“Hello?”
“Billy, it’s me. I just got your message.”
“Good. Great. Can we talk? I mean, can we meet up together and talk? I have some ideas about how we could work this out. I’d like to know what you think of them.”
“Listen, Billy. I have something to tell you—”
“You can tell me at the Mill Pond Diner. Remember how we used to like it there? I thought that would be a good place to meet. Have a cup of coffee. Or you could have one of those black-and-white frappés you used to like. They probably still have jukeboxes on the tables. I bet they do. I bet the place hasn’t—”
“I’m engaged, Billy. Jack Dane and I are getting married. Soon.”
“Oh, fuck.”
“Billy—”
“This is crazy, Holl. How long have you known him? This is ridiculous.”
“No, it’s not. Not at all.”
“You’re not thinking straight. He’s a good-looking guy, I grant you that. But what else is he? Who is he? You have a crush on him, fine. But marrying him? What about Katy? Have you thought about her?”
“I honestly can’t believe you just said that.”
“OK, OK, OK.” His fist was pounding the counter top. “Fine. I’m not allowed to say anything, ever, on the subject of Katy. Just tell me one thing. How long have you known him?”
“It’s none of your business.”
“So not long.”
“Billy, I’d known you for three years before you got me pregnant and walked out on me.”
“Why don’t you bring up what an asshole I was at every single opportunity you get? If I was such a bastard why did you take that walk with me, anyway? You should have shot me when I came within ten feet of you.”
“I’m going to hang up now.”
“At least I’m not some foreign gold-digging waiter.”
The line went dead at the same time as he was saying, “Holly, I didn’t mean that, I’m sorry.”
No. No, no, no. I did not just have that conversation. I didn’t lose control again. I wasn’t an asshole again. What the hell is wrong with me? It’s the fucking heat.
He picked up his glass of water and poured it over his head.
He’d had it planned out. They’d go to the Mill Pond Diner, a place they’d spent fun times in together before. In the days when he was dating Anna. And maybe they’d find that friendship again, the laughter they’d shared at the bad songs on the jukebox. He’d ask her all about her life. He’d tell her how sorry he was about her parents’ deaths, how much he’d respected them. He wouldn’t mention Jack Dane. They’d gradually get around to talking about Katy and she’d tell him what Katy was like. And together they’d figure out the best way of telling Katy about the explorer who wasn’t an explorer.
He’d be the Billy Madison he’d been at Stanford. The rational, hard-studying, well-behaved Billy. Not the dickhead who’d made her pregnant and disappeared.
A chance—that’s all he wanted. The opportunity to sit down with her and start over. One huge mistake shouldn’t turn you into a monster. People made mistakes, didn’t they?
Jack Dane had made it abundantly clear that he would do all he could to keep him away from Katy. Billy had seen it in those cold eyes of his. He had seen it in the way Jack had picked up Katy—as if she were his possession. Had Jack Dane proposed because he thought Billy might be a threat to his plans?
Jack Dane had hoodwinked them all—Holly, Henry and even Katy. No one could dare to suggest that this English emperor who had conquered their hearts had no clothes. Worse, that he might be out to rip off Holly. Jack Dane was the handsome prince savior and Billy was a nasty, spoiled, selfish brat. That was the way the play had been cast.
So he’s a waiter. What’s wrong with that? You’re being elitist, Billy. How dare you suggest he might have ulterior motives? Shame on you.
So Holly hasn’t known him long. What’s wrong with that? You’re being hypocritical, Billy. She knew you for a long time and look what happened.
We love Jack because he’s not you. Nothing he does can be wrong because he’s not you. You showing up just reminded everyone how bad a man can be. You’re a nasty piece of work, quod erat demonstrandum Jack Dane is perfect. It’s writ in stone. It’s a fucking legal document.
He stopped circling the bar and headed outside, down toward the Front Beach, slapping at divebombing mosquitoes with every step. The heat was so oppressive he was breathing in soggy air. No one was on the beach when he arrived. The smart people were in their air-conditioned houses or air-conditioned cars or stores or movie theaters. When he reached the sand, he stripped off, down to his boxer shorts, and ran into the water, finally diving in when it was deep enough.
