Lost Without You

by Rachael Johns

  Josie

  Laptop on her knee, Josephine Mitreski tapped her neon-pink fingernails on her bedside table as she waited for her husband to FaceTime her. Nik was in Japan, apparently working, but she had a sneaking suspicion he was happier over there than he had been with her for the past few months. It was Saturday night and here she was, stuck in a place they’d moved to because of his work, with no family and no one she could really classify as a friend. The most exciting thing she had to look forward to was a phone call from her absent husband and he couldn’t even manage to call her at their prearranged time.

  Taking matters into her own hands, she punched her finger to the keyboard and dialled him instead. Just when she thought the call was about to ring out, his smiley, gorgeous face appeared on the screen.

  ‘Hey, babe.’ His warm voice filled the bedroom and he seemed genuinely happy to see her. Tears immediately prickled at the back of her eyelids.

  ‘You were supposed to call me,’ she accused, hating herself for sounding so needy.

  ‘Sorry. I’ve been busy. Work’s insane right now.’

  ‘Never mind.’ She leaned back against the pillows and lifted her knees, raising the laptop. ‘How are you?’

  ‘Good. Busy.’ He glanced over his shoulder as if expecting to see someone. ‘Work’s demanding, we don’t have the same supporting manpower here as in Australia, but it’s good experience.’ He peered closer to his screen. ‘Are you still wearing your pyjamas?’

  ‘No. I just had a shower and put them on.’

  ‘Okay, good.’ She bit back her irritation at his obvious relief. Last she checked it wasn’t a crime to wear your PJs all weekend. ‘What have you been up to today?’

  She noticed he didn’t ask how she was—probably he didn’t want to know the answer. Just as he wouldn’t have liked the fact she’d been wearing her pyjamas since she got home from work yesterday afternoon and had no intention of getting out of them until she had to leave the house again Monday morning.

  ‘Oh, you know.’ She injected a chirpiness into her voice. ‘I went for a walk along the beach this morning, did some shopping, then a bit of housework and a lot of marking—the year elevens and twelves have just done their mid-year exams.’

  ‘Bet you’re happy I’m not there distracting you then,’ he said with a cheeky grin.

  As a high school drama and English teacher, Josie brought a lot of work home, whereas Nik’s job as an aircraft engineer didn’t require after-hours input. On the nights or weekends she had to do preparation or marking, Nik being home was both a help and a hindrance.

  ‘It’s too quiet here without you. I miss you.’

  ‘I miss you, too. I sleep crap when you’re not lying beside me, but I’ll be home soon. Only seven more sleeps to go.’

  Home? Even after eighteen months Sydney still didn’t feel like home. ‘Good.’

  This one word was met with awkward silence—the thing that had broken them but which Nik didn’t like talking about lingered between them like the proverbial elephant in the room.

  ‘Have you heard from your dad lately?’ he asked eventually.

  Josie nodded. ‘He sent an email from some place in the South Pacific a couple of days ago. Sounds like he’s having the time of his life, meeting different people every night. Dancing till dawn. You’d think he was seventeen not seventy. Mum would have hated it.’

  Nik chuckled. ‘Good on him. Maybe we should try a cruise sometime.’

  Josie tried hard to hide her horror. She could barely bring herself to get off the couch these days; the idea of being stuck at sea with a couple of thousand strangers didn’t appeal in the slightest. ‘Aren’t cruises for single people, retirees or young families?’

  And there, without her actually mentioning it, was the elephant. No matter how hard they’d tried, she and Nik didn’t fit any of those classifications.

  His expression tightened and she noticed little spots of rouge appear in his cheeks. ‘I was thinking maybe we could go home for Christmas.’

  This time it was obvious the home in question referred to Perth—where his huge extended family and her smaller one still lived—but a trip back to her birth state appealed only marginally more than a journey on the high seas.

  ‘Didn’t we just have Christmas?’ She tried to make the question sound like a joke.

  ‘It’s June, Jose. Besides, if I want time off over the holidays, I need to book now. Some of us only get four weeks a year.’

  Her hackles rose. It was one thing people who didn’t understand how hard teachers worked making snide remarks about all the holidays they got, but Nik knew better. She was about to remind him exactly this when a voice sounded from somewhere behind him.

