A Single Spark

by Tayvia Pierce

  Ben’s breathing slowed and he eased a hand behind him to rest against the wall, bracing himself slightly. The movement was slight enough that I barely noticed it, and he watched us only a moment more before turning his eyes out the window as though watching for someone. “I don’t know yet.” He replied absently, though his voice remained laced with stress even though Brynmor had gone.

  Rhian looked hurt with his disengaged answer and turned towards me, muttering. "We should go. Obviously he wants to be alone." She huffed, casting a vexed look towards him. "Besides, Brynmor wants to meet Madox and Darius and they are probably at the Pipe & Fiddle by now.”

  I barely listened to Rhian, watching Ben as he stared out the window. I was too afraid to ask, and I hated that I was such a coward. Taliesin’s words echoed in my mind in that moment. ‘I do not take you for a woman that lacks in courage…’ I slowly nodded to Rhian, coming to a decision. "Alright, go wait with Brynmor, but give me just a moment, I will join you outside shortly."

  She wrinkled her nose, looking between Ben and myself before shrugging. “Fine.” She hesitated, possibly hoping to be invited to remain, but when nobody spoke, she turned with a small huff and left.

  At last, there was silence, and I watched Ben for a moment as I took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. This was my chance to take Taliesin’s advice, to brave my cowardice and learn the truth. My lips parted as I sought the words needed, though nothing came out. He watched me, eyes narrowing slightly when I couldn’t speak.

  My heart began to race and I licked my lips nervously. The longer I held his gaze the more I needed to know. Do you love me? It was a simple question, and the longer I denied my own feelings...the longer I put off asking after his, the more it burned in my heart. “There is something I wonder...” My mouth went dry as I started.

  Ben’s eyes held mine with an intensity that came from his own heightened emotional state, and he responded quietly, his own voice growing thick. "What is it you wonder?"

  I opened my mouth, my heart hammering against my ribs, but my question died on my lips. I couldn’t ask...I would either have my heart crushed, or I would be doomed to be apart from him forever because of my stupid duty. It was a painful truth, the realization that no matter if the answer was yes or no, we would never have anything more than what we already did. My heart broke, and I simply stared at him.

  Ben’s brow slowly lifted, waiting patiently for my answer, though at last he repeated his question like I hadn’t heard him the first time. “What is it you wonder, Carys?”

  I closed my eyes for a moment, deeply shamed by my own cowardice, opening them as I tilted my chin up, asking the only other question to which I needed an answer. "Did you have a hand in my father's death?" The silence was thick as he studied me.

  Rhian’s voice cut through the air, her annoyed tone breaking through my thoughts. “Carys, are you coming? You've been in here for quite awhile.”

  I gave a start at her untimely entrance, angry that she had only given us two minutes before barging back in here. For the love of the gods, Rhian, get lost! I wanted to turn and scream at her, but I merely kept my eyes fixed on Ben, awaiting his answer.

  Ben stared at me, apparently not certain whether to be angry or amused with my question. He snorted indignantly, "No. I did not appreciate the man's choices much but it would have served me better had he lived. Carys, I had no part in his death." He looked at me directly, and I could see in his eyes that he was speaking the truth.

  I nodded slowly, relief washing over me with knowing he was innocent of that atrocity, though now pressured by Rhian’s annoyed and envious presence, I couldn’t bring myself to say anything further in front of her. "Alright...thank you. Farewell." I dipped my head to him, turning around to leave, taking hold of Rhian’s arm.

  Ben just gave me a puzzled look that I knew meant ‘That’s all?’ and shook his head quietly and turned back to the window to resume his watch on the street outside.

  I looked down to Rhian, forcing a smile as if to say ‘no, you didn’t completely and rudely barge in and interrupt our conversation’. I said to my sister as I took her arm to steer her towards the doorway. "Let's be off, Rhi....there is nothing left for us here." I spared a brief glance over my shoulder to Ben, though he was still searching out the window, his jaw clenching slightly.

