by Bella Grant
I had closed off the cashier’s desk and taken up my bag when the figure almost startled me. She was the last person I expected to see back here in Pagosa Springs. And how did she pick me out in this crowd, anyway? We’d kept in touch though I spoke to her only when dad wasn’t around.
“Oh, my God.” She stared at my protruding belly. “You’re pregnant? Debra? Why didn’t you say anything?”
I flushed. “Because I didn’t think it was any of your business.”
Hurt reflected in her eyes at my harsh words. “I’m sorry,” I apologized. “I didn’t mean to say that but I’m a little cranky. I’m not feeling very good. How did you even find me?”
“I asked at the customer service desk where I could find you,” she explained, still staring at my belly in disbelief. “I got in a little earlier but I remembered from our talks that you get out at five today, so I decided to surprise you and take you out for dinner.”
“I am hungry,” I admitted. “As you can see, I’m eating for two now, and hunger seems to be a perpetual state.”
The way she gawked at me, one would have thought I was a cast member of My 600lb life. I had gained a lot of weight during this second trimester, making up for what I’d lost during the first and then some. My belly could no longer be disguised, either. Almost six months pregnant, I felt a little like a whale but I made the best of it.
“Is it-is it Lucas’ baby?” she asked. “I don’t even know why I asked. I’m sure it is. Where is he? How far along are you? Why are you working here when he can take care of you and this baby?”
“Mom, that’s too many questions,” I groaned at her. “Please can we get something to eat first? I’ve a craving for Italian. Let’s go to Marconi’s.”
Her eyes were full of questions but she nodded and we walked out together. We took our separate cars and drove the short distance to the Italian restaurant. We occupied a two-seater table and placed our orders.
“What are you doing here in Pagosa Springs?” I asked her before she could begin her long line of questions. “Aren’t you worried about running into Dad?”
“The thought was scary at first but I decided it was time,” she responded though her smile wobbled. “How far along are you?”
“Twenty-four weeks,” I replied with a grimace. “I still have sixteen more weeks to go.”
“And Lucas? Why is he allowing you to work at Walmart when you don’t have to?”
“He doesn’t know I’m pregnant, Mom, and that’s the way I’d like it to remain.”
“Are you crazy?”
My response was delayed by the waiter bringing our meal and my stomach growled. I smeared the pasta sauce and the extra I’d ordered over the chicken marsala and dug in. Only after forking a few mouthfuls did I address her question.
“The first time Lucas and I met, he accused me of being a gold digger,” I told her. “Unfortunately, he heard Dad saying it about you and got it in his head that I was the same.”
Her face turned a bright red and she stared down at her plate of salad.
“You’re nothing like me, Debra. You’re smarter and with a whole lot of heart, but that excuse you’ve come up with is no excuse at all. Lucas needs to know.”
I shook my head. “It’s my decision. We’re no longer together. He doesn’t need to know about an unplanned pregnancy.”
“But you love him.”
“I do, and that’s why I am doing this. He once mentioned ruining our lives if I ended up pregnant. I am not trying to ruin his life.”
“Debra that—”
“Between you and Dad, I can’t decide who is worse!” I grumbled. “He’s been nagging me about telling Lucas too, and I’ll give you the same response I gave to him. I am not going to hit Lucas up for child support simply because he’s wealthy.”
“You’re stubborn, just like your dad!” she stated.
“Debra.”
At my father’s voice I glanced up, surprised to see him at the restaurant. He had takeout in his hands and stared not at me but at my mother.
“Dad.” I was at a loss as to what to say to him. I felt like I had betrayed him. The look on his face was one of hurt and disappointment.
“Michael, how are you?” my mother asked.
He tore his eyes away from her and walked over to the table, plunking down the takeout on the table. “I came here to get you this because I know you’ve been craving Italian, but obviously, you don’t need it.”
“Dad, I didn’t know she was coming,” I tried to explain but he shook his head at me and walked out. When I looked back at my mom, her eyes were bright with tears.
