A Single Spark

by Tayvia Pierce

  I hesitated, thinking over his tasks, though I wouldn’t have said no anyways. “With most of the family gone, we will not have our usual supplies delivered, so there will be little here for you to do. You are welcome to go along if you wish.” I offered a smile, thinking he would be of more use to the rest of the family than to our empty cottage

  Rhian giggled and looked back to Darius. “There you have it. You can join us and can earn your keep by helping load and unload our trunks as we travel.” She teased him, though I nearly snorted out loud...that was already listed as a duty of his, not that she had ever looked at his list of tasks.

  Darius laughed softly, his good-natured grin aimed at Rhian. “I’m sure I could manage that, Lady Rhian. Just do me a favor and don’t pack thirty pairs of shoes. Those get heavy.” He jested right back to her, giving the youth a little wink and earning a light-hearted giggle from her.

  Iolyn laughed and took a long sip of his wine before he spoke up, his words slurring a little with his inebriation. “Trunks filled with Rhian’s clothes are worse than the tents and camp gear! Her dresses alone needed their own wagon!” He joked, giving a teasing wink to Rhian, who bristled slightly when everyone chuckled.

  “Better my clothes than your wine!” She shot back, eliciting boisterous laughter from everyone but Ben and I.

  I snorted softly and shook my head at their banter, leaning against the back of the bench as I pulled the blanket securely around my shoulders. Over a week spent here with Ben was a daunting thought, but perhaps it would give us a chance to sort out whatever the problem was. I had to hope for that much, at least, or this could be a very bad week.

  The headiness of the wine and the heat from the bonfire slowly chased the anxious thoughts from my mind, my body slowly relaxing as I found a calm I hadn’t known in a long time. My head tilted back against the back of the bench as I felt the stress ebbing from my body, contentedly staring up at the twinkling stars and the wisps of clouds that rolled past on their silent journey.

  I listened with half-lidded eyes as Rhian tried to bring Ben into the conversation, despite his desire to remain a silent observer. I wasn’t sure why he even came if he was going to just sit there and not say a word, but I assumed he came simply because Rhian had asked him to.

  “So, Ben…” She started shyly, but trying to sound more confident as she went on . “I see you have donned some new attire. You look nice, by the way.” I could hear the smile in her voice as she continued. “What made you decide to change your style?”

  He answered smoothly, sounding more like the Ben from months ago than the short-tempered grim guard we had now. “I thought it was time for a change, Lady Rhian.”He said vaguely. “With the colder weather, sleeves were needed.”

  Rhian chuckled softly and responded. “Carys and I change outfits several times a day. I supposed it’s only fair that you have a second coat.” He chuckled in response, though my thoughts began their aimless drifting, making the rest of their conversation little more than white noise. My eyes drifted shut, the warmth and the wine overtaking me as the voices and soft laughter around me lulled me into slumber.

  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

  I awoke in my bed the next morning, still clothed in my dress from the day before, though my coat and boots had been removed. My blankets had been pulled up over me and tucked with care, and as I thought back to the previous night, I had no memory of going to bed, nor of the end of the bonfire.

  I sat up and ran my fingers through my hair pushing my blankets off and to my side as I swung my bare feet over the edge of the bed, toes brushing the carpet before my soles pressed into the fabric. My boots had been pulled from my feet, set with precision at the foot of my bed. My knives that I kept tucked into my boots were placed on my nightstand, and I frowned, bewildered. How did I get here?

  Rhian was still sleeping, her gentle snores filling the otherwise silent room while the chill in the air was barely warded off by the nearly dead embers in the hearth. I rose, pulling a new dress from my closet after shedding the rumpled one, trying and failing to recall last night. Had I been so drunk that everything past sunset was forgotten? I remember watching the stars and the clouds rolling past...Rhian and Ben talking...I thought perhaps I may have dozed off but couldn’t understand why I had no memory of waking and coming back to the house.

  I dressed quickly and prodded the fire back to life, tossing another log on to warm the room for my sister when she would eventually wake. Slipping out of our bedroom, I looked around the main room in the hopes of finding some clue or memory of my return to the house the night before, but there was nothing.

  Darius was hunched over the dining room table with a mug of hot coffee in hand, his eyes following Derryth as she puttered around the kitchen, mumbling to herself. She was working on fixing some breakfast, pausing only to order me to a seat. “Happy Yuletide, Carys!” She beamed at me, motioning for me to sit. “I will get you some coffee. Breakfast will be ready soon.” She gave me a toothy grin and fetched a mug, quickly filled with the dark brew and set on the table where she gestured for me to sit.

  I returned the smile and the greeting, having forgotten what day it was. “Happy Yuletide, Derryth. Happy Yuletide, Darius.” I greeted them both as I sat to await the others for Yuletide breakfast, which was Derryth’s favorite meal of the year.

  Darius forced a weak smile as he nodded, the man’s usual cheerful countenance gone. “Yes, Happy Yuletide, Lady Carys.” He didn’t sound particularly happy unlike his mood the day before.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked him, giving him a concerned look, trying to decipher the man’s current mood, and whether or not that mood had anything to do with me.

