Mommy was bad then cuz she lied. She said she did like picnics.
Jack said, “Well, I don’t like picnics. Let’s have lunch all together at the house.”
Anna told Jack that she and Mommy had been talking about the wedding and that they had to go shop for their dresses together soon and asked him when did he think the wedding would be?
Jack said, “I was thinking next weekend, actually.” He kissed Mommy on the lips.
Anna sat up and she was holding the top part of her bathing suit to her chest so it didn’t fall off into the sand. She looked really surprised. She said, “But you need more time to arrange things. You must have friends from England you want to come, Jack. They’ll need some time to get their flights.” Mommy looked surprised too but she didn’t say anything.
Jack got up and came to me and picked me up and went and sat back down with me on his lap. “It’s going to be a family lonely wedding,” he said. I didn’t understand so I asked him what family lonely means.
“Family only. It means just you and me and Mommy and Henry, princess.”
“And Bones.”
“Of course. And Bones,” he said. “But no one else.”
Anna didn’t like that. She looked hard at him and then she looked hard at Mommy. Like now she was the one who was mad.
“No one from your family, no friends of yours?” she asked.
“Exactly. Holly and Katy and Henry are my family now. Oh, sorry, princess.” He tickled my sides. “And Bones.”
Jack says he’s not ticklish. He says you can only be ticklish if you’re afraid and he’s not afraid of anything.
Anna said, “Holly. What do you think about this?” She sounded really mad.
And Mommy said, “I think it’s perfect. I agree with Jack. Family only will be beautiful. And the sooner the better.”
She kissed Jack back on the mouth.
That’s when I asked if I could come here and see you. I was afraid I’d forget some things and I wanted to tell you everything. I tried really hard to remember everything cuz I know you want to know. Mommy said I could come because she knew Henry would be here in the house too.
She’s happy again and Jack’s happy too but I’m afraid. Cuz what if I cough again or my ear hurts? You have to help me make sure I never cough again and I never cry. Ever ever. If I feel like I’m going to cry, I’m going to come here and see you and you have to help me not cry. I don’t want it to be all my fault. I don’t want Jack to get mad and go away again.
Jack has a secret, Bones, but we know what the secret is, don’t we? It’s why you don’t go to Jack ever. It’s why you stay away from him. I didn’t know why at first because you can’t talk so you can’t tell me, but you don’t have to talk because I know why now.
Grown-ups lie. Mommy told a lie on the beach when she said she did like picnics and Jack told a lie when I first saw him. He said he wasn’t the Explorer but he is. He’s the Explorer. And you’re afraid to go near Jack cuz you’re afraid you’ll get to like him too much. And then what happens if I cry again?
If I cry, he’ll go away and explore again and he won’t come back ever and you’ll be sad. Everyone will be sad and it will be all my fault.
Chapter 12
“Look. She’s teaching him how to sail. It’s ridiculously sweet.”
Anna was standing on the back porch of his house, holding binoculars and staring out into the bay. She hadn’t changed much in five years. The sexy teenage girl he’d known and loved so much was now a sexy woman with the same long, thick black hair, the same mischievous eyes, the same ability to make him feel as if he was lagging behind somehow. Anna had always been ahead of him; she was so far ahead of him when she ditched him he hadn’t even begun to see it coming.
“I can’t believe they’re getting married next weekend.”
“Believe it.” She continued watching the blue-and-white striped sail in the distance.
“So he has no family, no friends? What’s with that?”
She shrugged. “Jack Dane’s a mystery. I tried to find out something about his past, but he kept changing the subject. He did it in a funny way, though. It’s hard to explain. I’m not sure if he was avoiding my questions or if he thought my questions were boring. I couldn’t figure him out. At one point I asked him what he was like as a kid and he went on some riff about a TV show he used to watch—some Australian soap opera called Neighbors. One of the guys in it has been on 24 and The OC and Ugly Betty and Lost—the thing is, he was really funny about it. So funny in that sarcastic English way I totally forgot my original question.”
It’s a game. You’re ahead of me, Jack’s ahead of you—but where’s Holly?
