Broken Knight

by Shen, L. J.

“I’ve only ever been yours, Knight.”

  “The last year didn’t happen,” he choked on his words.

  I nodded at first, accepting the denial. But then I stopped. I didn’t want to acknowledge some parts of it, either. But it had happened. It had happened, and yet we’d somehow still ended up here together.

  “It did happen, though.”

  “I know.”

  With that, he eased into me, slowly, kissing my nose, my cheeks, my lips, my forehead. Even though I was wet and ready for him, it still hurt a little at first, but then he stopped, letting me stretch around his girth, before he began to make sweet, agonizing love to me. He moved in and out of me like he was giving me something so much greater than an orgasm. Slid into me to mark me. Agonizing, liquid heat began to gather under my navel, and my thighs trembled around his waist.

  “Oh, Knight.” I ran my fingers through his hair. Why had I fought this all this time? Why had I rejected his advances when he was everything I ever wanted?

  “I…I…”

  I’m going to come so hard the entire state is going to know.

  He shut me up with a dirty kiss full of tongue and stubble. He didn’t, I realized, want this connection we had diluted by words. We’d never needed words. Our relationship thrived, even when I’d given him no words at all.

  This was really happening. I was having sex with Knight.

  Knight Jameson Cole: Quarterback. Prom King. The best looking jackass in town.

  But also, Knight Jameson Cole: Closeted alcoholic. Adopted son. Gentle soul. And the most pure-hearted man I’d ever known.

  I started panting hard, burying my fingernails in the muscles of his shoulders. I knew I was going to scream, and there was no way to stop it. The orgasm was just too much. Too strong. Too full of emotions.

  “Come for me, Moonshine. Come all over my cock.”

  I exploded, shattering between his arms, seeing stars in different colors and sizes and shapes, at the exact same time he jerked into me one last time, emptying inside me. My cry pierced the air surrounding the water tower.

  After that, we just lay there, him still on top of me, slowly softening inside of me. We breathed each other, the scent of sex intoxicating both of us into heavy-lidded smirks.

  “Thank you,” he whispered, kissing the tip of my nose, looking skittish all of a sudden—almost endearing. “For a perfect first time.”

  I smiled sadly. “You don’t have to pretend, Knight. I appreciate you sparing my feelings, but I saw you with Poppy. I understand.”

  “No, you don’t,” he said flatly.

  My eyebrows shot up in surprise. “But I saw… I came to the treehouse and…”

  “Figured as much. I couldn’t go through with it.” He pulled out of me slowly, rolling away from me and gathering me in his arms. The chill began to pool around us, like a blanket, frosting our bodies. We shivered against one another. “I couldn’t let both of us waste our first time.”

  “But how do you know mine was a waste?” I asked honestly.

  Knight chewed on his tongue piercing, looking elsewhere. I realized it still hurt him. That it always would.

  “The morning after I snuck into your room, I saw the letter you wrote to FUCKING JOSH. I didn’t open it. Just held it toward the sun so I could read whatever I could get from it. You said you loved him. After I left, I spent all this time dissecting what you said, and I realized you never told him you’re in love with him. You choose words so carefully and intelligently, Luna. I knew this wasn’t a mistake. You understand the meaning of words. That’s why you don’t use them lightly. That meant I still had a chance. And I figured, I’m losing my mom. I’m not ready to lose my best friend, too. I’m not going down without a fight, Luna. I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give me. If it’s friendship—so be it.”

  “I don’t want to be your friend anymore,” I said, pulling away to catch his gaze.

  His face hardened, his lips thinning in pain. Only this time, the invincible mask didn’t harden around his face, like clay. I could see the full range of his emotions. Hurt. Terror. Anger. Annoyance.

  My beautiful best friend. From whom I kept a secret. A secret about his mother.

  You’re going to hell for this, Luna.

  “I see.” He frowned, trying not to sulk. “That’s cool.”

  But it wasn’t cool. We were never just cool. When we were together—we were blazing hot.

  “I want to be your girlfriend.”

  I’d never been a rebel.