  ‘Nikolce, my main man, hurry up! We’re ready to go and there’s a beer with your name on it waiting.’

  Nik glanced behind him again as the owner of the voice poked his head around the door. No one but Nik’s grandmother and his mates (when they were taking the piss) called him ‘Nikolce’; sometimes Josie even forgot it was his real name. She vaguely recognised the tall, ginger-haired man as one of Nik’s colleagues from Perth.

  ‘Give me five,’ Nik called back and although he had his head turned away from the screen she imagined him explaining with his eyes that he was talking to the crazy wife and couldn’t rush things.

  ‘Hi, Josie.’ The guy—she couldn’t remember his name—waved from the door. ‘How are you?’

  ‘Fine. Hi.’ She forced a smile.

  He disappeared and Nik turned back to the screen.

  ‘Where’re you going?’

  He shrugged. ‘Dunno. Some of the guys were just gonna head out for a few drinks, but I don’t have to … I can stay if you want to chat.’

  Yes, she did want him to stay so she wasn’t left alone with her thoughts, but she didn’t want to be an obligation or a drag.

  ‘Nah, it’s fine. You go.’ She waved a hand at the screen attempting nonchalance. ‘I’m actually going out too.’

  ‘Really?’ He sounded sceptical and rightly so because that was complete and utter bullshit.

  In reality she planned a night in bed with a bottle of wine and one of her favourite movies from the eighties playing on her laptop. Big bold hair, outrageous fashion, feel-good music and a little Molly Ringwald had been her medicine of choice for as long as she could remember. Now the question wasn’t whether she was more in a Breakfast Club or Pretty in Pink mood, but rather if any of her old faves would do the trick.

  ‘Yep—some of the other teachers are going out for dinner to celebrate the end of exams.’

  ‘Which teachers?’

  She thought quickly, naming a couple of young women from the English department and a music teacher she didn’t even like. Nik hadn’t met many of the people she worked with, so he bought the list hook, line and sinker.

  ‘That’ll be nice. It’ll do you good to get out.’

  ‘Yes. So you go enjoy your night out and I better get ready for mine.’

  ‘Yeah, you do that.’ And then he grinned. ‘You might embarrass your colleagues if you turn up to the restaurant in your current attire.’

  ‘What?’ She feigned hurt as she gestured to her vinyl-record-covered flannelette pyjamas. ‘You don’t like these?’

  ‘They’re cute, but I much prefer you without anything on at all.’

  Once upon a time such words from Nik would have sent shivers rippling through her body, but now all Josie felt was a flicker of irritation.

  ‘I think going out in my birthday suit might embarrass my friends even more. Now, have a good night.’

  ‘You too. I love you. Send me a pic of you all dressed up—it’ll make it feel almost like we’re going out together.’

  ‘Okay.’ She silently cursed this sweet suggestion.

  Nik grinned, blew her a kiss and then disconnected the call.

  FFS. Cursing Nik’s name, she discarded the laptop beside her, then threw back the bedcovers, climbed out of bed, flung open her
wardrobe and grabbed the first thing she laid eyes on. She ripped off her PJs, shimmied the dress up over her hips and reached around to zip it up. Her bra was very visible but her gold jacket over the top would fix that for the photo. Ten minutes later, quicker than she’d ever taken to get ready for a night out in her life, her hair and make-up was done, and she fake-smiled at her phone as she snapped a selfie.

  Image sent, she made a beeline for the kitchen. Pulling open the fridge, she could already taste the wine on her tongue and couldn’t wait for its anaesthetising effects to give her some reprieve from her thoughts. Yet, when she picked up the bottle she was horrified to find there wasn’t even enough for half a glass.

  Surely she hadn’t devoured two whole bottles on her own last night?

  A quick survey of her cupboards told her she had and this made her want to drop to her knees and howl. A little voice in her head told her to take a long, hard look at herself and ask when wine had become so important to her.

  But a much stronger voice whispered the solution.

  You’re all dressed up. Go out and have a drink.

  Why should Nik be the only one having fun?

