Spirit Pouch

by Vaterlaus, Stanford

I really don't hear what George says in the prayer because what I do hear is Joseph cough, then Annie coughs.

  "… we are thankful for this food …"

  Joseph coughs again. This time he coughs down deep in his chest and then wheezes to suck air back in. Then Annie coughs again.

  "… Amen."

  I see heads and eyes turn toward Joseph. Mine do, too. He looks all right, but he sounds like he has a major chest cold.

  "Joseph," Elizabeth says, breaking the 'look-at-Joseph' trance. "Off to bed with you. Annie, you get a blanket wrapped around you. It sounds like you are catching a cold, too."

  Elizabeth just stands there, strong and determined, holding her spoon, and commanding her battalion of sick children. Joseph silently retreats to bed, sliding under two layers of blankets. Annie finds the blanket that she had slept on and pulls it around her shoulders like a shawl.

  "The freight wagons are leaving today," Thomas announces between a bite of eggs and a biscuit.

  "I have been expecting a departure," Henry says, a hint of sadness in his voice.

  "When do you go?" Elizabeth asks.

  "I got up early and did all my chores. That's why I had time to come over here. I wanted to say goodbye. So, we will be leaving soon. I just have to hitch the wagon to the oxen as soon as I get back."

  "We will miss you," Elizabeth says, giving Thomas a big embrace as he stands to leave.

  "I'll see you again, soon, I think," Thomas says hugging his mother. "We will go to some small towns and then to Laramie.

  [90] After Laramie, we will cross the river at the Big Laramie River Stage Station."

  "So we will see you there," Henry says. "We will cross there, too."

  Thomas hugs his father long and hard, then gives a quick hug for everyone else, including Joseph. "Get over that cold soon, little brother," he says squeezing his shoulder.

  William says, "Father, could we walk with Thomas to Willow Springs? Thomas tells us that there is a small store there that might purchase our deer skins."

  Henry steals a glance at Elizabeth, "Yes," he says. "Be back before mid-afternoon so we don't worry about you."

  "Mother?" William says.

  "You read my mind, William. Bring back a chicken if they have one."

  "We will, Mother," William promises. We go to the wagon and collect our deer skins. William hands them to George, Ty and me to carry, and for some planned reason Thomas and William end up not carrying anything.

  Willow Springs is more of a stagecoach station than a town. We find the small general store and go in. William and Thomas talk with the store clerk and I browse the shelves. There are mostly food supplies, but also basic kitchen ware, and hanging by the front door there is a small assortment of pants, shirts and a full dress on a wooden mannequin.

  William calls for us to hand over the deer skins and the clerk inspects them closely. After a few minutes I see him exchange money for the skins.

  "So, I guess the clerk wanted the skins," I say as William and Thomas join us.

  "Yes. In fact, he rates them to be of fairly high quality. No penetrations, and he stated that we did an exemplary work tanning the hides."

  "How much is a deer skin worth here in Willow Springs?"

  "We made a great deal of a bargain," William smiles. "The clerk gave us seventy five cents per skin, and strawberry ice cream for us five. And he sold us one chicken."

  "He wasn't set on paying so grand, at first," Thomas admits. "Until I mentioned that the freight wagons would trade for more."

  "That sounds great," I say. Mostly I am thinking that the ice cream sounds great. I have almost forgotten about William's addictive tendencies toward ice cream.

  We move to the back of the store where there is a small parlor and take a seat. After a few minutes the clerk brings us strawberry ice cream. We laugh and talk while we eat cold, sweet and smooth dessert. I feel a little guilty that we are enjoying ice cream in Willow Springs while Joseph is sick in bed. At least his leg with the snake bite was doing better this morning before we left, so I let my guilt diffuse into the moment, and savor the rich, cold, creamy flavor.

  Thomas tells us stories of driving the freight wagons and emphasizes how hard the work is. Then he wants to know about our trip. William tells him about fishing and hunting and the snake in the trail that upset the horse.

  "But the fun thing we do while we walk is learn geometry," William says. "Ty teaches us."

  "I've been meaning to ask you, Ty," Thomas says. "How did you join up with our family?"

