Wild On My Mind

by Laurel Kerr

  * * *

  Bowie reclined in his office chair, his breaths coming in quick, hard pants. With an energy that surprised him, Katie climbed off his lap. Sure, she’d only walked into his office ten minutes ago—but the way they’d just spent those ten minutes…

  Yeah, he didn’t think he’d be getting up for a while. Maybe he’d just fall asleep in his chair.

  Katie yanked down her shirt. Nonchalantly, she walked over to the door and gathered the rest of her clothes, which she’d discarded the moment she’d entered and locked the door. Bowie probably should arrange himself and zip up his fly, but it honestly felt like too much effort.

  “So I was thinking,” Katie said as she pulled her hair back into a ponytail.

  “Yeah?” he asked as he tried to get his muddled mind to focus. She had that effect, especially when she burst into his office unexpectedly and jumped him. Considering how often that had happened lately, he should have acquired the ability to keep at least a few brain cells fully charged.

  “June and I would like to take Abby on a shopping spree. Our treat.”

  That caused Bowie to straighten up and fix his pants. He was not about to discuss his daughter with his junk hanging free.

  “So, what do you think?” Katie asked.

  Bowie paused. Since Katie had first eaten dinner with them, she had been spending more and more time with Abby. Although he appreciated how Katie managed to pull Abby from her shell, he couldn’t help but worry. Abby talked about Katie constantly. He knew his daughter had begun to idolize her and was even starting to regard Katie as a mother figure. Hell, she’d made a habit of telling Bowie that Katie was nice and pretty and questioning why didn’t he ask her out.

  When Katie left—and she would eventually leave—Abby would be crushed. Katie might live in the backwoods town of Sagebrush now, but Bowie doubted she’d stick around. Oh, she’d still drop by to visit her folks, but she wasn’t planning on moving back permanently. Just the other day, she’d mentioned she was adding the zoo advertisements to her portfolio. She definitely was using the summer to beef up her credentials before embarking on a serious job hunt in the fall.

  There was another thing Bowie knew for certain, though. Once Katie left Sagebrush, whatever she and he shared would end as suddenly as a mountain lion’s deadly pounce.

  Although Bowie knew Katie’s relationship with his daughter had little to do with him, she wouldn’t be around much, especially if she ended up in New York. He hoped she would make time for Abby when she visited her family. Even if things ended badly between Katie and him, he didn’t think she would just abandon his daughter. But Abby would still feel her absence.

  “Uh, Bowie, it’s really a simple question.”

  He rubbed the back of his head and regarded Katie steadily. “Actually, it isn’t.”

  She frowned. “Why? Are you worried about what June and I will help her pick out? We know she’s a preteen.”

  Bowie shook his head. “No, not that, but I don’t want her getting too attached to you. You’re still planning to leave town, aren’t you?”

  Katie paused, considering. When she finally spoke, she did so very slowly, as if working through the problem as she talked. “True, but I’ve been up front with her about it. I’ll make sure I keep in touch. Abby and I have even made plans to write each other letters. She liked the old-fashioned idea.”

  Bowie relaxed slightly, helplessly charmed that Katie had already thought about how her eventual departure would impact Abby. He hadn’t known the two of them had discussed it. He shouldn’t have been surprised that Katie had thought to prepare his daughter.

  “Abby’s growing really close to you,” he said. “I guess you’ve already figured that out.”

  Katie nodded, her face solemn. “Yeah. I like her too. She’s a good kid.”

  “When things with us…” He paused, not sure how to say the words. He really didn’t want to think about their…well, whatever this was…ending.

  “My relationship with Abby is separate,” Katie said. “No matter what happens with us or where I move, I’ll still be her friend as long as she needs me. I see it as an unofficial Big Sister–Little Sister thing.”

  “Yeah, I figured that’s how you viewed it, but—”

  “You want to protect your daughter. I get it. No offense taken.”

  Bowie nodded sharply, glad Katie understood. “Since you’ve already talked to Abby about your plans to leave town eventually, I guess there isn’t any harm in you and June taking her shopping. It will be on my dime, though.”