  Paige

  Paige glanced around the gallery section of The Art House in Coogee where she worked and which was currently set up for the launch of her debut picture book. So far there were more balloons than people—not even her own parents had arrived yet. The sales rep from her Melbourne publisher was waiting by the door to greet people when they arrived and the local bookseller had a massive table piled high with the book she’d poured her heart and soul into.

  She turned to her boyfriend, Solomon, who stood beside her in a sexy black suit, which was almost as appealing as when he was in full fireman get-up. ‘Where the hell are Mum and Dad? They should be here by now. What if everyone bails on me?’

  There was nothing worse than throwing a party and having no one turn up. Not that she’d ever experienced such a thing. Paige had always been Miss Popularity and, as an only child, other kids had always been desperate to escape their siblings and hang out at her place instead.

  ‘You know, you’re kinda cute when you’re anxious,’ Sol said with a little smirk. ‘It’s a side of you I’ve never seen before.’

  She whacked him playfully on the arm. ‘I’m not anxious. I’m just … I want tonight to be a success and I don’t understand why people can’t be on time.’

  He chuckled. ‘It’s barely seven o’clock, they’ll be here.’ Then he stepped a little closer. ‘And by the way, have I told you how gorgeous you look tonight?’

  Heat zipped through her as his gaze slid slowly down her body. It was impossible not to smile when Solomon looked at her that way. She felt some of her irritation subsiding and blushed as she recalled how they too had almost been late. ‘I think you may have mentioned it once or twice.’

  Now, as he dipped his head to kiss her, she squeezed her legs together as inappropriate arousal awoke within her. This was not the time to be getting horny, but at least he’d succeeded in distracting her from the empty room. Whatever happened tonight—even if nobody came—her book was still going to be out in the world spreading its important message and at least she had love in the form of the sexiest firefighter on the planet.

  Said hero pulled away from the kiss, put his hand on Paige’s shoulders and spun her round towards the entrance to see her best friends coming through the door. ‘Told you people would come. Now go, mingle, wow them all with your creative talents. I’ll make sure everyone is fed and watered.’

  She stretched up and kissed him on the cheek. ‘What did I do to deserve you?’

  ‘I ask myself that question every day.’

  Paige stuck out her tongue at him. ‘Very funny.’

  ‘That’s me. Now go.’ And he smacked her lightly on the bum as she did so.

  ‘Hello.’ She threw her arms around her three besties. ‘Thanks so much for coming.’

  Karis beamed. ‘Wouldn’t miss this for the world.’

  ‘This all looks fantastic,’ Narelle said as she gazed around the room at the walls lined with framed illustrations from We All Live Here.

  ‘Don’t forget us when you’re famous,’ Jaime made Paige promise.

  She rolled her eyes. ‘As if. Besides, you know that’s not why I’m doing this.’

  ‘We know,’ Karis said, ‘you’re spreading an important message. That’s why I’m going to go and buy multiple copies, so that when my friends all start popping out babies, I’ll have a meaningful gift ready to go.’

  Jaime nodded. ‘Good idea. I’ll do the same. Come on, we’d better go join the queue.’

  Paige looked over to see there was indeed a queue in front of the bookseller. People had come! She scanned the room quickly—taking in the faces of folks she’d studied Fine Arts with at Sydney Uni, people she taught in the various classes that ran here, Sol’s mum, stepdad and two younger sisters, even the baristas from her local café—but still couldn’t see her parents. Where were they? An uneasy feeling settled in her chest and she was considering texting her mother, when Sol’s mum, Lisette, caught her eye.

  She waved and then gracefully crossed the room, closing the distance between them. ‘Ma chérie, I’m so proud of you,’ she exclaimed as she kissed Paige on both cheeks.

  Beside her, her husband, Randy, grinned from ear to ear and then pulled Paige into a big hug. ‘Congratulations. This is sensational.’ He held up three copies of her book. ‘I already bought a copy for Lis and me and one for each of the girls.’ He gazed adoringly down at Sol’s eleven-year-old twin half-sisters who stood beside him. ‘Will you sign them for us?’