  "We had to hide somewhere after William and I …" Ty looks around and lowers his voice, "… help Jared escape from jail."

  "You what?" Thomas exclaims. He looks at William. "Does Pa know this?"

  "Yes," William smiles." Jared and Ty stowed away on our wagon, and even I did not know about it, but Pa caught them. We told Pa the whole story about the fire and everything."

  "Fire?" Thomas hisses quietly.

  "Not a real fire," Ty inserts quickly. "Just a lot of smoke."

  William and Ty re-tell the whole story for Thomas and everyone laughs. Thomas sort of shakes his head.

  "Do I have to quit my job so I can keep you boys in line?" he laughs again.

  "No," William says. "Pa is doing that just fine."

  We finish our ice cream and head back out onto the street. The store clerk hands William a chicken that has its feet tied together. William hands it to me. "You get to carry this," William says. "Don't make friends with it because it is going to be our dinner soon."

  I frown and take the chicken. Willow Springs is pretty quiet and the freight wagon is leaving soon, so Thomas says goodbye, again, and heads off to hitch up his wagon. We decide to head back to our camp. I'm happy about that because I'm carrying the chicken, and after a while it gets quite heavy.

  "Hey, boys," Henry calls when he sees us from a block or two away. "How is Willow Springs?"

  "Not much activity in town," William replies. "Most people must live out on a ranch. The town is small and quiet."

  "Did you find a store?"

  "Oh, yes," William says. "Nice little store near the stage station. The clerk liked our deer skins and gave us seventy five cents each, plus some ice cream. Here is the sale." William puts some coins into Henry's hand. "We bought the chicken for Mother from this money."

  "Well, you boys did real fine," Henry says.

  "How's Joseph?" William asks.

  I've already spotted him curled up under a couple of blankets.

  "His leg is recovering very well for such a close call with death. He has developed a cold and a heavy cough that does not sound good. His chest hurts and he has trouble breathing. I'm worried about that cough. I've seen chest colds like that turn bad quite fast."

  "It's good that his leg is mending, "William smiles. I can see a mask of concern sweep across his face.

  I am still holding the chicken, so I walk over to Elizabeth and hold it out for her to take.

  "Thank you, Jared," she says without taking it. "It will do very nicely. It looks to be a good size, too. Bring it back when it is ready for cooking."

  "Ready for cooking?" I ask. "You mean … ?"

  "Yes. I mean plucked and everything. That's a man's job. And do a good job. I want it ready to drop right into the pot, so be thorough."

  "Okay," I say. I walk over by William and set the chicken down on the ground. Its feet are still tied so I know it won't go far on its own.

  William looks at the chicken and then at me. "Is Mother ready for it yet?" he asks.

  "I actually don't know. She didn't say. She said to bring it back when it is ready for cooking."

  "Come help me get it ready, then," William says.

  "I think I will pass on this one," I say. "I don't think I can do a butcher-the-chicken lesson today. Just thinking about it makes me feel sick."

  "You do look a little pale. Maybe I'll ask Ty to help."

  "Good idea," I say. "Maybe I will go check on the horse and oxen."


  William gives me that you-are-nutso look and shrugs his shoulders as I walk away. Maybe I'll go measure a tree or something. I just don't want to be here for any chicken lessons.

  As I walk past Joseph I see him curled up under two blankets. "Are you okay, Joseph?" I ask.

  "Yes," he answers. "But I'm cold. Can you get me another blanket?"

  "Sure," I say. I put the back of my hand on his forehead. His head feels warm like a section of wood on the wagon where the sun has been shining. "Your head feels a little too warm," I say, feeling my own forehead for comparison.

  "The rest of me feels cold," Joseph coughs hard into his hand as Henry walks up. We both see red on Joseph's hand as he wipes it onto his shirt.

  "Blood," Henry states, his face set with concern.

  "And he may have a fever," I say quietly. "At least he has the chills and his head feels warm."

  Henry already has his hand on Joseph's forehead. He nods agreement. Henry leaves and in a couple of minutes returns with several wet towels.

  "Joseph," Henry says, calmly pulling the blanket down off of Joseph's head. "I know you are cold, but it is because you have a fever. We need to cool your fever down. Too high of a fever is not good for you."

