Vanishing Rain (Blue Spectrum Chronicles Book 2)

by L. L. Crane

  “Time for your next pill.” I opened my eyes groggily, trying to sit up but unable to even do that. She examined me, but I just stared at her groggily. “Oh shit,” she cursed as she held her hand to my forehead. “The fever is worse.” She scurried out the door and I fell back onto the couch. By then it felt like I was floating above myself, like I was two different Rains. I had never ached so badly in my life, and if possible, my arm, my entire body burned more than the day before. Just when I would fantasize about someone throwing a bucket of cold water all over me, I would get the chills and I would shiver uncontrollably again. I was on a Ferris wheel of hot and cold, unable to get off.

  My muddled thoughts were interrupted by a voice I had never heard before. “There she is.”

  I looked up, squinting my eyes in the dim light. A wisp of a man stood before me, thin and bald. Still, I could make out muscle definition beneath the tight, pure white vinyl jumpsuit he wore.

  “Who are you?” I weakly asked. But I already knew. It had to be the doctor that Blush spoke of. At any rate, I could tell he was a doctor by what he wore.

  I was in one of my hot states, having kicked my blankets off. Sweat was forming on my forehead, little drops that spilled down my cheeks occasionally. I didn’t even bother to wipe them off anymore. My pajamas were soaked as if I had placed them in a bucket of water.

  “Panther,” he answered. “Or, you can call me Pan. Most people do.” He studied me as if I were one of Garment’s outfits he came to purchase.

  “You’ve got an infection.”

  I didn’t answer, my eyelids drooping downward. I was beyond caring.

  He placed something on my forehead, a small silver disc. In a couple of minutes he whistled.

  “It’s a doozie. 105.” His voice reminded me of Number 74’s, and I wanted to smile at him because of it, but I couldn’t even manage that.

  He reached down and fiddled around with something, then pulled out an injection device, like they used when they gave us the Shot.

  Even in my delirious state, I figured it out. He was giving me the Shot. He was killing my baby.

  “No!” I screamed, bolting upright. But he was too strong for me. He shoved me back down and just like when the guards had given me truth serum against my will, Panther injected me with the Shot.

  My heart seized. He had just killed my baby. Orion’s baby. The baby I had fought so hard to keep, the baby I had sacrificed everything for. At first disappointment shot through me, so fast and hard that I was squeezed into a tight ball, my lungs clenched into fists that couldn’t begin to breathe. Then fear took over. I was scared then, more frightened than I had ever been in my life. I wasn’t just afraid for the baby but for myself. What was this horrible man going to do to me? Then, pure hate checked into my motel of feelings. I despised the diminutive man standing before me so much that I vowed to kill him once I was better. A life for a life.

  My baby would die within the day. I would just expel it out of my body and then what? I’d probably have to go to Arbitration, face the jury and receive the sentence I deserved for all of the mandates I had broken. Like before. With Orion.

  After all I had been through, all I had done to keep my baby alive, this horrible man just casually strolled in and killed it. I screamed again, but it hurt my throat so badly and I was so tired that I just curled myself against the wall and willed him away, ignored him as much as possible while my poor heart bled itself to death.

  I cried though, racking, painful sobs that caused my entire body to spasm until I eventually passed out, darkness taking over me, an angry smothering cloud.

  I dreamed of the man. I dreamed of Panther.

  I hated him with a burning passion and snuck up on him, lit him on fire. I watched in glee as his body burned up in flames, his flesh falling off in hairless strips. I cackled, witchlike, enjoying every moment.

  He was burning.

  Burning.

  Flames engulfed him, but then I was on fire next. I was next to the man, my entire body in flames, licking at me with the most intense heat I had ever felt. Desperately, I tried to stick my skin back to the skeleton of my body. It was futile, never adhering but falling away in clumps. I could hear the man laughing, an evil roar each time my skin sizzled and fell to the floor. Despair clamped around my throat, my neck, my stomach. But it was nothing compared to the flames that were so painful that I wanted to die, just to make it end.