  “June and I would like to buy her one outfit, if that’s okay.”

  “I guess, as long as it’s just one.” It felt odd, letting someone else take his kid to the store. Gretchen had before her death, but for years, it had just been him.

  “Oh, and June may want to take Abby for a haircut. You okay with that?”

  Bowie frowned. “What’s wrong with her hair?”

  Katie shrugged. “June has an eye for these things, and she’s normally right. I’m hoping that a day out might give Abby more confidence. Don’t worry, I won’t let anyone put makeup on her. She’s only eleven. Besides, this isn’t about giving Abby a makeover. It’s about having some girl fun.”

  “I guess so,” Bowie said, but it felt even weirder for someone else to take his kid for a haircut. Even Gretchen hadn’t done that. “But I’ll want to pay for that too.”

  “No problem.” Katie turned to leave, and he sucked in a breath. Abby’s relationship with her wasn’t the only thing that had started to bug him. Over the past couple of weeks, Katie had joined his family for dinner several times. He enjoyed her company. A lot. He wanted to spend more time with her beyond talking about the zoo or even just having sex.

  “Speaking of Abby,” Bowie said, “she’s sleeping over at a friend’s house tomorrow. The cougars are old enough now to be left alone at night, and I thought it might be nice if the two of us drove to the Rocky Ridge lodge for dinner. I’ve never eaten there, but Lou says the view is great, and the food is decent.”

  Katie swiveled in his direction, her face unreadable. “I appreciate the offer, Bowie, but like you said, I’ll be leaving town soon. I want to keep things casual. Besides, I finally convinced my mom to take a break and go to her sister’s house in Boulder for a few days. Dad doesn’t need to be babysat, but it would make my mother nervous if I went all the way to Rocky Ridge.”

  Yeah, but maybe Bowie wanted something more than a casual fling. Not that he would admit it aloud.

  “Okay.” Bowie shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

  A speculative grin suddenly curled Katie’s lips. “But you know, it might be nice to actually use a bed for once. Why don’t you swing by my place after you drop Abby off at her friend’s? I can order a pizza.”

  “Yeah, that sounds great,” Bowie said, glad that his voice didn’t betray his disappointment. He was the guy. He should be ecstatic that Katie wanted pizza and nooky instead of an expensive dinner he could barely afford. For the first time, he had a steady sex life. Maybe Katie was right. Why screw with that?

  Still, the feeling of glumness lingered like a grizzly’s bad breath. Bowie couldn’t even shake his funk when he distributed feed for the animals’ evening meal, which was generally his favorite part of the workday. He told himself his bad mood was partially because he’d spotted Fluffy leaving Frida’s enclosure again. But deep down, he knew that didn’t make sense. The honey badger roamed the zoo all the time, and his antics kept the old gal active. Plus, with Abby home from school, she could catch the little trickster quickly enough.

  As Bowie heaved a bale of hay off the back of his pickup into the llama enclosure, Lulubelle sauntered over, her woolly head at a dejected angle. He climbed down and reached over to give her a scratch.

  “Sorry, girl. We’re working on finding you a mate. I promise.”

&n
bsp; Lulubelle curled back her lip and let out a mournful, rumbling wail. Bowie leaned his forehead against the camel’s massive one. Staring into her liquid-brown eyes, he said, “I know how you feel, girl. I know how you feel.”

  * * *

  Pathetic. Fluffy didn’t know who was more pitiful. The pining camel or the lovelorn biped. Fluffy had arranged everything for the Black-Haired One. It should have been easier than invading an unguarded beehive.

  But no. The Black-Haired One had apparently managed to make a jumble out of his own mating ritual. Fluffy had experienced such high hopes. Both the Black-Haired One and the red-haired female had appeared happy and pleased with themselves. A good sign indeed.

  However, successful males did not share soulful heart-to-hearts with lovesick camels. Something had gone awry with Fluffy’s plan, and he intended to fix it. The Black-Haired One clearly wasn’t capable of wooing his own species without assistance.

