Natasha's Hope

by Heather Greenis

  Although honoured by the invitation, after living at the orphanage, she couldn’t imagine a life without the children. Adam would not be happy living under such a formal regime. He was proud of his position as a fourth generation owner of the facility they lived in.

  “I appreciate the offer, but I must refuse. I shall visit Anna once her life returns to normal,” Hope informed her uncle.

  “You are your mother’s daughter,” Joshua remarked with pride. He turned his attention to her father. “I’d be honoured to welcome you and Izabella to our home.”

  Her father looked at her and then turned his attention back to his brother-in-law. “It’s possible your offer would have been enticing in Hope’s youth. I would have stood proudly as Natasha’s husband, but I cherish my life within this home. I’m also humbled by your offer, but decline the invitation.”

  Joshua smiled and nodded. “It would please me if you would agree to join our family monthly to dine. As I recall, Sundays are dedicated to the Donovan and Venderkemp families. Perhaps we could arrange another day. Mother, Marcus, and I would appreciate seeing more of your family.”

  “That would be lovely. I shall be waiting to confirm a day and time,” Hope responded.

  Once Joshua’s carriage was out of view, Stewart and Hope returned indoors to relay the conversation with Joshua to Adam and Izabella.

  Chapter Seven

  Shortly after Alex’s third birthday, Hope woke, placed her shawl over her nightgown and went downstairs. She entered the kitchen, planning to prepare breakfast. The aroma of cooking food turned her stomach. I’m going to be sick. She ran into the private parlour and opened the window. Chilled by the morning air, she pulled her shawl over her shoulders and attempted to breathe. Adam rushed into the room and ran to her side.

  “Are you ill?

  “I was fine when I woke. The cooking smells nauseated me. I’m feeling better now.”

  Hope re-entered the kitchen and managed to prepare Alex’s breakfast, but couldn’t remain in the room while the family ate.

  That evening, dressed for bed, Hope was sitting on the chair, deep in thought when Adam entered their bedroom.

  “I fear I’m with child. I recall this nausea when I was carrying Alex.”

  “I admit the possibility has entered my mind. I shall take you to see Doc Leo tomorrow.”

  Hope didn’t sleep, and neither did Adam. He rolled and tossed throughout the night. Once the children were fed and settled in the study room the next morning, Adam hitched the horses and escorted Hope to the buggy. The horses were set in motion.

  “Doc will confirm my suspicions.”

  “Doc would support your decision to terminate. God has given us a beautiful, healthy son. We don’t need a larger family.”

  Hope couldn’t bring herself to respond. She placed her hands on her stomach. Adam’s child was growing inside her. She wanted this baby.

  Hope left the examining room with a slight smile on her face. Adam grimaced at her expression and hunched his shoulders. He followed her into the office and waited until Doc Leo took a seat at his desk.

  “Hope is with child. If you wish to proceed with this pregnancy, I insist upon strict bed rest.”

  “I carried Alex successfully.”

  “Strict bed rest. No exceptions.”

  Hope placed her hands over her eyes, dreading the six months that would follow. I wish I had come alone. I want this child but dread those long days, weeks, and months as this child grows in my womb. Now, Adam will insist upon bed rest. Removing her hands, she looked at her doctor.

  “We require help, some suggestions to avoid becoming pregnant in the future. I enjoy being a wife to Adam, but can’t spend the remainder of my child-bearing years confined to a bed.”

  Doc Leo informed them of a product that had been available for a number of years, but was not widely known. He promised to investigate it.

  Adam did not utter a sound the entire ride home. Reaching the orphanage, he assisted her from the buggy, and lifted her into his arms.

  “Adam!”

  He didn’t respond, but carried her into their home and up to their room. With pillows supporting her back, he sat beside her on the bed.

  “We were both raised without siblings, and we planned a large family,” she reminded him. “In my heart, I believe God is allowing me, us, another child. I wish Alex to have the sibling we didn’t have.”

