Free to Dream

by Tracey Jerald

  “Are you sure, baby?” he murmurs. “This is your sanctuary.”

  “Our sanctuary,” I correct, and I’m rewarded with a smile and a kiss. I think for a minute before I speak. “I’m not quite sure how this goes, Caleb. I don’t really remember having a brother or a mother, but he does. I need to get to know him. I have to try to figure this out.” I see Phil smiling at me with love and pride. “For all of us.”

  Caleb places a kiss on my forehead “You’re amazing.” He turns to Phil. “Put Keene to use. Send him up with everything.”

  With a quick smile and a thumbs-up, Phil departs to go wreak havoc on the rest of my house. Caleb pulls me back against him and ah, there it is. His heartbeat.

  I start to relax until I hear, “Bratwurst?” said with great humor over my head. I groan.

  “No, not happening. Not now. Let’s talk with Keene. Let me relax.” And maybe after I kill my brother. Maybe. I peek up at Caleb beneath my lashes, mentally chanting please don’t push it. Please don’t push it.

  Smirking, he kisses my head again as I snuggle back against his chest. Caleb’s long fingers are moving through my hair when we hear a quick knock on the door and Keene steps into my room, carrying a tray with another vat of ice cream, pain meds, and an ice pack.

  With his familiar arrogant air, he glances down at the tray, announcing, “I have what appears to be a diabetic coma with a chaser of frostbite to be eased by…” He looks up and the words die on his lips as he gets his first view of me unbandaged since the hospital.

  At first, I’m not sure if it’s because I’m wrapped in Caleb’s arms, but when his eyes move away from my face, I can see the pain and vengeful fury on his. For me. Thinking back to the early days when we first met, I wonder who would have thought it?

  “She’s okay, man,” Caleb reminds him quietly. They exchange a meaningful look between them that I can’t even begin to interpret.

  Keene nods slowly and walks toward the bed, depositing the tray on the bedside table. “Right. So, as I was saying, Phil put everything on here you needed, Cassidy.” He’s cautious. “He mentioned you asked to speak with me?”

  I tap Caleb’s arm and he lets me up, out of his embrace. Sliding off the bed, I walk to where Keene is. I’m at least a good foot shorter than him, so I can’t imagine why he’s holding his breath when I come closer. I touch his arm and simply say, “Thank you.”

  Keene continues to hold his breath.

  “Thank you for never giving up hope. Thank you for being smart enough to find the clues. Thank you for listening to me that day in your office. Thank you for keeping Caleb sane. Thank you for keeping him safe so I could find him.” I look over my shoulder at the man I love, whose eyes are shining back at me. I take a deep breath and continue. “Thank you for letting me figure out how to deal with this in my own time. For dealing with the police, and for what I know you’re doing to keep us safe—me safe. Just…thank you,” I end on a whisper. I squeeze his arm and walk back to the bed, and this time, I crawl beneath the covers, resting my head on my pillow as I feel my eyelids start fluttering closed.

  Keene opens his mouth and closes it a few times before gruffly saying, “It was my pleasure”.

  Keene and Caleb talk briefly about Mildred and how she’ll remain a permanent guest of the State of Connecticut since she was a flight risk. Good. I bet the bitch looks awful in orange. There’s more talk about security at the farm, and some back and forth about background checks on the new tech team. I make a mental note to ask about that later.

  Just as my eyes are about to remain closed, I hear Keene say, “Cassidy,” softly. Not Riley.

  I hurt for him.

  I open my eyes and focus on my biological brother. Keene is standing in the doorway, his arm braced above his head. He stares out the window while saying. “I wish more women, more people for that matter, had your strength, honor, and will to fight.” He nods at Caleb before leaving us in the comfort of my room.

  I make a snap decision. “Keene!” He pops his head back in.

  “Caleb can’t cook for shit and I’m under doctor’s orders to not leave my bed for a while, but…” I look into his eyes, my brother’s eyes, and they spark with what’s been missing.

  Hope.

  “But?”

  “We’d love to have you over for dinner. We have a lot to catch up on.”

