Noel was staring broodingly out the window. He turned as she came into the room, his eyes paying her the compliment his lips withheld. They traveled slowly downward from the pale crown of her hair and then all the way up again to rest on her face.
She felt her pulses quicken at the way he looked at her, and she hated herself for not being indifferent to him, just as she knew that he was hating himself for not being indifferent to her. His silent homage had hungry depths. They tore each other apart, yet the desire burned as fiercely as ever.
An ill-founded flicker of sympathy ran through her at his hurt. He had set her up too high, and he couldn’t lower his ideals. She suffered his pain with him. She must fight Jamie, no matter what he threw at her. She must see that the truth prevailed, for Noel’s sake, because it was destroying him to think this badly of her.
But when he spoke, sounding so cold and civilized, she wondered if her sympathy was not misplaced. “My secretary is in the kitchen, making herself useful with the coffeepot.”
“What have you told her?”
“The basic facts. That Jamie’s wife is here and that Jamie is coming around. I warned her it might get unpleasant.”
“I could have made the coffee. It wasn’t fair of you to involve her.”
“Me involve her? Surely you did that when you harassed her into giving you Jamie’s address.”
“I made one call. That’s not harassing anyone. And she didn’t give me his address.”
“I’d stay and argue the point, but I think I hear Jamie now. Yes, that will be him.”
As Noel went to open the door, her fingers moved protectively to the palpitating pulse in her throat. She wondered how a pulse could function there at all, because her neck felt like a column of ice; as Jamie came into the room it was as though she were swallowing icicles.
That one time she saw Jamie at Noel’s club, she had been sitting too far back to see him properly. Perhaps she had painted that youthful face from memory, or perhaps clever stage makeup had concealed the ravages of time; but viewed across the room, Jamie looked every day of his age and even several years more. The rich living he had craved was beginning to tell. His weak, handsome face had acquired a slight puffiness. It was barely discernible now, but if he kept up his present lifestyle it would not be long before he lost his sweet, angelic look of good, wholesome living.
Noel had said that he’d warned Jamie that she would be here, but as she came within his range of vision she could have sworn that he was surprised – no, the word surprise was too bland, too much of an understatement. He seemed horrified to see her. As his reaction registered on her brain, distress and reciprocal horror raged through her to hold still every functioning thought in her mind. A shroud of numbness came down to envelop her. She struggled, using every particle of mental energy she was able to summon up, to make any kind of sense of the dismay sagging Jamie’s mouth and the petrified disbelief glazing his eyes.
Dear and merciful God, no! Because the look on Jamie’s face was almost, but not quite, the twin of the one she’d seen when he visited her in the hospital. He hadn’t been able to bear looking at the mutilations she had suffered in the fire and had backed away from her in repugnance.
For one icily sick moment she was back in those black days, swathed in the grievous pain of it all to such an extent that she wondered if the intervening healing years had really happened or if she had dreamed them. A manifestation conjured up by her tortured mind of what she hoped one day would come to be.
She looked down at her hands, cringing in fear of what she might see, but they were smooth and healed. As she touched one over the other for reassurance, a wondrous sense of relief filled her throat and made her feel almost lightheaded. Yet that same relief gave her an even greater desire to know what it was all about and, at the same time, somehow made it possible for her to reason more clearly. Dismay had been keener than horror on Jamie’s face. He had walked into this room conditioned to see his wife. Well, she was Jamie’s wife, wasn’t she? Yet he had been surprised to see her!
As her eyes flashed at him, puzzled and angrily demanding an explanation, Jamie’s mouth was already in the process of forming a reply. It shaped to say her name in silence and then the words exploded from him in ragged agony. “Lorraine! I didn’t expect to see you ...”
He stopped speaking with an abruptness that made the ensuing silence all the more profound, and his hands lifted in a gesture that expressed so much but told so little. Jamie was a performer, and now that he had got over the initial shock of seeing her he was able to draw heavily on his professional expertise to cover up.