  I lied. There was everything left there, but it was completely out of my reach. We departed in silence, Brynmor leaning against the wall outside, arms crossed to give every appearance of casualness, though his eyes searched the surrounding area.

  He straightened as we exited the Infirmary, his eyes looking over my form as though searching for bodily injury. He grunted irritably. “Let’s head over to the Pipe & Fiddle, but you two stay close, alright?” He looked to Rhian with a stern look. “I mean it.” He growled at her, then motioned for us to go.

  CHAPTER 64

  The trek down the street to the pub was silent, Rhian pouting petulantly and Brynmor growling obscenities under his breath. My boots scraped against the paving stones as my walk became a tired shuffle; I was exhausted and emotionally drained from the last couple of hours...make that days. I wanted to go home, but Brynmor would insist on coming with me, and I had no desire to spend an evening alone with him, so I wearily pressed on. A drink was starting to sound very, very good at this time.

  Rhian scowled at something Brynmor said and quickened her pace, closing the final distance to the Pipe & Fiddle ahead of him. I sighed heavily as Brynmor started yelling at her, “Damn it, Rhian! Get back here!” He took off after her before stopping, remembering that I was with him; it was clear he was suddenly torn as to whom he should protect more. “Gods, what the bloody hell is the matter with you women?” He growled loudly in exasperation.

  My brow arched in surprise at being included in his disgruntled cursing, but I glared. “Brynmor, stop yelling at her like she’s an impetuous child. We are at the pub and she’s fine.” I muttered, gritting my teeth against his insolent attitude. “You are going to have to treat her like a grown up one day.” I paused at the fountain in the courtyard, splashing some of the cold water on my face, hoping to cool my temper and calm my increasingly tumultuous emotions, already churning from the day’s events and now worsening with Brynmor’s growing sour mood.

  Brynmor paused with a huff to wait for me, giving me a blank stare, though his eyes soon narrowed into slits as he watched me dawdling. “I'm waiting,” he said with impatience; immediately, all I wanted to do was spite him and make him wait all the longer.

  I was in no hurry to do as I was bid, particularly after the way he made the demand. I took a couple steps towards my betrothed, my icy glare boring a hole through his head to where his brain should be. “I would be fine without you, Bryn, if you wanted to go chase after Rhian.”

  Brynmor muttered angrily. “I just want to do my job. Will you stop being stubborn long enough to let me do that? You wouldn't be fine without me and you know it. Don't lie to yourself, Carys.”

  His egotistical belief that I was lying to myself and couldn’t function without him only fueled that fire even more. I look back on that moment and sorely wished I had punched him, right in his angrily twisted mouth. I fumed as I walked by him. “It isn’t like I have no training with weapons, Bryn.” I muttered, leaving him behind. “I would be fine.”

  Brynmor ran his hand through his hair, letting out a loud, exasperated grunt. “Fine. Just don’t stab me with those weapons of yours, since you are so adept.” He huffed with the greatest of sarcasm and followed after me, descending into an angry silence.

  Rhian was at the counter, arms crossed over her chest and wearing a scowl. Kasia, the redhead barkeep, was chattering away at her as she fixed her mug of cider, though it was apparent Rhian was hardly listening. She turned to look at Brynmor and myself as we entered, an exaggerated eye roll aimed our way before she took her drink. “Oh look, you finally decided to come along. How lovely.” She said with the utmost sarcasm, walking past us to go
towards the back corner of the room.

  Brynmor immediately went after her, leaving me alone at the front door with a growing sense of loathing. This would always be the way of things, I knew, and I slowly followed after him, a sick feeling growing in my belly with every step and creak of the floorboards beneath my boots.

  I found him and Rhian arguing at the back hearth in hushed tones, both scowling and angry. “I am going to be your older brother, and that means you need to do what I say. I’m not the bad guy here, Rhi, I’m just trying to keep you safe!” Brynmor growled at her. “Why do you always have to run off?”

