking chair. Taking up most of the floor is a fuzzy purple area rug that matches the shades on the tall black lamps on either side of the window.

  Stepping inside, I see the changing table is fully stocked. There are even a few sleepers and dresses hanging in the opened closet. “You did all this?” I ask in disbelief. “Wait,” I say, when realization hits me. “Wasn’t this—”

  “Zack’s room when he stayed over?” Ray finishes for me. “Yeah; it’s not like he lives here. It’s more like a room where he brought girls because he didn’t want to hear Uncle Jimmy give him shit about being such a dog.” Coming up behind me, Ray runs his hand along the small of my back. “Things are changing, Rachel. Now, Alyssa has her own space and isn’t sleeping in a playpen on the other side of the house the next time you stay over.”

  Walking over, I drop down into the rocker. My eyes scan the room, taking in the space he has put so much time and effort into. Breathing deep, tears fill my eyes, spilling over onto my cheeks as my emotions overwhelm me. “Rach?” he asks, his tone filled with concern. Placing the baby down in the crib, he kneels in front of me. “Babe, did I do something wrong?” he asks, searching my eyes. “Tell me so I can fix it.”

  Swiping at my tears, I choke on a sob. “When I moved in with Tim, he didn’t want anything to do with putting together a nursery. After I used my entire savings, buying nearly everything second hand, I spent hours crying while I put the damn crib together and he slept in the next room.” Shaking my head, I meet his eyes. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Ray. You’re doing everything right and it’s just taking me a minute to wrap my head around it.”

  Taking my face in his hands, Ray swipes at my tears with his thumbs. “Take all the time you need.” Leaning in, he kisses me. His lips move slow and soft over mine, making my heart beat faster. A phone ringing from across the room gets my attention. “Ignore it,” he says when I pull back. Sliding a hand into my hair, he kisses the corner of my mouth. “I’ll call them back later.”

  Smiling, I wrap my arm around his neck, sighing into his mouth when our tongues meet. Leaning up on his knees, Ray’s fingers slide into my hair, groaning into my mouth as he deepens our kiss. Just as the phone stops ringing, it starts up again. Ray grunts in frustration. Pulling back, he stands to his feet. “One second,” he assures me, holding up a finger. “Promise.”

  Walking over to the diaper changing table, he picks up his phone. Swiping the screen, he rolls his eyes. “This better be fucking important, Zack,” he barks into the phone. “No. Actually, I’m in the mi—” Stopping mid-sentence, Ray’s eyes widen, the color draining from his face as he listens to Zack on the other end of the line. “Yeah. Right here. Shit. When? Where?” Yanking a hand through his hair, Ray closes his eyes tightly. “We’re leaving now.”

  Ray exhales roughly and ends the call. Opening his eyes, he stares at me, as if he is searching for the words to say. For a man who is generally so good at saying whatever is on his mind, right now, Ray looks completely lost. “What’s wrong?” I ask, dread settling in my gut like a lead weight.

  Shoving his phone into his back pocket, he walks over and lifts Alyssa from the crib. “Something’s happened, Rach,” he says, taking my hand. “I need to get you to the hospital as soon as possible.”

  The entire ride, I stare out the windshield, willing myself to stay calm. My mind races, my emotions ripping me apart from the inside out. By the time we reach the hospital, I am frantic.

  Rushing into the Emergency Room Department, Ray and I head straight for the desk. “Davidson,” I blurt, my whole body shaking.

  The nurse looks up from her paperwork. Pushing the thick red glasses up her nose with two fingers, she squints at me. “You can have a seat in the waiting room with the others. Someone should be with you shortly.”

  Balling my hands into fists, I grit my teeth. I want to slam my hands down on the counter and demand answers. I need to know what is going on. The not knowing is making me crazy.

  Ray’s hand wraps around mine, tugging lightly. “Come on, Baby.”

  Huffing in frustration, I follow Ray across the hall into the waiting room. Lila and Bob sit in the corner, talking in hushed voices. But, there is no Kate. Not even Zack. “Mom?” Ray asks, sounding just as confused as I am. “What are you doing here?”

  Lila and Bob stand, moving toward us. “Zack was at the house, helping your father and Jimmy with some boxes when he got the call.” Reaching out, she squeezes my arm. “I’m so sorry, Honey.”

  “What ha—”

  “Davidson?” a male voice calls out, causing me to halt mid-sentence and spin around to face him.

  “Yes,” I answer, holding up my hand. “I’m his daughter, Rachel. How is my Dad? What happened?” I ask, spitting the questions out all at once before I can stop myself.