  “I beg of you, reconsider this. I fear I’ll lose you. Consider your father. Consider our son. Don’t force Alex to grow up without his momma.”

  “That will not happen,” she stated with conviction. “I cannot bring myself to terminate a child we created.” Leaning toward Adam, she kissed his cheek. “Alex shall become a big brother.”

  “You’re a stubborn woman,” he grumbled. “Why do I love you?”

  Grinning, Hope reached for his hand and placed it on her stomach. “Poppa loves us. Poppa loves you, Alex, and Momma.”

  * * *

  Leading his grandson from the medical area toward his sitting room to read a story, he heard voices coming from the master bedroom. Stewart stepped into the room.

  “Shall I inform Izabella I am to be a papa to another?” he asked.

  “Strict bed rest shall be enforced,” Adam responded, looking toward him. “I will require assistance with Alex.”

  “We shall be delighted to assist with this young man.”

  Stewart released Alex’s hand and watched the little guy run to his parents.

  Once Stewart returned from walking Alex, he climbed onto the buggy beside Izabella and left to visit family. Pleased to find Willard and Eliza visiting Vicki and her children, they enjoyed a long visit. His parents returned home. Leaving Vicki and Izabella visiting, Stewart lifted Alex onto the buggy and took the seat beside him. They rode off to visit Marcus and Joshua.

  * * *

  Stewart’s days were busy. While in Hope’s company, he reviewed Greg’s notes regarding the current project, and designed blueprints. Hope enjoyed seeing the sketches. His parents and Adam’s parents arrived once a week to visit, as did Nanny. Vicki arrived three times a week to assist Izabella with the bookkeeping duties. Matthew, a perfect big cousin, entertained Alex while Tessa played with the little girls. It warmed Stewart’s heart to see the children together.

  * * *

  Stewart led Joshua and Marcus up the private staircase to his daughter’s bedroom. Joshua stopped in the doorway at the sight of her. Five months into her pregnancy, Hope could rest her novel against her enlarged belly.

  “I’m not certain what Adam and Poppa are putting in my food, but it seems to be expanding my stomach,” she teased.

  Marcus continued into the room, greeted Izabella, and kissed Hope’s cheek. Joshua settled himself on one chair and Uncle Marcus on the other. Izabella joined Stewart at the doorway.

  “You’re glowing Hope, as did Natasha while she was carrying you.” The smile disappeared from Joshua’s face. “It would please me to say we arrived to visit, but we have come with regretful news. Mother, your grandmother passed through the night, peacefully in her sleep.”

  Hope’s eyes filled with tears, but Stewart could not feel a trace of remorse. Izabella’s hand slid onto his, but he never moved. Marcus jumped from his seat and sat on the edge of the bed to comfort his niece. Stewart couldn’t lift his gaze from the floor. Memories of his life with Natasha and the words in her diary flooded his mind. He wished for the ability to console his daughter, but he required time to himself. He pulled his hand from Izabella’s, the movement far more harsh than he intended.

  “Stewart. Allow me to support you,” she begged.

  “I require time to collect my thoughts,” he responded solemnly. “Do not feel the need to rush your visit,” he said to the men. “I fear I must leave in haste.”

  Stewart left his daughter’s bedroom and went into his sitting room. Numb, he had met this woman, conversed with her. She had a face—emotions. She had expressed remorse for the
pain she caused his family, yet it came too late. Hope was in tears, mourning the loss of a woman she knew as her grandmother. A woman that loved her. Working his way toward his chair, he removed the picture of Natasha holding their baby girl from the wall and held it against his chest. His lungs tightened. “I can’t breathe. I need air.” Stewart rushed down the private staircase and out the door with the picture in his hand. The children were playing outside. Not wanting to see Tom or any of the volunteers, he darted toward the barn, jumped bareback onto his horse, and left the property.

