Lost Without You

by Rachael Johns

  She went on to explain how she’d actually found the lady who had won it at the charity fashion parade. ‘She’s divorced now and gave the dress to St Vinnie’s a couple of years ago. Karis and I spent a whole day searching all the op shops in the surrounding area but couldn’t find it, so she suggested Facebook.’

  ‘And my husband saw Paige’s post,’ Josie continued. ‘Nik was the one who bought it for me from St Vinnie’s. I wore it when I got married eighteen months ago.’

  ‘You got married in this dress?’ Rebecca couldn’t understand why a young woman like Josie would want such an old dress. She herself hadn’t given it a thought in almost thirty years.

  Josie nodded. ‘We had an eighties-themed wedding, so it was perfect.’

  ‘How lovely.’ Rebecca tried to focus on the dress conversation but her eyes kept drifting to the mantelpiece. She couldn’t help herself. ‘Those are lovely baby photos,’ she said, standing up and crossing over to them.

  Josie gave her an odd look. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘Who are they? The babies?’ Rebecca tried to sound nonchalant.

  ‘My husband and I,’ Josie replied.

  Rebecca made a show of picking up the photo of the dark-haired infant first. Now that she’d taken a second look, she couldn’t shake the feeling that the baby in the other photo was the same baby as the one in the image she’d kept all these years. Just maybe a few weeks older. Could Josie’s husband be her son?

  ‘Weren’t you just the cutest thing?’

  ‘Oh no, I’m the near-bald one,’ Josie said with a chuckle. ‘The pretty-looking one is Nik. His mum said even when she dressed him in blue, people thought he was a girl. We tease him about it now but luckily he grew up to be quite good-looking in a much more manly kind of way.’

  ‘I’ll attest to that.’ Paige grinned and then took another sip of her fake bubbles.

  While the girls giggled, Rebecca put the photo down and had to steady herself on the mantelpiece as a giddiness almost knocked her sideways. Although there was an uncanny similarity, the bald baby could not be hers.

  Josie is a girl.

  An almost hysterical laugh shot from her mouth. She wasn’t sure whether she was disappointed or relieved. Either way, it was official. She was losing the plot.

  ‘Are you alright, Mum?’ Paige put down her glass and stood, her expression concerned. ‘Do you need to sit?’

  ‘I’m fine,’ she managed, trying to compose herself. Perhaps the kidney failure was a blessing in disguise—whenever she acted weird, everyone put it down to her not feeling well. ‘I was just overcome with excitement for a moment. You look so beautiful, sweetheart.’

  ‘Thank you, Mum.’ Paige glowed and then looked to Josie. ‘You can show her your wedding photo now and we’ll tell her about all the ideas you and I have for the wedding.’

  ‘Good idea.’ Josie went over to the mantelpiece and picked up a frame that Rebecca hadn’t noticed had been lying face down. She gave it to Rebecca. ‘Didn’t want you to see this before seeing Paige.’

  As Rebecca glanced down at the photo in her hand—at the image of Josie in the wedding dress—she did a double take.

  It was like staring at her younger self in the mirror.

  Clara

  Saturday morning, Clara parked outside the address Josie had given her in Coogee and leaned over to grab her umbrella from the floor in front of the passenger seat, but when she came back up, Josie was already hurrying down the front few steps towards the car. She was dressed in magenta skinny jeans, silver boots and a sparkly gold jacket. Her bright outfit was a welcome reprieve from the dreary grey sky and monotonous rain that felt as if it had been falling for weeks.

  Clara leaned across and pushed open the passenger door, so Josie wouldn’t be out in the cold and wet a second longer than necessary. Josie lived a lot closer to Brenda than Clara did—walking distance at a pinch, although not in these dismal conditions.

  ‘Lovely weather we’re having, isn’t it?’ Clara said when Josie slid into the car, dropping her handbag to the floor and holding a Tupperware container on her lap.

  ‘If you’re a duck.’ Josie laughed and shook her head slightly. Her big gold hoop earrings swung from side to side and water droplets sprinkled over Clara. They both laughed.

  ‘Thanks so much for doing this. It means a lot,’ Clara said as Josie secured her seatbelt.