“I guess seventeen years is still not enough time,” she said sadly. “He will never forgive me for walking out on him.”
“What do you expect?” I asked her candidly. “So far, you’ve not exactly asked his forgiveness.”
Hearing my own words, I considered my own hypocrisy. Wasn’t that what I needed to do as well? Confront Lucas with the truth and ask his forgiveness. I was my mother’s daughter after all, too coward to face a problem and go after what I wanted.
And I wanted Lucas.
Lucas
With a groan, I rolled over to my back, clamping my eyes shut at the bright light filtering even through my closed lids. I must have forgotten to close the blinds last night. It took a lot for me to remember why I felt like shit. My head pounded and my mouth tasted like cotton balls threw up inside.
Last night, I’d gone with Kevin to Belly Up, a popular night club in Aspen. Since taking Debra was out the question, I’d practically begged Kevin to cancel his summer plans to visit Chile. Too late, I realized I should have gone to Chile with him instead of letting him quit his trip to stay with me. Chile would have been a different atmosphere and wouldn’t remind me every single minute that I’d planned to have Debra here with me this summer.
I was still smarting at her betrayal and trying to figure out what to do about the baby. No matter what I did or how hard I tried, I couldn’t get her out my head. I wanted nothing to do with a child born out of malicious intent. Every day, I waited with bated breath for her to call and make her first of many demands, but it was August and I still hadn’t heard from her.
Despite trying to convince myself I wasn’t interested in her or the child, every week I found myself calculating her delivery—not that I knew exactly when she was due. I figured she would give birth closer to the end of September. A few more weeks and I would be a father because of her.
I supposed if her pregnancy had occurred accidentally, I wouldn’t be so hell bent not to have anything to do with her and the child, but this had intent written all over it. I’d told her to get the pills. I gave her the money to get the pills. She had no excuse for bringing my child into the world. I’d watched my father’s ex-wives suck millions from him using their kids as leverage.
Yet I kept putting off calling my dad’s lawyer and finding out what my rights were with regards to being saddled with a child I’d tried to prevent being conceived. There had to be a law out there to protect me, given that she had gotten pregnant deliberately. Why should I be the one to suffer the consequences of what she had done? How could I look at a baby, a son or a daughter, and know the circumstance of his or her birth was steeped in dishonesty?
A knock on my door caused pain to shoot through my skull. I cracked my eyes open to see Kevin had already surfaced from his drunkenness. He looked none the worse for wear, dressed and ready to go out again. I peered at the clock on the bedside table. Almost noon. Shit. I was about to sleep the day away.
“What are you still doing in bed, old man?” he asked with a grin.
I groaned. “Get the hell out, Kevin. I don’t plan to get out this bed any time soon.”
He shook his head. “You got way too damn soft when you were with that chick. Speaking of which, still no word from her?”
Naturally, Kevin was the only person I’d told about Debra being pregnant. He’d agreed with Rozanne the only reason De
bra hadn’t mentioned the baby in the beginning was to avoid me pressuring her to have an abortion. An abortion would have foiled her plan.
“No, nothing.” Then I revealed my doubts to him. “What if we are wrong? What if she did take the pills but they didn’t work? The pills aren’t a hundred per cent secure for prevention. If she wanted my money or help, wouldn’t she have called by now? And I was already about to give her everything. I even bought a damn engagement ring. Why would she need to trick me?”
“What other reason could she have for not telling you?” Kevin asked thoughtfully. “She didn’t know you were going to propose to her. When you gave her the car and paid her tuition, she would have already conceived and it would have been too late then.”
“But what if it started out that way but somewhere in the middle she fell in love with me too?”
“Then why the hell is she hiding the pregnancy from you?”
“I don’t know, man. I just don’t know what to think anymore. I thought she was different. Something doesn’t add up.”
