by DC Renee
It also didn’t help that the older I got, the more I noticed the little things he did to put my mother down or “in her place.” I didn’t like his demeanor or his tone. Hell, I didn’t like him. I started to resent him. I had hoped my mom would leave him, but she never did, even when I suggested she might be happier alone than with him.
“Nonsense, Enzo. I love him and he loves me. He’s stern, but that’s who he is. He’s only this way because he loves you and wants you to grow up into a fine young man.”
The ghost of the man she fell in love with blinded her. Maybe it was money, success, or just stupidity, but I did realize my dad had changed at some point. The man I loved as a child was real. This asshole wasn’t.
When I finished high school, I figured dear ole Dad didn’t give a shit about me, so why should I bother “living up to my potential” as he put it. I didn’t. I kept living my life as I did before – carefree and spending every penny of my dad’s money that I could. I was his only child, his only son – it was my right. If he gave me nothing else, then at least I could live any life I wanted. And I wanted to live a party life.
The more he nagged me to be responsible—to go to college, to get a job, to become the man that could take over his company—the further apart we drifted. I couldn’t say I hated him, not truly at that point. At least not yet. I just really didn’t like him. It was about the time he forced my hand that I started hating him.
I knew he was a hard son of a bitch toward my mom, but I thought he did love her in his own weird way. I found out that wasn’t true. My credit cards starting being denied when I used them. I called my dad, but he didn’t pick up. Normally, I refused to visit him, but I needed to figure out what was going on. I made my way to his office after I had found out from my mom that he was working late. Turned out working late meant fucking your employee on your desk. He couldn’t have been more cliché if he tried.
We argued and I told him I was going to tell Mom, and then she’d leave him.
“You’ll do no such thing,” he commanded as if I’d listen to him.
“You’re a piece of shit and you don’t deserve her.”
“I might very well be that, but I love your mother dearly.”
“This is love?” I asked, pointing toward the retreating redhead.
“That was an indiscretion,” he said as if he had accidentally spilled coffee and ruined a shirt. “And don’t pretend to be so mighty,” he added. “You think I don’t know half of what you do?”
“I’m a single, young guy,” I retorted. “I don’t have the love of my life waiting for me at home while I bang some random bitch on the side.” I hadn’t been charming with my words, but I got the point across.
“You want to break your mother’s heart? By all means, then tell her. When she falls apart, it will be all your fault.”
“Don’t you dare put that on me,” I hissed. “You did this.”
“But you’ll be the one telling her, not me.” He smiled smugly.
The arrogant bastard was right. I couldn’t do that to my mom. She loved my dad fiercely, and I couldn’t hurt her like that.
“Fuck you,” I told him before I started storming out.
“Enzo,” he called out. “What did you want to see me about?”
“It doesn’t fucking matter.”
“Credit cards, maybe?” he asked like he already knew.
“Don’t care right now.”
“I’ll see you for lunch tomorrow, then?” To him, the conversation was light. To me, it took everything I had not to attack him.
I didn’t respond, only turned and left. I didn’t meet him for lunch the following day. I managed to survive until two days later, but then I needed cash.
“I’m impressed you were able to go this long without any funds.” My dad laughed as I walked into his office.
“Spit it out. What do you want?”
“I’ve tried everything to get you to straighten up and be a man.”
“Oh, like you?”
“Say what you like, Enzo, but I built this company from nothing and I provide for you and your mom, so yes, like me.”
“I’ll never be like you!”
“Never say never, boy.”
“Get on with it.”
“I can’t keep arguing with you, and I certainly can’t watch you all the time, so I’ve come up with a solution.”
“And?” I asked after he paused dramatically.
“I’m going to find you someone who can keep you grounded, someone who will force you to become a man quickly.”
“I’m not following,” I responded, completely puzzled.
“Marriage, Enzo. I can’t think of a better way to force you to grow up than have you providing and protecting and caring for someone other than yourself.”
I laughed an almost insane laugh. “Good luck with that.”
“Do you see me laughing?” His tone was serious and it made me laugh harder.
“And how are you going to force me to get married?”
“I’ll cut you off.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“I already have, haven’t I?” Let’s face it; I was a bastard, the apple not falling too far from the tree, and I didn’t want to lose my income, but I wasn’t about to let my father win.
“I don’t give a shit. I’ll get a job.” The truth was I’d probably crawl back soon asking for help, but I was strong enough to stand up to him at that moment.
“And give up the lifestyle you so love? I don’t think so.”
“Yeah, well, watch and see.” I didn’t sound too convinced, but if that was what it took, I’d do it.
“All right, I didn’t want to have to do this, but you will be disowned.”
“Like we spend so much time together already? Disown me, what do I care.”
“See, that is where you do not understand. What I say is law, Enzo. And if I say you are disowned, that means you might as well go say good-bye to your mother right now because you’ll never see her again.”
“She won’t listen to you!”