  Not much of a rule-breaker, either. On my best days, probably a daredevil tomboy who abided by the rules, but tiptoed around the red line of propriety.

  But the combination of wanting to stick it to April, who was still in shock from the fact I could speak, and not wanting to part ways with Knight made me sneak him into my room, even though I knew it could land me into hot water. Maybe even get me kicked out of the dorm.

  “Why not my hotel room?” Knight inquired on our way to my dorm.

  “Because I’m done being a pushover.”

  And because my room was way closer.

  “Who pushed you over? I’ll maim them.”

  “My roommate, April. But that one’s on me, Knight. I’m the one who’s going to deal with this.”

  “Technically,” Knight murmured, his erection pressed against my ass as he rained drugging kisses all over my neck and shoulders once we’d made our way to my hallway. “The old man in the lobby told me he’d call the police if I stayed the night. But, also technically…” Knight slid his hand into the back of my panties and curled his hand around my ass, dipping a finger between my folds. “You’re damn good jailbait.”

  Swallowing a fit of giggles, I unlocked the door and tiptoed inside the room. I was expecting—hoping, really—that April had opted to sleep at Ryan’s, seeing as we’d fought without properly making up. It would be perfect if she walked in the next morning and found out all the space she took in our little closet—none of it for me, my clothes were still in suitcases—was now equally divided between us. And that Knight was sound asleep beside me, just like Ryan was beside her almost every night.

  My hopes were crushed when I noticed her silhouette under her covers, her back to us, her even breath telling me she was asleep. Alone.

  Thank God Ryan wasn’t here. I wondered if they’d had a fight.

  I motioned to Knight with my head to follow me in, closed the door, and flung myself on the lower bunk. Sliding in, I jutted my chin in invitation. He took off his shoes, neatly folded his coat and put it on the back of my chair, then slipped into bed with me. I fished out my phone to send him a text message. If we spoke, April would wake up. She was a light sleeper.

  Luna: You’ll need to sneak out before she wakes up. Which is usually around ten on weekends.

  Knight: K.

  He was staring at his phone, but facing me. We were pressed close to each other in the snug bed, our faces glowing in our phones’ lights in the otherwise darkened room. There was so much I wanted to ask him.

  Luna: So…are we?

  Knight: Together?

  Luna: Yeah.

  He looked up from his screen, the shades of green in his irises arresting my heart. How could I ever have let him slip from my fingers? How could I have given him up? Who even cared? Love is selfish. Love is raw. Love is unfair, and unpredictable, and unstoppable.

  He looked back down to his phone.

  Knight: Can I answer you in another form?

  Luna: Like a dance?

  His chest quivered next to mine as he tried to control his laughter. His smile was glorious. It was the one weapon he could unleash to completely defuse me.

  Knight: Yes, but better.

  He tossed his phone between us, taking my face in his paws and drawing my lips to his. His mouth collided with mine, and he traced his tongue along the seam of my lips before plunging in and kissing me hard.

  I groaned, against my better judgment.

  “If I do this, we c
an’t wake up your roommate,” he whispered.

  I nodded. He put his mouth in my ear and swept his tongue along the lobe before shoving it inside, making me swallow down both my giggles and shudders. I was horny. I was never horny.

  Okay, not exactly true, but I’d never wanted to be filled the way I did right now. My breaths became harsh and short when his playful tongue found its way from my ear to my throat, tracing the delicate column at its center, his hands working my jeans, lowering them down again. I’d expected him to give my breasts special attention, but instead, he slid down to the foot of the bed, his face leveled with my groin.

  My heart began to beat faster. He looked up at me, silent. Dark. Contemplative.

  I widened my eyes in question.

  Sorry, his mouth curved around the word, but no voice came out. Then, in one harsh motion, he ripped my cotton panties from my body, throwing them on the floor. Before I could register what was happening, his face was between my legs, feasting on me. Feasting. His tongue thrashing against the walls of my sex.

  “Jesus,” I breathed. “Yes.”

