Plays One

by Sarah Daniels

  ROSE. It means the Great Bear.

  JANE. You ever seen a real bear?

  ROSE. I cannot say I have.

  JANE. I have, some miles back, chained up in an inn garden.

  ROSE. A bear?

  JANE. Aye.

  ROSE. A proper bear? A live bear?

  JANE. Aye. (Teasingly.) Maybe you’d like to borrow my helmet to aid your hearing.

  ROSE (jumping to her feet). Meet me here as sun goes down. I’ve got a new plan. (She starts to go.)

  JANE (disappointed). You mean we’re not going to look at stars together after all.

  Scene Six

  Outside.

  Night. ROSE and JANE lead or rather are lead down the street towards the PRICKER’s house by a dancing BEAR.

  ROSE. My hope is that Grace is late. I didn’t find courage enough to tell her about this.

  JANE. She’ll be pleased with us right enough. Surely.

  ROSE. We don’t even know if our friend Ursa is male or female.

  JANE. Well, I ent getting down on my hands and knees in the dark to have a look. Should it make a difference?

  ROSE. It might to Grace. She don’t hold with violence for our sex.

  JANE. What do she hold with for bears?

  ROSE. I don’t rightly know.

  JANE (unconcerned). We’re sure to find out by and by.

  ROSE (worried). I don’t doubt.

  JANE. Look, I don’t hold with violence myself (ROSE looks at her in disbelief.) against our sex and that is for why Ursa must try and kill him and nature take its course and the blame. Now quit worrying Rose. Look at it – not stopped dancing all the way – most probably be too wore out to piss.

  ROSE. S’pose then it don’t kill him?

  JANE. At very least it will give him shock enough to soil his breeches.

  ROSE. My hope is, ’tis not accustomed to being shut behind door and ’twill run amok.

  JANE (pointing). That is pricker’s residence, is it not?

  ROSE. S’pose …

  JANE. Now ent time for s’posing, now’s the time for doing.

  JANE opens the door, puts her shoulder against the BEAR’s back and shoves it inside. ROSE and JANE then crouch beneath the window. The BEAR lumbers towards the PRICKER and sits on the end of the bed. The PRICKER remains asleep. After a moment ROSE puts her head on the window sill.

  JANE (whispers). What is it? Has the shock laid him out dead?

  ROSE. I’m surprised the shock ain’t laid the bear out dead. It just slumped on the bed. Not even awoke the pricker.

  JANE gets up and shuts the door with an almighty slam, then runs back and crouches under the window.

  PRICKER (wakes, startled). What the? Who’s there? Who is it?

  ROSE (deep booming voice.) I am the biggest imp of all and I am cam to be familiar to you.

  The PRICKER jumps out of bed, screaming. JANE pulls ROSE down.

  PRICKER. Leave me be. Leave me be. (He tears around the room in a mad panic, screaming, the BEAR loping after him.)

  JANE (puts her head up, to ROSE). Oh no, the lumping great noddy has put its arm round him. (In a deep voice:) The divel has sent me for you are his most trusted worker.

  JANE ducks down. ROSE puts her head up. The screams reach an unbearable pitch as the BEAR tries to dance with the PRICKER.

  ROSE. Oh no. It’s trying to dance with him.

  JANE sinks down as the PRICKER frees himself from the BEAR’s grasp, jumps through the window and runs, without looking behind, until he is out of sight.

  JANE (gleefully). Well, that’s that.

  ROSE (giggles). Leastways he won’t be queueing up to stay in that room again in a hurry.

  JANE. And we don’t have to worry about sex of the bear for it did only dance and I’m sure even Grace holds with dancing.

  ROSE. I have no mind about that now. Fact I wish it had done away with him.

  Enter GRACE.

  GRACE. Look at you pair of leverets, giving yourself hemorodes under the pricker’s nose.

  ROSE. Grace. Oh, Grace, you just missed picture of a lifetime.

  GRACE. Get yourselves off that wet grass afore you grow any protrusions that he’ll use as evidence of imp suckling. Is that I cannot bear.

  JANE. Now, I’m glad you brung bears into the conversation.

  ROSE. Pricker has fled.

