by Andi Lee
Jamie’s face screwed up, lips pursed tightly. Then he forced out a deep breath. “I don’t know how it happened, but somehow, Negan ended up in their cage—”
“What?” Negan? He was at least three times bigger than each girl. Liam quickly opened the cage. Jamie could tell him they were fine until he was blue in the face, but until he’d seen each toe, inspected each whisker, and kissed each furry belly, he couldn’t be sure. “What the hell happened?”
“I have no bloody idea. I don’t know how I could have put him in the wrong cage. In all my time keeping rats, that has never happened before.” Jamie stared over to Negan’s cage and back as though trying to bring back the memory of what had happened but drawing a blank.
Liam pressed his lips together, fingernails biting into the palms of his hands. As explanations went, it was a shitty one.
“It’ll be fine. All we have to do is take them to see Dane. He’ll give them something to prevent pregnancy.”
Liam’s head jerked back as he tried to read Jamie’s eyes. “Wait, what?” He must be slow, because when he’d heard Negan was in the cage with the girls, he thought about fighting rather than pregnancies.
Jamie swallowed and turned away, fiddling with the belt on the dressing gown. “It won’t hurt them. It’ll just make sure there are no unplanned litters. Shit, I don’t know how this happened. I don’t do things like this. I’m careful.” Jamie bit his lips until they bled.
Liam knew how careful he was, how he carefully planned each litter. He was shocked and a little hurt, if he was being honest with himself. He’d trusted Jamie. He couldn’t understand why babies would be such a terrible thing. Jamie was a rat breeder; there were always rat kittens in his house.
“Babies?” He loved Agatha’s kittens, and he’d helped look after them. He’d love to look after any kittens his girls might have.
Jamie rubbed his hand down his face. “Don’t sound like that—all hopeful and excited. This is bad, Bowie. I fucked up.” He swallowed, and his eyes filled with tears.
“Okay. You fucked up. But you have litters all the time. You take in rescue litters. How is this any different?”
“It’s very different. It’s not planned. No breeder breeds using rescue rats. There are too many unknowns. I’ve worked so hard to be a serious breeder. I’ll be a laughingstock.” Jamie’s voice sounded panicked.
“Because you’re is what’s important here.” Jamie winced, but Liam was too mad to feel sorry for him.
“There are so many things that could go wrong. They’re rescues. They could have health problems we don’t even know about. Maud and Gert are still so young.” Jamie ran a hand through his hair, fingers tangling in his damp locks.
“Maud and Gert’s mom was fine, and Mabel probably came from a breeding farm, and she survived.”
Jamie cleared his throat. “It would be wrong of us to bring more rats into the world. We should take them to see Dane.”
Liam gave a bitter laugh and shook his head. “Oh, you’ve got it all planned out, haven’t you? What if I don’t want to?”
“You could end up with over thirty rats.” It did sound daunting when he put it like that. “It’s insane. Surely you see that?” Jamie said.
Liam swallowed the lump in his throat. Why was Jamie having a go at him? He wasn’t the one that fucked up, so why was he making Liam feel like he was in the wrong for wanting to wait and see what happened? This wasn’t the Jamie he knew and loved. Had he been taken over by aliens or something? Because the Jamie he knew wouldn’t act like this.
“I don’t see anything insane,” Liam said, crossing his arms over his chest.
“They could end up pregnant.” Jamie spoke slowly, as though he thought Liam didn’t understand. “If that happens, you can’t tell anyone it happened here. Not in person or on your vlog. No one would trust me again. My reputation will be ruined.” Jamie said. He looked horrified at the prospect, and that made Liam even more angry. He should be worried about the rats, not himself. Jamie was usually the least selfish person he knew, but right now the only person Jamie cared about was Jamie.
“Do you even care about the rats, or are you more worried about yourself?”
Jamie gave an angry burst of laughter. “Don’t be silly, of course not. I love all of our rats, but I’m a professional breeder. You wouldn’t understand.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Liam glared at Jamie, but he didn’t notice as he carried on.