  He put a finger inside me, filling me completely with his tongue and fingers. He drilled into me so deep I could feel him everywhere. He curled his finger when he reached the deepest part of me, hitting a spot that made hot honey pour from my chest to my groin. He took one of my butt cheeks in his big paw and hoisted me slightly up and to an angle that allowed him to shove his tongue deep inside me, and then he did something wonderful. He rolled the tip of his piercing inside, where his tongue couldn’t reach, tickling that same sensitive spot over and over again.

  Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

  I felt liquid pouring out of me and into his mouth. It was probably a trickle. Still, I was ejaculating. Or something close to it. All over his face. I could feel my sheets dampening underneath me and my sex dripping through his fingers that held my ass. He made the groaning sounds of a lion gorging on a gazelle. I was coming so hard I couldn’t stop it. Spasms ran through every inch of my body. I jerked and tossed, grabbing the side of my pillow and biting it hard as wave after wave of ecstasy coursed through me—atom-splitting, mind-blowing, nerve-tingling sensations I could never fully describe.

  The climax was so intense, it felt like I was under a spell. Knight took his tongue out only when my ass hit the mattress with a soft thud. When I chanced opening my eyes and watching him, I caught him wiping his soaked chin with the back of his hand and licking the rest of my juices, still staring at my groin like it was some mystical creature he was trying to decode.

  You know everything there is to know about it, I wanted to assure him, still lying half-naked in my hoodie, with my ruined panties somewhere on the floor of this room. He didn’t even look at me as he used his thumbs to open me up again, staring at my inside carefully. It felt almost clinical. I fought the last trembles of my orgasms as he lowered himself and flicked his piercing against my clit.

  Oh, no.

  “I can’t,” I whisper-shouted.

  I was going to break from another orgasm of this sort. Or worse. I had zero control over my muscles. I was actually afraid I’d pee on him or something. Knight seemed like a kinky dude, but I was sure he’d appreciate the heads-up.

  “It’s too much.”

  Flick. Flick. Flick. Suck. Knight may have been a virgin a few hours ago, but he’d probably made watching porn an art of sorts, because he was freakishly good at sex. And I mean, world-class good. Like everything else he did, he was confident in bed, and as he alternated between sucking my clit into his mouth and flicking it with his tongue, I found myself trying to fight off another orgasm that threatened to tear me in two. I scooted my butt up, trying to escape the tormenting pleasure that chased me, but he pinned me to the bed, flicking my clit faster, sucking on it harder.

  This time, I cried into the pillow, tears of happiness sliding from my cheeks. I kept the pillow on my face, knowing there was a pool of my lust for him underneath us, and before I knew what was happening, he was on top of me again. But this time, it wasn’t love we were making.

  No.

  He was fucking me.

  Drilling. Slamming. Pushing. Punishing with his jerky, deep thrusts. I thought he was going to nail me into the mattress until I couldn’t unglue myself from it, and knew for a fact it must feel like sitting on a roller coaster for April on the upper bunk. She was going to hate me.

  “Knigh…Knight…go…s…s…slow…slower,” I stammered as his sweat began to rain down my face. It was so hot, I was nearing my third orgasm. Fourth, if you counted the water tower.

  His lips dragged along mine. He bit the tip of my lower lip and tugged it, like a lion warning his cub. “Fuck her, baby. Come for me again.”

  I’d always giggled when I read about women coming on demand. It seemed oddly unlikely. Like sneezing on demand. And I was seventy-five percent sure my coming had nothing to do with Knight’s request. But I came nonetheless. He pulled out, ripped the condom from his penis, flipped my hoodie up and came all over my breasts, watching me as he did with a smirk on his face.

  A minute later, he collapsed beside me. I stared at the wood of the upper bunk, to which I’d glued stickers of bands I liked and inspirational quotes that had helped me get through the period of time without him.

  Knight flung his arm behind his head. I did the same. We both stilled as April shifted in her bunk, groaning something unintelligible. When she got back to softly snoring, we let out relieved breaths. I turned toward him, placing my hand on his chest, my other one plucking my phone from between the wall and the mattress, texting him.

  Luna: Can I ask you something?

  Knight: Anything.

