by J. R. Gray
I smiled and waved for the pictures, arm in arm with my brother and Phillip. I pretended like I was excited to go to my coronation, but it felt like I was a pig going to slaughter. Phillip kept me close, a constant pressure on my arm. He and Jacob kept exchanging glances. They’d become fast friends, and I had to wonder why. Maybe Jacob thought he was doing my duty for me.
The cameras faded, and Phillip leaned in to whisper. “Shall we make our escape?”
I nodded. “Please.” It was painful to keep up the formality when I wanted to scream at the universe for being unfair.
He led me up the gangplank. “Care to have a drink to relax your nerves?”
“Sure.” I gave him a fake smile and let him take the lead yet again. There was no point in hiding for the short flight up to the space port.
I took a seat in a single chair in the lounge portion of the empty ship, noticing my brother’s absence. Phillip filled two crystal tumblers and instead of taking the loveseat across from me he sat on the edge of the low table causing our knees to touch as he held out my drink. I accepted it but did not bring it to my mouth. Clasping it with two hands I set it in my lap. He downed the drink and set it aside, freeing up his hands. He laid one lightly on my thigh next to my own.
The ship rumbled as the engines powered on. These transports were only used for taking people to and from the station. Their heavy engines were great for breaking through the planetary gravity, but were nothing compared to the Time2 the lighter starships used.
“Are you unwell?” he said at last, brushing his thumb over the bare skin on my wrist.
I looked from his hands back to his dark purple eyes. “I have been feeling under the weather. ’Tis nothing to worry about.”
He nodded, but I could see the disbelief in his expression. “I do hope you are well by the time we reach Gavin. I would hope you would enjoy the time with me.”
I counted down the minutes feeling the pull as we escaped the atmosphere.
“I’m sure a few days of rest on the ship will put me right.”
He searched my face, and I brought my drink to my lips to distract him.
“Don’t hide yourself away the entire time and deprive us of your presence.” He brushed his fingers further up my arm, sending a shiver through me at the light touch.
The ship shuddered as we came to position at the docking bay. I shot to my feet, knocking him back in the process.
“Excuse me,” I said, calmer than I felt.
He stood and stepped back holding out an arm to excuse me. “By all means, I’m sure being ill you’re in a hurry to get to your stateroom and change.”
“I am.” I inclined my head toward him, and he returned the sign of respect. I forced myself to walk slowly from the lounge toward the port.
Deep breaths, Jocelynn. I could do this. I closed my eyes and didn’t wait for the escort. As soon as they had the airlock open I slipped through and headed to the cruiser. It was always in reserve at the same port, and the crew knew me well. They allowed me on board with only a few raised brows as to where the rest of the party was.
Once seated in my stateroom I broke down, letting fall the tears I’d been holding back. I’d let myself cry this once. I would get it all out, and then I would put my emotions under lock. I was about to be the Baron in waiting, and love was beneath me. I could throw things, and pound my fists into the walls, but this would be the last time I would cry over Madden. My House did things. They didn’t cry over impossibilities. They made things happen. I promised myself.
When I had nothing left I took a seat in front of my vanity, and I picked up a cotton pad to apply the solution to remove the tearstained mask of makeup. I finished giving myself a fresh canvas to start from. I painted from base coat up, and the finished product looked better than the first of the day. I stood shaking out my sore arms, catching a glimpse of a large figure leaning against my doorframe.
“Why don’t you come in, Jacob?”
He stepped into the light. “I enjoy watching you.”
I lifted my hand to cover my mouth, but didn’t dare muss the fresh paint, so I dropped it back to my side, turning my lips into a forced smile.
“Phillip, I didn’t realize…” I didn’t know what to say to him. My nerves were so raw over Madden it was hard to look at the man I was going to be forced to spend the rest of my life with.
He crossed the room with a swagger, and I could smell the drink on him. He’d been exploring the Baron’s wine cellar I guessed.
“I wanted to make sure you were all right after your hasty departure.” He towered over me where I sat.
I rose to my feet, but I still didn’t come above his shoulder. “I can assure you I’ll be fine.”
He looked me directly in the eyes, and I didn’t back down stepping away from my dressing table.
“Can I be frank?”
I raised both brows. “I would prefer it.”
“You’re beautiful, and any man would be lucky to have you.”
I let out the pent up air in my lungs. I wasn’t a trophy. I had a Barony to run. If he was in love with someone else as well then we could live separate lives. But then it struck me. There was no reason for him not to choose anyone he wanted. All the houses would owe allegiance to him when he became Emperor. He had to really like me, and the realization scared me. Being with him was a kink in my plans to find Madden. I kept the shock off my face. It was no matter. I’d decided, and nothing would keep me from my end.
His stare was hard as he took a step into me. He kept coming. My breath caught in my throat, and I stepped back into the wall. He stopped millimeters from me, pressing his hand into the wall above my head. He was twice as broad as I was, and from where I stood I could see the stubble on his face.