“Come on, Liam. Your own reputation is a joke. It’s based around making a tit of yourself on YouTube. There’s no way you could know what this means to me or how it could damage me if it gets out. I mean, you don’t even take being a driving instructor seriously.”
Liam flinched “What are you talking about?” He felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. Was that really what Jamie thought of him? “You obviously don’t know me at all if that’s what you think.” Didn’t Jamie see the long hours he put in? The unsocial hours kept so he could work around his students’ studies and jobs? How long he would stay up editing videos?
Despite his laid-back persona, he took his work very seriously. He was good at what he did, and he enjoyed it. He wouldn’t have lasted as long as he had if he didn’t. Being self-employed was tough. That was something Jamie wouldn’t understand.
Jamie rolled his eyes. “What small business owner calls their company L of a Ride unless they’re a prostitute? It’s ridiculous. You spend countless hours messing about with your vlog. Everything is one big joke.”
That stung. Liam blinked. This was messed up. How had they gone from Jamie messing up to picking apart Liam’s life? “Fuck you. I take it all seriously. We’ve never really talked about money, have we? But I make money vlogging. Not a huge amount, but the more work I put in ‘messing about,’ as you delightfully put it, the more I’ll make. And the name of my business, that you apparently hate? I get bookings just because people see my car and remember the name, so fuck you, Jamie, fuck you. I have a business degree. I’m not some dumb blond.”
This wasn’t what Liam expected to come home to. He’d missed Jamie so much, he just wanted to get back and fall into his arms. But now all he wanted was to get away from him.
“Don’t take it like that. You’ve got to admit it’s—” Jamie’s face went white. “Shit. It was Paul.” He gave a laugh. “Fucking bastard.”
“Paul?” Liam asked, confused. He was having trouble keeping up with the stream of conversation and insults that Jamie threw his way.
“Yes, Paul. He took too long in the toilet, but I never thought anything at the time.” Jamie sounded relieved, but Liam felt anything but.
“Paul was here?” There was a sour taste in Liam’s mouth at the mention of Jamie’s ex, and he couldn’t stop the jealousy leaking into his words. Wasn’t it enough that he had to put up with Paul when they were out with Jamie’s friends? “Paul was here?”
“Yes. I didn’t invite him, he just turned up.”
“Yet you didn’t turn him away? Come on. Your ex ended up at your house—the house he used to live in with you. The guy you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with, the guy who slept with your best mate and broke up with you at a pet rat show?” The green-eyed monster grew as he pictured Paul in Jamie’s home—the home Liam had started to feel so comfortable in.
“Are you implying I wanted him here? I’ve been trying to keep the peace since he fucked me over. I didn’t ask him in, but I couldn’t cause a scene either. At least we know it wasn’t my fault now, I didn’t switch the rats.”
Liam gave a dry, painful laugh. It wasn’t even about the rats anymore. Jamie put everyone before Liam—including himself. How could he trust him? Not just because of Paul, but because of Jamie’s true feelings about Liam’s career path. “Good for you. You can tell that to all your rat friends, I’m sure that will save your pristine reputation. I’ll go back to my whoring around.”
Liam couldn’t believe what he’d walked into. He started to gather the girls’ thin
gs, shoving treats and food into a bag. His eyes burned with angry tears, but he refused to let them fall. Jamie couldn’t even see how much his words hurt.
What was the saying? Sticks and stones may hurt my bones, but words will never hurt me? That was a pile of shit. Jamie’s words hurt more than Liam knew how to deal with. The only thing he knew for sure was he had to leave the house and get as far away from Jamie as he could.
Was Liam being unreasonable? Was he in the wrong? Jamie basically shit on all his accomplishments. He was damned proud of being a driving instructor. He was proud of his vlog—even the dating disasters, because his channel would never have evolved without it.
“Where are you going? Don’t leave. We still need to talk about this.” Jamie grabbed his arm, and Liam shrugged it off and opened the pet carrier.
“I’m going home.” He felt bruised all over; skin too tight for his bones, and his face ached from trying to stop any kind of emotion other than anger showing.
“Don’t be unreasonable. I’ve said I’m sorry.”