He was in a sea of squishy, clear jellyfish. Each time he took a stroke forward, he felt as if he were swimming through a million small, slimy plastic bags. After a few seconds he gave up, turned around and waded back to the beach, away from the grotesque jellyfish and tepid sea.
“Charlie, glad I caught you. It’s Billy. Billy Madison.”
He was back, pacing around the kitchen bar, the Shoreham phone book open on the counter.
“Billy. Wow—it’s been a long time.”
“I know. I’ve been in California. But I’m back on the East Coast now. In fact, I’m in Shoreham. I’m going to Harvard Law School in the fall, but I’m here for the summer.”
“Wow. Harvard Law. Impressive, Billy. You know, a week or so ago I was thinking about that weekend we spent together when we were sixteen, believe it or not. Remember—”
“You’re doing great too, Charlie. I’ve heard about Figs. Sounds amazing. I’ll have to come in and check it out soon.”
“Just tell me when. I’ve got the reservation book in front of me, as it happens. Glass of champagne for old times on me.”
“I’m not sure of my schedule right now, but it will definitely be soon. I’ll let you know and I’ll collect that champagne for sure.”
“Good news. And it was nice to hear from you after all this time. We have to catch up. Swap life stories. I’ll never forget that party down on the beach. Remember when you—”
“Charlie—listen. I have a favor to ask you.”
“Shoot.”
“You have a waiter at Figs. An English guy. Jack Dane.”
“Jack? Sure. What about him?”
“Do you know anything about him? I mean his past? What he did before he came here?”
“Heck, I have his résumé right here in my desk. I can look at it again, but as far as I remember there’s nothing particularly interesting in it.”
“Would you mind looking at it again? It’s just I’d like to find out a little about him.”
“Why would you—ah, I get it. He’s living with Holly Barrett now. Wow. After all that mess, you’re not starting up with Holly again?”
“I never—no. I just want to find out a little about him. That’s all.”
“Sure, Billy. Whatever. Like I said, I don’t think there was anything. Hold on a minute—I’ll get the résumé.”
Billy waited, drumming his fingertips on the counter.
“OK, here it is. A waiter at John and Company on the East Side in New York for two years. A good reference from there. Then a year at an Upper West Side restaurant in New York. Good reference.”
“What do you mean by good?”
“I mean ‘Jack Dane is personable, quiet and good at his job’ kind of good. And then we have another one-year stint at Lamington’s in Boston. And another good reference. Everyone uses the word ‘quiet.’ I’d use it too. He’s quiet and efficient and good at his job.”
“What about his education? Is that down there?”
“Whoa—Billy. You’re stretching things here. What can I tell you? It looks normal, but I don’t know anything about schools in England. Let’s see—it’s some place called Compton Hall.”
“What college did he go to?”
“Doesn’t look like he went to one.”
“And where did he live in England? What was he doing there? Was he a waiter there too?”
“That’s it, pal. End of story. You know, you messed up big time with the whole Holly thing. I think you should leave them alone, let them be happy. To tell you the truth, it’s kind of creepy you digging into his past like this.”
“OK, Charlie. Point taken. And thank you.”
“Yeah, well. Maybe I’ll see you if you come into the restaurant. But I’m not always here. Gotta go now. Bye, Billy.”
“Goodbye.”
Kind of creepy. Well, that’s how I’d describe Jack Dane.
A shower—that’s what he needed. Cold water guaranteed. He’d take a long shower and cool down and figure out his next move. But how soon was soon? When was Holly going to marry Jack? How much time did he have before they were Mr. and Mrs. Dane?
Because when that happened, when they were formally a couple, things would change. He’d have a harder time having any kind of relationship with Katy. Jack would be her stepfather. He’d be an even bigger part of her life than he was now.
Just as he had reached the shower and turned on the cold water, he heard the phone ringing.
Holly. Holly’s calling me back. She’s forgiven me. She’s going to give me a chance and meet with me.