I fixed a bored look on my face, one I rarely used but was taught to use on those of lesser rank. “Is there a purpose to this conversation, my Lord?” I questioned his motives, sliding my hand around to the knife I carried in a hidden pocket in my dress.
I worked free just before he pressed his body into mine. He didn’t speak. I turned the knife around in my hand pressing the tip into his side. I could easily kill him. I waited for him to make another move. If I was going to gut the heir to the known universe I would have to have good reason, and intuition wasn’t it. The cards were all in his hand.
“The purpose is.” A smile curled over his lips. “You’re exactly who I want at my side.” His eyes flickered down to where the knife hovered near his stomach. He dropped one hand from the wall over my head. I thought he was going to grab my wrist, but he closed his hand around the blade. I barely stifled a gasp. He pressed the knife into his side.
“I need someone I know can’t be intimidated by those who wish to take me down. Not even by men twice their size.” There was lust in his gaze.
He was turned on by this. I felt the tip of my Garian steel slice through his tunic and press into his skin. He was in control of the blade. It cut him like soft butter. He didn’t flinch as he dropped his face closer to mine.
“There are not many women who live up to your reputation, but I wanted to make sure it wasn’t something the Baron built up.” He wrenched the knife from my grasp and brought the knife up between us. Blood dripped down his wrist staining the cuff of his crisp white shirt, yet even still he didn’t loosen his grip on it.
He was lucky I hadn’t pulled the poisoned one.
“He hasn’t.” My voice was icy, but there was heat between us. I would never love him like I did Madden, but I would respect him, and I was attracted to him even if I didn’t want to be.
He lowered his face, hovering his mouth over mine. “Do you want this?”
Pain engulfed me. My chest constricted, and it took everything I had to stay on my feet. I screamed “No” in my head as I said, “Yes.”
His smile broadened as he leaned in for a kiss.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Jocelynn
A female gasped behind us, and Phillip spun f
lipping the knife around in his hand. I lifted my hands to my face, but remembered the time I’d spent on the paint and balled them in to fists instead. It was too soon. I couldn’t. My knees shook, but I forced my expression neutral.
“Sorry,” a servant girl muttered to Phillip over and over. “I was sent to find the Lady Jocelynn. I … I … I didn’t mean to intrude. The door was open.” She stammered her words.
Phillip slid the knife into his belt at the small of his back, keeping it out of her sight. The last thing either of us needed was for rumors of blood play to go through the servants.
“Think nothing of it. I will escort Jocelynn to dinner myself. I do need some assistance. Run to my room and fetch me a fresh shirt as I cut my hand and soiled this one.”
She curtsied and hurried away. I moved from the wall taking away that vantage point from him, seating myself on my sofa instead.
“Forgive my behavior. There are not many ways to see how easily a person spooks.” His face was a mask as mine was, but there was arousal still hidden in his eyes.
He took the knife from his belt and cleaned it carefully on his shirt before handing it back to me handle first.
I slid it back into the hidden sheath. “You didn’t spook me.”
I struggled with what to make of the encounter. It hadn’t spooked me as such, but after the conversation with Madden my head was full and I was having trouble processing any of it. I needed to speak to my brother if he wasn’t already in on this. Maybe he wanted the Barony to himself so he wanted me with Phillip. I was becoming as paranoid as the Baron.
“I thought not.” He untied his tie and then worked his fingers down the buttons of his shirt before letting it slide from his large shoulders. He tossed it over the back of the chair then took a seat next to me.
I looked away. He was no stranger to exercise, and his body was proof of that.
“I can feel a connection between us, and I’m not expecting you to act on it now, or soon, but it’s there. I need that. I want you to trust me. I plan to spend as much time with you as I can so you do. That is a must for me. I want to unite our families, and if you don’t trust me we’ll be at odds and working behind each other’s backs. My mother and father have never trusted each other. I don’t want that for us or for our sons.”
I nodded. I was having a hard time coming up with my usual easy replies to all situations for state matters. But this wasn’t just for the good of my House. This was so much more.
“I want that, too.” The words made me sick as I said them.
The truth was, I would always have a Madden-shaped hole in my heart. Nothing would fill the space, and I would always love him more than any other man alive.
He collected my hand in his and brought it to his lips. “Good.” He searched my face, for what, I didn’t know, before retuning my hand.
All I could think of was how Madden looked half asleep and how happy just being there with him made me.
****
By the time Jacob and I woke on the fifth day, we were on Gavin, having drunk ourselves to sleep once we got on the starship, and the days that followed were spent in a deep depression. Jacob had tried to snap me out of it for Phillip’s sake, but I was too far gone in mourning. Maybe the Baron would disinherit me for the disgrace. I could only hope.
Jacob wore thick glasses as we exited the ship to a cheering crowd. I had been up an hour before him, getting my face painted and hair done for the greeting. We had a ceremonial breakfast to get through, and then I could hide again. Phillip was doting as I was presented at the Baron’s side. We greeted all the officials from Harden who’d come to Gavin 9 to meet with us for the month long holiday trip.