  "I'm really cold, Father," Joseph whines and coughs, wheezing for air.

  "I know you are," Henry agrees. "But I'm going to put a wet towel on your forehead to cool your fever."

  Joseph's entire body shudders and his teeth chatter as Henry places the first air-cooled towel across his forehead.

  "It's … s … co … cold," Joseph coughs and shakes so hard that I want to cry. He clutches his chest and coughs again.

  "I'm making chicken soup," Elizabeth announces to Joseph as she walks up to his bed and kneels down next to him.

  "That … s … s … sounds great," Joseph chatters.

  Elizabeth runs her fingers through his hair. "We've got to get your fever down a little bit, so be brave, my Joseph."

  I scoot out of the way to make more room for Elizabeth and Henry and I go talk with Ty.

  "How was the butcher-the-chicken lesson?" I ask, not really wanting to know.

  "How's Joseph?" Ty asks, ignoring my question completely. That's okay, though, since I sort of pushed that chicken job off to him.

  "Sick," I answer. "He's got the chills and a fever, he has a serious cough in his chest, and he's coughing up blood. He's sick."

  "Are his lips blue?" Ty asks quietly.

  "Yes, of course they are. He's freezing cold."

  "He's not freezing. He has a fever. He has cyanosis because his blood is not oxygenated enough. That's cyanosis … blue lips."

  "Oh … because …"

  "Because he can't breath," Ty says, keeping his voice down. "Look, I'm no doctor, but my guess is pneumonia. In our world he would be in a hospital, taking antibiotics. Maybe on a respirator. But that's not going to happen because penicillin hasn't even been discovered yet!"

  [91]

  I turned away and blinked back a couple of tears that were squeezing out of my eyes like drips from a leaky faucet. Turning back I say, "So, what do we do?"

  "Jared, I told you, I'm not a doctor. I happen to know stuff because I read a lot. All I know is that without antibiotics, pneumonia is, and always has been, a killer."

  I walk away angry. How could you say that? How could you say that about Joseph? … About Joseph who we love? I am angry that Joseph got sick. I am angry at the snake that bit Joseph. I am angry, and so I leave camp and I run. I run to the top of a small, nearby hill and, totally out of breath, I sit on a rock to rest. As oxygen fills my lungs and my heavy breathing subsides, so does my anger.

  "Why?" I ask, looking upward. "Why Joseph?" I wipe a tear from my eye, but it is then that I feel a total peace come over me like when the sun comes out from behind a cloud. Joseph is a pure soul. I know he will be all right, even if he leaves us. Even if he dies. It is not Ty's fault. And not the snake's fault. It is life. And life brings death for everyone, eventually.

  I think I feel another tear and wipe it away as I stand up and head back to our camp. In my anger I had run about a mile and a half. It seemed like nothing at the time. Walking back, though, I have time to think and to ponder. I know that even if Joseph dies we can be with him again in the Spirit World. I know that this great blessing comes from Jesus Christ. Joseph will live again and we can be with him. This life is not the end. Even I am surprised at how strongly I feel the truth of this and I know it is the Spirit bearing witness to me.

  I see the oxen and the horse as I get close to camp. At least I can report to William that they are okay, I think to myself.

  When I return to camp Elizabeth and Henry are sitting by Joseph, keeping wet, air-cooled towels on his forehead. Grandmother Brettle and Annie are fixing some food by the fire.

  William, George and Ty show up dragging some firewood behind them.

  "Jared, help us bring one more load of wood," William says.

  "Is it far?" I ask.

  "No. We found some fairly close by," he says, as we head out of camp to the north.

  Carrying firewood is far better than sitting in camp worrying about Joseph, or Annie, for that matter. We each gather an arm full of wood and return to the wagons.

  Elizabeth feeds Joseph some warm chicken soup as soon as it is done. I hear him cough and wheeze two or three times, holding his chest from the pain of each breath.

  When we all sit down for dinner, Henry offers a sincere prayer of thanks and concern for Joseph, and then he returns to Joseph's side. No one talks much at dinner, silently eating soup and biscuits.