  Then I saw my baby burn, a perfect little boy. He burst into flames before me, his soft skin no match for the orange and red flames that fried him like a sausage at a bonfire. Screaming, I tried to put the fire out, to save him. But I wasn’t fast enough, and all I could hear was his crying, desperate, painful screams for me to save him. But I was still on fire and I couldn’t move, the smell of burning flesh so thick in my nostrils I began to throw up, violently spewing liquid from my stomach. It didn’t even squelch the incessant flames.

  My eyes popped open.

  Three people surrounded me. I blinked as their faces slowly came into focus.

  One was Blush, and oddly, she was the only person I wanted to see, the only one who would understand how I felt. My eyes slowly moved to Garment, and even though I didn’t really want to see him, I didn’t care if he was around. But the other man…

  It was Panther, and I screamed at the top of my lungs, lunging myself at him as I roared. “You. Killed. My. Baby.”

  I was yelling at him, crying, flailing my arms wildly at him, an animal unleashed from its cage.

  His arms gripped mine, pushing me back down. I felt other hands on me then, Blush’s and Garment’s holding my shoulders. In a flash, Panther injected me again.

  “Noooo…..” I shouted at him right before everything turned black.

  Chapter 13

  Heartbeat

  When I woke up the next time, I was all alone on the couch. I took in deep breaths, trying to figure out what had happened. I didn’t hurt anymore, and I wasn’t hot or cold. Just normal.

  But I was nauseous, and as I struggled to sit up, wearing soft pajamas that I had never seen before, I threw up all over myself.

  I managed to stay in a sitting position, hot vomit reeking from a pile in my lap, wafting up to my nostrils in that sick and sour and vile smell that had become so familiar to me in the past several weeks.

  Since I had been pregnant.

  My mind swirled crazily and I was so dizzy that I had to lie back against the pillows, the vomit cooling in my lap.

  I remembered then. They had killed my baby.

  I began to bawl frantically, not sure where I could go…what to do. I had already destroyed my tracker-timer – I couldn’t go home.

  Blush was by my side, then. I looked up at her forlornly.

  “It’s okay. I’ll clean it up.” She left in a rush, and I just sat there in my own vomit, immobilized and crying.

  They killed my baby. I was sure of it. Memories of the injections cast shadows in my mind. Maybe I had dreamt it all. Then I saw Panther’s face. Clearly, vividly, more real than a vid on my desk at school. He was giving me the Shot while Blush and Garment held me down. Why? Why would they do that?

  Blush returned with a bucket and some rags. She began sopping up my vomit. I couldn’t move, but I could manage to shoot her a nasty look.

  “Hey, what’s the matter?” she asked me.

  “You. Held. Me. Down.” My teeth were clenched. “So. He. Could. Kill. My. Baby.”

  Blush’s eyes popped open wide, horror overtaking them.

  “No…no…”

  She stood up, agitated. “I would never allow that.”

  I unclenched my teeth. If I had more energy, I might have tackled her, shot up off of the ugly couch and run away. But I was weak, could barely move, and Blush’s face started to fade into two faces, three faces, maybe four all swirling blurrily into each other.

  “That…that…man…Panther…he gave me the Shot.” I breathed heavily. “I remember. I saw him.”

  Blus
h was shaking her head back and forth.

  “And YOU held me down while he did it.”

  “No…no…it wasn’t like that.”

  Blush’s face wobbled before me, and I struggled to make out her expression. She had always hated me, had tricked me. Just like my mom. “I hate you,” I screamed. “I hate you all.” I began crying again, heavy sobs that ached through my body and straight into my heart.

  Garment entered then, sashaying in like nothing had happened. “Butterfly…calm down.” He reached to brush my bangs back from my face, but I tossed his hand away, the thought of him touching me sending shivers up my spine.

  “You killed my baby,” I yelled at him, spittle flying from my mouth. I reached my bandaged arm up to wipe it away, amazed that it had quit hurting, that it was cool.

  “Oh, daaarling…no we didn’t. Pan was giving you a sedative and an antibiotic. So you could fight the infection. The baby is just fine.”

  “Liar,” I spit at him.