“Won’t she?” I truly hoped she wouldn’t. I hoped she’d tell him to fuck off and leave. I hoped she’d at least sneak around to see me, but I was afraid those hopes were just bubbles, ready to pop at any moment. And even if she told him off or snuck behind his back, what kind of life would that be for her?
“I never knew what hate was until you.”
“So you agree to my terms?”
“How am I supposed to marry someone?”
“I have the perfect girl.”
“Oh, hell no. I’m not marrying some random chick you pick out. I need to at least like her.”
“I believe you did.”
“Who the hell is she?”
“She’s beautiful, she’s smart, timid, responsible, a hard worker. She’ll show you how to be the person you need to be.”
“Who the fuck is she?”
“Paige Stiles.”
“Stiles? Emily and Ted’s daughter?”
“Oh, so you do remember her. Lovely.”
“Yeah, she’s the little brat who stole my cookies.”
My dad laughed. “I believe you stole her cookies and made her cry actually. And don’t think I didn’t notice the way you looked at her.”
“I was a kid! And I’m not marrying someone just to please you.”
“Fine, there’s the door. You have twenty-four hours to say your good-byes to your mom.”
“Why would she agree?” I asked, slightly defeated.
“You let me worry about that.”
“And when she doesn’t, do you drop this? Or will you pick another woman?”
“She’s my only choice, for now. I’ll tell you what, if she says no, you’re free, for the time being. But I promise she’ll say yes.”
Well, Paige said yes. Not only did I marry someone I barely knew, the one person I hated forced me into it. To me, she was one of his minions, just someone sucking up to my dad, someone on his side. So
by default, she was the enemy in my eyes from day one. So I ignored the tiny nagging voice in my head that screamed I was just like my father. I was no longer a carefree, single guy, and even though I didn’t love Paige, not even close, I was married to her. And I was carrying on as if I wasn’t. But she had trapped me into this marriage, along with my father, so what we had was different. I was different. So I told that tiny voice to shut the hell up.
The one plus with marrying Paige was that it made my mom really happy. The downside was that she thought we truly loved each other and that we’d give her plenty of grandchildren. I was not sure how she could even think that way given the daggers Paige and I threw each other’s way constantly. She lived in a rose-colored world, and this was just another daisy.
My father did stop his nagging for a while, so that was another plus. It wasn’t until about a year after Paige and I were married that he dropped by for a visit. He announced that it was time to start acting like a real husband and to stop moping. He expected me to stop going out and to start coming by his office for training.
All I saw in her was another part of my evil father. I wanted to lash out at her, hurt her, and ruin her even. It wasn’t until she fought back that the cloud of rage lifted. The overwhelming emotions that bubbled out of me were too much. I knew when I threw the glass by the wall near her that she would fear me. I didn’t want that, yet I had no control of my body. I needed to hurt someone and she was the one nearby. When she ran away, I fell into the closest chair. I hated her, I really did, but I felt bad for her. I knew she didn’t deserve my words, but I couldn’t bring myself to care or to go apologize. It wasn’t my style. I tried once before only to be shut out. That was the first and last time I did that. She’d have to get over it.
And before I knew it, she did. Things were back to our cold demeanor in no time. The sad part was that I was starting to get used to it. When she went back to school, I actually missed not having the ability to verbally spar with her as much as I had during the summer months. And naturally, that bugged me, which led to more arguments. It was a viciously comforting cycle.
*****
Pride was an interesting emotion. It could have its benefits, but most of the time, I’d seen it stop people from getting exactly what they needed or wanted. Paige had a lot of pride. That was why I knew she wouldn’t use any of my family’s money to buy herself a new car after her car gave out. She used the bus and got rides from people for a while, but after a few weeks, she bought herself a car that looked like someone had pieced it together from a pile of junk. I told myself that I didn’t care. I tried to look the other way. It wasn’t my business or my concern. Call it a momentary lapse in sanity, but I actually cared that Paige was driving a piece of shit car. Maybe it was because she was my wife and represented me as well as herself, and I didn’t like myself represented as a cheapskate. Maybe it was because every time I heard it rattle out of the driveway, I cringed at the sound. Maybe it was because I hated the sight of it on my property. Maybe it was because I liked knowing I could give Paige something her pretty-boy boyfriend couldn’t. Maybe it was just plain because I cared. Whatever the reason was, Paige was getting a new car.
The issue was that I knew she’d never accept it from me. That put me in a jam. How was I going to give her a car without her knowing it was from me? I hated to admit that it actually took me about a week to finally figure it out. I knew Paige was close to her sister. I could tell from the way Nora glared at me whenever we saw each other. But I also heard Paige talking to her several times a week. She’d be my key.
“Hello?” Nora picked up, her voice hesitant.
“Hi, Nora?”
“Yes, who’s calling?”
“It’s Enzo.”
“Enzo?” she screeched, her voice full of confusion.
“Um, yeah.” I drew it out like who else?
“Oh, my God! Is Paige okay? What happened to her? Why are you calling me and not an ambulance?” She spewed the questions out like I was a madman and she was trying to run away.
