Access All Areas

by Alice Severin

  “Yeah, think so. Might go to a club after this though. Do you need a lift?”

  “Nah, I’m good.”

  “Yes you are. Remember baby, you deserve this.” She was grinning at me. I gave her a big hug.

  “You’re awesome babe. I was mad before but…”

  “…not so much now, huh?” Alice laughed. “Come on girl, let’s pee, and get out of here.”

  We walked out, arm in arm. Any two rock groupie chicks, right? Happy and high. Tomorrow never happens. We got back to the table, and Sean was deep in conversation with a guy with crazy hair. We sat down and I had a sip of champagne and checked the time. 5 to. Early and often.

  I leaned over to Alice. “Be right back. Or not.”

  “Have fun.” She gave a little wave.

  And I headed over to the stage, trying to look casual, like I was looking for someone, or something. Where was backstage? I tried a door, but it was locked. There were a couple of stage hands packing up, and I called over to one of them.

  “Hey, sorry, excuse me—how do I get backstage?”

  They pointed to a door on the other side, and I went back through the tables, feeling like everyone was staring at me. I just kept my eyes straight ahead. Focus. Smiling. Moving through the crowd. I finally got to the door, and tried the handle.

  It flew open, as a group of people came out, talking excitedly. “Yeah, very cool, very cool. Going to that new club. Brilliant.”

  I slipped through them and in. The door closed behind me and it was suddenly very quiet. I kept going, careful not to catch my dress on the various metal power transformer boxes sticking out, stepping over the thick cables on the floor. I heard voices and suddenly felt cold, and even more nervous. It sounded like his manager. Fuck. I hesitated for a moment, then carried on. I’d do what I wanted.

  I walked on a bit more, and there they were—Tristan, towering over his manager, still in the leather gear, exuding a just ran energy, toying with his bracelets. The manager was smiling at him. “Brilliant job Triz, you totally nailed it. Let’s set up the rest of the dates tomorrow—I think on this buzz we can get a lot of places to confirm without the full contracts yet.”

  Tristan was nodding. “Just run them by me first. I want to make sure this is doable, not some up and down tour where none of the dates make sense, ok?”

  At that moment, my heel made a loud clacking noise on the concrete, and they both looked up, their expressions exactly the opposite of each other. The manager looked annoyed and bored, and Tristan had that little smile again.

  “Hi there, how are you doing?” The manager spoke first. “Probably not the best time to finish the interview, but I’ll leave that up to Tristan.”

  “Nice to see you again. That’s fine, just coming by to congratulate you.” I smiled at the manager, but I turned to Tristan. I was sure he could see the question in my eyes. I was ready to turn around and go, but his arm shot out and grabbed my hand.

  “I’m sure I could do a few questions. Be great to get the concert in the article too. Lily was out there, so she got to hear the comments. James, I’ll see you later, ok?”

  His manager rolled his eyes. “You’re the boss.”

  His reply was laconic. “Yup. Go have a drink.”

  We stood there and watched him negotiate the wires and head out towards the party. We were completely motionless, my hand still in his. It was as if we were frozen to the spot, waiting to hear the door open, then shut.

  When it did, he pulled me closer to him and held my hand up to his lips and kissed it, softly. I looked up at him, petrified suddenly. What was I doing with this gorgeous creature? His eyes looked down at me, and softened.

  “You’re here. Are you sure?”

  I was sure I’d agree to pretty much anything, if it involved being this close to him. “Yes,” I mumbled breathily, “I wanted to see you again.”

  He pulled me against him until I was flush against his body. He was hot, still warm from the performance; I could feel the heat coming off his back as I wrapped my arms around him. He had that scent again, sweaty and hot and soap and leather and that strange perfume all at once. He bent his head down and started kissing me, his mouth full and soft, his tongue pushing slowly into me, his leather clad leg pushing between mine, until I could feel it against me, right where I wanted his hands, his mouth. He kissed me harder. His mouth had taken control of mine, his tongue exploring and teasing and I was pulsing with need. I was so wet, I thought there would be a mark on his leather trousers when he pulled away. God. My head was spinning and suddenly he took his mouth away and leaned over my neck. And bit me, hard, right over where the other mark was. I cried out, and he held me closer.

