by Lois Richer
“Okay.” Her vehemence surprised him. “What do you need?”
“Answers. Why did you go along with my mother and give up all our dreams?” She leaned forward, her face inches from his.
In that moment Zac knew there was no more hiding, no more pretending. He owed her the truth.
“I was scared,” he admitted.
“You were scared?” Brianna blinked. “Of what?”
“You. You and me. That we wouldn’t last. That I wouldn’t be good enough for you. You’re so strong, Brianna. You’re outgoing and you get up there and inspire people and I, well, I don’t. I get tongue-tied and flustered and the right words never come out. I figured you’d want me to change, to become someone more like you, and I knew I couldn’t do it. I will never be like you.” Haltingly Zac admitted the feelings he’d kept bottled inside for so long. “I envied you all through high school, you know. You were always so popular. You had everything I wanted. Even when we were making wedding plans, I couldn’t believe you’d actually marry me. When you left I realized I’d secretly been waiting for it to happen.”
“You didn’t trust me, that I loved you as you are,” she whispered sadly.
“Just like you didn’t trust me,” he countered, and reached out to brush a finger against the silver chain just visible at her throat. “We both let our secret fears ruin what we could have had.” Zac withdrew his hand. He didn’t know what else to say.
“I did love you.” Brianna met his gaze and didn’t look away. “I loved you very much.”
“Why me?” He needed to know.
“Because you loved me as I was. Because with you I was enough. I didn’t have to change anything about myself.” A funny smile appeared. “I didn’t have to pretend with you.”
“And yet you did,” he reminded. “You pretended your mother’s choices about the wedding were okay. You should have told me they weren’t.”
“I know.”
“And I should have listened to you. I shouldn’t have pretended I was okay with you not being able to find a job. I was worried sick that we’d get into some kind of massive debt like my mom had because of my surgeries,” he confessed. “Every day I watched how scrimping to get out from under that debt load stole her health. I vowed I’d never let that happen to me. That’s why I was so quick to agree to your mother’s suggestion. I saw a way out.”
“You never told me that. And you should have.” After several moments, Brianna shook her head and sighed. “So where does that leave us?”
“As friends?” he asked, his insides quaking at making such a bold request. “Friends who don’t keep secrets? Friends who trust each other enough to tell the truth no matter what? Friends who’ll be there for the other one whenever needed?”
“Yes.” Brianna smiled shyly. “I’d like that, Zac. Friend.” She held out her small hand.
Zac shook it with a rush of relief. But the moment his fingers touched hers, he wondered if friendship was going to be enough for him.
It would have to be, he decided. Because he wasn’t husband material. That was the one thing their breakup had taught him. He would never be any different than he was now. A nerd. An oddball. He didn’t want her to be ashamed of him. Of course, knowing that didn’t negate the root of love that had snuck back into his heart. Brianna was still the only woman he cared about.
But acting on those feelings? No. Too much time had passed. She’d moved on.
Besides, he didn’t dare tell her his feelings and risk her rejection. His throat clamped closed and his palms began to sweat as memories of his year of embarrassment and humiliation flooded in. He could not, would not, go through that again.
After they finished their snack, they headed outside and toured the Christmas lot. Brianna chose several things she wanted to decorate her house with. She paused beside a huge potted poinsettia.
“This is my mother’s favorite flower,” she murmured. She fingered a petal, lost in thought.
“How’s it going with her?” Zac asked, hating that she’d lost her happy glow.
“I don’t see her much,” Brianna admitted. “Things always seem to go south when we get together and somehow, great psychologist that I am, I can’t seem to stop it.” She gave a self-effacing laugh. “All that education I worked so hard to achieve—wasted.”
“I doubt it. But maybe what you need is a new approach,” he said.
“Going to fix my mom as you fixed Cory, Zac?” Brianna teased. “He’s like a different kid. What did you say to him that day in your office anyway?”
“Not a lot.” Zac didn’t want to betray Cory’s confidences. “I laid out some cold hard facts and he manned up.”
“Well, you did a great job,” Brianna said. “I told you years ago and I’ll repeat it now, you have a very special way with kids, Zac. I wish you weren’t so set on leaving the best part of education for a desk job in a room where no kid will get the benefit of your gift.”
“I don’t know about any special gift, but I am still aiming to transform kids’ lives. I’ll just be doing it through curriculum,” he defended.
“I know. And you’ll be a success there, too.” A small sad smile lifted her lips. “But it seems such a waste of a God-given talent. You start talking to a kid and before you know it that kid is responding, opening up, seeing potential in himself and possibilities. I wish you’d realize how much of a difference you make when you’re with them one-to-one.” She grinned, shook her head. “Never mind me. What I really wanted to say was thank you for taking an interest in Cory. He told me he has to report to you on several fronts.”
“He’s a good kid.” He knew her mind wasn’t on the task though because she moved from one display to the next without choosing anything. “So what else is bothering you?”