  Rhian frowned back up to him, her bottom lip poking out. “Well maybe if you weren’t so busy being jealous and arguing with Carys, you would have been able to keep up.” She muttered back, adding as an afterthought. “And for the record, I’m an adult and I don’t have to do what you say. I’m not a child anymore.” Rhian caught sight of me standing there at last and huffed, straightening her back as she finally muttered a hello.

  Brynmor just dragged his hand down his face, muttering something about obnoxious teens under his breath. “Carys, go fetch me a drink.” He grunted finally, not even having the courtesy to face me as he made his demand. My brow arched. He is giving me orders now? I’m to fetch his drinks? Should I get him some slippers, too? A dark emotion filled me, an indescribable anger and I turned to go. I would get his drink only so that I could be in another room, lest I lose all sense of self-control and completely lose my temper.

  I wove through a few patrons in my approach to the counter, Kasia flashing me a warm smile. “Good eve, Lady Carys! Your usual red wine?” She asked, already reaching for a goblet. I nodded to her, adding. “And an ale, please. You can just add those to our account.” The front door creaked as a chilly gust of air blew in, drawing my attention fully when it wasn’t an adult that entered, but a small child.

  Tam? I nearly spoke aloud as I recognized the dusty street rat, astonished to see Ben’s little companion poke his head through the doorway. He stepped all the way in, quickly ducking out of the way as another man entered the pub behind him. Climbing up onto a chair, the boy searched every face in the room until it found mine.

  His eyes lit up when they locked with mine and he gave me a very shy smile before hopping down from the chair to duck back out the door. What was he doing here? Had Ben sent him to get me again? I couldn’t think of any other reason that he might suddenly show up, much less leave the moment after he saw me. I left our drinks on the counter and headed outside in pursuit.

  Tam hadn’t said anything to me, but my instincts told me that Ben had sent him there for me, though I wasn’t sure why. I had just been there and whatever Ben wanted to tell me, he could have said while I was there. Except Rhian and Brynmor were with you, and interrupting at every possible moment. I understood, then...whatever he had to tell me couldn’t be said in front of the others.

  I watched as Tam scurried on ahead, following after him as the night grew dark. The golden glow of the street lamps lit my way, though they couldn’t provide the illumination that understanding Ben’s motivations required. For a man so insistent on leaving us behind, he was summoning me more than I ever would have expected.

  Taliesin’s words chose that moment to echo through my mind. Ask him. I shook my head, absently lifting a palm to press to my temple, begging that thought to flee. I was a coward. I couldn’t ask, and yet I was now being given another chance to speak without interruption and I couldn’t refuse the opportunity again. I froze as I came to stand before the infirmary, my stomach knotting as I tried to form the question on my lips. Do you love me? I finally took a step towards the door.

  “Carys!” Brynmor’s voice cut sharply through the air, and I nearly misstepped, cursing under my breath as my heart leaped from my chest in startlement. For the love of all things sacred...I growled as I whirled around, irate. Can I not get a moment’s peace from him?!

  “Ben sent for me.” I said acerbically. “Since you and Rhian are so determined to interrupt my every conversation with the man, I came to hear what he has to say. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you I was leaving the Pipe & Fiddle, but I was following Tam.” I explained tightly, preemptively defending my choice. I knew Brynmor wouldn’t let me go on my own if I had told him, and I desperately needed some space from my increasingly overbearing betrothed.

  Brynmor’s jaw clenched, seething and barely able to keep from yelling at me. "You cannot be wandering around alone!” He gritted his teeth. “Why do you have to be so difficult?!" He growled in exasperation.

  I shook my head, grinding my teeth to prevent my own voice from rising. "I am not trying to be difficult.” I told him firmly. “Tam came to find me. Ben sends the boy to summon me when he has something important to tell me."

  Brynmor stared at me for a moment before grabbing my arm to pull me to the side of the road, “The way you keep running off I feel as if you're trying to avoid me.” There was hurt in Brynmor’s eyes, as well as his anger, it’s cause apparent as he continued to speak. "I don't know why you have such an obsession with Ben. All I ever hear these days is his name coming from both of your lips. You and Rhian both; it’s disgusting.” He spat, ending with his demand. “You will not talk to him ever again, Carys.”