  GRACE (confused). Bears? Pricker fled?

  JANE (halfway through the window). Cam, look for yourself. (JANE and ROSE help GRACE through the window.) Well, has made good use of bed. Is asleep.

  ROSE. Best day’s work it’s ever done, in moons I’ll warrant. More the shame that it never gobbled him up.

  GRACE laughs.

  JANE. We thought you’d be vexed at plan, not laughing.

  GRACE. Brown bears are vegetarians.

  ROSE. Are what?

  GRACE. Only eat greens. Turn nose up at flesh.

  JANE (defensively). Well, it danced with him.

  GRACE. It would have been trained by players to do that.

  JANE. Well, it don’t look like it’s about to take a bow. It won’t budge. And I’m loathe to prod it in case it turns on us.

  ROSE (pointing). And it can’t sleep there a night or we’re done for.

  GRACE. Let’s find some edible foliage suitable to its diet in pricker’s garden. And we’ll lure it out.

  JANE. Leave me to rummage through this pit. There may be papers of interest to you, Grace.

  ROSE and GRACE leave the room. JANE makes a search of the room and finds a sum of money hidden under some papers. She hesitates. Looks up, but ROSE and GRACE aren’t watching so she puts the money inside her jerkin. ROSE and GRACE come back inside the room armed with lettuce leaves.

  ROSE. You find anything?

  JANE (holds up some papers). These, but I can’t choose which to take, on account of I can’t read.

  GRACE. Let me see.

  ROSE. Take them, Grace. We dare not wait here longer.

  GRACE takes the papers and waves the leaves under the BEAR’s nose. It wakes up and nibbles at them.

  JANE. See, all it wanted was a nap.

  GRACE entices the BEAR out of the room.

  ROSE. Must be feeling sorry for itself that its dancing partner was so unsuitable.

  When they are all outside.

  GRACE. Would be best course to return this noble creature while its owners still slumber.

  JANE. I am headed in that same direction and will be thankful in morning to have curtailed my travelling distance.

  ROSE. But …

  JANE. And none of your protests for it would be foolhardy man who attacked a soldier with a bear for a guard.

  ROSE. Will we see you again?

  JANE. When is next meeting?

  GRACE. Not till full moon.

  JANE. So, ’tis true covens meet by full moon.

  ROSE. How else can you see foot in front of ditch?

  JANE. If I’m still drawing breath and sword I’ll hope to attend.

  Exit JANE pursued by a sleepy BEAR.

  GRACE. That is either a very hammerheaded woman or a very brave one.

  ROSE. ’Tis a bit of both to my reckoning but that don’t alter my opinion of her one jot.

  GRACE (laughs). Aye.

  GRACE and ROSE continue on their way in silence.

  GRACE (cheerfully). You’ve not got a lot to say for one just performed historic service to womankind.

  ROSE (flatly). I am pleased enough.

  Silence.

  GRACE (sits down on a tree stump). Cam on girl, spit it up.

  ROSE (sitting down next to GRACE). Surely there are more problems facing us than brown bears left in the world.

  GRACE (smiles). When did you learn to place such melancholy humour in your turn of phrase? Surely we can afford to smile at our triumphs?

  ROSE. I want you to make a potion for me.

  GRACE (concerned). Oh Rose, I knew not. Who did get away with that?

  ROSE. Nay, not that. Though
is connected but not in a straight-line way.

  GRACE. What is? The hour is late and I have no eye to see into your brain.

  ROSE. Is difficult.

  GRACE. Aye.

  ROSE. I do not want to grow into a woman.

  GRACE laughs.

  (Angrily.) Is not something to ache your jaw over. (Then calmly.) I am not womanly enough for farmer’s liking but soon as I becam ripe enough for all to see he’ll pluck me too. I eat so little, Grace, I would rather wilt than grow.

  GRACE. That course can only do you harm. Short of poisoning yourself there is no way halt you becoming a woman.

  ROSE. Sometime he cam so close I feel his breath on back of my neck and have to cast up behind a tree.

  GRACE. That be customary put off. The farmer is the problem not your body.

  ROSE. Easy words. For I hate him. I hate the work. And I hate my body also.