  A half hour later, the journey to the cemetery was nothing but a blur. He dismounted at the cemetery gate, thankful there weren’t any other mourners in sight. Leaving the horse by the gate, he walked to the family plot and knelt down by his wife’s gravestone. Looking at the picture of Natasha and baby Hope, his eyes filled with tears. Dropping to his knees, he sobbed, uncontrollably. He wasn’t grieving her mother’s death, but the impact her family had on his life with Hope. Would Natasha have lived in fear until the day of her father’s death? Would she have forgiven her mother? Natasha’s hopes and dreams had been for a normal life, something she never had the opportunity to enjoy, but her daughter did. Natasha’s hope for their daughter and him to live a normal life had come true. The orphanage she loved so dearly was their home. The children were cared for and loved. A warm sensation filled his heart simply thinking about it. Able to feel her presence, Natasha was with him—comforting him. He hadn’t cried as much since her death.

  Twenty minutes later he arranged the fresh flowers that were always on her grave and rode to visit Vicki, Matthew, and Tessa, to inform his sister of Anna’s death.

  An hour later, he borrowed a saddle, climbed onto the mare with his nephew sitting proudly in front of him, and turned the horse toward his parents’ home for a visit and an update.

  After a visit that included sweets, Stewart and Matthew headed to the current job site. Matt’s eyes lit up the moment the crew came into view. Stewart jumped down and assisted his nephew off the horse. After speaking with Greg, Stewart and Matthew walked around and inspected the progress.

  It was soon apparent Matt had an acute attention to detail. Will you follow in your poppa’s footsteps and join our company as a contractor once you finish your education? He began explaining the process of construction that was going on around them.

  With the work day complete, Matthew joined Greg on the wagon, and Stewart rode home. Izabella was sitting on the rocking chair by the front entrance when he arrived.

  “I was concerned,” she admitted, rushing toward him. “You left hours ago, and Natasha’s picture was missing.”

  “My apologies.” He stepped off his horse. “There was no need for concern. After the cemetery, I visited Vicki, then Momma and Poppa, and took Matthew to the site. As much as I love Alex, I enjoy Matthew’s companionship.”

  “As he does yours, but you must allow me to assist with the burden you hold in your heart.”

  “I haven’t shed tears in some time, yet I did at the cemetery. Not over Anna’s death, but the consequences of Natasha’s death. The lifestyle Hope and I are privileged to have at her expense.”

  Stewart reached for Izabella’s hand and kissed it before leading her to the rocking chair. He related the events of the day after he left her.

  That evening, after visiting with Hope, Stewart entered their private quarters. Izabella rose from the sofa and followed him into their bedroom. Once attired in her bedclothing, she brushed her hair, crawled into bed, and rolled onto her side. Snuggling in behind her, Stewart placed his arm around her. After a few minutes, she rolled onto her back. Even in the dimly lit room, he could see the tears in her eyes.

  “Tell me if you are too tired, but I have a need to speak with you,” she whispered softly.

  “What is the cause of your distress, the tears?”

  “I have been inconsiderate and selfish regarding our relationship and fear I shall lose you.”

  Not understanding the comment, he remained silent.

  “If it is your wish,” she continued, “I would be proud and honoured to be Mrs. Stewart Donovan.”

  Excitement filled him. His first impulse was to roll on top of Izabella and kiss her. The kiss would lead to much, much more. A celebration. Shortly after breakfast, they would gather his parents, sister, and Izabella’s family. They would be married on the orphanage property with Hope, Adam, and Alex witnessing the joyous event. But then common sense interrupted his plan. What has caused this change of heart after all our years together? Nothing had changed since he first proposed to her. Izabella still held authority with her late husband’s business. Her reason for declining his proposal was based on the Herrmann business and her need to maintain authority there. To this day, her signature was required on legal documentation. Izabella’s name did not appear regularly on the schedule for the boutique, but she remained knowledgeable and up-to-date on the business activity. That would never change. There had been many occasions over the years he had mentioned marriage, but Izabella simply grinned and shook her head. They were both happy and content with their relationship the way it was. Something must have happened earlier in the day. She was concerned when he left, but that did not warrant a reason to marry. If we married, will she live with guilt, feeling she had betrayed Charles? I cannot have that.

