by DC Renee
It was right before we were about to sit down to dinner that things changed.
“Oh, look,” one of Connie’s meddling friends cried out as she pointed above my head. I obediently looked up and immediately wished I hadn’t. “Go on, you lovebirds,” she coaxed. “You must kiss under the mistletoe.”
I hadn’t dared to look at Enzo, but I could feel his body tighten beside mine. This was bad. This was very bad. I didn’t want to kiss him any more than he probably wanted to kiss me. And even if I could pull it off, it’d be a lie. Everyone would know and then I’d be in trouble with Gerry.
“We, uh, don’t like any public displays of affection.” Enzo spoke up after clearing his throat.
“Nonsense,” she retorted. “Just a peck. You don’t want to upset the mistletoe gods, do you? Besides, this is nothing for a young couple as clearly in love as you both are.” I guess my acting was better than I even thought. And apparently, Enzo’s was, too.
We turned to face each other, our movements slow, stiff even. My throat suddenly felt dry and I licked my lips as my nerves kicked in. I saw Enzo’s eyes move to my mouth and I swore I heard his breath hitch. A little part of me was thrilled that this was affecting him. He looked back into my eyes, a swirl of desire clouding the pleading in which he seemed to be asking my permission for this. That confused me. He had never asked permission for anything before, especially not on our wedding night. Yet for an innocent kiss he needed me to say yes? I didn’t get it. I nodded my head slightly so only he could see, and then he leaned toward me.
I didn’t know what happened, but the minute I knew our lips were seconds away from touching, there was a pull between us. My body leaned in toward his of its own accord, my eyes fluttered closed as if this were a movie in slow motion, my lips parted ever so slightly, and then I felt his lips brush mine. They were soft and plump. It was just a whisper of a kiss, as if our lips were getting to know each other, just simply saying hello rather than starting a conversation. They said you saw stars when the kiss was magical. I didn’t see any stars, but it did feel magical. I didn’t know how it happened or who initiated it, but our lips pressed together, moving against each other in sync even though our lips stayed closed. I hadn’t had much kissing experience, but I knew I’d never felt that kind of rush from a full-on tongue-assault kiss before, let alone a simple peck. When we pulled away, it was mutual, our bodies leaning away from each other. I had opened my eyes before Enzo did, and I watched as he sucked in a breath, his full lips parted in a pout. It took me a lifetime to remember I had just kissed Enzo and not some knight. I was in a trance, a spell that Christmas had put me under. I couldn’t understand it, but I didn’t want to either. Then Enzo opened his eyes. They focused on me and I could tell he was in the same stupor as me. He looked at me as if he was seeing me for the first time and liked what he saw. That hadn’t been our first kiss, but it sure felt like it. The only other time our lips had touched was when they brushed lightly against each other on our wedding day. But that day had been hell for both of us, and only painful memories were attached to that day. Enzo’s lips hadn’t affected me then the way they had now, and by the look in his eyes, I knew he felt the same way.
“Oh my, that was something,” the friend spoke, and just like that, the enchantment was broken. We pulled apart quickly and finished off the evening as if it was just another outing. When we came home, we each made our way to our own rooms without a word, and then the next day, we pretended as if nothing had happened. But deep down in my heart, in the very pit of my soul, I remembered … I remembered exactly how it felt for Enzo to kiss me. And for the very first time, I was jealous of all the “Oh, Enzo.”
Eighteen
Enzo
That kiss. That kiss. That kiss. Kissing wasn’t a big deal to me. I’d kissed hundreds of women. It was all part of getting physical, which I was all for. Kissing Paige for the sake of appeasing some noisy bitch should have been no problem, except it was Paige. I didn’t want to kiss her for several reasons – I vowed I wouldn’t touch her, but this didn’t really count; I didn’t like being put on the spot, especially since it was thanks to my dad, but I had already acquiesced. I hated Paige, but it was not as if everyone I had ever gotten physical with was someone I truly liked. Hey, I was a guy – a willing girl was all I needed. I had listed the reasons I didn’t want to kiss her and found opposing views for every point in my head. The only one I couldn’t argue against was the fact I was actually terrified of the unknown. I desired Paige because I wasn’t blind. She was stunning, beautiful, seemingly innocent, and I loved that and loathed it. I wanted to taste her lips for as long as I could remember, but I despised the fact that I wanted that.
I had already argued against myself on numerous occasions, not that it made a difference since I never expected to kiss her, but now, I had no choice.