“Take my advice, Lucas,” Kevin stated seriously. “Call the damn lawyer and figure out what your options are. It’s been almost three months since you found out and you’re stalling. I’m beginning to think you really do want to be a twenty-two-year-old daddy.”
“But it is my kid—”
“A kid you didn’t want. Listen, man, I’m getting out the house and going parasailing.”
“Okay.”
I blew out a deep breath. Damn it, why couldn’t I talk to the damn lawyer and get it over with! Debra meant nothing to me. What a lie. I still loved her, still cared for her, and I hurt because I would have given her everything she wanted.
I was torn in making decisions. The best option would be what Kevin encouraged me to do, but could I live knowing she was out there with my child, struggling and not do anything to help? I had to see her. I had to find out from her why she did it. Why she gave up everything. She could have come to me at any time and told me the truth but hadn’t. I had to know why or I wouldn’t be able to move on.
Having made up my mind what I would do, I rang my dad to find out if the jet was available. I could fly commercial, but the closest airport to Pagosa Springs was over an hour’s drive and the flight itself would be almost three hours with a stop.
“This is the second time you’re taking the jet to Pagosa Springs,” Dad commented. “What’s so special about that place?”
“You mean besides ex-wife number two you found there?”
“Hmm. It did come to mind that’s where you’re headed, but I doubt your visit has anything to do with that, so spit it out.”
I rubbed at my achy temples, still a tad hungover from last night’s drinking. I decided to go with the truth. If it was one thing my father should be able to understand, it was a woman getting pregnant intentionally without my knowledge.
“Actually, it has somewhat to do with that ex-wife,” I responded. “I got her daughter pregnant.”
“You what?”
“Claire’s daughter is having my baby,” I repeated. “I think she’s due next month. I’m not really sure. That’s why I need to get there.”
“How the hell do you mean you got a girl pregnant and you don’t know when she’s having the baby?” he demanded. “And why the hell Claire’s daughter?”
“I had no idea at the time. We met at Regis where she finished her junior year.”
“Bloody hell, boy, for your sake, I hope she’s nothing like her mother. That woman was only dazzled by my lifestyle. She wanted to get away from that place so badly.”
His comment made my heart plummet. Dammit. Another opinion on Debra’s character. What was I supposed to believe?
“I still need to find out about the baby,” I told him.
“Of course you do,” he concurred. “Despite the mistakes we make, a Caine always stands by his responsibilities, and that’s exactly what you’re going to do. Just ensure you have my lawyer at the ready if the chit makes any unreasonable demands.”
“So, can I get the jet?”
“I’ll have my pilot call you, but you’re finding your way back to Aspen.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
“Damn, I’m going to be a grandpa,” I heard him mutter before he hung up.
When I left, Kevin still hadn’t returned so I left him a note asking him to pick up the car for me. The flight to Pagosa Springs was different from the first. Debra wasn’t beside me this time for companionship. No laughter. No talking. Just emptiness and my thoughts. The closer we got to my destination, the more the hurt I’d tried to quench over the past months manifested itself into anger.
Beneath the anger, a glimmer of hope still lingered. The glimmer of hope that had made me refrain from calling the lawyer. That maybe there was an explanation for this. Maybe she…
My thoughts trailed off at the ringing of my cellphone. I wanted to ignore it, especially if it was Kevin calling to tell me how stupid I was for not following his advice and doing the opposite. I reached for my phone to put it on silent and froze. Debra’s name and smiling face lighted up the screen.
Why was she calling me now after three months? Was this it? The demand everyone had warned me of? I swiped the screen to answer the call, but even though I held the phone to my ear, I couldn’t speak. My throat was clogged with three months of emotions but I didn’t know where to start. For one, tears pricked my eyes and damned if I would let her know how emotional she made me.
“Lucas?” came the small familiar voice I missed. “Lucas, I know you’re there. Will you please answer?”
My heavy breathing must have given me away. I felt like I was hyperventilating, like there was not enough air in the cabin.