  Keene swallows once, twice, then gives me a quick nod and a smile before walking away. As I hear his footsteps down the hallway, I hear him call out, “I’ll bring takeout!”

  I start to smile. Our lives will end up okay. We’ll work to make it that way.

  Caleb, out of the blue, says, “You know, you really designed this room for complete decadence.”

  I grab the new ice cream bowl from the tray. Plowing in another mouthful of ice cream, I nod. I did.

  “You know the only thing you’re missing in here?” Caleb asks casually as he reads the medicine bottle before shaking out one of the 800 mg ibuprofen. Handing me that and a glass of water, I take the pill, hoping it kicks in quickly to alleviate the pain in my cheek.

  Swallowing, I ask, “No. What?”

  “Someone to share it with.” His eyes are intent on mine. Waiting. Patient.

  My heart thuds in my chest.

  My mouth opens and closes.

  For just a moment, the fear of my past tries to reach out its feelers and grab hold of me to drag me back. I fight back the shadows. No more. It’s time to face the future standing in front of me with my heart open instead.

  “No, Caleb, I’m not missing that. I already found it.”

  Leaning back, I pull back the blanket to welcome him into my bed, my arms, my heart. With no secrets left between us.

  His eyes wildly dilate before he climbs into his place.

  Right next to me.

  Epilogue

  Cassidy

  It’s Memorial Day weekend, and there are plans to celebrate by the lake on the farm.

  From my bedroom window, I see casual beauty. There’s about forty of us who will be here today, so we went for four large, round tables covered in white. Casual elegance. That’s the effect I wanted. Low flower centerpieces in red, white, and blue make it easy for what we know will be lots of easy conversation and laughter going long into the night. In front of each place setting is a Mason jar which holds a red, white, or blue candle to be lit as the sun goes down. Each jar has a tri-colored ribbon glued carefully on top. Even the cake Corinna made is red, white, and blue.

  Jared and Ryan spent most of yesterday wiring the speakers from the farm to face outward. Jared volunteered to play DJ for most of the day from his Spotify app. Ryan said of course, because Jared just wanted to play with all the tech porn toys. Jared shrugged before we all broke out into laughter.

  I look up at the beautiful blue sky with a smile on my face. Weather was expected to be mid-70s with a low of 50. Perfect. Then again, it was going to be perfect anyway.

  I was getting married today.

  To say it wasn’t an easy road after Millicent Lockwood shot me, finding out Keene was my biological brother, redefining family dynamics, and learning so much about my life was based on the greed and jealousy of the woman who was the mother of the man I love would be the understatement of the century.

  Shortly after I was released from bedrest, Caleb and I began counseling with a wonderful team Matt referred us to.

  There were nights where one or both of us were up pacing the floor, our demons too much for us to deal with in the dream state. We fought with each other and for each other. There were tears, pain, and grief, but through it all, I kept two very important things in my mind.

  That bitch wasn’t going to win, and I loved this man far too much to give up.

  After the first few months, the difference became noticeable. Our nightmares eased. Our smiles outweighed our grief. We started sleeping through the night more, clinging to each other rather than pushing each other away. Caleb eventually stopped trying to handle it
on his own and started talking to me about the things causing him the most pain—the betrayals perpetrated by his mother that led to my kidnapping, my mother’s death, my attempted murder, his brother’s pain. His own guilt.

  Then we talked about all the blessings. I remember a little over two months ago when I taunted him by saying had this never happened the way it had, he never would have been able to resist me as a teenager and I would have ended up knocked up. We would have had a whole different set of problems then.

  He stood there, shirt off, and gawked at me. It was priceless. I fell back on the sofa in hysterics for a good twenty minutes of which Caleb was a statue, with only a jaw that kept trying to move up and down.

  When he was finally able to move, he fell to his knees next to me and pulled up my skirt and said, “Now’s a good time to practice,” before lowering his mouth between my legs, and my laughs quickly turned to moans.

  Neither of us moved for quite a while after that.

  I smile slowly at the memory.