“Anna—will you put those binoculars down?”
“Whatever.” She lay them on the glass table beside her. “Your parents must have bought all this stuff at the same place. It’s generic Cape Cod rental, isn’t it? Lots of wicker and glass and tasteful watercolor paintings of sea scenes.”
“It works for them.” It was his turn to shrug.
They’d never belonged here, his parents. And he hadn’t either. Because the joke about it being Barrett Point had a painful truth to it. Everyone else on Birch Point was an outsider, really. They could swim on the beach and walk on the dike and go fishing and sailing, but they missed whatever it took to have this Point in their blood because they weren’t Barretts. They didn’t swim and walk and sail and fish in the same way.
Billy remembered the day, a few weeks after they’d moved in, when his father had asked Holly’s father John over to play tennis on their court. “Might as well get in with the locals,” his father had said. When John Barrett arrived, tennis racquet in hand, he was wearing long khaki trousers stained with fish blood and an old blue T-shirt with a hole in the side. Billy’s father had on crisp white shorts and a white Fred Perry tennis shirt.
But the strange thing was that Billy realized instantly John Barrett’s clothing was clearly the right Birch Point choice.
John had brought Holly with him and Billy and Holly sat on the grass together watching their fathers play. With pride, Billy saw his father win the first five games in a row. Yet as John walked by Holly when he was changing sides, he said, “Now I’ve got him exactly where I want him, sweetheart,” and winked at her. Billy knew his father heard this, because he saw a big smirk on his dad’s face.
What happened next was astounding. His father began to falter, making unforced errors, double-faulting, and finally losing 7–5. When his father then said it was too hot to play a second set, Billy blushed with embarrassment.
He remembered too bringing up the subject of that game with Holly, back when they were friends. They were sitting at the Mill Pond Diner and Billy felt he had to apologize for the fact that his father had never asked her father to play tennis again. “He couldn’t stand the fact that he blew it like that. He cares a lot about winning and he just blew it after your father said that.”
“Your father was probably trying too hard,” she’d stated, as if, of course, trying too hard was bound to end in disaster. “My father once told me that there’s no mastery without ease.”
“Is that why your family are the only ones on the Point who never get a poison-ivy rash? Because they have mastered the art of avoiding poison-ivy easily?” he’d asked, and she’d laughed her shy laugh.
His parents had tried to convince him that Holly was after their money when she insisted on having the baby. “Look at that house of theirs,” his mother had said. “It’s shabby. Look at the clothes they wear. Thrift shop. They want you to marry her so they can get their hands on our money. She tricked you, Billy. You can’t ruin your life in order to fund theirs. They know when we die we’ll leave everything to you and their precious daughter will be secure.”
Billy made himself believe them. Because he wanted his life to go on as if Holly’s pregnancy hadn’t happened. But he had to keep pushing away the knowledge that they were wrong, that the Barretts had a different take on m
oney than his parents. They never wore designer labels, they didn’t buy expensive gadgets, they drove old cars. None of which meant they didn’t have lots of money; it meant they wore their money easily.
Anna had sat down on one of the wicker chairs, sprawling, showing off her short denim skirt and long tanned legs. Her top was sleeveless, pink, hot. She was holding a glass of iced tea to her chest.
“I really blew it with that gold-digging waiter comment, didn’t I?”
“Yup.”
“Is there any way back for me? I mean, can I make up for it somehow?”
“I don’t know. But I would definitely steer clear for a while, if I were you. Let them get married, settle down a little. Maybe you could even congratulate them. Show you don’t have any hard feelings.”
“Yeah, right.”
“What is it about Jack that bothers you so much, Billy? The fact that he’s so gorgeously handsome?”
“I don’t trust him.”
“Well, you wouldn’t, would you?”
“Come on, he has no friends or family, he’s rushing her into this marriage—what’s to trust?”