“Lucas, I need you,” she continued on a sob. “I can’t do it alone. Please, will you come to Pagosa Springs?”
She hung up when I didn’t respond. I wondered what was in Pagosa Springs for me? Was I too late and a baby already awaited me there?
We landed sooner than I was prepared for. I thanked the pilot and retrieved the rental car waiting for me. I should have made for the hotel but that was stalling so I drove pointedly towards her home, my heart pounding harder the closer I got. I parked in the driveway of the familiar house then glanced at the time at the dashboard of the car. Six-ten in the evening. A car I didn’t recognize was parked in the driveway. I pulled up behind it and switched off the ignition.
Before I could change my mind, I climbed the steps of the porch and knocked on the door. I shuffled from one foot to the other, remembering the last time I’d been behind this door. The reason for the mess I was in.
The door opened and I frowned at Claire who had opened it. She was the last person I expected to see there. This was getting more bizarre by the minute. Debra’s father hated her mother. Why would she be there answering the door?
“Lucas?” she said questioningly. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m sure you know why I’m here,” I replied frostily. “I’m here to see your daughter.”
A sob tore from her and she covered her mouth with her hands. I was alarmed by her reaction.
“I-I’m sorry,” she apologized. “Debra isn’t here.”
“What do you mean she isn’t here? If this is a trick to get—”
“For God’s sake, Lucas, she’s at the hospital, fighting for her life and that of your child!” she shouted at me, tears streaming down her face. “And even in everything, all she ever cared about was you not knowing about the baby and thinking she did it spitefully to get her hands on your money. So if that’s what you came all the way here to do, then you can go back to Denver!”
“Wait a minute.” I frowned at her, not quite sure what she was saying. Her cries and words were all jumbled. “What do you mean, she’s fighting for her life and the baby?”
“Her pregnancy has been horrible, especially this last semester,” Claire sniffed. “She’s been in the hospital for two weeks since her seizure. They want t
o take the baby but she insists on them waiting. I don’t know what she’s waiting for.”
I leaned heavily against the doorjamb, trying to digest what she was saying. I fought through the haze of anger, bitterness, and hurt, resurfacing to Debra’s plea while I was in the air that she needed me. A fear for her wellbeing unlike anything I’d ever known gripped me.
Debra
I hung up the phone, the sound of Lucas’ breathing still harsh in my ears. I reigned in my emotions, doing my best not to get upset. Getting worked up was the last thing I needed. Not after what I’d been through the last couple of weeks. Being diagnosed with preeclampsia hadn’t been as easy to control as I’d thought.
My regular visits to the doctor for monitoring, quitting my job at Walmart, getting as much rest as possible—I’d thought it was working until I’d blacked out from a seizure two weeks ago. Thank God it had been mild and didn’t cause much damage. I’d not been discharged from the hospital since then.
Using my better judgment, I’d decided to call Lucas today, but although he’d accepted the call, he hadn’t said anything. I knew he was there, though. I knew it as much as I knew I had been wrong to keep my pregnancy from him. I had struggled through my third trimester, not financially but with my health. Even my parents, who had called a temporary truce so they could both be with me, were not enough and I knew I needed him.
I was running scared. The seizure had frightened me and now, I faced the possibility that I might not survive this pregnancy. The doctors who stopped by to check on me often never made my condition seem fatal. They were friendly and pleasant, but their fetal monitoring and their insistence that they would take the baby preterm was all the information I needed.
So far, I’d been stubborn, wanting to achieve as many weeks as possible. I knew the chance of my baby surviving preterm labor at this stage of thirty-five weeks was very high. The doctor had explained that to me but I’d insisted. I couldn’t explain it enough for anyone to understand. My mother had pleaded with me to allow the doctors to take the baby. My dad had too. Both had stood as a united front, thinking they could persuade me to follow the doctor’s orders. I didn’t know how to explain to them I didn’t feel it was the right time for them to take the baby.