by Bella Grant
I turned back to Kevin whose reaction made me think he had been way too involved with Rozanne.
“Whatever the hell happened between you two anyway?” I asked him. “Why is she back to following me around and trying to get back into my bed?”
“Ask her that, don’t ask me,” he mumbled and got to his feet, grabbing his books from the table. “I’ve got to go. Catch you later.”
He was gone before I could ask him to elaborate. Whatever was the matter between them, Rozanne was his problem and I didn’t want her back in my life to wreak more havoc.
I returned to my studies, wishing I had enough time to talk with Debra when she finished her exam, but I had mine from four to six. The last thing I wanted to do was to have another failed course to re-sit. I intended for this summer course to be the very last that I would do to graduate.
At three, I took a break from going over the material and texted Debra. I hadn’t seen her since the day I’d given her the letter from the bank but we maintained a texting relationship which was better than nothing. Previously, she would have ignored my messages, but she texted back, making me more confident and relaxed about us.
Hey, how was your exam?
I didn’t get an immediate response from her and left the library to get prepared for my exam. In my dorm room, I gathered the items I needed, ensuring I slipped my ID in my pocket as without it, I wouldn’t be permitted into the exam room. I was about to leave to walk over to the exam room when she replied.
It was good. Pretty sure I aced it.
I grinned at her cockiness. She was always positive she aced her exams, which I didn’t doubt for one minute. She was sharp, studious, and interested in what she was doing. Those three factors were a winning combination for her. I was impressed at her aptitude for academics and very proud of her achievements. I knew I’d done the right thing for her, getting her out of that bond.
Smarty pants, I’m sure you did too. Can I come over and see you after my exam? I sent to her.
Her response this time was quick. How about tomorrow? Been studying real hard and want to have an early night.
Although I was disappointed, I supposed waiting one more day couldn’t hurt. Okay. I’ll take you out for breakfast tomorrow at eight.
“Sounds fine. Good luck on your exam.”
I glanced at the time and realized if I didn’t make a mad dash, I would be late. Getting in a queue and filing into the exam room in of itself took several minutes.
Quickly, I sent her a thank you with a heart emoticon and hurried over to the exam room. Now wasn’t the time to think about her not repeating what I’d heard the other day, that she loved me too. Almost as if I had heard wrong but I hadn’t. The words I love you too, Lucas had come out her mouth and I wanted her to say it again and again but she never did.
We would talk about it tomorrow but right now, I had an exam to do on Ecology and Sustainability and I couldn’t be distracted.
Two hours later, I walked out the exam room with mixed feelings. I preferred not discussing exams with other students afterwards, so headed back to my dorm room to get away from the chattering of the others over what answer they came up with for a particular question. Nothing was worse about an exam but having anxiety after doing it, as if worrying about it would change what was already written on the paper.
“Hey, Lucas, how was the exam?”
I groaned at the sound of Rozanne’s voice and lengthened my strides. Maybe if I ignored her, she would go away. She didn’t. She ran after me until she was in front me, blocking my path and walking backway.
“I just want to—ah!”
I wished I could have let her fall but I didn’t have the heart. Walking backway as she was doing, she stumbled over the uneven ground and would have fallen if I hadn’t reacted quickly and grabbed her about the waist. Her hands wrapped around my biceps as I steadied her on her feet. She smiled flirtatiously at me and squeezed my bulging biceps.
I let her go as if I was burnt. “What must I do for you to leave me be, Rozanne?” I demanded in frustration. “Why have you been following me around?”
“Well, you’re being rude.” She stuck out her bottom lip. “If you’re not kind to me, I won’t share my little secret with you.”
“I don’t have time for your foolishness.” I brushed by her and continued on my way.
“It’s about your girlfriend. Debra, her name is, isn’t it?”
That stopped me in my tracks and I spun towards her, not able to read her features to figure out if this was another tactic of hers to gain my attention.
“You leave Debra alone, Rozanne, or I swear to God—”
“What the hell is special about her anyway?” she cried. “It’s not that she’s prettier than I, and she sure as hell doesn’t have the money.”
“For one, she has class,” I answered. “Something you know nothing about. Not to mention she is honest and smart.”
Rozanne threw her head back and laughed. “My, my, are you in for the surprise of your life. Take a good look at your girlfriend, Lucas. She has nothing. She’s using you to get what she can out of you. She’s no better than the rest of us. But you’re right about one thing. She is far smarter than any of us other girls you’ve dated. So far, she’s going to get the most out of you.”
“I don’t have time for this.”
“Something tells me you’re going to need a whole lot of time in the future,” she said to my departing back. “After all, being a father is very time consuming.”
Once more, her words stopped me from walking away like I wanted to do. When I turned to demand an explanation, she had started to saunter off. I changed course and tackled her, taking hold of her by the shoulders, spinning her around to face me. I was fuming.
“I don’t know what the hell you’re trying to say,” I ground out through clenched teeth. “But if you’re pregnant, you and I both know there’s no way that kid is mine.”
She rolled her eyes at me. “I wish I was the one pregnant for you. I would be raking in money from you for years to come. Unfortunately, Debra is the one carrying your child. At least, I assume it’s yours.”