  I wanted to defend myself, feeling the bloom of defiance beating in my heart, but I recognized Brynmor’s insecurity and envy. My eyes narrowed into slits as I came to Ben’s defense. "Ben talks to me like I am an intelligent adult with a brain and an opinion worth hearing. He respects me, and has come to our rescue more times that I can count. If he sends his little friend, I will respond, because I know whatever he has to say is vitally important. You can despise the man all you like, but you will not prevent me from speaking to him."

  I pulled my arm from his grip and whirled around to head to the Infirmary doors, though Brynmor quickly caught my other arm, his fingers biting into the muscle tightly and coming up to press himself against my back, his other arm snaking around my waist to keep me from pulling away. To anyone else on the street, it would look like a loving couple sharing an embrace, but the tone in Brynmor’s whisper stilled me. "You should know I'm a jealous man. I can’t have you running off to see him all the time, and when I am your husband, you will do as I ask.”

  Whatever Ben’s bloodline, be it friends or foes, he had looked out for us and protected us. He warned us against trouble and had proven to be correct more often than I could count. For all the uncertainty that wound around my heart and mind, I was slowly beginning to see this one truth. Regardless of his personal feelings towards me, he truly cared about our family. “Your jealousy blinds you. Ben’s warnings have always proven true, and you will not stop me from speaking to him.”

  Brynmor muttered in my ear as he let go of me, “You place too much trust in him.” He stepped back as he turned me to face him, releasing me once I looked up to him. He frowned unhappily. “I've known you my whole life and I have grown to love you more than I ever thought I would, but if I'm not enough for you, Carys, perhaps I should just go my own way. Maybe go back to Perinthas and leave you all here where Ben can protect you. With you and Rhian both hanging all over the man, I’m sure he will do a better job guarding you than I could.” As much as he tried to hide the bitterness in his soul, he failed.

  I was stunned at his words, feeling relief flooding my entire being at the idea of not marrying him, until I saw his comment for what it really was; manipulation through guilt. He wanted me to deny it...to say he was enough and go on the path he wanted, leaving behind everything that I wanted for myself to keep from wounding everyone I loved. He knew I couldn’t let him leave: Iolyn and Rhian would never forgive me.

  That was the moment that I knew. I let out a short laugh, seeing my true path laid clearly before my feet, the only thing left for me was to put one foot in front of the other and walk it. “You know me well, after so many years sharing a home,” I started softly, all my frustration and anger melting away to be repl
aced by something darker. “But you don’t know the real me. You see only the Carys that you wish me to be…the Carys that does what she is told for the sake of her duty and her family,who follows the dictates of everyone but fails to follow her own heart. That Carys is no more.”

  Brynmor brow creased deeply, quickly realizing this conversation had gone a very different direction than he had anticipated and he was no longer in control. He shook his head and tried to pull me along with him as he started to walk back towards the Pipe & Fiddle. "This isn't a conversation for the street. Come with me before we both say things we will regret.” He growled, and I yanked my arm free, the sting of my flesh nothing in comparison to the burning of my glare. His jaw clenched and his voice was tight. “I'm not ordering you, I'm asking you. Please.”

  This was the moment that I put my foot down. The first of many steps along my true path. " I care about you, Bryn. I really do. But I’m not going to marry you.” The path with him was a bleak and barren wasteland where I would have to diminish myself to make him greater. I will never walk that path, not ever.

  Brynmor’s face hardened considerably at my unwelcome words. “Your Father is dead now and he can no longer force you, but I swore an oath to him. I swore to protect you, to honor you, and to wed you and be your husband until death parts us, have a family and carry on your bloodline. I will honor my oath, and I do not care what you think of it. This is not the time nor the place to have this discussion, so we will talk about it tomorrow with clearer heads.” He gave me a direct look, inferring that it was my head that was filled with little more than wool. “Now come with me.”