  “I must question the reason for your decision. Until this moment, you have been adamant with your decision not to marry.”

  “Do you love me no longer?” she asked. A tear raced down her cheek.

  His heart broke. Reaching for her hand, he brought it to his face and kissed it.

  “My personal feelings remain unaltered, but I don’t understand your sudden, unexplained desire for marriage.”

  “I find myself filled with regret. A part of my heart will always belong to Charles as yours will remain with Natasha.” Izabella took a deep breath. “I fear losing you. A life without love is no life at all. I shall do anything in my power to make you happy. I will relinquish my authority within the Herman business if it will make you happy. It would please both you and Hope if we stood in front of the priest to profess our love and commitment to God.”

  Stewart heard her emotional struggle in her tone. She attempted to hide it in her expression, but he knew her too well.

  “It would be pleasing to our families if we were to wed, but I'm questioning your reasoning. I was disappointed when you did not allow me to make you my wife, but today, I’m content, and our families have accepted our relationship. I’m committed to you, and in my heart, we have been married for years. I apologize for upsetting you today, but I needed to be alone for a while. My heart is and always will be yours.”

  “In your heart, do you not wish to be wed?” she questioned.

  “Nay. My heart is content. Open your heart and talk to me.”

  “I felt insecure today. I have never experienced such emotions. I remember the day we saw Jane in the cafe while enjoying lunch. I was confident when you introduced your former friend. This sounds silly, but today, I felt threatened by your bond with Natasha. It terrified me. I admit, it sounds foolish. I’m equally connected to Charles. I regret stopping you from proposing. After reading the diary, I know your love for Natasha is as strong as my love for Charles. Knowing that, you still wished to marry me.”

  Izabella wiped the tears from her eyes.

  “I love you, Izabella.” He leaned toward her and kissed her. “It isn’t necessary to marry, nor is it necessary to relinquish your authority within the business. I am very content living as we are. I will remain in your life as long as you will have me.”

  Her lips curled into a smile. “Love me,” she pleaded.

  * * *

  After an enjoyable day sitting under a tree watching the children play, Hope was relaxing in bed, playing cards with Izabella when her father entered the room. Distraught, his forehead was creased and his lips pursed. He sat beside Izabella.

  “I’ve received a telegram
from Nanny’s sister,” he informed them. “Nanny is not well. Her sister suggests we leave in haste.”

  “I must go to her,” Hope exclaimed.

  “You will not leave these premises,” her father ordered. “No exceptions.”

  “I must see Nanny,” she begged.

  “Given your condition, she will fret if she sees you. I will not allow you to risk your life, or the life of this child.”

  Nanny could pass and she wouldn’t have the opportunity to say goodbye. To tell her friend how much she loved her. Tears raced down Hope’s cheeks.

  “I appreciate your concern,” Poppa whispered. “Our family will mourn when Nanny is gone, but she is not a young woman. She has had a good life and was loved by many. You, my darling Hope, are young. A momma to a young boy who needs you and a young babe this family wishes to meet. We cannot risk your life.”

  “Momma.” Alex ran into the room.

  “You must find your Poppa, Alex,” Stewart informed his grandson. “Momma needs a hug from both Poppa and Alex.”

  Within a few minutes, Adam entered the room with their son in his arms. “Hope. Alex believes you’re crying. What has caused your grief?”

  “Nanny is ill,” her father informed him. “There is reason for grief. Izabella and I will leave in haste.”

  “Oh no. Hope and I would be with you if it was possible. Our thoughts are with her. I will remain with Hope and Alex. Extend our love and prayers.”

  Later, unable to sleep, Hope heard movement outside their room. To her knowledge her father and Izabella hadn’t returned from seeing Nanny.

  “Poppa? Izabella?”

  Adam’s hand touched hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. Poppa stopped at the doorway. Even in the dimly lit room, she could see her father dabbing his cheeks with his hankie.

  “You’re to be sleeping, Hope.”