Ben snorted and leaned forward, setting his elbows on the table top as his eyes narrowed slightly. “So it is not acceptable for your sister to sneak around with strange men, but it’s alright for you?” My lips pressed together into a thin line. I had hoped that he wouldn’t catch that little discrepancy.
“I realize my own hypocrisy, there is no need to point it out.” I said shortly, my cheeks coloring as I added. “It is far less appropriate for a young girl of fifteen to be alone with you than a woman my age, and if you were going to harm me, I doubt you would put a knife in my hands. But there isn’t anyone else I can ask without my family knowing and putting an end to it which will leave me exactly where I am now. Pathetically helpless.” I huffed a little, embarrassed to be so useless.
Ben gave me a faintly strange look, almost seeming perplexed by something I had said, though he nodded slowly. “Alright.” He relented quietly. “We begin tomorrow. Meet me by the marketplace fountain at first light.” He murmured quietly before taking a casual sip of his ale like we had been doing nothing more than discussing the weather.
I saw the heavy wooden door swing open, Madox stepping through with his head swiveling in search of me. As his eyes settled on mine, he relaxed and made his way to our table, glancing briefly at Ben. He dipped his head slightly to the man seated across from me and grunted softly. “Ben. I hear we owe you some thanks for aiding the girls a few days ago. They were fortunate that you happened to be walking by.”
A muscle in Ben’s cheek twitched and he nodded faintly. “Yes, they were.” He gave me a direct look then, adding. “If your other guard hadn’t been so busy picking fights in here, the girls would not have been sent off alone and without protection, I saw Lady Carys and Lady Rhian leave and the thugs follow, so I tailed them.” He leaned back on his chair a little, taking another sip.
How did Ben know Bryn was picking a fight? I wondered, brow furrowing as my thoughts turned back to the incident with the bandits. Bryn had only mentioned being caught up with the buffoon. I suppose it wasn’t much of a leap to drawing the conclusion he was picking a fight, knowing Brynmor. Madox looked a little confused, and I sighed. He likely heard a much different version from Brynmor. “Some idiot was getting handsy with me, Bryn was defending me and sent us out before a brawl could begin.” I said, trying to explain, though I couldn’t argue against Ben’s point.
Madox looked stony, glancing from Ben to me. “Yes, I heard about that incident…” That was all he offered on that subject, keeping his own opinions on Bryn’s behavior to himself. I drank the last of my wine, feeling a little awkward with Madox looming over me and quickly rose from the bench, dipping my head to Ben in farewell. “I must be on my way, but again, thank you for your aid the other day, and for the wine. I’m sure our paths will cross again at some point.” I said vaguely, not wanting to divulge our plans to meet in front of Madox.
“Safe travels, Lady Carys.” Was all the response he offered, giving me a knowing look as he rose to his feet like a gentleman, dipping his head with his usual elegance. If Madox picked up on anything, there was no outward indication from my guard.
We departed the Stag, the stable hand already bringing our horses to us with a smile, though Madox was looking even more serious than usual as he took the reins, head turning to look at me out of the corner of his eye. “For a woman who was so suspicious of the man only a couple of weeks ago, you and Ben certainly looked cozy today.” Madox commented idly as he helped me up onto my horse. My head snapped around to look down at him, frowning.
“We are not cozy, and I still do not trust the man.” I said defensively. It was mostly true, thought I didn’t understand then how the seeds of trust had already been planted with his turning over his own blade into my care and agreement to teach me to use it. “For whatever reason, Ben wants to work as a guard for our family, and Rhi and I were lucky that he came along, so regardless of everything else, we owe him both gratitude and some measure of trust.” I told him firmly.
It was a strange sensation, and one that I didn’t fully understand. Relief? Some odd sense of...freedom? As a noble, I was constantly being kept in a tidy little box with labels, expectations, and duties. My life would follow a predictable path and I would behave exactly as expected for a person of my station. But Ben was different. He spoke to me as an intelligent adult rather than a senseless noblewoman, seeming unaffected by social protocols and so I was freed from such restrictions as well. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had some measure of control in my life, rather than having a dictate to adhere to. I glanced over to Madox as he turned to his own steed.
Madox nodded, dutifully agreeing as he climbed up onto his own horse, eying me with a furrowed brow. “Bryn should never have let you and Rhi out of his sight. He should have left with you, not stayed to keep antagonizing that guy.” He finally voiced his judgment on the situation. “I might think Ben is up to something shady, but he is right about Brynmor’s lack of thought when it comes to yours and Lady Rhian’s safety. Brynmor is too casual, and it will be you or Lady Rhian that pay the price.” He says, nudging his horse forward, grimacing a little as he remembers his place. “I know I am just a guard, but those are my thoughts on the matter.” He added quietly.
I was quiet for a good portion of the trip home, engaging only in a little casual conversation with Madox, though he wasn’t typically very talkative anyways. He was very different than Brynmor, rarely expressing an opinion, but when he did, it was because he felt strongly about it. He wasn’t wrong in this opinion either, as Brynmor had certainly grown even more lax with our arrival here. Perhaps he mistook this city’s simpler nature for a lack of dangerous folk, but it I had come to understand anything this last week, it was that the danger was even greater here, our obvious affluence painting a giant target on us.