  ‘It’s my pleasure. Trust me, going out for tea and cake is a much nicer option than spending the day inside marking essays.’

  Clara smiled. When Josie declared she’d bake a cake to take to Brenda’s, Clara had objected, but Josie said she found baking therapeutic and who was she to argue with that? ‘Nik working today?’

  ‘Yes, he’ll be home tonight though and we’re going bowling.’

  Clara chuckled. She remembered Josie telling her how much Nik adored bowling.

  ‘We’re going with our new friends. Nik and Solomon are really competitive, so hopefully we’re all still talking after tonight. What about you? Have you got any plans for this evening?’

  ‘I’m seeing Gregg, my new man,’ Clara said, feeling her cheeks warm slightly. It still felt weird talking about him that way—she felt far too old to get hot under the collar over a man but when she was around Gregg she felt like a schoolgirl.

  ‘That sounds lovely.’

  Before the conversation could lead anywhere else, Clara slowed the car in front of a charming little red-brick house. ‘Here we are,’ she announced.

  ‘It is close to my place.’ The garden was a little overgrown and the paint was peeling off the picket fence at the front making it look a little sorry for itself, but with some TLC it could be amazing.

  Clara turned into the driveway and stopped the car. The rain was still bucketing down. ‘I’ve got an umbrella or should we just make a dash for it?’

  ‘I’m happy to run. Umbrellas always seems such a palaver.’

  ‘Okay. Let’s do it.’

  They leapt from the car and ran towards the safety of the front porch where Clara dug a key out of her bag.

  ‘Hello, it’s just me,’ she called as she ushered Josie into the warmth. She’d instructed Brenda not to worry about the electricity bill but to keep the house toasty; the last thing they needed was her getting pneumonia on top of her broken foot.

  It was a small house and the front door went straight into the living room where they found Brenda sitting in her electric recliner watching TV.

  ‘Hello, love.’ As she picked the remote off the chair’s arm and muted the sound, her eyes went to Josie. She smiled warmly. ‘And who are you, my sweet?’

  Josie stepped forward as Clara said, ‘This is my friend, Josie, and she’s brought us cake.’

  Brenda’s eyes lit up. ‘Oh, I love cake. What type?’

  ‘Chocolate. Is there any other?’

  Brenda laughed and Clara could tell she and Josie were going to get on like a house on fire, which wasn’t surprising. As a teacher Josie was probably used to dealing with many different types of personalities but she seemed the kind of person who could get on with everyone. Clara herself had liked Josie since the moment they met and although she treated all the women she supported the same, she didn’t feel as invested in all of them. There was something special about Josie. Although life had knocked her, the way she dressed—not giving a care to current trends but wearing what she loved—showed the passionate and charismatic person she was. And the more time they spent together, the more this unique creature had emerged. Even before Josie had cornered Clara at the supermarket and made her talk, Clara had known that Josie was caring and empathetic and it was wonderful to see her smiling again as well.

  ‘How about you two get acquainted.’ She took the Tupperware from Josie. ‘And I’ll go put the kettle on.’

  As she headed into the kitchen, Clara heard Josie ask, ‘What were you watching?’

  ‘To Sir With Love.’

  Reaching for the kettle, she smiled as she recalled her
own mother’s affection for that movie. She was obsessed with the main actor. What was his name? Sidney something. It was surprising she couldn’t remember it, considering how often the movie had played at home. Her mum had recorded it when it was on TV and then watched it until the video had broken. Years later, Fiona had admitted to assisting in its demise.

  When Clara returned to the living room carrying a tray with the tea and cake, Josie and Brenda were in animated discussion about movies.

  ‘I can’t believe how many of these I haven’t seen,’ Josie was saying as she knelt by the cabinet perusing Brenda’s movie selection. Before the divorce, Clara had started updating her mother-in-law’s impressive collection by giving her some of her favourite films on DVD, but the majority were still on VHS.

  ‘Most of them were long before your time, love,’ Brenda said, ‘but they’re classics. You’re welcome to borrow any of them if you’d like.’

  ‘I don’t have a video player. Maybe I could come over and watch them with you?’ Josie met Clara’s eye as she made this suggestion and Clara smiled at her genius. No elderly person liked to be reminded of their need to be looked after, but this way Josie dropping by from time to time wouldn’t seem so staged.

