by Bart King
In Canada is a mountain that is actually quite beautiful. Just don’t try to climb it. That’s because Mount Thor (on Baffin Island) has the greatest sheer vertical drop in the world.
Stinky cities are not fun! So avoid Rotorua, New Zealand. It’s known as the most noxious city on the planet. (Volcanic fumes are responsible.) And Cairo, Egypt, has the “stinkiest” air of any city—but its smelly problems are all man-made!
When a place is called the Gate of Hell, you already know to keep your distance. And in Turkmenistan is just such a place! See, back in 1971, a drilling rig dug into a gigantic underground cavern. Poisonous, flammable gases started coming out of it. So someone set the whole thing on fire! And a colossal inferno has been burning there EVER SINCE.
The Zilov Gap in Russia is four hundred miles of roadless wilderness. That actually sounds pretty interesting, except that the wilderness can get so muddy, it takes an hour just to slog the length of a football field. Forget that! (And if you choose to fly over the Zilov Gap, steer clear of the Mir Diamond Mine. It’s a hole that is so colossal, it has its own air flow, and has been known to suck helicopters into it!)
It’s a little hard to explain where Bir Tawal is, because it’s just a crummy chunk of hot sand and rocks in the Middle East that nobody wants. Neither Egypt nor Sudan will take it, so let’s just say that it’s known as the “Most Undesired Spot on Earth.” (And that includes Antarctica!)
* * *
[33] After jumping, wrap both hands around one knee and bring it up to your waist. Keep the other leg straight while falling slightly backward into the water.
[34] Oops, that’s apparently on a mission right now.
Fun: An Endangered Species?
Just as there can be no light without dark, fun cannot exist without...un-fun. It’s shocking, but there are times when fun can be weakened and even destroyed! That means it is super-important for us to identify un-fun things so that we can resolve or avoid them. So pay attention to these useful examples!
Un-Fun Situation: It’s breakfast time and you only have those tiny boxes of cereal that have, like, seven cereal flakes in them.
The Fun Way Out: Open forty of the little boxes. (Then make toast!)
Un-Fun Situation: You have a normal-size cereal box. Yes! But now you can’t figure out how to put together the free toy that came in it.
The Fun Way Out: Give the unassembled toy as a “gift” to a young child. Then take notes as she puts it together.
Un-Fun Situation: A friend congratulates you for winning a tough game of Wii badminton by dumping an ice-chest of Gatorade over your head.
The Fun Way Out: Impress onlookers by calmly putting a Gatorade-covered finger in your mouth and saying, “Mmmm...orangey.”
Un-Fun Situation: While hanging out at the beach, you see a group of overweight people enthusiastically playing volleyball.
The Fun Way Out: I’m sorry. I just pictured this and I’m at a loss for words.
The Most Un-Fun Thing of All
What is the most un-fun thing you can think of? I don’t know about you, but for me, what’s REALLY un-fun is when my relatives embarrass me. Here are some of the ways they have done this:
My dad makes me hold his hand in the mall. (This really sucks in the food court.)
My sister likes to tell strangers about the time I peed in front of everyone. (Look, it was a crowded swimming pool, okay?)
I stopped to fill up the car with gas while driving with my mom. Oops! I spilled gas on my shoes. When the attendant came by, my mom pointed at me and said, “If you smell any gas, it’s coming from him.”
Then they both laughed really hard.
Then I blushed, which wasn’t helpful. You see, maybe the worst thing about being embarrassed is when everyone KNOWS you’re embarrassed! But unless you move to another planet or dimension, being embarrassed by relatives is one kind of un-fun we just have to live with.
And maybe that’s not so bad. After all, despite the un-fun, there are LOTS of cool things about having brothers, sisters, and second cousins whose names you can’t remember...and I’m sure I’ll think of some in a minute! In the meantime, let’s keep looking at ways to salvage fun from un-fun situations!
Problem: You’re video conferencing with someone when you lean back and fall off your chair.
Salvage Operation: Yell, “The connection’s down!” and then log off.