  He looked at me, jaw working silently as he seemed to be trying to find the right words to explain. “You fell asleep at the bonfire last night.” He started awkwardly, though I failed to see how this was dire news and my perplexed look only grew as my brow furrowed.

  “Yes, it seems I did.” I began slowly, racking my brain for any shred of memory where something might have happened. “I must have had too much wine, I don’t recall the end of it, nor the walk back. I suppose I should apologize if I said or did something I shouldn’t have.” My brow creased a little more as I studied Darius across the table. Did I offend him somehow? With the terribly uncomfortable look on his face, I must have done something awful.

  He shook his head. “No, there is no need to apologize. You, uh...well, you didn’t wake up. At all. We were going to rouse you, but Ben told us not to. He said he would just carry you back to the house.” Darius hesitated as my breath hitched, eyes widening a little. He what?!

  My breathing ceased completely as an iron hand clutched my insides, uncertain as to how to describe my feelings about Ben, of all people, carrying me to bed. I shook my head, feeling the heat rising in my cheeks in a furious inferno of embarrassment. It’s not like anyone else there could have carried you, the little voice of reason defended Ben, and I could not deny that truth. “I… I suppose he would have had to, as nobody else would have been able to.” I muttered. “But you really should have woken me.”

  Darius huffed a little, his mood darkening even more and I got the impression I was missing some vital part of his point, though I couldn’t even begin to guess what that was. “He….uh….” Darius’s olive skin took on a shade of pink as he struggled with telling me this part and I stared expectantly at him, waiting for him to finish making his point.

  He stared blankly at me, possibly hoping that I could divine his thoughts so he wouldn’t have to find the words, and now I was just getting exasperated. “For pity’s sake, Darius, what?” I snapped in annoyance.

  Darius bristled a little, annoyed that I was annoyed, and snarled. “He was smelling your hair!” He let out a deeply exasperated grunt, though I froze, hoping to the very deepest core of my being that he was making that up.

  I blinked. “He...what?” I rasped, my mouth instantly dry as I struggled to wrap my mind around his statement. I co
uld imagine Ben not wanting me woken, him being the only one that knew how little I slept. I could imagine Ben doing his duty and carrying me back, caring enough to remove my boots and coat and cover me with a blanket. I could not, however, imagine Ben sniffing my hair, and I gave Darius a hard stare, my eyes narrowing at our handyman.

  “Explain.” I said sharply, knowing the two didn’t care much for each other, but if Darius was spreading lies about my guard, he would be fired on the spot. I didn’t want to think about whether or not he spoke the truth...I had no idea what I would do then.

  Darius cleared his throat a little, trying to back peddle a little. “Well...maybe he wasn’t exactly smelling...or sniffing...but when he picked you up, I heard him inhale, and then he got this strange look on his face.” I stared at him, seeing his statement for what it was. Greatly exaggerated, but not exactly a lie. Darius had lifted heavy things before and should know that inhaling or exhaling often accompanies such actions. Not to say that I was heavy, of course.

  “I see. So...breathing is wrong now?” I asked wryly, sinking back into exasperation again. He couldn’t really be comparing inhaling with sniffing my hair, and yet it would seem he was. It was the look on Ben’s face that concerned me, though, and while I wanted to ask what look it was, I was apprehensive. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know, despite my growing unease.

  Darius shrugged, mildly defensive but trying to look like he didn’t care. “No, it was just that he, uh...inhaled, and then he looked like he was annoyed, or maybe in pain. I don’t know, it was an odd look, and seemed out of place. Just forget I said anything.” He said, taking a long sip of his coffee, frowning into his mug and trying to hide it.

  Derryth finally set my breakfast down in front of me, though it went untouched as I couldn’t do anything but stare. “Alright, then…” I muttered, “I will choose to forget that you said anything.” If only it were that easy.

  Darius set his mug on the table, turning on the bench to face me as his jaw set with determination. Something slowly burned in his mind like the hottest embers of the hearth, and I had a feeling I was about to discover what. “Is he in love with you?” He finally asked, a flicker of what I thought was envy ghosting over his face.

  I wish I could say I had been expecting that question, but I had refused to acknowledge even the faintest possibility of that being the case for so long that it came as a shock. I was engaged to Brynmor, and to even consider the notion that Ben might feel something for me was not a concept I had the luxury of confirming. It would upset the precarious balance that my life held, and to upset that balance would mean the end of life as I knew it and that was not a sacrifice I was willing to make.

  I shook my head in complete and utter denial. “No, he isn’t. He is my guard, and while I consider him a friend, that is all. Besides, I’m engaged to Brynmor.” Darius’s eyes narrowed, unconvinced, studying my face for any hint of a lie or misdirection, but finding only my pointed look meeting his. I knew he didn’t believe me, though he had the good sense not to push the matter.

  Family members full of Yuletide cheer began coming to the table, their moods boisterous and cheerful as they greeted everyone warmly. I took a few sips of my coffee, forcing a smile to my face as I greeted them each in return, content to let that conversation die while finally eating my breakfast in silence.