“Let me see.” She fingered her lip. “How about trusting him because he loves Holly and Katy? They’re a real little three-some, you know. He wouldn’t even take a walk on the dike alone with me. It’s all about Holly and Katy. He was polite to me, but that’s it. I didn’t count. Which kind of pissed me off, but hey. I have to admit I was pissed off because I was semi-flirting and he didn’t take the bait. So I deserved it for being a shitty, selfish friend. Holly’s a lucky girl. And God knows, she deserves some luck in her life.”
“But why get married so quickly?”
“Why not?” Anna put her iced tea down on the ground, stood up. “Look, I have to go. I don’t want to get caught in Sunday rush-hour traffic. As far as I can see, Jack is a hunk, and a decent guy. He may not have friends or family, but so what? Less hassle for Holly. He doesn’t like to talk about his childhood? I say, fanfuckingtastic. He’s not some wimp who can’t stop talking about his past.
“Holly loves him and I’m sorry but Katy loves him too and Henry even likes him—he took him fishing at some ridiculously early hour this morning. If you want any chance of getting to know Katy and all that father stuff, you’d better accept Jack and stop making waves. Otherwise you’re screwed. Katy won’t like you either if you give Jack a hard time. She adores the guy.”
“Great.”
“Suck it up, Billy.” Anna slapped him on the side of the head, then kissed him on the cheek. “And be nice to the girl whose heart you broke.” She walked out; he followed her to the front door.
“If you need to say something stupid again, call me and say it to me. My number’s in the Boston phone book. But try and keep that mouth of yours shut, OK?”
“Right.” He nodded, trying not to feel abandoned. She wasn’t really an ally; he’d just hoped she’d be one.
“Holly loves him and I’m sorry but Katy loves him too and Henry even likes him—he took him fishing at some ridiculously early hour this morning.”
Yes, I know he did. I went to the boatyard to take the Whaler out early this morning and I saw them. Billy and Henry getting into the Sea Ox together, setting off for a trip. Like they were already family.
I never dared ask Henry or John to take me fishing. I wanted to, but I didn’t dare. I was worried I’d mess up somehow and they’d make fun of me in that Barrett dry way they had. I knew I’d try too hard.
But there was Jack, starting up the boat, backing it out of its berth. Jack who fits in easily. As if he’d been born here.
I turned around and came back home.
He threw himself on the large sofa in front of the flat-screen TV, picked up the remote control, switched it on, switched it off, put his elbow over his eyes. His dream of the night before hadn’t left him; it lurked in his mind sickeningly, coloring his mood.
He’d seen Katy running through a dense forest, her hair flying behind her, barefoot and afraid and obviously in danger. He was calling to her from behind, but she wouldn’t turn around. She kept running and the forest turned into a swamp and she was sinking down into the swamp and he couldn’t help her. She wouldn’t turn around and look for him, no matter how loud he yelled. Instead she struggled forward, into the arms of a faceless man who’d appeared out of nowhere.
Then he wasn’t behind Katy any more. He was standing behind the faceless man. He had a knife in his hand. But then it wasn’t in his hand. It was in the man’s back, up to the hilt. Blood was leaking out of the man’s back. And he was holding the handle as tightly as he could.
Chapter 13
The weather was glorious. The heatwave had passed and the temperature was in the low eighties, with no humidity and a bright, sparkling sun. Holly couldn’t have asked for a more perfect day.
My second present, she thought, when she woke up. My parents gave me Jack and now they’ve given me the best possible day for our wedding.
In a token gesture to wedding rituals, Jack had stayed at Henry’s the night before. She and Katy had woken up early, had breakfast together, gone down to the beach for a quick swim and then come back to shower, do their hair and get dressed.
It took a while to calm Katy down enough to get her dressed. She’d been running around the house after her shower; naked, dripping water, spinning around in circles like a little whirling dervish.
“Mommy’s getting married,” she kept chanting, clapping her hands.
“Not if you don’t get dressed, chicken,” Holly said, grabbing her shoulders mid-twirl and guiding her to the bedroom. “Nothing can happen until you get dressed.”
She’d bought a pale green dress with white smocking for Katy, and had made a circle of daisies to go around the top of her head. When she’d finally managed to get her to stand still long enough to put on the dress and the daisies, Holly stepped back and looked at her daughter in the full-length mirror.