Liam’s mouth dropped open. “Me unreasonable? You apparently hate everything about me. What do you even see in me, or am I still that rebound boyfriend you keep around so you can pretend to Paul and the rest of your friends that you’re over him?”
“Don’t be stupid. I’m not pining after Paul, but I can’t make it awkward for our mutual friends either.” The same old story again.
Liam gave him a pointed look and put the rats into the carrier. “Could have fooled me. What am I supposed to think when he turns up the weekend I’m gone, and this happens?” He shut the lid and picked up the handle. “Did he warm your bed too?” Liam didn’t really believe that Jamie had slept with Paul, but he did want to hurt him as much as he was hurting.
“I wouldn’t do that. I’m sorry, okay. I’m hungover, I feel like shit, and I can’t have this getting out. I’ve already been humiliated in front of the rat community. I can’t have this getting out.” Liam walked toward the door. He was so done. “Let’s talk about this,” Jamie pleaded.
“You’ve done enough talking. You should worry about your precious reputation instead.”
“Please, we haven’t finished.” Jamie’s voice was high-pitched and shaky. “Don’t leave. We need to call Dane, at the very least.” Liam pushed the hurt down and concentrated on the anger as it uncurled inside him. He glared at Jamie, not liking him very much right then.
“We’re done talking. You worry about your rats, and I’ll worry about mine.”
“Don’t be like that. You know I love the girls. I just don’t want anyone to question my ethics.”
“I’m questioning your ethics right now.” Liam shook his head, hair falling into his eyes. “Perhaps you’re not as decent a breeder as you thought you were.” Jamie flinched, and Liam had a moment of satisfaction before jogging out to his car and driving away. He could break down when he got home.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
SURELY HE could have one day of self-pitying isolation where he got to stay in bed and no one bothered him? “It’s been two weeks, not one day,” the voice said, and Jamie hadn’t realised he’d even said anything aloud.
“Fuck off.” The duvet was ripped from over his head, and he managed to grab the corner and yank it back, but it was soon ripped off again. Grudgingly he opened one eye and blinked up at the figure looming over him. “I’m trying to sleep.”
Dane raised an eyebrow and threw the quilt onto the floor. Bastard. “Yes. For the past two weeks. I know what you’re doing, and it’s nothing to do with sleep, darling.”
“Why did I give you a key?” Too many people had access to his house. Jamie refused to move despite the chill in the air. He longingly eyed the quilt on the floor but wasn’t sure he’d get to it. Dane was smaller than him, but he could wrestle cows and feral kittens, so he didn’t like his chances.
“He’s still not talking to me.” Liam had just dropped off the face of the earth. Jamie had resorted to watching his vlog, hoping to get an update.
“Well, he certainly thinks you were a knob, sweetheart.” Dane didn’t mince his words.
Jamie rolled onto his back with a groan and flung his arm over his eyes. Humiliation churned in his stomach and made him feel vaguely sick. “Fucking Paul.” It was all his fault. Jamie hadn’t expected Liam to stay away. He was so sure that, when he calmed down, he’d see reason, but it had been radio silence, and now he wasn’t sure Liam was ever going to speak to him again.
“Don’t be such a drama queen. Have you tried going to see him? I’m not going to let you wallow like a pig in shit anymore.”
Jamie sat up and glared. “I’m not wallowing. I’m hurt. I’m annoyed at myself. I said some shitty things to him that I didn’t mean. And I’m worried about his rats.”
“Get dressed. I’ll make you breakfast, and then we’ll take Speedy G for a walk.” Jamie only then realised Dane’s dog was sitting on the end of his bed, head cocked to one side, his little tail wagging.
“Sorry for ignoring you, Speedy.” As soon as Jamie said his name, Speedy G lunged himself into his lap and wriggled on his back. Jamie laughed, tickled his belly, and leaned down so the dog could lick his face.
“Wonderful. How come I didn’t get a greeting like that?” Dane crossed his arms in mock anger.
“You’re not as cute,” Jamie said, and Dane laughed even though they both knew it wasn’t true.