  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

  The morning of my family’s departure dawned bright and clear, the very epitome of a perfect morning. The air was crisp and refreshing, the sunlight sparkling on the thin layer of snow like a carpet of gemstones while the temperature had risen enough to make for a pleasant journey in this unseasonable warmth. But should the weather shift, my family had plenty of extra blankets stored in the wagon.

  A few stubborn birds who seemed impervious to the chill twittered in the tree above the house, their flitting about matching the energized movements of the people below. Darius and Madox were loading up the last of the trunks when I walked out into the yard with Rhian, followed by Mother and Father, both Rhian and Mother fretting over what they might have forgotten. Iolyn and Brynmor were leading their horses from the stable, smiling and chatting between themselves, though when Brynmor caught sight of me, his smile faltered though his steps never wavered.

  Rhian looked up to me one final time and huffed softly. “Are you suuuuure you don’t want to come with us?” She wrapped her arm around mine. “It will be fun! Everyone except you, Ben, and Derryth are going, and it won’t be the same without you and Ben.” Her bottom lip popped out in a pout, but I knew this game well. I taught it to her, after all.

  I chuckled softly and said, “That pouting thing doesn’t work on me, remember?” She tried to give me an innocent look, but I knew better. I let out a little sigh and lowered my voice. “You know I can’t. Paying your ransom set us back a long way and we are still struggling to keep up with our spending. Someone needs to do some serious re-balancing of our books and make sure all the people we owe money to are kept happy.”

  Her face fell and a guilty look was quickly etched into her features. “Oh right….that.” She said flatly, adding. “I guess that makes sense, but I still wish you were coming along.” We reached the wagon that would carry our family and staff, my little sister regally extending her hand out for Brynmor to help her up. Rhian smiled at Brynmor and said to him. “Well, I’m glad you decided to come even though Carys isn’t. At least one of you knows how to enjoy yourselves.” She gave me an uppity smirk.

  Brynmor rolled his eyes and shot Rhian a look before gently gripping my elbow, propelling me off to the side a little to make way for other supplies coming through. He gave me an apologetic look and pulled me against him in an embrace. “I would rather stay here with you, but Rhian begged me to go. She begged! You know I can’t say no to her when she’s like that.” He chuckled, grinning down to me with a playful twist of his lips.

  I snorted and pulled back a little to a more comfortable distance so I could look up to him. “It’s fine, really. I have a lot of things that need catching up on, so I will be busy all week.” I gave him a reassuring smile, and thankfully he didn’t seem too insistent that I join them anyways.

  He smirked. “Yes, yes...work, work, and more work. Not to mention a wedding to plan, and do all sorts of shopping for our new house that you are going to buy us.” He grinned boyishly down at me and pulled me tightly against him once again.

  I pulled away again, more firmly this time. “Has everyone forgotten that we have no money to be shopping or planning anything?” I sighed. “We bought Rhian’s safe return, and we’re broke.” Why was I the only one that seemed to recall this rather vital fact? Despite my telling the household to hold off on shopping for non-essential items, they seemed to buy more that they did before, digging the pit of debt deeper.

  Ben strode towards the wagons, lifting a crate into the back before continuing on towards the front steps, his step faltering only for a moment when he saw Brynmor and I. Bryn shot a quick glance to Ben before turning his attentions back to me, forgetting all talk of weddings and money. “I don’t like that you and Ben are going to be here alone together all week. I should stay instead…” He turned to look over to Ben again as the other guard grabbed some bags on the front step, his eyes narrowing thoughtfully before relenting. “Although it isn’t like you and Ben are that close anymore. Did you two have a fight or something?” He looked hopeful at the idea.

  My lips parted, about to reassure him that it would be fine and that we didn’t interact much, but he stole the very words from my mouth. I spoke truthfully with a sigh. “We had a disagreement, yes. We are civil enough, but whatever friendship we had is dissolved.” I hoped he didn’t ask after the nature of our argument, and I tried to come up with a vague story to give in place of the truth.

  He looked greatly relieved and smirked down to me. “Good. I know he is part of the household, but I really don’t like the man.” His next actions, I knew without a doubt, were done purely for the sake of provoking Ben an
d it infuriated me to be used in such a way. He snaked his arm around my waist in a swift motion and pulled me tightly against him, tilting his head to firmly press his lips to mine.

  I felt nothing. Where Ben’s kiss had been so deeply passionate that I couldn’t breathe or even recall my own name, Bryn’s kiss was merely pressure against my lips and the smell of his aftershave. It was a kiss: two sets of lips touching, but where was the romance? The passion? Where was the affection and love? Any emotion at all? That kiss lacked everything that should have made it special and all I could do was stand there, trying not to appear utterly dissatisfied.

  I faced a lifetime of these bland kisses and I fought the rise of bile, the thought of such an uninspiring life sapping me of my will to follow through on my promise. I can’t do this...This is never going to work. I pulled away first, sensing the coldness of Ben’s eyes on us and I couldn’t bring myself to look at him, so I looked up at Brynmor instead.