  ‘Of course.’ Paige took the books from him and pulled out the pen she’d popped behind her ear earlier. It was a special one Solomon had bought her as a celebratory gift. She chatted to Callista and Claudette as she signed their books and when she was finished her heart leapt as she looked up to see her parents arriving, with her grandfather and two grandmothers in tow.

  ‘I thought you lot might have forgotten about tonight,’ she said, hoping her sharp tone conveyed her disappointment at their tardiness.

  Her dad pulled her into a hug. ‘Don’t be silly, sweetheart. We just wanted to make an entrance.’

  In his arms, she felt her annoyance evaporating. His hugs were like medicine for her soul. ‘Thanks, Dad.’

  She hugged each of her grandparents next and when she got to her mum, she admired the addition of a hot-pink streak in her hair.

  ‘Wow, Mum. Love the new do. Makes you look even younger.’

  Rebecca snorted. ‘Your dad thinks it makes me look like the teenagers that serve him in Woolies.’

  Paige laughed but then frowned as she noticed how sallow her mum’s skin was in comparison to the bright colours of her hair and dress. ‘Are you okay?’

  Rebecca smiled. ‘Of course I am, sweet pea.’ But then she promptly began to cough, calling herself out as a liar. Was this the real reason they’d been late?

  As her dad patted her mother on the back, Paige glanced around for Solomon. He was over by the drinks table, chatting with two homeless guys who attended one of her special charity art classes. ‘Water,’ she called to him as she pointed to her mother, still hacking as if at any moment she might bring up a lung.

  Like the knight in shining armour that he was, Sol arrived pronto with a drink and held it out for Rebecca.

  ‘Thank you.’ The one word sounded like a real effort as she closed her fingers around the glass and lifted it to her lips.

  ‘I don’t like the sound of that cough at all,’ Paige said.

  ‘Sorry,’ Rebecca said eventually. ‘It’s nothing. I must have swallowed air the wrong way.’

  Paige raised her eyebrows at her father. ‘Is Mum sick?’ Her mother wouldn’t have let anything keep her from coming tonight.

  ‘She says she’s just tired—she has been incredibly busy lately—but also thinks it might be the menopause.’ He attempted to whisper this last word but he
’d never conquered the art of talking quietly and Paige thanked the heavens above that, due to the excited chatter around them, only her immediate family heard his declaration.

  ‘Oh, dear me,’ exclaimed Little Granny, her father’s tiny, nearly ninety-year-old mother. ‘I still recall when I went through the change. Worst time of my life.’

  ‘It wasn’t bad at all for me,’ said her other grandmother, whom Paige had always called Jeanie. ‘I definitely don’t remember coughing being a problem.’

  ‘What’s the meno-pause?’ asked Claudette and Lisette pulled her into her side and promised to ‘tell you later’.

  ‘I’ll be fine,’ Rebecca said, almost fiercely. ‘This is your big night and I forbid you to spend it worrying about me. I’ve already told your father I’m going to see my doctor next week.’

  Paige wasn’t mollified, but felt a tap on her shoulder before she could say anything else. She turned to see Louisa—the sales rep—standing behind her.

  ‘Sorry to interrupt, but you’ve sold so many books already that I thought maybe you could start signing them, get a few out of the way, before we do the speeches. Otherwise you’ll be here all night.’

  Biting her lip, Paige looked back to her mother and was rewarded with a stern glare. ‘You go sign books. Shine like the star you are. I’ll be fine.’

  ‘I’ll make sure to reserve her a chair.’ Solomon winked at Paige, his secret promise that he’d look after her mum.

  ‘Thank you.’ She beamed at him and then let Louisa lead her away.

  The next half an hour flew as she chatted, signed more books than she could count and smiled for a zillion photos. Eventually she looked up to see Louisa standing in front of the table. ‘It’s time to launch this book baby.’

  Paige jumped to a stand, adrenaline shooting through her limbs. She’d spent the last two weeks rehearsing her speech—this morning she’d said the whole thing by heart to Sol in the shower—and she couldn’t wait to finally share her book with all her friends and family.

  Louisa took to the mic first. ‘Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I’m Louisa Bradley, the New South Wales sales manager for Red Letter Books. We’re delighted to launch tonight We All Live Here by talented debut author and illustrator, Paige MacRitchie.’