Ben’s blade was cold against my leg inside my boot, the ever present reminder of his promise to teach me what I had always been forbidden from learning. I always thought that was silly...we were the House of the Sword, and it was my opinion that all of that bloodline should know how to wield one. But it was not the way of the aristocracy in Taurovan society, so we had been kept from it. Women are delicate and made of fragile crystal, meant to be wrapped in cushioning lest they be damaged. I could barely resist an eye roll at that sarcastic thought.
I didn’t know the first thing about combat, though I couldn’t deny what I felt the moment I took the knife from Ben...as unfamiliar as it was to hold, it felt like it belonged. For once, I fell asleep swiftly, my dreams filled with the glint of mirror-like blades and the inevitable sparks that were born from the clash of steel.
CHAPTER 24
It was still dark when I slipped out of the house the next morning, dressed in trousers and a waistcoat which I thought more suitable for lessons in combat than my usual gowns. Ben’s knife was tucked securely into my boot as I made my way on foot, grabbing only a small lantern by which to see by. I knew the others would wake before I could return, so in a preemptive measure of heading off my Father’s (and guards’) anger, left a letter explaining I was going berry picking. It was all lies, naturally, but it was necessary to deceive them, or at least I liked to believe it was.
There was no sign of Ben when I reached the Market fountain, my steps carrying me to the edge of the pool where I peered over to study my reflection in the water. The night was slowly beginning to lighten and when paired with the golden glow of the lantern, I could see my features in the water. I had tied my hair up into a ponytail for our lesson, and it was strange seeing my face so fully revealed. I looked younger than I was, though I didn’t have time to think further on that before another face was next to mine in the fountain, my lantern’s light casting eerie shadows onto Ben’s face.
Only the faintest gasp gave him any indication that I had been surprised by his arrival, a slight smirk ghosting over his lips as he turned on his heel, uttering a short, “Come with me.” He didn’t even pause to let me catch up, his graceful s
tride longer than my own and I had to nearly run to keep up. He led me through a maze of streets and alleyways until I lost all sense of direction, finally taking me through a narrow lattice gate and into a small garden alcove that I had never seen before.
I paused as we entered the garden, taking a quick moment to look around this nook and thinking it might be the prettiest place in Lund, flower baskets with trailing ivy lined the upper balconies and pots of herbs and grasses cluttered up the grass along the wall. A split second was all the time I had to look, Ben never halting his stride until he was on the far side, turning to face me with an expression that was all business. He beckoned me to come closer, gesturing to where he wanted me to stand in front of him, so I took my place before crouching to draw my blade from my boot.
His eyes searched my face for a moment, trying to determine if I was ready before his gaze dropped to my hands to see how I was holding the knife. I tried not to look uncomfortable under his scrutiny, knowing all too well that I had no idea how to properly grip the handle and felt foolish already. I tilted my chin upwards in determination, though he was considerably taller than I so looking upwards to him looked less determined and more practical. He quickly corrected my grip, kind enough to not comment on my lack of skill while taking my hand in one of his and maneuvering the blade in my palm before wrapping my fingers around the hilt, taking an extra moment to adjust my finger placement.
“Like this.” He said as my fingers gripped the hilt, the blade stretching upwards from my hand towards the sky. His fingers curled around mine, ensuring that I had a solid hold on the grip. His hands were somewhat calloused from years of training, though his clasp on my hand was gentler than I expected. Without releasing my hand, he gracefully moved around behind me so our arms ran parallel to each other, moving my arm slowly from left to right, then right to left. “This is a slash. When defending yourself, you want to keep as much space between you and your foe, but never fully extend your arm, that leaves you vulnerable.”
He stepped closer until his front was pressed lightly to my back, nudging his knee into the back of mine, forcing mine to bend a little. “And do not stand flat footed, be on the balls of your feet with your knees bent so that you can move easily. Your noblewoman posture has no place in combat, do you understand? Do not stay in one place, always be moving so you are harder to hit.”
His body was warm against my back, enough to ward off the chill of the morning (not to mention distracting) though a quick breath returned my mind to the images of thugs and brigands trying to stab me. The thought of fighting another person was frightening, and I knew I was in over my head, but I would not...I could not..turn back. With every moment that passed, the feeling that this was vital grew, so I listened intently and did as he instructed.
He moved in front of me again, shifting his hold on my hand, now holding it up and maneuvering it gently into position. “Hold your blade here. Always keep your body behind your blade to keep yourself protected.” He left go of me and stood a little straighter, stepping back a little and pointing to his chest. “You will want to end any fight quickly. The goal is to disable and run, but if you must kill, the fastest way is here.” He carefully took my hand again, carefully angling the knife upwards and touching it to his chest, right under his sternum. “Drive it in here, at an upward angle. That will get behind the ribs to reach to the vital organs. A killing blow.” His eyes were fixed on mine, the intensity of his gaze telling me how important this was. “Carys...do not ever forget that.”