  We’ll never forget that night because right after we finished practicing, Caleb found his jeans and pulled from his pocket the black opal surrounded by diamonds that’s resided on the third finger of my left hand until just a few short moments ago.

  Kneeling down next to me, he told me I was right, that we were meant to be together. I had tears streaming down my face as he promised he would love me forever, and how even then that wasn’t long enough. And would I please expand the love I have for my family to include him?

  After furiously nodding my head yes, because I couldn’t get the words out, we made love so tenderly. A long, long time afterward, we talked about what we wanted for our day of celebration. And here we are, a little less than two months later with me waiting to be with my closest family and friends, ready to become Caleb’s wife.

  Then there was Keene. Slowly, my brother and I are building a foundation not on past guilt and pain, but upon the respect and friendship we’re finding for each other as adults.

  It’s by no means easy. I mean, come on, it’s Keene. He can be difficult on a good day. I reach up and touch the ruby earrings in my ears and recall our conversation from last night.

  “Hey, brat.” I roll my eyes. Keene glories in calling me by a teenager’s nickname.

  “Yes, brother dearest?” My intonation equates this to Mommy Dearest.

  “Come with me for a second?” I pause and size him up. He’s nervous. He hasn’t been nervous in a while around me, so I squeeze Caleb’s hand and walk over to my brother. Keene opens the door that leads from the farm, out to the back by the lake.

  I smile. In less than twenty-four hours, I’m going to be Mrs. Caleb Lockwood somewhere near this very spot. I stand still for a moment with a huge smile on my face, and feel Keene’s arm slide over my shoulders. I loop mine around his waist. After a few moments, he gives mine a quick squeeze as I give him a smile. “Sorry, Keene. I’ll give you three guesses what I was daydreaming about, but you should only need one.”

  He barks out a quick laugh. I tighten my arm a bit.

  “What’s up?” I ask curiously. It’s not like him to call me out when we’ve got a room full of people. We’ve gotten close, but he’s still very private.

  Keene clears his throat and pulls out a small worn-down velvet covered box and holds it out to me. When I reach for it, he doesn’t let go. “I managed to save these in case I ever found you. They were Mom’s favorite. If you didn’t have something to wear tomorrow, I thought they might be appropriate.”

  Tears clog my eyes. I try to speak, but I can’t. Removing my arm from his waist, I take hold of the box he’s held onto for me for almost twenty-six years now. I open up the box—it has slightly rusted hinges.

  Inside are a perfect pair of emerald-cut ruby earrings.

  The tears start falling, even as I move into Keene’s arms. “She would have loved to have been here, Cassidy.”

  “Cassidy Riley,” I mumble into his shirt. He moves me back and grabs both my shoulders, his face pale.

  I wipe my eyes. I want to see his face as I give him this gift back. I close the box and kiss the top. “I am so wearing these tomorrow. They’re my something old and something new.” I take a deep breath. “You know I don’t legally have a middle name, right?” He nods. “Tuesday, when you file the papers, I will legally become Cassidy Riley-Freeman Lockwood. Even though I’ve been a Freeman longer than I knew I was a Marshall and I’ll become a Lockwood when I marry Caleb, I always want you to know I am so proud to be your sister, Keene. I love you.”

  “Are you sure?” He reaches out to touch my face.

  I feel his hands shake against my skin.

  I nod. “Absolutely sure. I talked this over with Caleb. We’re both so happy to have you as our brother.”

  He yanks me into his arms, but not before the sun bounces off his glistening eyes.

  I’m jerked back from my memory as the door to my room opens. Phil stands there in a light blue silk shirt, Navy slacks and dress shoes. His oh-so-blue eyes are glowing.

  “You look beautiful, Little Girl,” he whispers.

  I move away from the window and directly into his arms. He rocks me back and forth like he has since I was nine-years-old. I’m about to start crying when I hear, “I’ve just about decided he’s good enough for you.”

  I laugh lightly at the broken tension. He always knows what to say. I lean back in his arms and cup his face. “Thank you, Phillip, for being the first man to protect me, the first man I loved, the first family I ever had, and the first brother I ever had. So many firsts you’ve been to me.” The tears fill my eyes anyway. “Thank you for putting together my wedding exactly the way I wanted it.”

