A Dead Man's Travail

by Susana Pagano

  8

  I’m a stylist by profession and cooking is my passion. Sort of rhymes, doesn’t it? I started hair dressing when I was quite young. I always used to like watching my Mamá brushing her black hair in the evening and making it into big, thick plaits. She had hair as black as coal and incredibly soft, like silk. She never had daughters and I was the only off spring, so when I was little she put me into the cutest dresses made of organza and lace and all that. She’d dress me up in the most amazing wigs with golden curls and super sophisticated hair styles. They were lovely times, they were. Sometimes we’d play hairdressers and ever since then, I wanted to have my own beauty salon and create flamboyant hair styles and cut hair in the latest fashion. We actually had to play in secret because one day my father found us (well, he was really step father number three). He was furious and gave us such a hiding. He spanked me so hard my bottom was really, really red and he flattened my poor mother’s nose with his bare fist. He said he didn’t want anyone acting like a faggot in his house and if it happened again, we could wave goodbye to him and his money and his house and his car and everything else. So after that, we were super careful in case he made good on his threat and we ended up in the street. Anyway, we just loved playing English princesses – my Mamá was going to marry the Prince of Wales and me some count or duke or something, with heaps of money to buy me lots of dresses like Cinderella. Years later Mamá said the games had to stop, and I had to stop dreaming too and find me a real man, not some prince charming from a fairy tale. So that put an end to the games, but my gayness didn’t go away.

  9

  You had to lean right over the edge to be able to see the bottom of the well. Lolo was a bit scared, just a little bit. When you’re twelve you’re already a man and men are never afraid, even if they are about to die. But the well was so deep and black that you could hardly see the bottom – and that was the scary part. It wasn’t so much the falling in, it was that you’d never ever get out.

  ⎯ Stop leaning over into the well, Aunt Graciana would say ⎯ Don’t you know the spirits of the dead revolutionaries live in there? Gloria, you’re little and you’ll fall right to the bottom and you know what will happen? The spirits will eat you alive and all that’ll be left will be your little bones. Is that what you want? No, of course not. Come on then, you little devil, stay out of mischief.

  But the three of them weren’t going to pay any attention to their elders. Who pays attention to their elders? No one does. They don’t understand how exciting it is when you do things that you’re not supposed to do, things that are forbidden or dangerous. They kept on dropping pebbles into the well and waiting for a while until they heard ... plop... plop... plop.

  ⎯ Did you hear that, Francisco? It sounded like wings. There must be bats, said Lolo to his cousin, straining hard to hear.

  ⎯ No it isn’t, it’s the spirits ⎯ we’ve scared them!

  ⎯ Those things scare me, said Gloria.

  ⎯ What things?

  ⎯ You know, the spirits.

  ⎯ Spirits aren’t things, they’re souls that are still here and haven’t gone to hell yet, said Lolo scornfully as if she were a slow learner.

  ⎯ That’s even worse.

  ⎯ Or to heaven.

  ⎯ Ay, Francisco, heaven doesn’t exist, just hell.

  ⎯ You reckon?

  Up there about three kilometres from the well and the ranch is the ghost pueblo. You have to go up a very steep dirt road and, amongst the dry scrub and spindly trees, you’ll find a lot of walls that look like they’ve been made for no particular reason. The buildings have no roofs and there is what looks like might have been a church years and years ago, before the Revolution – and that was centuries ago - it might not have been a church though.

  ⎯ When was the Revolution, Mamá? Asked Lolo.

  ⎯ Uy, my son, it was ages and ages ago, way before you were born, imagine that.

  ⎯ Why was it so long ago?

  ⎯ I don’t know, perhaps they felt like building it then and not now. When I was born, that’s when the revolution began, the exact same day, imagine that; and it’s when the dead began to dance. Those were very difficult times, they were times of pain and blood and revenge. Revenge is not good, Lolo, remember that. You shouldn’t try to get revenge on others no matter how much you hate them, because it has a habit of coming back to bite you and that’s when tragedies happen.

  ⎯ Was the Revolution about revenge, Mamá?

  ⎯ Maybe, maybe not, I don’t understand politics, all I know is that these ones thought this way and, bang, they started to kill people; and then the others didn’t like that and, wham, they began to shoot with canons and rifles and to kill good people from trees. It was terrible.

  ⎯ I wish I had been in the Revolution.

  ⎯ Why are you talking such nonsense?

  ⎯ It must have been exciting.

  ⎯ I really don’t think so. How would you like to see your sisters raped or your family smashed to pieces with the butt of a rifle?