He rushed back to the kitchen, naked, and picked up the phone.
“Hello?”
“Billy?”
Not Holly. A female voice but not Holly’s.
“Yes. This is Billy. Who’s this?”
“Anna. Remember me? The love of your life?”
“My teenage life, Anna.” He sighed. “I’m not a teenager any more.”
“Holly says you look like one still.”
“You talk to Holly?”
“Absolutely. We’ve always been friends. Why wouldn’t we talk?”
“I don’t know.” Strangely, he felt on the edge of tears. Now Anna had been added to the list; he could tell it from her voice. Anna hated him too.
“Of course we’re friends. And she just called to tell me her big news. She also told me what a scumbag you were when she told you.”
“Great.”
“And I’m calling to tell you—this is without Holly’s knowledge, by the way—I’m calling to tell you to back off, Billy. Holl’s been through tough times, really tough times. She’s happy now. So leave her alone, why don’t you?”
“I can’t leave her alone, Anna. Katy is my daughter.”
“Listen. I probably have more sympathy with you than anyone else in this drama does. I didn’t know Holly had such a crush on you when we were going out—”
“She had a crush on me?”
“Yes, lamebrain. Super-size crush, apparently. Which is one of the reasons she went ahead and had Katy. Somewhere in that innocent deluded heart of hers, she thought you might come back. When Katy was born, you’d show up at the hospital and defy your parents. Cue music, cue sunset, cue happy family. And then, oops, it didn’t happen.
“In any event, now she’s finally really making a life for herself and you’re back giving her shit. So here’s the deal: if you want to have a decent relationship with Katy, give Holly and Jack some breathing space. Let them get married and have a little time together before you start in with the ‘I’m her father’ business. Holly will respect you for that. She certainly isn’t going to if you call her fiancé a ‘foreign gold-digging waiter.’ ”
“It slipped out.”
“Yeah, right.”
“How long has she known him, Anna? That’s what I’m worried about. Does she really know him? Who is this guy? He could be anybody . . . Anna? Hello, are you there?”
“I’m here. I was thinking. Look, I’m going to Holly’s this weekend. I’ll check him out and report back to you if he’s a mass murderer, OK? But only if you keep away for a while. Don’t hassle them. Is that a deal? . . . Billy?”
“Sorry—I was thinking too. I don’t see what other options I have right now. I don’t want to get lawyers involved. Not yet, anyway. I want to try to make this as painless as possible—for Holly and Katy. You promise you’ll tell me the truth—exactly what you think of him? And you’ll try to find out a little bit about him? Who his friends are, things like that?”
“Sure. I’d do that normally. I mean, I feel protective of Holl. You’re not the only one who wants to make sure she’s not making a mistake.”
“Excellent. But a heads-up, Anna. He’s a handsome guy. Don’t let that cloud your judgment, OK?”
“Shut up! How handsome?”
“Anna.”
“OK. I’ll drop by your house on my way back on Sunday.”
“Good. Perfect.”
“It’ll be nice to see me again, won’t it? But a heads-up for you too, Billy. I’m even more attractive than I was when I was a teenager. But don’t let that cloud your judgment. I’m still a bitch.”
Billy smiled for the first time in days.
Chapter 11
It’s all my fault Jack wasn’t at breakfast. Jack’s always at breakfast and breakfast is always at the same time. That’s one of the good things about Jack. Jack believes in alwayses. But with some excepts. Like when he goes fishing with Henry. Then breakfast is after fishing. I think it’s OK to have some excepts as long as you have alwayses too.
I’m bad because it’s all my fault Jack wasn’t at breakfast. I was coughing really loudly last night. He hated that. He hates noise. He especially hates it when I cry. Mommy came into my room and tried to get me to stop coughing. She got into bed with me and hugged me but it didn’t work. I couldn’t stop coughing. It was like when my ear wouldn’t stop hurting. My room is next to Mommy’s and Jack’s. Jack came in and said, “You’re keeping me up. I can’t sleep with all this coughing. I’m surprised she hasn’t woken up Anna too.” He stops calling me princess when he’s mad at me. And Mommy said, “Anna can sleep through a hurricane.” Jack said, “Well, I can’t. Get her to shut up.” He was mad and that made me cry so he got madder.