  Luna: Actually, two things.

  Knight: …

  Luna: How do I taste?

  He didn’t look up from his phone, which I appreciated.

  Knight: Like cheap rubber.

  Luna: ???

  Knight: The condom from the water tower. But also sweet. And hot. And perfect.

  Luna: That’s better.

  Knight: But also like the condom.

  I swatted his chest. He grinned.

  Knight: What’s your second question?

  Luna: You said what we did should answer my question. I don’t think it did. What are we, Knight?

  This time, he did look up, his gaze holding mine. He opened his mouth, not whispering the words, but uttering them, loud and clear.

  “We’re everything.”

  I tossed all three mini bottles of mouthwash I’d consumed into the trash in my hotel room, washing them down with a bottle of water and mint gum. Luna and I were going to meet up at a diner three blocks from Boon, and I preferred not to smell like a piss-ridden alleyway. The alcohol on my breath was starting to stick, even when I wasn’t drinking. It was in my sweat. In my odor. In my fucking veins.

  This morning I’d snuck out of her room, but not before parting from her body in the most glorious way. She’d pressed her ass against my dick, wiggling it back and forth, begging for friction. I jerked off, came on her ass, then fingered her to an orgasm before leaving, because—why, yes, I was a perfect gentleman.

  Before going to meet Luna, I called Mom. Her voice was strained, breathless, but she tried to hold back the coughs, asking me how I was doing in North Carolina.

  “Good,” I said. “Luna’s my girlfriend now.”

  It felt stupid to say it in the same way it felt stupid to think it. We were so much more than steady. I was going to marry her. I’d known that with every fiber of my being before I was fully potty trained, for fuck’s sake. I just hadn’t known how to label it back then.

  “Oh my goodness,” Mom shrieked into my ear. She sounded relieved more than happy, and I tried not to let it dampen my mood. “I’m so happy to hear that.”

  “Happy or relieved?” I threw her tone back at her.

  “Both,” she admitted.

  I had a flight booked for tonight. Missing school wasn’t on my agenda—not because I gave
a shit about it, but because I didn’t want to add any more concern to my already troubled household. They were going to find out soon that the only reason I was still in school was because I had been the football captain and Coach would hunt me down and kick my ass if I dropped out. My grades were every teacher’s nightmare. Based on them, you wouldn’t guess I was literate, let alone smart.

  I loved Luna, but nothing could keep me away from Mom for very long. This was the longest and farthest I’d ever been away from her.

  There was silence on the other line.

  “Mom?”

  More silence.

  “Rosie!” I barked impatiently, kicking the trash can in the hotel bathroom. The mouthwash bottles spilled over, rolling on the floor, knocking against the top of my boot. Without thinking, I reached for a fourth bottle and unscrewed it.

  Damn it all to hell.

  “Sorry,” she choked on the word. “Drifted off for a second. I’m fine, baby. Totally fine. Just really tired.”

  “I love you,” I growled, annoyed.

  “Love you, too.”

  I texted Dad asking about Mom, and he said everything was cool. I texted Lev and Aunt Em, cross-examining them, but they gave me the same laconic update.

  Fine, fine, fine. I understood fully now why Luna loathed this word.

  I sat across from my girlfriend in a dirty little diner that smelled like it had been deep-fried in its entirety. The walls, the red-vinyl booths, the tables—everything smelled of fried food, with the undertone of stale coffee.

  Real talk? I wasn’t Boon’s biggest fan. If I had to give it a twin city, it’d be hell. Call me a shallow dipshit, but I liked my life in Todos Santos. With the perfect palm trees and mile-long white beaches and sparkling private pools and diners that were squeaky clean and brand new. You could eat from the fucking floor at my local Denny’s.

  But Luna was here, wearing a tight green top that made her puckered nipples poke out, so naturally, Boon was my favorite place for this moment.

  “How’s Rosie?” She squeezed my hand from across the table. I wanted to sit on the same side as her, but reined in my clingy-ass tendencies. I still hadn’t told her the L word. She had enough leverage on me as it was, so I held on to it like a nun holds her V card.