“Cory’s working really hard to get the travel club going, but the other kids scoff at his dream of a group trip to Hawaii at Easter. I wish there was a way to snag their interest.” She sighed. “But then I’m a mom. I just want to fix everything in my kid’s world.”
“Brianna, you always want to fix everything in everyone’s world,” he said, cupping her cheek in his palm. “That’s what makes you so good at what you do.”
“Why, Zac, what a lovely thing to say.” She snuggled into his palm for a sweet moment.
The way she smiled at him sent Zac’s heart into overdrive.
“Hey, Zac?” Cory’s voice interrupted the moment.
“Hey. How’s it going?” Zac dropped his hand, summoned a smile and tried not to resent Brianna’s son for interrupting them.
“Good. Kent and Jaclyn are discussing some props. I was wondering if you could help me with something.” Cory glanced at Brianna’s feet. “You don’t have to come, Mom. We men can handle it. Besides, it’s rough ground, and you might trip.”
“Thank you for your consideration, son,” Brianna said, tongue in cheek. “I did want to check into getting a live tree for Christmas. Shall I meet you at the main building in half an hour?”
They agreed, and she wandered off.
Zac looked at Cory. “What’s going on?”
“I wanted to ask you something and I didn’t want her to overhear.” Cory shuffled his feet.
Zac waited.
“It’s about Mom,” he said in a hushed tone.
“What about her?” Zac watched Brianna’s red jacket move in and out of the booths surrounding the area. “Is something wrong?” he asked turning his focus back on Cory.
“She didn’t tell you.” Cory looked straight at him. “She’s lost seven clients. Now some of the parents are trying to convince others to get keep their kids away from Whispering Hope Clinic.”
Zac sucked in his breath and tried not to let his anger show. Brianna had gone above and beyond to encourage these kids, to get them thinking about their futures. An
d some selfish parents were going to ruin all her work? No way.
“What did you have in mind?” he asked Cory.
“Some kind of event that would show everyone the good she’s done.” Cory’s blue eyes begged for help. “Please? I don’t want us to have to leave Hope, but more than that, I don’t want my mom to have to leave Whispering Hope Clinic. She loves her work there.”
“Give me a couple of days to think about it, Cory. I’ll come up with something.” Zac had lost sight of the red quilted jacket. “Let’s go over to those booths. I want to take a look at the ornaments.”
“Why? I thought you were going to the Amazon for Christmas?” Cory stared at him.
“So? I’d still like to have some Christmas decorations up. I might even decide to have a party. I’d like something really nice.” He was babbling. Thankfully Cory didn’t seem to notice as he led the way to a booth with blown-glass ornaments.
“Mom loves these,” the boy told him.
That was good enough for Zac. He ordered a grouping and paid to have them shipped.
“You’re sure getting in the Christmas spirit.” Cory blinked at the amount the clerk quoted.
“Yes, I am,” Zac agreed. For the first time in years warmth filled his heart. Brianna thought he had a God-given talent.
He wandered through the stalls with Cory, thinking about that conversation with Brianna. Kent had been right, as usual. He did need to be more open. Look what it had got him—being friends with Brianna.
He liked the sound of that.
But a niggling little voice in the back of Zac’s head reminded him of his accelerated pulse when his hand had cupped her face, warned him of his regret that he hadn’t been able to pull her into his arms and hold her, as he’d once had the right to do.
Was friendship with Brianna going to make him regret they didn’t share more?
Chapter Twelve
“I don’t know why I ever agreed to do this.”
The day before Thanksgiving, fear crept over Zac’s handsome face. Brianna knew she had to do something to shock him out of his self-consciousness.
“You agreed because you’re a wonderful friend who is trying to help Cory,” she whispered. She stood on tiptoe to kiss him on the mouth. “Now go and show those kids the glories of Hawaii.”
He nodded, turned and walked away as if in a daze.
“Some of you are considering joining the travel club,” he said when the room had quieted. “I thought you might like to see just a few of the wonders you’ll find if you go to Hawaii.”
The room darkened. Brianna sat down at the back, prepared to intervene if Zac needed her. Instead she became transfixed by Zac’s stunning pictures and by his easy commentary. Several times he had the room giggling, sometimes he commanded total silence, but not once did he lose his train of thought or stumble. This was a man bent on sharing his love of the islands. His passion infused everything he said. At the end of the presentation, Cory’s sign-up table had a lineup.
“You did a fantastic job,” she praised Zac when the cluster of kids around him finally left. “I think it was the cliff divers that sealed their interest.”
“Those pictures are pretty good,” he agreed, shutting down his computer.
She touched his arm to draw his attention.
“I wasn’t talking about the pictures, though they are awesome. I was talking about you. You reached out and grabbed the kids’ attention when you spoke. You had them eating out of your hand.” She smiled. “That’s one more reason you should be back in the classroom. You’re God’s gift to this school.”
“That’s twice you’ve called me God’s gift. I’m getting a swelled head,” he joked, a flush of red heating up his neck.
“Well, you can only be God’s gift if you let Him use you,” Brianna said. She studied Cory’s almost full sign-up sheet. “All right! Let’s go celebrate. My treat.”