Jamie absently scratched Speedy’s ears and stared at Dane, wishing there was a spark between them. It would be so much easier if there were. Dane was handsome and tall, willowy but strong, he liked animals, and he liked being outdoors. They had a lot in common. It should be easy to fall in love with him, but the thought just made him feel a little sick, as though he were perving on his brother.
Dane wrinkled his nose and backed away. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
He pointed his finger accusingly at him. “Like you’re undressing me and hoping that spark will fly right out of my boxers.”
Jamie snorted and pushed the dog aside. “Maybe you should check for a spark in mine?” It was a joke but with a hint of seriousness to it, which was mostly born of desperation.
“Not even if you were the last man on earth, darling. Which I know you’re relieved about. If I took you up on that offer, you’d go running in the opposite direction. Now. Go get dressed and meet me in the kitchen in ten minutes.”
Jamie had the quickest shower on record and then threw on his clothes and padded down to the kitchen in his bare feet. There was a bowl of Frosties going soggy on the table, and Dane was leaning against the kitchen counter, drinking a cup of coffee.
“I thought you were making me breakfast?”
Dane pointed at the bowl. “Don’t say I don’t do anything for you.”
Jamie rolled his eyes and gave a small smile. “I wouldn’t call this breakfast.”
“Tell that to Cereal Killer Café.”
Jamie picked up the bowl and ate the milky mush. He didn’t bother sitting down; they always seemed to congregate and stand in the kitchen, even if there was plenty of room to sit. “Your empathy skills suck, you know,” he said with his mouth full.
“My patients don’t think so.”
“Your patients are mostly dogs and cats. They don’t count.” Jamie finished his cereal and put the bowl in the sink. “Come on. Are we going for that walk, or what?” He was not going to admit it to Dane, but he was feeling a bit more human, and he appreciated a good friend.
It was drizzling when they got to Castle Ring, and Jamie pulled his hood down over his eyes as they walked along the edges of what was once an Iron Age fort but was now a series of grassy verges and rolling hills.
Speedy G wore a small wax jacket and looked like a little old man. He ran for a tennis ball, shot down the hills, and then zoomed back up. Jamie felt he was finally coming out of his own bubble. He’d been so caught up in Liam that he’d forgotten about his friends.
“I’m getting sick of me and my problems. I don’t know how to fix it right now. How are you doing? What’s going on with Ben?” He bumped his shoulder against Dane’s and attempted to give a smile. He’d noticed that his two friends had started to spend more time together.
Dane laughed, but it was stilted. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Really?” Jamie raised an eyebrow. “You’ve seemed awfully cosy lately. Do you feel more for him than friendship? You do know he’s not gay, right?” He was sure Dane knew that, but he didn’t want him to get the wrong idea. Ben was a quiet guy and had only just started to come out of his shell.
Dane walked faster and called for Speedy, who raced back and circled his legs with a small yip. “I know that, darling, probably more than you do. Contrary to popular belief, gay and… not-gay men can become friends.”
“True.” Jamie dropped the subject because Dane gave off the vibe that he didn’t want to speak about it.
“I don’t want to talk about boring ol’ me. We need to decide what you’re going to do to apologise to Liam.”
“I don’t know. Paul’s head on a stick, maybe?”
Dane snorted. “I think that’s something you’d want more than him.”
It was true. He was so angry at Paul. He wanted to throttle him, at the very least. And Jamie didn’t understand him at all. He had the man he wanted—why mess with them?
The heavens opened and the drizzle turned to buckets. Despite his waterproof jacket, Jamie still got soaked down to his undies. The sky darkened, but they’d walked this path a million times before, so neither of them were concerned.
“I heard from Tommy’s cousin twice removed that he and Paul have split up.”
Jamie stumbled in a puddle. “What?” His feet started to get wet, but he didn’t move.
“I know. Neither of them has mentioned it to me.” Dane frowned. “Which is understandable, as I’ve not seen either of them since before the rat switcharoo.”
“Son of a— I’m going around there.” Things were suddenly starting to make sense. He might not be able to sort out his problems with Liam, but he could confront Paul.