  “Jesus fuck I want you. Let’s get out of here. I want you in my bed. Now.”

  He let me go and I tottered for a second before he grabbed me. “Oh I like you. So much.” And like I was nothing, he scooped me up and started carrying me to one of the big double doors in the back. I started laughing.

  “I’m such a Neanderthal, I know. Come woman. To my cave.” And he laughed. He knocked against the metal bar with his hip, and pushed it open, careful to not catch me on the other door. I couldn’t understand how he had the energy to do this. I wasn’t exactly tall, but he was obviously even stronger than he looked.

  He put me down by the limo. And opened the door. And we slid in along the seats. Again. Like before. Except we were doing this together.

  “Harry, home please. My home that is.”

  “Yes sir.”

  He turned to me. “I’m not even going to touch you. No, I lied. I’m going to hold your hand. I don’t trust myself, and this isn’t where I intend to have you.”

  He smiled then, wickedly. And began to take each one of my fingers into his mouth. I watched them disappear between his reddened lips, one by one, and I looked up to see his eyes, blacker now, staring at me, unblinking. He was on my fourth finger and I couldn’t take anymore. “Oh fuck, I can feel you everywhere, how do you do that, fuck…” and at that point his mouth was on mine again, his tongue flicking out, precise, controlled. All I could think of was feeling his mouth on my sex, those same flicks, oh god, I was losing it. I pulled him closer and moaned into his mouth. “Oh fuck, I just want to feel you on me, in me.”

  He held me tighter, which was good, because I was shaking. “Oh girl, I want to make you scream. Make you beg for me inside you. Tell me you want this.” He raised his voice slightly. “Tell me, now.”

  I tried to kiss him and he held me away. “Tell me you want me to fuck you, hard.”

  “Please.”

  “What?”

  “Fuck me…god, please.” I didn’t know what I was saying anymore. “Fuck me, please, as hard as you want, until I don’t know where I am, god I can’t stand it. Tristan. Please? Touch me…”

  His eyes were glittering.

  Suddenly his long slender fingers were sliding over my thighs, pulling my dress up, over the stockings, where he hissed, mumbling “fuck so beautiful”, and…and then without warning, he slid two fingers deep inside me and thrust in again, pulling his fingers around, curling up in me, the pressure and the wetness, and sliding in me, over and over again. I looked up into his eyes, dark and intent on me and he forced me onto him so that his fingers were now deeper into me and I fell against him, crying out, “oh god oh god, no,” closing around his fingers again and again, unable to stop shaking, wet pouring out of me, buying my head in his hair, his hands all over me, I was biting at him, his groans of pleasure, feeling him hard against me. I started trembling again and tried to slow my breathing. Feeling the pulsing around his fingers slow, as he pulled them out, slow, and long and steady. “Open your eyes,” he ordered, his voice rough with tension.

  I looked at him in time to see his fingers go into his mouth, up to the hilt and his eyes flutter shut. Jesus. And I watched him pull them out again, equally slowly, his tongue working them.

  “You taste divine. So wet for me.”

  He
removed his fingers again from his mouth, and placed me slowly, gently on the seat. I watched in amazement as he fit his large hand over the sizeable bulge now very obvious through the stretched leather and pressed down, hard, a groan escaping from his mouth. “Fuck I want you so badly. It hurts.” And he pressed again. “Oh god, I want to come in you right now. It’s all I can do not to fucking have you right here. I said I’d wait…” He pressed again and groaned.

  He turned to me as the car stopped. “I am going to fuck you like no one ever has. You beautiful girl. I’m going to ruin you for anyone else.”

  • • •

  He pulled my dress down.

  “Thank god, we’re here.” He took my hand, and pressed it over his cock. It was huge and hot and stunning. I squeezed it. Holy fuck.

  “That’s what you do to me. And you will feel it.”