“Thanks, but can’t do it, Mom.” Cory shoved his papers in his backpack, hurrying to join the two friends waiting for him by the door. “We’re doing a project together.”
“Okay. See you at dinner,” she called. She turned and found Zac studying her. “What project are they working on with him?”
Zac shrugged. “I have no idea. Whatever it is, he’s very excited about it. I can’t believe how he’s changed.”
“That’s thanks to you.”
“He did it himself. I just gave him a push.”
“I hope they’re not up to something bad—” She squelched the thought. “I’m sure they’re fine. You do realize he’s going to want you to act as chaperone when they get a trip to Hawaii organized.” She frowned at him. “What?”
“Brianna, I’m covered in scars from the surgeries,” Zac protested. “I don’t want the kids to see that.”
“So wear a T-shirt. Or don’t. After the first glance, they’ll be too busy taking in the sights to notice you.” She waited. “Well?”
“You’re very pushy, you know,” he teased. “I’ll think about it. Okay?” He lifted his laptop. “Did you mean it about that treat?”
“Sure. Why?” she asked, curious about the determined look on his face as they walked through the school.
“I want to discuss something with you.”
“Okay.” Ten minutes later Brianna ignored the coffee she’d been craving to stare at him, amazed by his genius. “A student fair,” she repeated.
“A Your World fair,” Zac corrected. “The last day of school before Christmas break. For students to showcase what they’ve learned. Here’s what I’ve got so far.”
Brianna listened, applauded his ideas and suggested a few of her own. It was a great idea that would maximize the students’ successes. That was the thing about Zac. He was always looking out for the students. That’s what made him a top-notch educator. If only he could realize his own potential.
“The last day of school before Christmas break?” she asked.
“Yes.” Zac grinned. “Two reasons for that. The kids will go out on a high, and the parents will have the break to think over the results achieved. Maybe that will quash the nay-saying that’s going on now.”
“You heard,” she said, embarrassed that her failures had reached his ears. He was probably regretting ever giving the school counseling contract to Whispering Hope Clinic.
“I hear most things,” he said, studying her with a serious look. “There aren’t many secrets in Hope anyway.”
“I guess not.” Brianna wondered if Zac knew that the old flame she’d carried for him had reignited. Did he guess that the feelings she used to have for him had grown and multiplied? Had she given herself away?
“So you’re good with a Your World fair?” he asked.
“It’s a great idea. It won’t hurt for the state folks to hear about this, either, will it?”
“I never considered that, Brianna.” Zac frowned at her. “This is for the kids and the parents.”
“Oh, I know. But it can’t hurt you to have them witness your success.” She smiled to hide the fact that she hated to think of Zac leaving Hope. He’d become an integral part of her life.
“Our success.” Zac pushed away his coffee cup. “And someone would have to tell them. I, for one, don’t intend to do that. This should be a town-wide celebration.” He checked his watch. “I need to get back to the office.”
“Okay.” She followed him outside then impulsively stopped him with a hand on his arm. “Listen, I know it’s a bit late and you probably already have plans, but I was wondering if you wanted to come over tomorrow for dinner. I’m not the world’s greatest chef but I think I can guarantee most of our Thanksgiving dinner will be edible. Unless—”
“I’d like to come. Thank you.” He said it so quietly she blinked.
“Oh. Great.” Surprised by his e
nthusiasm, Brianna got lost in his amazing eyes.
“What time and what can I bring? Brianna?” Zac shook her arm.
“We won’t eat till later in the day,” she mumbled, embarrassed that he’d caught her staring. “Come when you like and bring whatever you want. Or nothing at all. We’ll have plenty of food.”
“I know how to make an awesome salad,” he offered.
“Perfect.” Nonplussed by the intensity of his gaze, Brianna waved. “See you tomorrow.”
“Yes. Thanks.”
Brianna glanced back once, found him still watching her. Her stomach fluttered. Heat suffused her face. She suddenly had the urge to skip down the street.
I’m going to need some help here, God, she prayed as she walked home. Zac’s a nice guy, but he wants to be friends. I want more but he plans on leaving. Help me?
As soon as she arrived home, Brianna changed clothes, then grabbed the book and her Bible and began searching for answers. The first words she read stole her breath.
Relationships are always worth restoring.
She’d already restored her relationship with Zac. It wasn’t exactly the relationship she wanted and it would take time to rebuild the trust, but they’d made a start. She was also working to reestablish her relationship with God. So what—?
Her mother.
Immediately a sense of guilt and frustration filled Brianna. How could she possibly restore that relationship knowing that her mother had been integral to causing her unhappiness?
Forgive.
She didn’t see the word on the page. Rather it was a soft sweet whisper in her heart.
Forgive. Start afresh. Restore.
Only with her mother?
Or could God possibly intend that her previous relationship with Zac could also be restored?
Giddy, scared and filled with questions, Brianna prayed.
* * *
“Let’s eat everyone.” Flushed and looking slightly off balance, Brianna waited as her father pushed her mother’s chair to the table.