  ⎯ No, of course not. But I would have liked to have been like that Pancho Villa.

  ⎯ Don’t say that, Lolo. Pancho Villa was the devil himself.

  ⎯ Well, that’s why.

  Francisco, Lolo and Gloria used to play revolution. Gloria was Adelita, Francisco was Zapata and Lolo, Pancho Villa. They’d go all round the pueblo armed to the teeth with broom sticks, pitch forks, frying pans and drink bottles, killing everyone and hanging the traitors; and if Adelita went off with someone else, they would follow her over land and sea. The best place to play revolution was at the ghost pueblo because there they could fight with the spirits of the revolutionaries. They’d find them hiding behind a post, in a ditch that belonged to the foundations of a big old house or up a tree. They’d find lots of them in the church because the spirits thought they’d be safe there, but they hadn’t reckoned with the astute revolutionaries. Adelita prepared lunch with leaves and twigs to which she added slices of cactus and sometimes a little pitaya juice. The ring leaders rest in the shade of a rickety old tree and have their lunch.

  ⎯ It’s not got enough chile; it’s not sharp enough, Adelita, says Emiliano.

  ⎯ I can put some cactus prickles in it, if you want, so it will really be sharp.

  ⎯ Don’t be stupid, Adelita. You should have brought some of those chiles from where we killed those people at the hacienda, says Pancho.

  ⎯ I didn’t think of that.

  ⎯ Let’s kill Adelita for being so dumb, said Emiliano.

  ⎯ Heck, no, Emiliano! Who’s going to cook for the revolutionaries - that’s you and me?

  ⎯ Yeah, that’s true.

  The truth was that used to have a great time getting up to the most outrageous mischief in the ghost pueblo and they never really saw any ghosts, but they still called it the ghost pueblo. They’d play for hours at killing people and throwing them into the well; but best of all was when it snowed. Yes, it did snow in that particular pueblo because it was way up North in the hills near San Luis Potosi. The snow storms were incredible sometimes and the three kids would throw snow balls mixed with mud at each other. Sometimes they really hurt, but it was worth it because it was so much fun. When they got back home dripping from head to toe, Doña Graciana, Francisco’s Mamá, would be hopping mad.

  ⎯ Good grief, just look at the mess you’re in, you little brats. My sister will kill me when she sees you. What the devil have you been doing? I’m gonna have to punish you, just you wait and see.

  But she never did. And after a while she’d forget she was cross and even that they’d been up to mischief. Carlota on the other hand was much stricter. She wasn’t one to beat around the bush and would grab the three of them, her own two and her nephew, and give them a hiding. But even the hidings didn’t make much difference, and they kept of misbehaving, particularly Lolo, who loved poking his nose into things that weren’t his business and finding naughty things to do.

  ⎯ Hey, let’s play statues
. Whoever moves has to swim in the lake with no clothes on.

  ⎯ But it’s really cold, Lolo, says Gloria.

  ⎯ That’s the whole point, otherwise it wouldn’t be fun.

  ⎯ I don’t think it’s funny, says Francisco.

  ⎯ Do be a poofta, they’re gonna think you’re a girl if you don’t.

  ⎯ I’m a girl, says Gloria.

  ⎯ A tom boy, more like it.

  Gloria always lost and had to submerge her thin body in the freezing waters of the lake. She got pneumonia, laryngitis, bronchitis and all sorts of respiratory diseases. Lolo ended up getting twenty lashes with a stick and wasn’t allowed out at all for the rest of the holidays. Carlota gave her nephew a hiding too, but Graciana let him off the rest of the punishment - she was after all Francisco’s mother and could decide whether to punish him or not. It wasn’t the same for Francisco, though. What was he going to do if Gloria was sick and Lolo wasn’t allowed out?

  The next year, they got up to their old tricks, and the next year and the next, and who knows how many more times, because they’d have both Winter and Summer holidays. It was during one of those holidays that Lolo met Remigia Santos.

  10

  My daughter, Ernestina, was born on a very rainy day with thunder and lightning, just like in a horror movie. It was one of those times that you felt as if the house was going to fall down it was raining so hard. I began to feel the birth pains late at night. My husband, Francisco, was doing the cantinas with his friend, Lolo Manón, as usual. I was by myself and feeling awful. When I realised it was time, I called Natalia and we grabbed a taxi to go to the hospital, which was only a couple of blocks away. The stupid taxi driver thought I was gonna have the kid in his cab and didn’t want to take me.