  Tears run unchecked down his handsome face. “Thank you, Cassidy, for all the same reasons and so many more.” He pulls me back in his arms for a final hug before we make our way downstairs. “Are you ready?”

  After dabbing my eyes, I ask him, “How do I look?”

  He runs his eyes over me over me from head to toe, giving me a huge smile. “Perfect.”

  Holding out an arm, I loop mine through his. As we walk down the stairs, I hear the quiet click of Holly’s camera shutter behind us.

  It’s two minutes to the farm from the carriage house. Normally, I would have walked it.

  Everyone balked at that idea last night, especially my sisters. They said even if I didn’t want to be treated like a princess on my wedding day, my shoes sure as hell would be. Checking out my Christian Louboutin lace pumps, a lovely gift from my husband to be, I have to agree. Instead, we’re taking the half mile ride in Caleb’s Porsche.

  He’s already at the farm, waiting.

  Phil’s driving like a granny so he doesn’t mess up my hair and so that he doesn’t lose Holly, who is perched precariously on the back of the car, getting photos around the lake. We’re making jokes, but I’m almost too tranquil to participate in our usual banter.

  As we pull up to the front door of the farm, Phil helps Holly off the car and gives me a stern look. “Stay right where you are.”

  Serenely, I wait for him to come around. He opens my door and offers me his hand. Holly is clicking away. During the ceremony, her interns will take up the slack, but I know her camera won’t be far away for the rest of the night. The three of us walk in and hush comes over the room.

  “Oh, Cassy,” Em says in awe. She’s in a light blue, curve-hugging dress. Ali steps up next to her in a Navy-blue, silk wrap dress. Her killer smile is on display, as are her tears. She’s about to wipe at them when Em yells, “Dammit, I said dab! Don’t fuck up your makeup yet!”

  I start laughing. There’s no help for it.

  Holly hands her camera to Corinna, who starts taking pictures as Holly quickly undoes her French braid. Strand after strand of sunset colored waves comes down around her shoulders. She too is in a blue dress, though hers is a sweetheart neckline with spaghetti straps in a royal blue that goes to the floor. Quickly flipping her hair upside down, E
m spritzes it before she flips back up.

  “How does it look? I was hoping that putting it in a braid wouldn’t do too much damage. Oh, good,” she says as she makes her way to the mirror.

  I just shake my head. Phil’s arm wraps around my waist. He’s shaking with suppressed laughter. Four down, one to go.

  “What about me?” Corinna’s sultry voice demands. Her cold-shoulder dress skims her lush figure tightly under the breasts before flaring out in a soft baby blue. As my flower girl, she demanded her heavy locks have an appropriate flower girl crown.

  Typical Corinna.

  I look at my brother and my sisters, and my eyes well up. “You’re all so beautiful. So beautiful. I can’t believe you did this in two months.”

  “Well, hon, it’s not like you wanted anything complicated. You wanted Caleb and family. Everything else was negotiable,” Em points out realistically.

  “But this is everything I ever wanted,” I argue.

  Ali comes up and wraps her arm on the other side of me. She tips her head to rest on mine. “No, sweetheart. He is. The rest of it is just stuff.”

  I squeeze her waist at that very true comment.

  “Are you ready?” Holly asks. She’s over by the door wiping at her eyes. She shoots a guilty look at Em, who is giving her a fulminating glare at not dabbing. She’s just tossed a single amaryllis out the door at Jared. The agreed upon high sign.

  Am I ready?

  The words that come out of my mouth have never been truer.

  “I was born ready.”

  I watch from behind the sheer screens we erected so Caleb can’t peek into the farm’s main room.

  Corinna begins the processional to Sara Bareilles’ “I Choose You.” Fortunately, she doesn’t have to throw any flowers as Phil already scattered so many red, white, and blue blooms, we’d be lucky if we all didn’t take a header in our heels. Instead, she holds a stained-glass box I had in my room with an amaryllis on it.