  Blowing out a breath, the doctor closes the distance between us. “Miss Davidson, my name is Dr. Fellure. I worked on your father when he was brought into the E.R. about forty-five minutes ago, after a motor vehicle accident.” he explains, tugging a hand through his curly blonde hair. “He suffered a massive
cardiac arrest while being cut out of the car. Having a Do Not Resuscitate Order on file with the hospital, there was nothing we could do,” he informs me, his eyes softening sadly. “I’m so sorry.”

  No. Not yet. He can’t be gone.

  “Oh God,” I choke on a sob as my knees give out from under me. My mind races, going over all the information I have just been given. Gone. My Dad is gone just like that. My eyes snap to the doctor, my mind reeling. “Car accident?” I ask, forcing the words to leave my lips. “You said car accident?”

  “Yes,” Dr. Fellure nods. “According to the paramedics who brought them in, they were hit by a delivery truck, downtown, near Soulard Market.”

  Oh God.

  “They?” I ask, feeling Ray’s arms surround me as he helps me to my feet.

  “I’m sorry. I thought you knew.” The doctor’s eyes widen, clearly realizing how little information I have been given. “Miss Davidson, there were two other women in the car. You’ll need to talk to the police officer conducting the investigation, as well as the doctors assigned to those patients. I’m sorry that I can’t be more help.”

  My body shakes so violently, it causes my teeth to rattle. As Dr. Fellure heads out of the room, Ray helps me over to a sofa in the corner where Lila sits rocking back and forth with Alyssa in her arms. For what seems like hours, I sit between Ray and Lila, staring down at the floor. My tears falling at my feet as I silently mourn my father and wait for news on my mother and Kate.

  “Rachel Davidson?”

  My eyes snap up the second I hear my name, meeting the dark eyes of a very tall, pencil thin, uniformed police officer. “Yes,” I reply, standing to my unsteady feet.

  “Can you tell us what happened?” Ray asks, coming to stand beside me.

  “I can,” he replies, his eyes shifting between us. “I’m Officer Nathaniel Churchill. I was first to arrive on scene. I have yet to review the street camera footage,” Pulling a note pad from his back pocket, he flips it open and begins to look them over. “According to witness reports, and my initial reconstruction of the scene, we know that the car was advancing on a green light when a delivery truck ran a red at a high rate of speed. It appears that there was a DNR on file for one, Grant Davidson. Davidson became unresponsive at the scene and was not revived,” Churchill says, reading from his notes.

  Closing my eyes tightly, I shake my head, wishing it all away. Silently pleading with God, promising him anything he wants to start this entire day over again.

  “What about the women in the car?” Ray asks, his arm tightening around my waist. “Kate and Cheryl Davidson.”

  “Yes,” Churchill replies. Blowing out a breath, I force my eyes to open. He flips the page in his notepad, and nods. “I have Katelyn Davidson listed in serious, yet stable, condition. She has been in and out of consciousness; I have yet to get her official statement.” I exhale in relief at hearing those words. “Cheryl Davidson was pronounced dead at the scene.”

  The words are like a slap to the face. Pain slices through my body like a razor. A scream tears from my chest as I beg him to be wrong. The room starts to spin and my stomach lurches. “Ray,” I gasp, clawing at my throat with both hands. “I can’t breathe.”

  Then everything goes black.

  Chapter 16

  Rolling over, I groan, unable to get comfortable. Why is my bed so stiff? Opening my eyes, I wince instantly at the bright halogen lights above me. Disoriented, I jolt upright.

  “Rachel,” Ray sighs, sounding relieved. “You scared the hell out of me.” Sitting down beside me, he runs his hands up and down my arms.

  Glancing around the waiting room, it all comes flooding back.

  The accident.

  A truck runs a red light and just like that, both my parents are dead.

  A strangled cry tumbles out of my mouth, my hands flying up to stop it. Wrapping his arms around me, Ray pulls me tightly against him. “Alyssa,” I choke out, my eyes flying open wide. “Where is she?”

  “Mom has her,” Ray replies, pressing his lips to my temple. “Rach, I’m so sorry. I had no idea—”

  Glancing over, I see Lila holding a dozing Alyssa in her arms. “Kate,” I blurt, shifting in his arms. “I need to see her.”

  “Okay,” Ray replies, loosening his hold on me. “Let’s see if they’ll let us go back.”

  “Okay.”

  I try to stand, my legs wobbling unsteadily. Ray grips me around the waist, hauling me into his side. “Easy, Baby.” His voice is soft and soothing.

  Walking over, I stare down at my baby. Tears stream down my face as I brush the tips of my fingers over her hair. My sweet girl. She has no idea what we have just lost. I am torn between wanting to seek comfort in my baby girl, and check on my sister. “Go,” Lila says, obviously sensing my unease. “I’ve got her. You need to be there for your sister, Rachel.”

  Nodding my head, I head for the desk where a doctor stands talking to the nurse from before. Not waiting, I place my hands on the desk and clear my throat. “I need to know what room Kate Davidson is in, please.”