  “No. Oh, sugar. You poor, poor thing. You thought the injection…”

  Blush interrupted. “She thought it was the Shot. She thought we held her down so Pan could kill the baby.”

  They were both shaking their heads. “Pan saved your life, sweetie. Your fever was so high, you would have naturally aborted the baby. You had a nasty infection from cutting out that tracker-timer.” He smiled sincerely at me, and I wasn’t sure what to think, who to trust. I was cold and wet from the vomit and I was hurting inside, raw like someone had scraped my insides with a dull knife.

  “The baby is fine. Pan’s been monitoring it all along,” Blush told me, her voice harsh, just like I remembered it.

  Garment spoke then. “Take a shower, butterfly, and then you can listen to the baby’s heartbeat, okay?”

  “Heartbeat?”

  “Yes,” he answered. “It’s a strong one.” He smiled down at me, so much like Dove did that I hesitated, my sobs lessening. “That little guy’s a fighter. Like his mom.”

  “It’s a boy?” I was so confused, not sure who or what to believe.

  Garment waved his hand, his rings glistening like small stars in the darkness. “Oh, it’s too soon to tell. I just have a feeling it’s a boy.”

  Blush scoffed. “Like you would know.” They bickered back and forth for a few minutes while I tried to process what they told me.

  The baby was alive? I could hear its heartbeat?

  I wrapped my arms around that thought, holding it tightly to my heart. The baby was all I had left of Orion, and even though I told myself on a daily basis that I was over him, I didn’t realize how much I had been holding onto him through the baby until I thought they had killed it. The loss I felt was more than just the baby…it was Orion as well, and losing him, the only piece I had left of him, was much worse the second time around.

  I gulped back tears that threatened to spill out again.

  “You need a shower,” Blush ordered gruffly, holding a thick towel. I stood up woozily, staggering. Blush took one arm and Garment took the other. They guided me into the bathroom and Blush turned on the shower. Garment snuck out while the room filled up with steam.

  “I’m staying here in case you fall,” Blush told me. “Don’t worry, I won’t look.”

  I didn’t really care about modesty at that point. I stripped my soiled pajamas off of my sticky body and stepped into the shower. The hot water beat down on me, and I don’t remember anything ever feeling so good in my life. Well, images of Orion drifted into my head just then, how he wrapped me softly in his thick arms, always making me feel safe. That definitely felt better than a shower. But Orion was gone. I had to settle for hot water and steam.

  I sighed, scrubbing my hair with the expensive shampoo that was on the shower shelf. Suds appeared along with a heavenly vanilla scent. I rinsed my hair, remnants of the soap pooling onto the shower floor, little bubbles that each seemed to have a personality of its own, wanting to tell me a story of some sort. I watched with fascination as they cycled down the drain, as if I had killed them.

  I glanced down and placed my hand on my stomach. It looked the same. If they had killed my baby, wouldn’t the little bit of swelling down there be less? Who knew? I certainly wasn’t a doctor.

  I dried off with the softest, thickest towel I had ever used in my life. Suddenly I was hungry, as if I hadn’t eaten in days. Who knew, maybe I hadn’t.

  I stepped out of the shower, and Blush was waiting. She shoved a robe at me. “Here, put this on,” she gruffly ordered. I took the robe from her and wrapped it around my body. Then I tucked my long black hair into the towel.

  “Follow me,” Blush said as she walked purposefully out of the bathroom.

  We entered the dark room where Sergio was kept, and I stepped back, suddenly afraid. Panther was standing in the room right next to Garment looking all white and doctory. Beside them was some kind of a small machine on a chrome cart with tiny black wheels. I took a step back.

  “It’s okay,” Blush soothed, which sounded odd coming from her lips. “It’s an instrument doctors use to listen to a baby’s heartbeat.” She grabbed me none too gently by the shoulders. “Do you think I would let anyone hurt that baby…after all I’ve been through?” Her hazel eyes were piercing into me. I didn’t know who to trust, but at that moment, my options were limited.

  “Lie down,” Garment told me. “I will do it if you don’t want Pan to.”