  He flew to the car door, opening it, and practically pulled me out of the car.

  He bent over to the window, “Thanks Harry.” And turned and slapped me hard on the ass, in full view of the driver. Another act of possession.

  “Let’s do this.” And he laughed.

  And for a moment, I was a little scared. But the wetness sliding between the tops of my bare thighs was telling another story.

  He pressed the code for the building. Those fingers. And he turned to me. “Ready?”

  Chapter 9

  I followed him into the building, shakily. I didn’t want to hold on to him, even if I didn’t feel like I was still in the world. Everything was gliding by. It was just a lobby of an apartment building, but it was as though I was going through some tunnel, Alice through the Looking Glass, about to fall straight through. He was walking ahead of me, holding open another door that he had pressed a button to access. I couldn’t tell if he was intent on his destination, or if I had slowed down. Suddenly my head hurt and I couldn’t think anymore. I was tempted to run back out to the street. But I wasn’t going to let my stupid errant thoughts ruin any of this, and I kept my eyes up slightly, focused on his leather clad shoulders. I let my glance drop down his body, oh my there was a lot of him. What the hell was I going to do with all that? He was so tall, exuding masculinity, yet there was something about him, sensual, strange, other worldly. I was admiring his haunches, the way they sloped down to impossibly long legs, the view of him from behind just screamed sex. No wonder the boys loved him too. Not many people look truly fuckable from both directions.

  We were waiting for the elevator. I was still just behind him. He still hadn’t turned around. I wasn’t going to paw at him though. I kind of liked the distance. It gave me a chance to feel I did have a choice. I wondered what he was going to do to break it down. It was pretty obvious to me by now that he liked being in control. And that was ok. Usually I always had to keep it all organized and going. There was something thrilling about his silent darkness, his ego needing this and actually admitting it.

  Now what was I going to have to admit to? The door opened with a noise that startled me. He put his hand out behind him, and I took it, and went with him into the lift. He squeezed my hand, then dropped it to fish out a set of keys, one of which he used to turn the lock to the seventh floor. The elevator door closed.

  Funny how some things impress me. “The whole floor, huh?”

  “Yup.”

  His silence was unnerving. We stood there, the elevator making its little whooshing and clicking noises as it passed each floor. My ears were echoing with the quiet. I felt like I could hear my blood flowing.

  The mechanical door slid open and he used another two keys to open the door to the apartment, which was a forbidding wall trapping us in the box of the elevator. It sprang open, and he held it open for me.

  “After you.”

  I stepped out into a raised foyer, looking down on a long living room that ended with three large windows, facing the skyline. It was simple, slightly old-fashioned, elegant. Wood floors covered with rugs. A mix of modern furniture and some antique looking pieces. Wood and plastic. Paintings. Interesting.

  I looked over at him, to see him smiling. I instantly relaxed. He didn’t look nearly as forbidding from the front, not like that.

  “You like?”

  “Yes.” I could be quiet too.

  “Ah, you’re nervous. Amazing. I really didn’t think girls like you existed anymore.”

  I couldn’t resist. “Maybe it’s the circles you move in.”

  “My circles brought you here. Don’t knock them.” He hopped nimbly down the three steps to the main living room. “Come on.” He walked to the end of the room and went through another door to the left. There was a large kitchen with a wooden table, another vase of flowers in the middle, and some books scattered by the end, along with an old mug of coffee.

  “I’m a slob,” he grinned. “Sorry.” He walked over to the fridge, a repeat of the one in the office. “Do you want a drink?”

  “I think just some water, please. I had quite a bit to drink at the, at your show.” I felt shy. What was going on with me?

  “Yes you did. And tripping off to the ladies like that. At least you’ll be awake, huh?”

  I looked at him astonished. “You were watching?”

  “Always curious to see people when they think no one’s looking.”

  I nodded. Fair enough. “True.”

  He took out a bottle of Perrier and poured a glass for each of us.