  GRACE. You been on earth long enough to know choices are few. Least milking cows keep you free from pox.

  ROSE. Milking farmer won’t keep me free of other pox.

  Silence.

  GRACE. I am old woman now. I can’t live forever.

  ROSE. Don’t say that Grace. As if I am not maudlin enough.

  GRACE. Is a truth you’d best prepare for. I’d be honoured to teach you about the herbs and matters for body’s well-being such as I know.

  ROSE (bursts out). Oh no Grace! I don’t want to know none of that. I am best not knowing. I have plenty more preference for making a play than a child. Be the worst thing that could happen to me, and I would rather be on parish, or in stocks than tend women in labour – yeuk, how could you suggest such a thing?

  GRACE. These things seem not vital when you’re young and have rude health.

  ROSE. That has nothing to do with it. I tell you, Grace. I hate mere thought of touching bodies never mind else. Don’t ever speak of it again to me.

  GRACE (sadly). Rose.

  ROSE. I won’t blight this day with any more talk of it. Cam now, let’s make off to Ann and Mary.

  GRACE. Have we not put ourselves in enough danger this night?

  ROSE. We have a lucky star to protect us.

  GRACE. Oh aye?

  ROSE. Make cheerful, for these dumps have left me. If I can make a plan to rid us of pricker, can only be a matter of time afore I do away with farmer.

  They go.

  Enter DOCTOR.

  DOCTOR (sings).

  God and the Technodoc

  What is life but for creating

  Other life to carry on,

  Churches and religion taught us

  We are made to marry one

  Who like God can create babies

  Embryos of human form,

  Where is life and science going

  Who decides the foetal norm?

  Medicine is a new religion

  Opium to the childless pair

  Who can judge when what’s on offer

  Gives to them an equal share

  Of the right to bring forth babies

  Perfect creatures shaped by man,

  What will happen to the others

  Miscarried in the master plan.

  Eradicate all forms of illness,

  Handicap and brain disease?

  No one will be born disabled

  The technodoc is out to please.

  Join the doctors and the medics,

  Scientists of the human life

  Babies are essential for them

  To sustain the perfect wife.

  Science has at its disposal

  Power to reproduce the race.

  All the kindly interventions

  Are the subtle saving face

  Of the other side of medicine.

  Interference is the plan.

  Making life by experimentation

  Women’s bodies controlled by man.

  The DOCTOR goes.

  Scene Seven

  The servants’ attic in LADY H’s house.

  MARY and ANN are sewing, mending a variety of garments from an assortment scattered around them.

  MARY (stopping to rub her eyes). Is no good, Ann, I will have to sleep else when morning comes my eyes will resemble two pissholes in the snow.

  ANN. Sshush, don’t make so much noise.

  MARY. I am sewing as quietly as I can. (She grins.)

  ANN. You’ll be grinning when Lady Wipe-my-arse catches you awake at this hour.

  MARY. She has never caught me awake or in any other position at this hour. (Then:) Aye. This day hast been bitter enough. Let’s shut our eyes on it.

  ANN. If we was to keep vigil for every woman killed, we’d not get sleep for many years hence.

  MARY. Aye. (She yawns.)

  ANN. Our time will come for their accusations and you cannot shut your eyes on that.

  MARY. I have said I will mind child whilst you can go to the meetings.

  ANN. All you do there is argue over who does it right way or wrong way – I’d rather keep my precious free time to myself.

  MARY. Is not all like that. Asides is important to sort out differences.

  ANN. Seem a mighty luxury to my mind. Risking everything to meet, causing you to be half-asleep at your work. We are not granted privilege of living quarters big enough to stand up in, never mind liberty to run around the village half the night. If you are caught will only confirm their suspicions that you are up to no good.

  MARY. We cannot do nothing.

  ANN. On that we are agreed, so we must leave.

  MARY. Would be treacherous, we have no money.

  ANN. As if I know not that. For if we did we’d not be sat here tickling each other’s ears about it. I know it be a gamble we must take.

  MARY. Gamble? Sheer peril. And what of the child?

  ANN. You let me worry over the child. I am her mother. MARY. Don’t start that up.