  I glared at Panther as I stretched out on the beige couch. “You do it,” I told Garment.

  Panther handed Garment the instrument, which looked like a large pen that was connected to the machine somehow. “Put some gel on her lower abdomen,” he ordered.

  Blush pulled my robe open a bit and applied some kind of clear gel onto my stomach. She spread it around quickly and I felt violated again, like I was some kind of science experiment. I fought the urge to get up and run again, but the baby’s heartbeat was something I wanted to hear more than anything else at that moment.

  Garment leaned down toward me with the pen-like instrument. “I’ve never done this before,” he gushed. “But I watched Pan do it several times.” His deep blue eyes were focused on me, two orbs of life I didn’t know if I could trust, yet so much like Orion’s that I was mesmerized by them. I nodded in agreement, though. I wanted to hear that heartbeat.

  Garment set the instrument on my stomach and moved it slowly around. I could hear whishing noises, but that was it. “I’ll turn up the volume,” Panther suggested in what must have been his doctor voice. I shot him another nasty look.

  Garment placed the odd instrument back on my stomach. I glanced over to the other couch, afraid of what I was going to hear. Or not hear.

  Sergio was seated at the couch, the fat folds of his stomach spilling out over his pants. He was quiet, though, and of all the people in the room, he bothered me the least.

  The instrument was back on my stomach, moving in slow circles. The whishing noise continued and then I thought I heard something. “Stop,” Panther almost shouted.

  Quickly but gently, Garment held the instrument in place. There was no denying what I heard.

  A strong, steady heartbeat sang a lullaby to its mother through an instrument I had never heard of before. But there was no denying that it was a rapidly beating and very strong heartbeat.

  It thumped its obvious life to me, and a smile broke out on my face. I started crying then, tears of relief. Tears that were so tightly linked to Orion and this baby that I couldn’t even put words to them.

  I shamelessly cried rivers of tears as I listened to the baby’s strong heartbeat. I never wanted it to end, but eventually, Garment pulled the instrument away and handed it to Panther.

  I must have looked sheepish.

  “It’s okay,” Blush consoled. “You were just protecting your baby. That’s what mothers do.”

  I turned my head and met Pan’s steely eyes head-on. “I’m sorry,” I sputtered. “I thought…”

  “Oh, butterfly,” Ga
rment soothed, patting my leg.

  They all laughed, then and began talking at once, about the baby’s heartbeat, how I was better, the fever, and fortunately, food.

  I smiled up at them all, my heart swelling. They hadn’t killed my baby.

  They had saved us both.

  Chapter 14

  Fighter

  I rested for several days in the dark room. Sergio came and went quietly, never acknowledging that I had taken over his room. I smiled at him whenever I could, but of course, I got no response. Garment, Blush, and Pan made a steady parade in and out to check on me. Mostly to pamper me. I had never felt so spoiled in my life.

  Blush would bring me broth and nutrient water. “For the baby,” she would gruffly comment, but her eyes were tender.

  Garment could have been a mother himself, and I saw remnants of Falcon and Dove in his fussing. He called me endearing names besides butterfly. I was pigeon, daaaarling, sweetie, baby, love, and a host of other names that tangled up in my brain and my heart. He swished in and out of the room dramatically at least every hour to check on me.

  Pan was all business, though. He checked my vitals as well as the baby’s. He administered medicine, always telling me what it was so I wouldn’t think he was harming the baby. He gave me vitamin shots, which made me a little nervous, but he said that my body was depleted of nutrients, and although the baby was fine because it would take from me, I needed the shots so I could heal. Still, the injections made me nervous.

  I got to listen to the baby’s heartbeat every day, though, and I looked forward to that more than anything. With each steady beep I heard on the machine, it was as if Orion was calling to me from far away.

  While I rested, in between the naps that came and went like a soft brush of wind, I would stare at the ceiling, searching for constellations in the sparkly plaster. I would pretend that Orion was there, watching over us.

  Us. I had begun to think of the baby and me as us. I smiled at the thought then panicked. Gods, was I ready to be a mother? I sighed, not knowing the answer to that one.