“Jack’s right. You are a princess, sweetheart. You look like you stepped out of a fairy tale.”
“I wish there was a castle. And snow.” Katy looked up at Holly. “And a big church and horses and a long white dress I can hold the end of.”
“It will be beautiful, chicken. You’ll see. Just the way it is.”
She’d once had dreams of a wedding with all the trimmings. A church full of people and flowers and music, a measured walk down the aisle in a long white dress and veil, the train of her dress trailing behind her. At first, when Jack had proposed, she’d pictured it happening like that and seen herself on Henry’s arm. But she knew Jack was right as soon as he’d told Anna what he envisioned. A small, informal wedding was best. It was more intimate. They didn’t need anyone else to witness their happiness. And it would have felt wrong anyway to have a church wedding when her parents weren’t there to see her.
Besides, as pathetic as it might be, she had to admit to herself she’d prefer to get married without Anna, who would doubtless have worn some unbelievably sexy outfit, in attendance.
She went to the closet and took out a turquoise blue, sleeveless, empire-waisted silk dress which came down to just above her knees. It was simple, old-fashioned, and as soon as she’d seen it, she knew Jack would love it.
After she put it on, she took a string of pearls her mother used to wear for formal occasions and hung them around her neck. She had blow-dried her hair so it was straighter than it normally was, but she didn’t put on any make-up. Jack didn’t like make-up; he’d told her soon after they’d started going out that he thought women put on make-up for themselves, not men. “It’s not necessary,” he’d said. “It looks fake. Someone centuries ago thought it up for a marketing ploy and women have been buying into that ploy ever since. It’s a sham.”
“Mommy, you look beautiful,” Katy said as Holly slipped on a pair of blue high-heeled sandals. “Do you want some of my flowers for your hair too?”
“No thanks, sweetheart. I’m fine. Look at us.” They stood in fr
ont of her bedroom mirror, gazing into it. “We make a good pair, don’t we?”
“We look perfect,” Katy smiled. “And Bones will look perfect too in his white bow.”
Holly leaned over and kissed the top of Katy’s head. “Are you happy, chicken?”
“Yes. Jack’s happy too, isn’t he?”
“I hope so.” Holly nodded. “Yes, Jack’s happy too. I know so.”
At noon, she and Katy walked over to Henry’s, to find Jack and Henry and Judge Hearne waiting for them on the porch. As a teenager, Holly had imagined Billy as the man waiting for her as she walked down the aisle. After she’d had Katy, she’d watch a romantic movie or read a book and find herself daydreaming about a wedding, but she had no image in her mind of what her husband would look like.
Seeing Jack standing on the porch beside Henry, dressed in a dark blue suit with white shirt and pale blue tie, she had exactly the same shock of pure pleasure she’d had when she first caught sight of him beside the bus, the visceral reaction to a breathtakingly handsome man. Except this time she wasn’t looking at a stranger, she was looking at Jack: the man whom she loved, who loved her, with whom she was going to spend the rest of her life.
He smiled and she smiled back, while Katy dropped her hand and ran up the porch steps to him.
“I’d pick you up, princess, but I don’t want to muck up your dress,” Jack said.
“Can’t have a mucked-up dress,” Henry added, patting his great-granddaughter on the head. He had on white flannel trousers with a blue jacket, and was looking both paternal and distinguished.
Holly went and shook hands with Judge Hearne, a gray-haired avuncular man who was wearing a black robe, but one which didn’t completely cover the red lobster motif of his blue trousers. Jack had joked that he should wear his Lobster Pot T-shirt to the wedding, and Holly decided the judge’s trousers were yet another sign that this wedding was destined, that the heavens were looking down on them with a big nod of approval.
The service was straightforward. They’d debated about creating their own special vows but finally decided against it. “You know me,” Jack had said. “I don’t want some trendy service; whatever we might say won’t add to the traditional vows—they cover everything that needs to be said and there’s a good reason that they’ve been in use for so long. Poems and our own words can go in and out of fashion; these vows are eternal.”
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