My heart skipped a beat at the intensity of his gaze, and the idea of actually killing a man twisted my insides. I nodded to him, finally breaking from his gaze to look at the positioning of my blade and where it touched his chest. “Alright.” I murmured, mentally running over the checklist of things he had told me, though I found myself whispering each thing out loud.
He finally smirked just a little, breaking from the stern demeanor of an instructor in favor of the amusement of a peer, just for a moment before returning to the role of teacher. He nodded as I murmured his instructions, trying to maneuver my body into the proper stance as he had instructed. He circled around me as I bent my knees and rocked gently on the balls of my feet, pausing only to make a few small adjustments in my stance.
“Good.” He grunted softly, completing his circle and coming to stand in front of me again. “Now try to attack me.” He said, a challenging glint filling his eyes as he drew his blade. My eyes widened a little, having no idea how to even begin. A fact he knew well enough, judging by the vaguely taunting look in his eyes. The blade felt heavy in my hand, and while my grip was comfortable enough, it was also unfamiliar. I stepped forward to slash at him, a move he swiftly countered and steel met steel with a clang. “You must be fast, like a viper’s strike.” He held my blade at bay with his own, then withdrew as I did the same. “Again.” He ordered.
I paused before thrusting the blade straight out, trying to be faster but still feeling awkward and slow but with a swiftly growing determination. We were both trying to earn something from the other that morning, I realized later. He, my trust, and I, his approval. He brought his blade up to deflect my knife away from him, reaching up with his free hand to grab my wrist. “Now what?” He asks, a serious look on his face. I froze in place as I considered that dilemma, my brow furrowing deeply as I studied at our blades, then his hand around my wrist.
I frowned, thinking over options and what my instinct was telling me to do. “Punch you in the face with my free hand?” I offered hesitantly before admitting dismally. “I don’t know.”
My suggestion elicited a short laugh from him and he shook his head. “That is one option, yes, but you will end up with a broken hand, and then you are still in his grip. Unless his surprise at being punched in the face by a noblewoman causes him to let go.” His lips twitched as he teased me, then tightened his grip on my wrist. “You can either hurt him enough so that he lets go, or you can break free. It is doubtful you could hurt an opponent that much, which leaves you with one option. The eyes are the most vulnerable, so aim for those, then twist your wrist like so.” He moved his own arm, moving my arm in the motion my arm should be making, twisting around until the contortion of his own arm forced his hand to release my wrist.
He moved slowly enough so that I could see and understand the movements I would need to make in order to free myself, my mind analyzing every detail. “Let me try.” I said, my tenacious spirit asserting itself as it always did. His eyes were still on mine and he nodded, both of us returning to the position we had paused in. His grip was tight around my wrist and before I could start, he snorted wryly. “Just don’t blind me, please.”
I snorted before smirking a little, slowly bringing my free hand up, stopping just short of jamming my thumb into his eye, then twisted my wrist down and around to force him to let go. “Good.” He said, nodding in approval. “Again, and faster. You want this movement to become instinct.” I nodded, and we repeated that sequence several times, each time faster than the time before. Then we switched sides and did the same thing but with the other arm. He explained some different holds I might find myself in, explaining and demonstrating how to get free.
The sun was already well above the horizon when we brought our lesson to its end, my cheeks flushed from my efforts and my wrists red and sore. It hadn’t been much in the way of physical activity, but the exertion from our practice left me feeling a strange blend of tired and invigorated. Ben, on the other hand, hadn’t even broken a sweat.
He had gone slowly at the start, but by the end of our practice time, he was no longer going easy on me, his justification being that any attacker wouldn’t go easy and to do so now was no favor to me in the long run. “You need to know what to expect.” He told me as I pushed some sweaty strands of hair off my face, and I couldn’t argue.
He motioned for me to sit on the bench nearby, handing me a flagon of water which I gratefully took as I sat, feeling the trickle of sweat sliding down my neck
and between my shoulder blades. He gave me a look of approval and smiled as he sat next to me. “You did well. Lady Carys.” Those words filled me with an odd sense of pride, though it was his next words that I would remember far longer than his approval of my growing skill. “You are meant for more than this life you are so comfortable in.” He said quietly, his unwavering gaze fixed on me.
I nearly dropped the flagon in surprise, his words eerily echoing my own fleeting thoughts from months ago. I turned to give him a bewildered look, uncertain of what he meant by that. “I am living the life I was born into.” I responded automatically, giving the answer I was supposed to give as my brow furrowed further. The old thoughts and discontentment along with the sensation that I didn’t belong were slowly beginning to unfurl and rise to the surface of my mind, no longer suppressed by my sense of duty.
We are no longer in Perinthas, but I am no more free here than I was there. The realization was like being hit in the head with a rock. It stung. “I have a duty to my family and responsibilities to my House. What else would I do?” I said, sounding far less dismal than I felt. It wasn’t like I hadn’t dreamed of going my own way, but when it came down to it, I would never leave my family behind.
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