  Chapter 8

  When Bowie heard the door to his office open, he grinned broadly. He was ready for a break. He’d been staring too long at the paperwork required to keep the zoo’s licenses up to date. The animal park had quite a few variances, including those that allowed them to keep the cougars and Frida. Although they always passed inspections—Bowie made sure that they exceeded all regulations—keeping up with the requirements was still a headache. He’d specifically chosen today to focus on legal mumbo jumbo, since he was looking forward to tonight.

  It would be his first time making love to Katie in an actual bed. The whole day, he’d plotted how he would take full advantage of a mattress and box spring. Needless to say, despite all the administrative crap, he was in a pretty terrific mood.

  “Couldn’t wait until this evening?” he asked as he swung his chair around from the computer where he’d been working.

  “Ooo, does somebody have a hot date?”

  Bowie froze when he caught sight of Sawyer Johnson standing in the doorframe. As he sat dumbfounded, she sashayed into his office and plopped uninvited into one of the chairs.

  He hadn’t talked to Sawyer in almost twelve years. Due to the size of Sagebrush, he’d spotted her from a distance a few times at the supermarket or in town. Either he or she promptly went in a different direction. He hadn’t even spoken with her during her pregnancy—at least not without both their attorneys and her parents present. Bowie had heard that her family had lost big in a pyramid investment scheme that had hit their community hard. Afterward, she’d married a rich, local rancher about twice her age. Bowie didn’t recall the man’s name. It honestly hadn’t mattered to him.

  As Bowie sat in stunned silence, Sawyer scanned his office with patent disgust. “So this is where you’ve been keeping yourself,” she said in a tone that indicated she wasn’t impressed.

  “What are you doing here, Sawyer?” Bowie asked sharply. He was glad that he’d already dropped Abby off at her friend’s home. Abby knew that her mother was alive, but she wasn’t aware that the woman still lived in the same town.

  “Rodger and I can’t have children,” Sawyer said.

  Rage and disbelief slammed into Bowie. Surely, this woman hadn’t breezed into his life after twelve years just to announce her inability to conceive a baby. Hell, the last thing she had said in his presence was how much she wished her parents would let her have an abortion. Her words had been a cruel echo of his parents’ taunts that they should have gotten rid of him when his mom got knocked up in high school.

  “I don’t see how that is any concern of mine,” Bowie said evenly.

  Sawyer ignored him. “I had my tubes tied. I didn’t want to risk another pregnancy. Unfortunately, there were complications after I tried to get the procedure reversed.”

  Bowie barely bit back a sarcastic comment. Although Sawyer didn’t seem too broken up by her infertility, he wouldn’t stoop so low as to make light of it. Sawyer had always hidden any sign of vulnerability beneath layers of smug superiority. Even when they’d dated, she hadn’t opened up to him, but he hadn’t been stupid either. He’d known her parents had always paid more attention to her older brother. Whenever her parents had caught Sawyer and Bowie together, her father had called her a stupid girl. Instead of showing any hurt, Sawyer had doubled down on her rebellious attitude. So even if Sawyer was heartbroken over her inability to conceive, Bowie doubted she would reveal any pain.

  “Rodger really wants to have kids. When he didn’t understand why I’d get my tubes tied in the first place, I told him about the teen pregnancy. He was really understanding.”

  “That’s nice,” Bowie said. “Kind of him, really.”

  Sawyer shot him an annoyed look before continuing. “So, anyway, I am here for my daughter.”

  For a moment, Bowie didn’t react. He couldn’t. Finally, his shell-shocked mind managed to succeed in processing that, yes, he had indeed heard correctly. Absolute fury unfurled inside him, burning through any sympathy for Sawyer. For a moment, he could do nothing but focus on keeping that rage under control.

  This woman had abandoned his baby girl. Hell, she hadn’t even wanted to bring Abby to full term. And, now, after twelve fucking years, she thought she could waltz back into his daughter’s life.