All the events were laced with work when it came to my father. The wheels in the back of my mind turned as I picked at my food. I half listened to the meetings going on around me. From this point on not only would I be in all my usual studies with tutors, but I would also sit in on all important meetings and have an opinion in all state matters as the official heir.
Halfway through breakfast I looked over at Phillip. He still wore a smile for me, but it was probably faked after how I’d treated him the second half of the voyage. I glanced around the hall. The politics of the great houses were ruthless. All of these people wanted in my good graces. I faced a lifetime of outsmarting and distrusting all those closest to me. Spies were also a hazard of the title.
I picked up my comm and studied it. I missed him. We’d barely spoken because of both our respective schedules.
“Do you need anything?” Phillip leaned over the back of my chair, his hot breath fanning down my neck.
I glanced back at him and tried to smile, but I didn’t have it in me. “Thank you, no.”
I closed my hand around my comm and sent Madden a message without giving myself time to think it over.
J: Hey
I had no more, and I squeezed it in my hand waiting for him to reply.
Reaching into my bag, I took out my tablet and set it on my lap, because my mind kept flipping from the meeting to a mental checklist of the things I would need as a plan started to form in my mind. I erased all trace of the notes, and turned off the thought tracking function, writing notes by hand instead.
Every time I looked up it was to disapproving stares from the Baron. It was like the guilt was written on my face. I had to do it before he guessed. It was time to decide if I could tell my twin. He would either help me or try to stop me. He’d been so distant and different the last month. I could use his help, but if he tried to stop me it would be impossible.
I was losing my nerve. I had to see Madden again.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Jocelynn
I clutched my communicator in my hand, willing myself not to send him a second message, as the slaves held a long mirror in front of me. A day had passed, and still there was nothing from Madden. I felt like a caged tiger. At any moment I could snap. The formal attire felt like bonds.
I didn’t recognize the woman who stared back at me. She was regal, and I used to see myself as such, but my perspective had changed so much. My long hair was tied up in accordance with the fashion. My lipstick was the same shade as my blood red dress and the color of the House of Akillie. I looked like the blood queen. It made me wonder if the Reds had chosen their color for that reason, taking both the color of my house and the flag of Jok.
“I assure you, you look lovely.” Phillip startled me, but I made no outward display. He was getting the best of me too often. It was a sign of my loss of focus. It was dangerous.
I turned and gave a slight curtsey to him, inclining my chin as I did so. “Thank you.”
“Your expression would suggest you hate it.”
He put me on edge. He always did. “Red is not my preferred color.”
“Perhaps Imperial purple would suit your skin tone better.” His violet eyes blazed, and I noticed he wasn’t in the royal color.
He wore a light gray suit with red accents. We looked like quite the pair. My heart picked up speed as he held out his hand for mine. I offered it, and he brushed his lips over my fingers.
“Perhaps.” I glanced over at him as he linked his arm through mine. “I wouldn’t know as owning a scrap of the Imperial color is punishable by death.”
“Only for those who are not in the direct line of succession to the Emperor himself.” He dropped his face and brushed his lips over my bare shoulder.
Goosebumps raised and extended down my arm. “Are you trying to say something, your highness?” I tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear keeping the eye contact.
“Tonight, but we shan’t speak of such things. This morning belongs to you, young heiress.” His intentions were clear.
My cheeks took on an involuntary red hue. “Shall we?”
I breathed easier when I found Jacob waiting in the hall for us. He was dressed similar to Phillip, and I knew they’d planned it. He linked his arm through my other, and we continued to the coliseum.
Jacob leaned over to whisper, “Breathe, you look like a balloon someone sucked the air out of.”
I scowled. “You try binding yourself into a dress three sizes too small.”
“Don’t frown, your face will freeze that way, and then you’ll have permanent puss for the vids.” Jacob grinned.
“You know the best part about corsets?” Phillip added.
We both turned to him, not used to someone interrupting our banter, speaking in unison. “What?”
His lips curled into a roguish grin. “Getting cut out of it later.” He flicked his tongue over his gleaming white teeth as his fingers brushed over the ceremonial knife at his belt.
A shiver ran down my spine. By the end of the night we might be bound by blood as well as metal. The blood didn’t scare me, but the metal sure did.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Jocelynn
I had to remind myself to fill my lungs as we neared the coliseum. I could hear the roaring of the crowd from inside the palace. When we stepped outside we were greeted by an even louder volume. A sea of people waving red and purple flags met my gaze.
Phillip smiled over at me. “It seems our secret isn’t as much a secret as we thought it was.” He shrugged, a wicked glint in his eyes. “Oh well.”
I growled. “I think you are responsible for that.”
Jacob stepped into the carriage and took a seat without ceremony, but he could get away with it. He was allowed to be the bad boy. “Shocking people hear about official visits and talk about how much time you two spend together. I bet the rumors from the slaves alone are ghastly.”
Phillip released my arm and took my hand to help me into the carriage. “Have I been too forward?” He laughed.
My feet were bound into ten inch heels, so I willingly took the support of his hand to balance as I stepped up the tiny stairs. He took my hand and lifted it in the air making the crowd roar.