“I’ll make this simple. Paige is all right. Nothing happened. I’m calling because I need to speak with you.”
“Well, I don’t want to speak to you,” she responded indignantly.
“Look, I know you don’t particularly like me, but I don’t really care for you either. So let’s cut to the chase, shall we?”
“Let’s,” she mocked.
“I’m sure you are aware of Paige’s car accident a few months ago?”
“And how you gallantly took care of her?” Her voice took on a softer tone, which surprised me.
“Is that how she put it?”
“Not exactly, and this doesn’t mean I like you, but that was my interpretation of the events.”
“Yes, well …” I paused a bit uncomfortably. Paige was managing to affect me without even being there. “She’s been driving some rusty old thing that looks like it should be at the dump. I would offer to buy her a car or even give her mine, but we both know she won’t take it. So this is the reason for my call.”
“Why, Enzo?”
“What do you mean? I need your help to give her a car.”
“I gathered as much, but why do you care?”
“I don’t. That car is polluting the air I breathe. It’s an eyesore and I can’t have my wife driving around in that crap. It’s for purely selfish reasons.”
“You sound so sure of yourself.” I could hear the smile in her voice.
“What the hell does that mean?”
“It means you seem to have some pretty good moments for a jerk. And they are all laced with bullshit excuses.”
“I don’t have time for these games. I don’t care what car Paige drives. I don’t care if you think I’m an asshole or a fucking saint. I want to give her a new car and you’re either going to help or not.”
There was silence on the other end as if she was thinking. I didn’t understand how this was such a difficult decision.
“I’m in. What am I supposed to do?”
“Okay, so I know she won’t believe you magically got money to buy her a new car. But I’ll get her a used car, something reliable, but cheap enough she won’t think twice.”
“And where did I get the money for that, huh? I’m finishing up school, but I don’t get paid much at my job until I’m full time there.”
“You had a guy who owed you a favor. He was looking to get rid of his old car. This was a win-win.”
“And why on earth would someone owe me that kind of favor? The only reason a guy would do that is either because he liked me and wanted to impress me or I paid him in sex, and I am not a prostitute.”
“I don’t give a damn what kind of favor. You tutored him, he liked you, don’t care. You’re a smart girl, figure something out.”
“All right, fine. It sounds to me like he likes me. Does that sound familiar to you?”
“Yeah, sure, whatever.”
She was getting on my nerves. I didn’t know what she was implying, but it was rubbing me the wrong way. I gave her the details and we hung up. Two days later, I watched from the window as Paige got her “new” car. The wide smile on her face actually pulled at some nonexistent string inside my heart. I felt kind of like a good guy for that small moment. It was a nice feeling, and then it passed, but I’d admit it was worth it.
Seventeen
Paige
After Nora had hooked me up with a car, she started acting a little weird whenever we talked about Enzo. She’d change the subject when I complained; she’d tell me guys were misunderstood and complicated. It was starting to become a little weird. I figured she had started dating someone and was in some kind of odd love bubble where everything was great. It turned out she had started dating someone, but it wasn’t until about a few months after she had started hinting that Enzo might have a couple of good qualities. I attributed it to stress because she couldn’t think Enzo was anything but a jerk. I had seen glimpses of a good guy, but that was all they were �
�� glimpses. If he had been like that always, every day, I would have probably fallen head over heels for him, but every time I allowed myself to dream about Enzo as my savior, we’d argue and that dream would shatter.
Nora’s sudden passive attitude versus her original hateful attitude toward Enzo did start to seep in a little, especially when she pointed out the far and few between “pleasant” moments we had. But that was just it; a few good times didn’t cancel out all the bad ones. I couldn’t let go of that, and even if I could, what good would that do me? I wouldn’t magically wake up in a perfect love story with a husband who adored me. This was still Enzo, the man who hated me.
By Christmas that year, I was a mess. I had never cared too much for the holidays. Some people got excited about winter and gift giving and all that nonsense. Don’t get me wrong, I was no Scrooge, but I didn’t see the big deal. Maybe it was because I never was in the limelight for anything all my life, not even on my birthdays, so I just didn’t care about major events as such. Enzo insisted we attend a big party at his parents’ home on Christmas Eve.
I had been warned, as I had before every public function, that we were to behave like a happily married couple. I doubted the world didn’t know we had a false marriage, but every time Enzo touched me like he truly cared, I was happy to play along. It was always those nights that made me look at Enzo differently. I believed my own acting. This time, though, I was actually getting into the Christmas spirit. That was what was driving me nuts. That wasn’t me. I blamed it on Nora and her giddy attitude. She made buying into my make-believe night that much easier.
The car ride was silent, but the minute we walked through his parents’ door, we transformed into a happy couple. It was the same as always – he’d make sure I was fed, he’d get my drinks, and I’d touch his arm lightly and laugh at his stupid jokes. The one thing we never did was go overboard. No public displays of affection, no lingering touches, no looking into each other’s eyes. That night had started out no different.