  Stopping their conversation, they both look to me. The nurse squints at me through her glasses again, pursing her lips as if she just swallowed a mouth full lemon juice. “Ma’am, I told you someone would be with you.”

  “Listen, lady.” Balling my fists, I glare down at her. “I have just been told that my parents have been killed. My sister is lying back there and I have no idea what condition she is in. Physically or mentally, given the circumstances. Either tell me what room she’s in, or I’ll knock on every door until I find her my damn self.”

  “Rach!”

  Turning my head, I see Zack standing outside a door at the end of the hall. Arching my brow, I face the nurse again. “Thank you for all your help, Ma’am,” I bite out through gritted teeth. Grabbing Ray’s hand, I head toward Zack.

  “Hey,” Zack says, his face filled with sadness and concern. Wrapping his arms around me, he blows out a breath. “I’m so sorry.”

  His words are sincere, but make my body go rigid nonetheless. I know that they come from a good-hearted place, but they do nothing to soothe my broken heart. His words are not going to fix the pain I feel right now. Nothing will.

  Patting his arm, I push back to meet his eyes. “Thanks, Zack.”

  Pushing open the door, I step inside, my heart taking another hit when I see Kate lying in the bed. The room is dark, except from the dim light shining out from the partially opened bathroom door. Walking over, I sit on the side of the bed. Reaching out, I brush my fingers over the bandage on her forehead. Her breath catches. Immediately, she grips my hand, her eyes opening.

  “Rachel,” she chokes out, her voice almost non-existent. A tear slips down her face. Her arms are bandaged, and there are several small cuts on her hands and fingers. “I’m so sorry. Oh God. I… I…,” she gasps, her eyes slamming shut.

  Carefully, I shift my body and lie back against the pillows. Adjusting the wires and tubes she is hooked up to, I wrap my arms around her as best I can and feel the bandages wrapped around her ribs. “What in the world do you have to be sorry for, Kate?”

  “I didn’t see the truck,” she admits, her body shaking with her sobs. “I was the one driving. I demanded we take my car. The light was green when I went through it, Rachel. I swear it was. I don’t know what happened,” she winces. Hissing out a breath, she wraps an arm around her middle. “The truck hit us so hard. I was disoriented and couldn’t find my cellphone, but I managed to get out of the car and got a guy on the street to call for help. Dad was trying to get Mom out. I could hear him screaming. Then I couldn’t hear him anymore,” she gasps, covering her mouth. “I want it to be a dream. Why can’t I wake up and this be a horrible dream? They’re really gone. Oh, God, Rach. What have I done?”

  “This wasn’t your fault,” I cry, the grief swallowing me whole. Not only for the loss of my parents, but for the grandparents that my daughter will never truly know. She won’t remember how much th
ey loved her. They will never see the person Alyssa will grow up to be.

  Kate doesn’t respond. Instead, she lies her head on my chest. Careful of her bandages, I stroke her hair as her sobs quiet to soft whimpers. After a while her breathing evens out, letting me know that she has fallen back to sleep again. Though I know I should get up, I can’t make myself move. I have lost so much tonight, but as I lie here, staring up at the ceiling tiles, I am grateful that I didn’t lose Kate too.

  After a while, the door opens. Ray and Zack step inside. Ray’s eyes find mine immediately. “Hey,” he says, softly. Moving toward us, he sits down in the chair beside the bed. Covering my hand with his own, he gives it a squeeze. “They’re about to come in and move Kate upstairs to a room. We need to go.”

  “I’m not leaving,” I reply, shaking my head.

  “Yes, you are,” Kate replies, shifting against me. Hissing out a breath, she leans up. “Go home, snuggle Alyssa for me, and get some sleep. I’ll be okay,” she assures me. “If I need you, I’ll call you. Promise.”

  My arguments fall on deaf ears, especially once the nurses come in and all but kick me out of the bed on my ass. After making Kate, and the nurses, promise to call me if she even so much as blinks funny, I hug her then leave the room with Ray and Zack.

  When we walk into the waiting room, Bob sits in the corner, staring down at Lys as if she were the most precious thing he has ever seen. The sight stops me immediately. It is a painfully bittersweet moment, that not only makes me smile, but has tears pooling in my eyes again. It is hard to know that I will never walk into a room and catch my parents having moments like this with my child again.

  “How is she?” Lila asks, pushing to her feet the moment she spots us.

  “Banged up,” Ray replies as I make my way over to where Bob sits with the baby.

  “Thank you for taking care of her for me,” I say, taking her into my arms. She looks so peaceful, smiling as she dreams.

  Bob nods. Pushing to his feet, he pats my arm. “We’re here to help anyway we can.”