  “Is this her?” Sawyer asked as she idly reached for the photo of Abby that he displayed on his desk. Sawyer clicked her tongue off the roof of her mouth in disapproval. “Well, obviously, she’s going to need a makeover. Luckily, she has my facial features—”

  “You don’t fucking have a daughter.” Bowie tore the picture from Sawyer’s grasp.

  Clearly surprised by the move, Sawyer stood momentarily stunned. It only took a second, though, before indignation replaced her shock.

  She straightened and glared at him. “Excuse me?”

  “You aren’t Abby’s parent,” Bowie said. “I am.”

  “I most certainly am her mother.”

  “You may have given birth to her, but you have no right to call yourself her mother. I have the legal documents to prove it. You can’t just announce after twelve years of no communication that you’re here for your daughter, whatever the hell that means.”

  Sawyer stiffened while her eyes narrowed. He remembered that mannerism all too well from high school. She always held herself like that before she attacked.

  “I. Am. Her. Mother.” Sawyer hissed each word as she leaned over his desk. “I have the stretch marks to prove it.”

  Bowie laughed but not at all humorously. Clearly, Sawyer’s vanity hadn’t diminished any more than her inflated sense of self.

  “You have stretch marks,” he repeated, his voice laced with sarcasm. “You think that fucking stretch marks make you a mother?”

  “I sacrificed my figure, my body, to bring that child into the world,” Sawyer said, stabbing at her chest.

  “You.” Bowie could barely force the words out through his ire. “You sacrificed. Where the hell were you when Abby had colic and she needed to be rocked to sleep every night? You were at college. Where were you when it was time to read Abby bedtime stories? You were out clubbing. Where were you when she needed help with homework? Oh yeah, taking a fancy trip with your husband.”

  “Oh, like you would have gone to college anyway,” Sawyer snapped.

  “That…that’s what you got out of all of that?” Bowie roared.

  Something in Sawyer’s brain must have finally realized that badgering him was counterproductive. Her waspish expression vanished, leaving in its place a contrite pout. At seventeen, it had appeared sexy. At thirty, not so much.

  “Okay, yes, you put in your time, but Rodger and I would like to be a part of Abby’s life too,” Sawyer said in a wheedling voice. “Don’t you think she deserves time with her mother?”

  Bowie stared hard at Sawyer. “Why do you want Abby in your life? You said Rodger really wants to have kids. What about you?”

  Sawyer stiffe
ned defensively, and Bowie forced himself to think rationally. Maybe if he ferreted out her motivation, he could squelch this ridiculousness before it could hurt Abby. “So what is it, Sawyer? Trouble in paradise, so you need a kid to patch things up?”

  She shook back her hair in a careless gesture that Bowie remembered. The haughtier Sawyer acted, the more she wished to cover something up. Maybe her husband was pressuring her for kids. He was an older man, and she’d said he loved children. Maybe he’d married a younger woman because he wanted more offspring.

  “Rodger and I are just fine,” she said airily.

  Bowie skimmed his eyes over her. Sawyer was still as beautiful as she’d been in high school. She’d put on weight, but it had been in the right places. Of course, her husband might have a roving eye, but Sawyer probably wouldn’t care as long as she had disposable income and the freedom to engage in her own affairs.

  Then it struck Bowie. This was about money.

  “Signed a prenup, didn’t you?” he said.

  Sawyer stared down her nose. She had a singular talent for that. “I hardly see how that is any of your business.”

  Bowie leaned back in his chair, plastering on his face the smuggest grin he could manage. “So what is it, Sawyer? Did you cheat on him? What do you want? A kid to fix the problem or to get you sympathy cash if things sour?”

  Sawyer glared but didn’t respond. Bowie felt some of his anger slide away. Although he still wanted to throttle the woman, at least he didn’t feel so unbalanced. He knew Sawyer’s angle now.

  “Let me tell you why that’s not going to work, sweetheart,” Bowie said. “First, you don’t have any legal right to Abby. Second, there’s no way in hell that I am going to let your hubby adopt my daughter. Third, if you pursue this, whatever sob story you told Rodger is going to unravel.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest and stared him down. “Rodger and I can afford the best lawyers.”