It was Noel who pounced on him, surveying him through shrewd eyes. “You didn’t expect to see Lorraine?” he challenged. “How come? I told you that I had your wife here.”
His wife, not me, Lorraine thought. The speculation spun dizzily in her head. She had no idea where it came from, or what sense could be made of it.
“My –?” began Jamie. The question-held pause was so slight as to be almost indiscernible; the feeling of query was just as instantly turned into the proudest of declarations. “My wife,” he said with astounding boldness and assurance. “My beautiful wife. That’s what took me by surprise, what I meant. I didn’t expect to see Lorraine looking so devastatingly lovely. Lorraine,” he said, turning his attention from Noel to her. “You are so beautiful.”
Whatever else was false about the situation, it was not that. The words came out sincerely, voicing his true thoughts, and gave credibility to his reaction. She was being unduly suspicious, looking for something that wasn’t there. He hadn’t been surprised to see her; he was surprised to see her as she was now, not ugly and gruesome anymore.
He came over to where she was sitting and knelt before her to take her hands in his. Last time they met he couldn’t bear to look at her; now he couldn’t seem to take his eyes off her. She could feel the lust washing over her.
“How could I have let you go?” he moaned. “I must have been out of my mind.”
His nerve was incredible. She dragged her hands away, cringing in revulsion at his touch just as he had cringed from her in revulsion when she had been hurt and had needed him so desperately. Jamie was down now, and it was just possible that he needed her; but she felt nothing for him. The agony he had put her through had killed every bit of love and tender feeling she must once have had for him.
Jamie was still speaking, attempting to take her hands back and looking at her in the old remembered way with the melting, little-boy appeal which she had been unable to resist. It did nothing for her now; even though she was trapped in this hideous situation, she felt gloriously free on that point.
“Don’t be angry with me,” he implored. “I know I shouldn’t have walked out on you, but don’t you see, it was because I loved you so much that I couldn’t stand to see you so hurt.”
“No, Jamie,” she said resolutely. “If you’d loved me you would have stayed and given me the support I needed.”
“I wasn’t strong enough, Lorraine. You know what I’m like. I can’t help how I’m made. I need to have beauty around me. I couldn’t know you’d get your looks back. I’ve made such a mess of everything. But – we can put it all behind us, darling. Make a fresh start. Things will work out, you’ll see.”
Before she could reply, Noel said in jealous fury, “It seems that you have been granted a full pardon, Lorraine.”
“Pardon?” she said, grappling for understanding. Ridiculous as it might seem, with all the other crowding of emotions she had forgotten the blackmail charge that Jamie had made against her. Remembering, she said wearily, “I haven’t done anything wrong.”
“No?” Noel said, and although she looked deep into his eyes his expression was unreadable.
He then took Jamie roughly by the arm, hauled him to his feet and tossed him into a chair. “Now listen to me, you sniveling little creep. It’s time you realized that you can’t drop people when the going’s tough and then come back and expec
t to find everything the same. You had your chance with Lorraine and passed it up.”
“What’s it to you whether or not Lorraine and I make it up?” Jamie said sulkily.
“That’s my business,” Noel replied curtly. “But I’ll tell you one thing. You needn’t be worried about being blackmailed anymore. I’ll see to it that all that nonsense is dropped.”
“How can I drop something I’ve never done in the first place?” Lorraine broke in desperately. “Tell him, Jamie, that I’ve never on any occasion been in contact with you since my time in the hospital. And for the sake of my sanity, I implore you, please tell me what it’s all about.”
But Jamie remained hunched and silent in his chair, and, although Noel was sending him searching, angry looks that might indicate a softening in his attitude toward her, it was apparent that he still thought Jamie’s story contained an essential element of truth.
It was like a nightmare she could see no way out of. She couldn’t get through to anyone, and' suddenly it was all too much for her. She clenched her fingers and began to cry. Hysteria, frustration – all these things went into the desperate sounds coming from her throat.