  ⎯ It’s very close by, I told him, don’t be an idiot, just hurry up because, if you don’t, I’m gonna give birth in the back of this heap of old scrap.

  We arrived at the hospital and they wouldn’t admit me because I hadn’t made an appointment with the doctor and he wasn’t in at the time.

  ⎯ Well, call him right now. We haven’t got time to dither, I said.

  ⎯ We can’t, señora. You weren’t booked in to have your baby at this hospital and we can’t treat you.

  ⎯ Since when do babies book a time to be born? Listen, Señorita, you see the size of my belly? Well, I have a bad temper to match, and with these birth pains I don’t feel like having a conversation with you right now. Just take me to the delivery room or you’ll have a delivery right here.

  ⎯ This is obviously your first baby and you’re very nervous. Go home and when the doctor arrives, I ask him to call you.

  ⎯ Do you think my baby is going to hang around by the phone waiting for the doctor to call?

  ⎯ Calm down, Florencia, let’s sit down in the waiting room for a bit and I’ll go look for the doctor.

  ⎯ Why don’t you go and have a cup of tea and some cookies while you are at it? This damned baby is on its way and, if no one is gonna come and help me deliver it, he ain’t gonna ask permission to split me in two.

  ⎯ It’s alright, Señora, I’m going to take you to the delivery room, but if the doctor doesn’t get here in time, don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.

  ⎯ What sort of a dump is this? Surely there must be a doctor on duty for emergencies?

  ⎯ In a public hospital? Are you kidding?

  ⎯ Oh sure, I’m about to give birth, the pain is like fucking daggers in my belly and you think I’m being funny? Are you gonna take me into the delivery room or not?

  ⎯ I told you that I was.

  ⎯ Well, hurry up then.

  And then she takes me into the delivery room. She doesn’t get anything ready or give me a pill, or anything. She just chucked me a gown that didn’t cover even half my belly and we walked to the delivery room. The bitch didn’t have the decency to get a stretcher or even a friggin’ wheelchair. I don’t know how I managed to walk. When we got to the door, the nurse told Natalia to go home ‘cause she had no fish to fry there.

  ⎯ Hang on a minute, I says furious, are you gonna stay here with me while I scream and sweat like in the movies? No, I didn’t think so. Well, Natalia is staying right here ‘cause, if I’m gonna die, I want someone here at least to hold my hand.

  ⎯ No one else can come in except trained staff.

  ⎯ Trained to do what? To say, “Have a nice trip”? No sweetheart, Natalia is staying right here or else there will be hell to play.

  ⎯ Do what you want, then.

  ⎯ I will too.

  Wouldn’t you have been in a state too? You can’t imagine what it feels like to be close to death and not have anyone to be there for you. I thought I was gonna croak. I just wanted to curl up and die so the terrible belly ache would go away. My God, having kids isn’t, like, bring it on! It’s horrible and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Eventually Natalia managed to get hold of the damned doctor and in the meantime I was yelling and screaming. The doctor arrived five hours later and I was still yelling.

  ⎯ You’re only 3 cms dilated and there’s no way your baby can be born right now. Go home, Señora, you’re still a long way off. Have a bath and don’t do anything energetic or you’ll frighten the baby.

  ⎯ You’re gonna be the one to get frightened if you don’t get this thing out of me now. Cut me open, do whatever you want, I can’t stand this fucking pain any more.

  ⎯ Watch your language, Señora. This is a respectable hospital.

  ⎯ Stop fucking around and just get on with it.

  ⎯ Please, please, Doctor, my prima can’t wait a minute longer. She’s been in labour for hours, she can’t not be ready yet.

  ⎯ Señora, I know what I’m doing. Your prima isn’t ready to give birth, she just making a fuss.

  ⎯ If you know what you’re doing, then I’m the Virgin Mary. You are a piece of shit and wouldn’t even know how to deliver a turd.

  Natalia managed to find Lolo and Francisco. But my husband was so plastered that Lolo had to leave him at home, which is probably a good thing, ‘cause the poor man is an idiot. Anyway, to cut a lot story short, when Lolo arrived he was even madder than I was.

  You could hear the shouting outside the delivery room and a sort of thumping noise, and then Lolo stormed in shouting and swearing like a trooper.

  ⎯ What the hell is going on with my prima?

  ⎯ The doctor says Florencia isn’t ready to have the baby.

  ⎯ And what do you know, eh? How many times have you had a baby? If my prima says the baby’s coming, it means it’s coming and that’s it. Stop messing around and help her instead of talking nonsense.