  Brenda beamed. ‘That would be lovely. That’s if you haven’t got anything better to do.’

  ‘Trust me.’ Josie sat down on the sofa next to Brenda’s chair. ‘There’s nothing I like better than watching movies. Most of my favourites are from the eighties but I’d love to be educated about a different era. Now, shall we have a cup of tea?’

  Clara played mother, pouring the tea while Josie sliced the cake and gave Brenda an extra-large piece. As they ate, Brenda asked lots of questions and Josie happily entertained her with the story of how she’d met her husband and then with tales from the classroom. Clara found she was enjoying herself much more than she’d imagined she would. She’d forgotten how much she liked Brenda’s company. Since the phone call from the hospital, she’d felt irritated at her ex-mother-in-law, but now she found herself fantasising that Josie was her daughter, Brenda the grandmother, and this three-generational catch-up was something they did on a regular basis.

  It wasn’t that much of a stretch because with her long, dark hair, Josie even looked a little like Rob did when they’d first met.

  At that thought, Clara shook her head. No, she didn’t want to think about Rob—she wanted to be able to rewrite history, to have met Gregg earlier and for them to have had a child together. A warm, caring daughter like Josie. Of course then Brenda wouldn’t be in the equation and Josie really seemed to like Brenda. Clara sighed, thankful that the others didn’t appear to notice and chastised herself for once again dwelling on what she didn’t have.

  You can’t change the past but you can look to the future.

  If Rob didn’t come back maybe it would be for the best. She’d look after Brenda and the three of them could fulfil a place in each other’s lives that was missing. Josie missed her mum, Clara had always wanted a daughter and Brenda needed family to look after her in her old age. He hadn’t come up in conversation today and for that she was grateful; she was sure Brenda would have mentioned if the police had passed on any news.

  ‘I’m going to have to get up and go to the little girl’s room,’ Brenda announced.

  Josie jumped to her feet. ‘Here, let me help you up.’

  ‘Thank you, love.’ Brenda smiled as Josie reached out to steady her.

  Clara grabbed her walking frame. ‘Will you be okay going on your own?’ she asked, her nursing instincts kicking in.

  Brenda chuckled. ‘I don’t need the use of my foot to pee.’

  They all laughed and then, while Brenda went off to the bathroom, Clara and Josie collected the dirty dishes and took them into the kitchen to wash.

  ‘She’s a delight,’ Josie said. ‘I’m having such a lovely time.’

  ‘She’s smitten with you as well.’ Clara couldn’t help smiling at this fact. It was such a relief to have Josie on board because she hadn’t told her sisters about Rob’s vanishing act or that as a result she’d been taking care of Brenda. Her upcoming cruise with Gregg had been weighing on her mind—she didn’t want to have to cancel but she’d been wondering how she could go away in good conscience knowing that Brenda might need her.

  ‘Would you two like to stay for lunch?’ Brenda asked when she returned to the kitchen.

  Clara looked at the clock on the kitchen wall and discovered that it was indeed that time of the day. They’d been here for over two hours but the time had flown. ‘What can we get you?’

  ‘Oh, no, no, no.’ Brenda waggled her finger at the two of them. ‘I may be getting old and slightly broken, but I can still make a very good toasted cheese sandwich. How does that sound?’

  Clara looked to Josie. ‘I’ve got time if you do.’

  In reply, Josie pulled out a chair at the small kitchen table and sat.

  Clara was relieved to see that Brenda was quite able to get around the kitchen and make a simple meal, or at least a snack. Between the visiting nurse and the odd visit from Josie while she was on the cruise, Brenda would be fine.

  After a lovely lunch—toasted cheese might be simple but when cooked by someone else and in good company, it was a real treat—they said their goodbyes and Brenda and Josie made a date to see each other again.

  Old woman and young woman exchanged phone numbers.

  ‘Call me any time you need anything,’ Josie told Brenda, ‘but if I don’t hear from you before, I’ll be round Tuesday night for our first movie marathon.’

  ‘I can’t wait,’ Brenda said, giving Josie a hug.

  ‘And I’ll bring dinner and popcorn, so don’t you worry about anything except choosing the film.’