“Don’t be foolish. Debra’s not pregnant.”
“Hmm, how would you know? I’ve been trailing her since I saw her in the bathroom over a week ago talking to you. The oversized shirt, the unbuttoned pants. That girl looks like she’s several months pregnant, Lucas.”
Alarm gripped me as Debra’s appearance the last time I encountered her flashed through my mind. Of late, she always wore oversized Ts. Hadn’t I thought she had put on weight? Plus, she’d suddenly drawn back and declared us on a break for no apparent reason.
“You don’t have to believe me,” Rozanne announced slyly. “Go to her and ask her. Better yet, ask her to remove her shirt.”
“That can’t be,” I said in alarm. “She can’t be pregnant. She would have told me.”
“Don’t be stupid, Lucas.” She looked at me with disgust. “It’s almost comical how you’ve suspected every girl you’ve been with of wanting a relationship with you for your money. You never had sex with me without a condom, even when I told you I was on the pill. You’re smart enough to put two and two together. She’s not going to tell you and have you convince her to abort the child. She’s going to wait until she’s too far gone and an abortion is out of the question. Then you’ll be saddled paying child support through your teeth.”
She pulled away from me and flounced away, leaving her accusations in my ears. I felt cold inside, dead, my heart tripping over itself, the way it was beating hard. Debra was good and honest. She’d been innocent.
Then why was she pregnant? She’d assured me both times we had unprotected sex she would take the emergency contraceptive pills and although it wasn’t foolproof, it was too much of a coincidence that she ended up pregnant. Had I been right all along?
Like the hounds of hell were at my feet, I ran toward her dorm. I didn’t care if she was exhausted and sleeping. I wanted answers and I wan
ted them now. Not tomorrow. If the conniving little witch had tricked me and was pregnant, I’d… I didn’t know what I would do, but no way I would allow her to carry that child. I didn’t want a child born out of deception and greed.
I almost knocked over a few girls along the corridor of her hall and with a mumbled apology, I continued, not stopping until I was at her door—the door I’d come to so many times and had been turned away. Her roommate had to know. They both had to be in on it.
I pounded on the door. “Debra! Debra!”
Her roommate opened the door as I expected. She cracked the door and observed me nervously.
“Hello, umm… Debra isn’t it at the moment.”
She wasn’t in? She’d told me she was having an early night.
“I’m done with the pitiful excuses!” I snapped and pushed the door open, forcing myself into the room.
“You can’t come in here!” the roommate argued.
“Watch me.” Ignoring her, I looked to Debra’s bed but she wasn’t on it. “Where is she? Hiding in the bathroom?”
“No, I told she’s out.”
“Then you’ll have no problem with me checking that out for myself.”
“No, you’ve got to leave! Now! Or I’ll report you.”
“Go right ahead, sweetheart,” I told her, stalking to the bathroom. “I’m not leaving without talking to Debra, even if I have to stick around here all night!”
The bathroom was empty. I had hoped she was hiding there so I could get this over with quickly. I almost shut the door before something struck me as odd. I’d been in this bathroom before and there was a difference. Debra’s toiletries were all gone.
I returned to the bedroom and checked her bed. It was stripped except for a fitted sheet, as the students did before they left for summer. Her work station was empty, and her computer gone.
“Lucas, please!”
I shook off the hand the roommate placed on my shoulder and went to Debra’s closet. Empty. Not a sign she had ever been here. Rozanne was right. Debra had lied to me. She’d deliberately refrained from taking the pills and now she was pregnant with my baby. A baby she would use to get as much out of me as she could.
I did the calculations. She had to have conceived back in December. It couldn’t be the second time we’d had sex or she wouldn’t have started showing so early. That meant she was five months pregnant.
My heart sank further. She was too far gone to have an abortion now. I would be saddled with a kid I didn’t want and live with the regret of ever falling for her.
Debra
I waved good night to my supervisor and walked out of Walmart, clutching the medication to my chest. My face fell as soon as I walked through the sliding doors and located my car—not the brand-new Chevy Lucas had bought for me but a second-hand, earlier, and cheaper model. I’d sold the car and pocketed most of the money to buy the items I’d need for the baby but bought a cheaper car so I could still get around. Slowly, I was getting things done. At least I was before this.
As I entered the car, I placed the paper bag with the prescription I had filled before the pharmacy closed on the passenger seat. I was exhausted from working a twelve-hour shift today, and my legs hurt and were more swollen than when I left home this morning. I probably should quit this job, but I’d counted it a blessing I’d gotten a summer job as soon as I returned to Pagosa Springs. The money I got for the car wouldn’t last forever and getting the baby items were expensive. My father had offered me money to help before I sold the car but I’d turned him down. This wasn’t his problem. He’d insisted on making the baby furniture, though, which I’d consented to.
I rested my head forward onto the steering wheel and the tears leaked from my closed eyes as sobs racked my body. I had never felt so alone in all my life, and I was scared. I’d not given much thought to raising this baby on my own. I would do it, though. Any hope of reconciliation between Lucas and me were dashed since I hadn’t heard from him for two weeks. I suspected he’d discovered I had tricked him into believing I was still on campus when I’d been in Pagosa Springs.