That made Mommy cry too. Especially when Jack left. Mommy got up to go find him but she couldn’t find him anywhere. When she came back she said, “He’s gone.” She was crying but the quiet kind of crying.
Mommy was happy before, when we had supper with Anna after Anna came to visit. Jack was working at his restaurant and Anna said, “I can’t wait to meet him,” and Mommy and Anna were talking about the wedding and drinking wine and laughing. They’d let me stay up with them for a while. They talked about dresses and how nice it would be to have the wedding on Henry’s porch. “Can we put a bow around Bones’s neck?” I asked and Mommy and Anna laughed.
But that was all before I woke up and started coughing.
Then Jack didn’t come to breakfast. Anna didn’t either but that’s because she sleeps late in the mornings. “This seven-thirty in the morning routine sounds crazy to me. Count me out,” Anna said last night. So me and Mommy had breakfast alone and Mommy kept looking to see if Jack was going to come into the kitchen but he didn’t. She said, “He didn’t take the car.” She said it to herself, not me, and I didn’t dare ask her if not taking the car was good or bad.
When Anna woke up, she had a glass of orange juice and we went down to the beach because of how hot it is. Anna has this funny bathing suit. It has pink polka dots and it’s in two pieces but it’s almost like she’s not wearing anything.
I was make-believe looking at boats and flags. I wasn’t really looking because I knew Mommy was sad and I was scared about that. Anna said something about the pictures Jack put up in the house. She said, “He’s faintsomething.” That’s what it sounded like. I didn’t understand. Then she said, “He’s super faintsomething. How the hell did you catch him,” and I wanted to say, “Mommy didn’t catch Jack. That’s stupid. Jack’s not a tennis ball or a fish,” but I didn’t say it cuz I was make-believe looking at boats. Mommy didn’t say anything too and Anna asked her, “So where is he? When am I going to meet him? Where are you hiding him?”<
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Mommy looked like she was going to cry again and said, “I need to talk to you” to Anna and I was scared she was going to talk about how to stop me coughing even though I wasn’t coughing any more. I don’t want to get sent to a hospital.
I saw Jack first. He was coming from where the lighthouse is at the end of the dike. I wanted to run up to him but I didn’t because he might still be mad. Mommy must have seen him too. She jumped up and waved at him and he waved back and kept walking to us. I think Mommy couldn’t find him because he was out on the beach all the night. He told me how much he loves the beach. When we were playing catch, he said he loves the beach because he loves the ocean and the beach loves the ocean too and when the waves come to the beach, they come because the ocean is talking to the beach. It’s a funny thing to say but I think he’s right.
Jack came up and Mommy kissed him and he gave her a hug. He said hello to Anna and shook her hand. He shakes hands now with the wrong hand like Henry shakes hands. He asked Anna how her trip was and Anna started talking fast and laughing a lot and waving her hands in the air. Jack and Mommy and Anna sat back down on the sand and Jack said, “And how are you today, princess?” so I knew he wasn’t mad at me any more.
Then Anna did this crazy thing. She jumped up and said, “Come on, let’s go for a swim,” and ran into the water and jumped around in it and yelled, “Jack, come on. It’s beautiful. Come in.” Jack smiled a make-believe smile and shook his head and put his arm around Mommy. Mommy smiled a real smile and I got so happy I started to look for boat flags for real.
Anna jumped around in the water some more and then came back and sat down and started putting sun cream all over herself. She kept looking at Jack like he was a flag she’d never seen before. Then she lay down on her tummy and untied the string things of her top so her whole back was showing and she said, “Jack, I’ve got a good idea. Why don’t we go for a picnic lunch later? Holly doesn’t like picnics, but you and I can walk down the beach and find a good place for one and I can find out all about my best friend’s fiancé and decide if he’s good enough for her.”
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