Noel’s long body ejected itself from his chair. He reached forward to grasp hold of her arms, and he shook her until her teeth chattered. She knew he was doing it to calm her down.
“Stop it. This isn’t doing any good at all,” he condemned sternly.
“Nothing does any good,” she said, choking on a sob. “I can’t make anyone believe me. I’m going to divorce you, Jamie, and I don’t want to see you ever again. And that goes for you, too, Noel. Goodbye. I’m getting out of here before I really break down.”
“You’re not going anywhere in this state. Jamie – you’ll find Judith in the kitchen. Tell her to hurry up with that coffee. A shot of something in it might be a good idea for Lorraine.”
“Just coffee,” she said, exhausted after her lapse and realizing the futility of trying to fight against Noel’s strength of mind and physical superiority.
He waited until Jamie had disappeared into the kitchen, watching to make sure that he’d closed the door behind him. His hands were still on her arms, and she knew that if she pulled away she would be brought closer. Noel couldn’t have her this near and not want her, and the same went for her. His eyes could pierce her with steel-gray contempt, as indeed they were doing, and his brows could be drawn in disapproval, but, to her shame, it made no difference in the way she felt about him.
He groaned and drew her fully into his arms, his lips brushing abrasively across the hair that he had once likened to spun gold, and he avenged his anger on her in the cruel, bruising tightness of his hold. It was as though he had to punish her for the way he felt about her. Their touching bodies radiated shock waves of passion that neither could deny. The heat of their mutual desire seemed to fuse them together, and the willpower she had to pit against this was next to useless.
“I can’t do without you,” he said, his cutting tone tearing through her. “I know you for what you are – a scheming, deceiving little blackmailer – yet I still want you. I mean to have you, even if I have to marry you.”
She was close to tears. If only she were the scheming, deceiving blackmailer he thought she was. If only her nature would allow her to accept such a bitter proposal in the hope that in time he would really see her as she was. But it was no good. She couldn’t stoop to such degradation. The only marriage proposal she could accept would be one tendered with love.
“No!” she said, shaking her head vehemently. “I take it that I should be overwhelmed with gratitude that you can bring yourself to marry me in view of everything, but I’m not. Such a proposal is an insult and totally unacceptable.”
“You mean you’re turning me down?” he asked, stunned.
“I most certainly am.”
She hadn’t heard the door open, and she didn’t think he had, either. But as his arms slackened to release her, she swung around to see Jamie – and a woman in a tailored suit, brown hair speckled with gray, a face with mortification at what she had obviously just seen and heard, carrying a laden tray in none too steady fingers.
“I’m most dreadfully sorry, sir,” she began. “I didn’t mean to intrude.”
“Stop flapping, Judith,” Noel grunted irritably. “It doesn’t matter. Just put that blasted tray down before you drop it.”
As the poor bewildered woman looked for a surface upon which to deposit it, Noel indicated a coffee table.
Jamie took the opportunity to whisper in Lorraine’s ear, “I didn’t realize you were the big chiefs property. This puts a whole new light on the matter.” His expression turned first speculative, then gleeful. “You’ll marry him, of course. You could do me some good. Put in a good word. Get him to change his mind about washing his hands of me and, instead, use your influence to make him smooth things over for me. His opinion counts in a big way. Why, with his backing I could be right back there at the top.”
She glared at him. “I do not intend to marry Noel Britton. I have no influence with him. And you, Jamie Gray, are impossible!” And predictable to the end. Still thinking only of himself.
She sat down. Judith Brown handed a cup of coffee to her, her eyes glancing curiously over Lorraine as she did so, almost as if she wondered who she was and where she fitted in.