  ANN. You are the one most free to go and yet is you who are most scared. Can you not understand our safety here hangs by a thread.

  MARY. We’d not find a position like we have here.

  ANN. So it’s not Grace nor Rose nor the rest keeping you here but the high time you have in your master’s house.

  MARY. With a footman and a stable boy who are partial to each other, and they are happy to keep up pretence of a bogus alliance with us to keep themselves from prying eyes. We would not find another position so favourable.

  ANN. Bachelors aren’t hung for their sex.

  MARY. Ones of their leanings are neither embraced by their fellows. Cook says she heard talk of a cunning woman who arranges sham marriages between folks like us. So we can carry on our lives as we wish without tongues wagging.

  ANN. What might you be suggesting now? That we all bed down together?

  MARY. Merely that, is safer here than you s’pose.

  ANN. I have no faith that when the rope grips our throats we shall hear but even a squeak of rebuke from either footman or stable boy.

  A knock at the door makes them start. They both stand. MARY picks up a piece of wood.

  (Behind the door). Who is it?

  ROSE. Rose and Grace.

  ANN (opening the door, ushering them into the room). What trouble has brought you here at this hour?

  GRACE. No trouble. Set your mind at rest.

  ROSE (shouts). We have rid …

  MARY. Quietly now for we cannot afford whole household to know our affairs.

  ROSE (grandly). We have rid this place this very night of the pricker.

  ANN. How? (Delighted.) Rose, how?

  ROSE. We frighted him with a bear. (Pause for effect.) A dancing bear.

  MARY. I can guess whose cunning was behind that.

  GRACE. Oh no. All young Rose’s doing.

  ROSE. And Jane.

  MARY. Aye, from the moment I set eyes on her I knew she had spirit.

  ANN (smiles at MARY). Jane? And who might she be?

  MARY. That young mistress dressed as a soldier.

  ROSE (to MARY). Aye
and the moment you laid eyes on her you thought she was a man.

  ANN. So, is he dead?

  ROSE. No.

  GRACE (sharply). Rose!

  ROSE (she looks at GRACE). Aye and perhaps that is best. But is my guess he will not show his face round here lest the vision of his massive grizzly imp haunt him.

  GRACE. Will mean a new start.

  MARY. Do you hear that, Ann?

  ANN. Aye. (With delight.) We are free. We are free.

  Enter LADY AITCH (LADY H). She barges into the centre of the room and so has her back towards ROSE. They are all rather shocked and a bit frightened by her presence.

  LADY H. There is more of you than I remembered.

  MARY. If it please, my lady, these are two women from the village who are err … cam to err …

  ROSE (quickly). Give the child lucky charm for its christening.

  LADY H. Strange rituals.

  GRACE. No, Lady H, ’twas a present. Not a charm. Rose, we do not want Lady H to believe we are ignorant, superstitious people.

  ROSE (mutters). What we want don’t come into it.

  ROSE and GRACE make to leave.

  LADY H. No, please, don’t leave. I have had some sorry news. Seems my husband’s guts got spilled in battle.

  ROSE (from behind LADY H’s back holds up two fingers and mouths). Two down.

  MARY. We are sad for your distress, my lady.

  LADY H. He was away much anyway, but there are certain responsibilities I cannot undertake unaided.

  ANN. That is sorry news, my lady.

  LADY H. Rumour hath reached my ears that meetings happen in the village for women without menfolk and, further, you attend them.

  ANN. Only at night, my lady, and we do not sleep in your work.

  LADY H. That I am not disputing, though God knows I should be. I am enquiring as to when, so that I might join you.

  ROSE. You would not care for them, lady, we are a very rough crowd.

  MARY. Begging your pardon, but I don’t see how they could help you, with all respect.

  LADY H. But I am given to understand that each gains solace for your life’s lost happiness and further find husbands for one another and other lonely widows.

  ANN. You would not like it.

  LADY H. How am I to judge until …

  GRACE. We know of no men suiting to your station and your ladyship would not care to be married off to any old cobbler would she?

  LADY H. Certainly not.

  Pause.

  Alas, I am so confused, and in your debt for righting me, I have quite forgot my status. I’ll bid you all goodnight.