  By the time Clara dropped Josie back off at her place, the rain had eased, the sun was peeking out through the leftover clouds and there was a rainbow in the sky, but even if there wasn’t, she would have been smiling. It had been a lovely afternoon.

  Paige

  ‘Mum, Dad, you’re early,’ Paige said as she opened the door to her parents just before midday on Sunday. A leg of lamb was in the oven alongside potatoes and pumpkin all roasting to perfection for the big family wedding meeting.

  Rebecca leant forward to give her a quick peck on the cheek. ‘There’s something I need to discuss with you before Sol’s parents arrive.’

  ‘O-kay. Come in.’ She gave her dad a hug as she ushered them in from the communal landing. ‘Sol’s in the shower—he went for his run later than usual this morning ’cos we were out late with Nik and Josie.’

  Her parents both spoke at the same time.

  ‘Josie’s the girl you’re borrowing your mother’s dress from, isn’t she?’

  ‘You and Solomon are seeing Josie and her husband socially?’

  ‘Yes, she’s so great. Not only have I found a dress but a new friend.’ Paige smiled, thinking about last night. After Nik had kicked all their butts at the bowling alley, they’d gone back to Josie and Nik’s place and watched Top Gun. Josie and Nik—horrified that Paige had never seen it and many other ‘classics’—had vowed to take it upon themselves to educate her one film at a time. ‘Sol and Nik get along really well and I feel like I’ve known Josie forever.’

  At that moment, Solomon appeared down the hallway, his hair wet from his shower. ‘Thought I heard voices.’ He shook hands with Hugh and leaned in to kiss his future mother-in-law on the cheek. ‘How are you feeling today?’

  ‘I’m fine.’ Her tone was terse and Paige tried to swallow her irritation—Sol was only being polite but her mum hated any reference to her illness. So far she’d refused to discuss his offer of his kidney any further and snapped at anyone who dared to ask how her dialysis was going.

  ‘Mum wants to talk to me about something,’ Paige informed him.

  ‘Intriguing.’ He wiggled his eyebrows. ‘Shall I put the kettle on?’

  Rebecca glanced at her watch. ‘Actually, I want to tal
k to both of you. This involves Solomon and I’d like to get it off my chest.’

  ‘Okay.’ Sol nodded.

  ‘What it is?’ Paige asked, her heart leaping into her throat as she thought of all the terrible things her mum might be about to announce. Maybe the kidney failure wasn’t the worst? Maybe she had cancer as well?

  ‘Solomon, if the offer for you to be my kidney donor and go on the paired kidney exchange program still stands,’ she said, ‘then I’d like to accept it.’

  ‘Oh my God,’ Paige shrieked.

  ‘Of course it still stands,’ Sol said, grinning. ‘Where do I sign up?’

  Her parents laughed, then Rebecca said, ‘We’ll have to make an appointment with Dr Chopra. You’ll need to be tested and evaluated to make sure you are physically able to donate and then, if so, they’ll put us on the register. The earliest they’ll operate is January, so they’ll be looking for a pairing match that also works out timing wise.’

  ‘Oh, this is so wonderful.’ Paige threw her arms around her mother and didn’t even bother trying to fight the happy tears that streamed down her face. ‘What made you decide to accept?’

  Rebecca hesitated a moment, then, ‘The opportunity of getting off dialysis as soon as possible is too good a chance to pass up. I still feel terrible about taking Sol’s kidney but if the doctors deem him healthy and they haven’t any concerns then …’

  ‘They won’t,’ Paige declared, turning from her mother to embrace Sol. She really had the best family in the world and this would only consolidate their bond.

  More hugs were exchanged and then her father sniffed. ‘Is something burning?’

  ‘Oh shit, the veggies!’ But Paige couldn’t bring herself to care, she felt like such a weight had been lifted.

  As Paige, Sol and her mother were trying to salvage the roast potatoes—the pumpkin was ruined—the intercom buzzed again and her dad went to let Sol’s mum and stepdad in. She heard them laughing and talking as they walked towards the kitchen.

  ‘I hope you like your veggies smoky,’ Paige said as she kissed her future in-laws in greeting. ‘We got a little distracted.’