But she knew who she was. Noel had told her. Yet the conviction was strong in Lorraine’s mind that Noel’s secretary had expected to see someone else. Judith Brown’s reaction on seeing her was too close to Jamie’s not to set her thoughts buzzing again. Until she realized she was doing what she had done before, grasping at straws. Seeing something she wanted to see which wasn’t there.
Everything had a logical explanation. Considering Noel’s close working relationship with many glamorous females, Judith Brown might well be used to walking in and finding him in a compromising situation. But Lorraine thought it might be the first time she’d overheard him proposing marriage. It would have given her an even bigger jolt to hear him being turned down. There couldn’t be many girls around who would say no to such a prize catch. That’s why she had looked her over so curiously.
And then, just as all hope had gone, Judith Brown dropped her sweet bombshell.
“Has Mrs. Gray left?” she inquired, so quietly, so unexpectedly.
“This is Mrs. Gray,” Noel replied, nodding toward Lorraine, his eyes, his whole manner, electrically alert.
Jamie had gone as white as a sheet. The atmosphere was tense.
“You’re mistaken, sir. At least,” she added, a flicker of confusion crossing her features, “it’s not the Mrs. Gray who came around asking for Jamie’s address.”
Jamie was biting his knuckles.
“Explain!” Noel commanded.
“I didn’t know your secretary had ever seen Mandy. You said she’d phoned to get my address.”
Judith Brown answered for herself. “So she did. She was more persistent than the other girls who rang saying they needed to get in touch with you. She bombarded me with phone calls, but the policy is not to give out addresses. So then she came around to the club. She was in such a state that, well, I broke the golden rule and told her where you were staying.”
“Who is Mandy?” Lorraine asked sharply.
Jamie shrugged and admitted after a lengthy pause, “My wife.”
“But I’m your wife.”
“Not legally. I’m sorry, Lorraine, and you’ll never know how much, but I was already married when we supposedly tied the knot. When Mr. Britton said he’d got my wife here, I expected to see her. I got the shock of my life when I walked in and saw you. It seemed best to bluff it out. It nearly came off, too.”
“You mean, you committed ... bigamy?”
He nodded. “I suppose that’s the word for it.” Addressing Noel, he said, “Of course, it’s Mandy who is putting the squeeze on, not Lorraine. She found out that I’d gone through a marriage ceremony with Lorraine and decided it was good for a s
pot of blackmail.” He turned back to Lorraine. “I was only eighteen when I married her. She was four years older. It didn’t work out.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“That’s obvious.” His lifted eyebrows implied surprise that she should have to ask. “You wouldn’t have had anything to do with me if I had.”
Astounded at his audacity, she said fiercely, “Too true, I wouldn’t! How could you have done this to me? How could you go through the pretense of a wedding ceremony knowing that you were already married?”
“I swear it wasn’t like that. Mandy had started divorce proceedings, and I thought it had gone through. But, like a woman, she changed her mind and informed her solicitor to drop the case. You know how it is in show business. I was on the road at the time, with no permanent address. By the time the solicitor’s letter caught up with me, giving me the facts, it was too late because I’d already gone through that ceremony with you. That’s God’s truth.”
She shook her head, trying to take it in, and then accused chokingly, “It wasn’t too late to tell me when you found out. It was cruel of you to let me go on believing we were married.”
As her voice shuddered to a stop, Noel’s steadying hand made contact with her shoulder before he charged across the room to yank Jamie out of his chair. It flashed through her mind what he intended to do, but he was in action before she could put in a word of protest. His fist smashed against Jamie’s face with such violence and force that Jamie was sent spinning into the air. He crashed back down onto the coffee table, which shattered under the impact, sending crockery flying and hot coffee splashing in all directions.
“Noel – I think you’ve broken his nose,” Lorraine gasped out, thinking how dreadful it was that something like this should happen to Jamie, who put such a price on good looks. Her thoughts were ludicrous in the face of his defection, but it felt wonderful to pity Jamie. To know that she wasn’t bitter any more and that her cure was quite complete.
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