  A short while later Annie takes my dish and I go help William spread out our blankets for sleep. Joseph never really stops wheezing and crying from pain, and I hear him now.

  "I know it hurts, my Joseph," I hear Elizabeth say quietly as I walk by. She has him in her arms, hugging him and talking softly. His face and lips look blue in the flickering light of the lantern. "Be brave, my son," she says.

  I crawl into my blankets and so do William and George. Ty comes eventually. I do not sleep for a while, but I lie under the canvas looking at the stars and listening to Joseph gasping, coughing, crying and wheezing. At some point I drift into a restless sleep.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Joseph

  Tuesday, July 10

  Waking up without an alarm clock is a much more pleasant way to greet the new day. Usually my mind and thoughts seem to float between unconscious bliss and conscious reality for a short while, like when you daydream in English Literature class. But this morning is different. I wake up like someone has flipped a switch or pressed the on button. I open my eyes and am perplexed because it is still dark. It feels like early morning and I decide the eastern sky is just a touch more light than the west. But what woke me up? I wonder, searching my recent subconscious thoughts for a hint. William is not in bed and I decide that I had heard William crawling out.

  Faintly, and almost imperceptibly, I hear soft and muffled sounds from where Joseph sleeps. Then comes quiet, but distinct, sobbing.

  Throwing off my blanket, I slip into my shoes and make my way over to Joseph. William is there, kneeling. Elizabeth is holding Joseph in her arms and Henry is holding Elizabeth, as she silently sobs, as only a mother can when she loses a child. Joseph's hand falls to the side and William reverently picks it up and places it into Joseph's lap where it sits motionless and lifeless.

  I hear William sniff and tears in Henry's eyes reflect the dim light of the nearby lantern. A coyote howls a lonely song in the distance, and my heart aches.

  "Jared," Henry chokes, "would you please wake George? He needs to be here."

  "Yes, sir," I whisper. I walk over to where George is sleeping and sit down on the blanket next to him. "George," I say softly, pushing his shoulder a little.

  "What?" His eyes flutter and partially open.

  "Your brother, Joseph, has passed away during the night and your father wants you to come to him," I say q
uietly.

  "That's not a very funny joke," George says tersely, and rolls over away from me.

  "That's because it is not a joke."

  George turns back and, squinting in the dim pre-dawn light, looks me in the eyes to see if I am laughing. "You're serious, aren't you?" he says, fully awake.

  "Very."

  George throws off the blanket and grabs his boots, slipping into them fast enough to give a fireman competition.

  "George," I say, pausing. George looks at me. "I'm sorry about Joseph."

  George nods and hurries away.

  "Jared?" Ty says from his blanket.

  "Yeah?"

  "Did I hear you correctly?"

  "Yes," I say. My voice quivers a little. "Joseph passed away early this morning."

  Ty throws off his blanket. "I'm going to miss that boy," Ty says. "A lot." Ty grabs his shoes, "Come on, Jared. We need to help."

  I follow Ty over to where the family is gathered. Elizabeth still holds Joseph in her arms and her face glistens in the dim light with tears.

  Annie is awake, sitting in a shadow, and Grandma Brettle is sitting close to her. They are talking softly and Annie sniffs and pulls her tear streaked hair from her eyes. Annie scoots close and buries her face in her grandmother's sleeve and her shoulders shake as she cries. Grandma Brettle rubs her back and blinks away a tear. Grandpa Brettle has his arm around Henry.

  "I'm going to miss him a lot," Ty whispers to William. He puts his arm around William's shoulder and squeezes.

  William wipes a wet streak from his cheek, "Me, too."

  "I can't believe he is gone," George says, his voice quivering. "I didn't say goodbye …", he sniffs and pushes at his eyes, "… and now he is gone."

  I pull George over and give him a hug. "We will both miss him," I say. "He loved life. He could play harder than anyone I know."

  George smiles. "He could, couldn't he? He could play morning to night."

  "Boys," Henry says quietly. "I need your help," He walks away from the wagons and we follow. "William, I need you to go into Willow Springs and find someone who will make us a coffin. It needs to be simple and soon. Then find out where the cemetery is. We will meet you at the store in Willow Springs."