Problem: You forgot your best friend’s birthday.
Salvage Operation: Get a good gift. And a card. Write in the card something like, “You thought that I forgot your birthday...but I was actually out celebrating it!” Then give the card to your friend and see if it works. (Good luck.)
Problem: You just ran into a glass door. Why? You thought it was open.
Salvage Operation: Since your hands (and maybe your face) are already planted on the glass, start moving your palms around on the glass like a mime. By pretending you’re a mime, you’ll fool people into thinking that you’re way cooler than a dork who runs into glass doors!
Problem: Your room is a total mess. You’re actually not that embarrassed about it, but you’re going to get into BIG trouble when your parents see it.
Salvage Operation: Put a note on your door: “Has anyone seen my room? I can’t find it.” Your parents will be so amused, you’ll have a short grace period to clean it up before getting in trouble.
Un-Fun Situation: You bend over to pick up a pencil in the school hallway and the twenty-sided dice you keep in your shirt pocket spill out everywhere.
Salvage Operation: Hold your arms up and shout, “We’ve got a situation here!” Then wave people back like there’s been a toxic spill and gather up your dice.
Un-Fun Situation: You haven’t sucked on a pacifier in a LONG time. (Like me.) But you still sometimes wake up to find your thumb in your mouth. (Like me!) And this would be VERY embarrassing if someone found out.
Salvage Operation: Just before going to bed, remove both of your thumbs and put them in a glass on the nightstand.
Un-Fun Situation: You come up to a shop door and pull and pull on it. It won’t budge! But the sign says they’re open! Then you notice another sign. It says, “Push.”
Salvage Operation: Option 1. Bend down and pretend to tighten your shoelaces. Then pat your pockets and look surprised, as if you’ve just realized you have no money. Then casually walk off. Option 2. Run away immediately. Never return to that place again.
The World’s Most Un-Fun Phrase!
I’ve done a lot of research to find out what sentence can sink fun faster than a bowling ball dropped in the kiddie pool. It turns out that if you ask a question using the word “moist” (as in, “How did these potato chips get moist?”), you’ll put a damper on any event!
Bringing It All Back Home
You know, I just had an insight. It’s possible for a thing to be so incredibly and horribly un-fun, it comes all the way around and becomes the MOST FUN THING EVER. You know, like this book! I know it sounds crazy, but trust me. I may not be wiser than you, but I’m definitely older. (In fact, I think I just tripped over your umbilical cord!) To prove my point that horrible un-fun can become jaw-droppingly “regular” fun, here’s a good example:
A TV show once decided to help a couple celebrate their fiftieth wedding anniversary. So the show hired a party planner to put together the perfect event. Things went well until there was one little problem. All the party guests were handed sparklers to wave around as the band played a song and the happy couple danced.
And at this incredibly touching moment, rose petals were dropped from the ceiling. Romantic! But the problem was that the rose petals were fake—and flammable. So TV viewers saw a lovely party suddenly turn into a disaster zone as fires broke out, people screamed, and stagehands rushed in spraying fire extinguishers!
Meanwhile, the band kept playing its song: “I Can’t Smile Without You.”
Since nobody was actually hurt, this was awesome! In fact, it may have been the most fant
astically un-fun fun moment in the history of fun. You know everyone at that event talked about it for the rest of their lives! And as the smoke cleared from the party decorations, I understood that the flaming rose-petal party had an important lesson for all of us: Just when we think things can’t get any worse, they just might turn out to be pretty fun!
And so I command you: Close this book, go forth, and HAVE SOME FUN.
Or take a nap. (Either one!)
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Table of Contents
Introduction
Awesome Activities
Mischievous Fun
Incredible Inventions & Creative Costumes
Wild Words
Photo Magic
Deep Thoughts
Laughter Rules
Hilarious Holidays
Fun with Food
Amazing Mazes
Playing Games
Pirate Attack!
Unexpected Fun
The Marvels of Exploration
Fun: An Endangered Species?
Select Bibliography