At first, I’d hoped that he would come after me. One last act to show me the extent to which he loved me and I would have told him this time. But he hadn’t shown, hadn’t texted me, and that was that.
I had a difficult time accepting we were finished, although it was my fault. I should have told him about the baby. Now, I had to face every worry of this pregnancy on my own. I didn’t want to share my fears with my father and get him worried and upset, but I was terrified at what I’d discovered at my last prenatal check-up. The doctor’s words haunted me.
“Miss Hoskins, we’ve a little hiccup with your pregnancy and need to proceed with much caution,” Dr. Howard had said gently. “We’ve diagnosed you with preeclampsia and right now, it’s threatening to be severe. We have to monitor you closely to ensure it doesn’t develop into eclampsia which can be life threatening.”
I was just having a baby, I’d thought. Women had babies every single day. Why was I told having this baby might be life threatening?
“The symptoms you told me about are related to severe preeclampsia,” Dr. Howard had continued, sensing my unasked questions. “The headaches, blurred vision, fatigue, and you also complained you were experiencing abdominal pains the last few days. We will continue your blood pressure medication and we need to assess your diet to include more protein. I would like to see you back in the next two weeks to assess your blood pressure.”
And even though they were scary, I was able to live with the increased visits, the change in the diet, and the pills I had to pop in my mouth every day. Until he’d made his last statement.
“If you have swelling in your face, your hands, difficulty urinating, or upper abdominal pain, call me immediately. While I don’t want to overly alarm you, eclampsia—which we are trying to prevent in this case—is a serious condition. If-if it reaches that state, you may want to consider your option of an early delivery. But taking the baby at this time, which is ultimately up to you, might result in the baby not surviving. Nothing cures eclampsia except for the delivery of a baby.”
My sobs grew louder, wracking my entire body until I was too exhausted to cry anymore. I leaned heavily against the steering wheel. My life or my baby’s. How could I choose? This baby had changed my body and my life, and I loved him so much already. I was too attached to not give him the time he needed to survive. But the threat of being in a coma from continuing a pregnancy with eclampsia scared me.
I gasped at a flutter in my tummy. Whoa—was that what I thought it was? Oh, my God. My tears gave way to a laugh of surprise. My baby was moving. I had never felt the movements before and the doctor had told me it was normal for a first-time mother to not feel movements until later in the pregnancy.
I placed my hand over the section of my tummy where I felt the ripple, amazed at the life growing inside me. I needed nothing else to reassure me. Despite the threat of a hard pregnancy, I would do what the doctor said. I would eat right and take those pills. I’d ensure I drank the recommended eight glasses a day. Anything to have this baby. This baby was the last piece of the love I’d shared with Lucas, and I’d cling to it until the end.
Feeling strengthened, I wiped my face and blew my nose with the napkins I stored in the glove compartment of the car and drove home. My dad was still up, watching wrestling in the living room. I knew he was waiting for me to get home which made me smile.
“Hi, Dad,” I called to him.
“Good, you’re home. How are you feeling?” he asked on a frown. “You look a little pale, Debra.”
“I’m fine. Just starving.”
“Spaghetti and meatballs are in the oven.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
I’d been craving pasta sauce and found myself eating it on everything. I appreciated he’d taken the time out to cook something he knew I’d want.
I was digging into the meal and a bottle of water when Dad walked into the kitchen
, retrieving a beer from the fridge. When he stood there, drinking from the bottle and observing me, I knew what he wanted to say.
“Please, Dad, don’t start again,” I begged him. Almost every day, he tried to persuade me to tell Lucas about the baby and every day, I gave him the response that I couldn’t.
“That boy deserves to know he’s going to be a father,” he said anyway. “This is a tough business, Debra, trying to raise a baby on your own. If you didn’t have that car to sell, what would you have done? Have you thought about finishing your degree? How will you do that and take care of a baby?”
“Seriously, Dad, I can’t think about that right now.”
“Then when are you going to think about it?” he demanded. “I’m not sure if it’s sinking in, the enormity of this task, raising a baby as a single parent. That’s a choice you don’t have to make. Lucas can afford to take care of this baby. At least let him support you financially.”
“I can’t do that!”
“Why not?”
“Because he shouldn’t have to pay child support for my mistake! I was the one who messed up with the pills, not him.”
“Debra…”
“No, Dad, please. All I’m concerned about right now is having the least amount of stress and that this pregnancy doesn’t get more complicated than it already is.”
“What do you mean, complicated?” he asked in concern. “Is something wrong?”
I got up from the table and went over to the sink to wash up my plate. My feet ached and I wanted nothing more than to go to bed, but I had to take a shower first.
“It’s nothing I can’t handle,” I responded.
He started angrily out of the kitchen and turned to regard me. “I don’t like this, Debra. I don’t like it at all. You have people who care about you and you push them away. I know it’s also my fault, for making you guard yourself against people because I did it after your mom left, but it’s not healthy. You don’t want to end up like me—old, cranky and alone.”
“Mom, what are you doing here?”