  “Come on darling, let’s go sit somewhere more romantic than the kitchen. Although it could have its uses.” He laughed to himself and I followed him again, as he went through another door, again to the left, and down a short hall leading to yet another door. I felt like I was trying to keep track of where I was, in case I had to run. It was crazy, I wanted to be here, but I was scared. I almost wished we were back in the limo.

  He opened the door and of course, it was his bedroom. Ridiculously large bed, or maybe it just seemed that way. Shades of coffee, mocha, copper, amber. Rugs on hardwood floors. Pillows covered in raw silk. Another three windows, with curtains between them. Bookshelves at the end, another raised area, with a sofa, a guitar casually resting against the cushions. Lamps, tables, an ornate quality. I couldn’t decide if the bed was the stage and the sofa the audience. I wondered if it had ever been used that way.

  Again, I looked over to find him watching me, a predatory look on his face, a tiny smile pulling up the corner of his mouth. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding, and his smile increased. It wasn’t exactly friendly though.

  God, I was so confused. I looked at him, willing him to understand some of what I was going through. I wanted him to make it better, whatever better was. I didn’t want to feel this fear and awkwardness. I just wanted to feel good.

  “You know, coke makes most people a bit paranoid.”

  I’m sure the shock showed on my face. “Yes, but…”

  “You’re scared.”

  I took a drink of my water. We were standing by the bed. It all seemed so…impossible. “I am, a little. I don’t know why. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s ok. Really. You just need a minute to get your bearings. You don’t strike me as someone who walks away from a challenge.”

  “Are you a challenge?” I raised my eyes to his. I wanted to see what they showed of how he felt. Where were his emotions? Did he have any?

  He looked at me, and sighed. “Of course I am. I’m never only me, I’m everything you’ve ever read, everything you’ve heard, all the rumors.” He walked towards the windows and looked out. “I think I used to enjoy that part of it more than I do now.” He drank some water. “I’m actually not happy that you’re scared of me.”

  “I’m not. I don’t know. I think I’m scared of myself.” I looked at him. What was I doing? I could not fuck this up.

  I walked over to him. I was going to be stupid and honest, but all the show of strength had worn me out. He held out his hand, and took mine and smiled. His smile melted a bit of the crazy fear that had come over me. Thi
s was right. To trust what I felt. Not what I’d been told.

  “I really do like you,” he whispered. “When I saw you out there…” he trailed off. “I was happy. But then you know, it was like I was worried.” He stopped again and shook his head.

  “Worried?”

  “Yeah.” He let out a huge sigh, and kind of blew through his teeth. “Yeah. You don’t know what it’s like, well maybe you do. The usual deal.” He put his hands on my shoulders, and left them there, heavy, as he looked down at me. He seemed even taller, with the black twinkling backdrop behind him. I felt like I was in a photograph, pinned down for all eternity. “I can’t explain it. I saw you out there, I still wanted you, but…”

  My heart had stopped. “But?” I had blown it. I wasn’t going to cry though.

  “I wanted to frighten you. See what you’d do. Whether it mattered to you. Or if you’d just ignore my coldness.”

  “I tried to ignore it. I figured that’s what I was supposed to do.” I was starting to babble. It was all ruined anyway. “Alice, that’s my roommate, she plays this whole scene. I haven’t, I just don’t…” I stopped. What the hell was I about to say?

  He was looking at me, intently. I felt his presence like a furnace next to me. God this want. If I just let my brain loose, maybe it would know what to say.

  “I get scared of what I want. It gets too intense. I don’t do pretend very well, I usually go for what seems the safe option, but that hasn’t worked very well for me, because it’s never right, and I dream of what is, and I never see it, and then, well, that song you played for me, and everything it said, and the way you held me, and shit, you’re beautiful anyway, and I’m totally out of my depth here. Fuck, I’m sorry. I’m sure you’d rather have somebody with…oh fuck I don’t know.” He was looking at me, with that same sort of gaze he had when he was watching me cry. I tried to return his steady look. “I’m sorry. I’m way too honest, and I’m not even telling the whole truth. I can play the game, better than this anyhow, it’s just…” Then his finger was resting on my lips, and he looked amused again.