Like I said, I didn’t take much stock in kissing, but that was before I felt her soft, warm lips hesitantly brushing against mine. That was before I tasted the lingering hint of champagne. That was before I felt the puff of her hot breath mingling with my own. That wasn’t a kiss; it was an escape from reality. I saw the dazed look in Paige’s eye and I knew she’d felt it, too. I just really wished I hadn’t felt that kind of rush from Paige’s lips because it was going to make fighting my desire for her that much harder.
We continued the rest of the night as if nothing had transpired and even went to bed without so much as a word, but I couldn’t sleep. I drifted in and out, and each time I closed my eyes, I saw Paige’s wide eyes and her parted lips. Damn fucking lust. It should have known that the object of my desire wasn’t supposed to be what I hungered for. They said there was a thin line between love and hate, but to me, it was a thin line between lust and hate and the line was slowing disappearing.
I heard soft whimpering from Paige’s room. That’s it, I thought to myself. I was not about to be the only one suffering from this mess. I flung the sheets off my bed and made my way to Paige’s room. I opened the door with a creak and saw Paige fly up in surprise.
“Wha … what are you doing here?” she asked, her voice soft and questioning, her hair mussed and her eyes glassy from sleep.
“We need to talk about what happened tonight. We need to talk about that kiss.”
Nineteen
Paige
“There’s nothing to talk about. It was all part of the act, right?” I asked, surprised that he had come into my room. I had been dreaming about Enzo. It had been hot and heavy and I had surprised myself with what I had been thinking of. He was the last person on Earth I wanted anything physical with, but my mind and body were calling me a liar. It was as if he had known I was thinking of him as he barged into my room.
“Come on, Paige, we both know there was more to it than that.”
“I … I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I stuttered as I held the blanket tightly to my chest.
He took slow, deliberate steps, as if he were on the prowl and I was the prized kill. Normally, I would have felt scared; I would have scooted back, afraid he’d take advantage of me… or worse. But strangely, I didn’t feel that this time. I was craving his touch. I wanted a replay of that kiss and more. The way he was looking at me had me thinking I would get just that. I felt delirious with lust, sexy even. Enzo made me feel that way. For everything else he did horrible, he seemed to be making up for it now. I felt like a temptress, as if I was all he could see – something I had craved for as long as I could remember. I was no longer a shadow, the second choice to my sister. I was the first pick in the draft, the starting lineup, and Enzo was my goal.
“Tell me you want me,” he whispered as he approached, his face so close to mine, I only had to lean a bit to touch his lips with mine. “Tell me you want me and I’ll give us both what we need.”
“I want you.” I heard the words, but I didn’t know where they came from. Surely, it hadn’t been me, but the minute his lips crashed into mine, I realized my mouth had uttered the words
my body needed to hear before my mind could even process them.
He felt even better than the first time. I didn’t know whether I pulled him down or he climbed on top of me, but I found myself pinned beneath him. There was a brief flash of memory to the last time I was underneath him, and I cringed before I had a chance to push that thought away.
“What’s wrong?” He pulled back. He was so sweet and gentle, so different from the man I was used to. If he continued on this path, he was going to push all hateful thoughts aside quicker than they came in the first place.
“It’s nothing,” I whispered and reached up to pull him back down, not wanting anything to ruin this moment.
He tucked a strand of hair behind my ears. “I never got a chance to tell you, but I’m so sorry, Paige. That man, he wasn’t me. I could blame it on alcohol, on nerves, on any number of things, but it doesn’t excuse what I did that night. I’m an asshole and I won’t blame you if you don’t forgive me. I just hope you see it was a momentary lapse in sanity. And my behavior all this time … it was because I was beating myself up, hating myself and transposing that on you. This guy, right here, this is who I am. Please forgive me.”
“I already have,” I cried, the tears running slowly down my cheeks. I reached up to touch my cheek and I felt the warm trail and tasted the salt as it entered my mouth. I could taste the salt. I could taste the salt. I shot up, panting. I clutched the blanket, willing my breathing to calm down. I was alone in my room, the moonlight casting an eerie glow. I touched my hand to my cheek as I had in my dream and found my cheeks to be indeed wet.
It was everything I had needed and more, and it was just a dream. I wiped the tears and was just about to fall back into bed, praying for the rest of the night to be dreamless when I heard the soft noises from Enzo’s room. At first, I was angry, completely irrationally so because I assumed he had yet another girl in there. What right did he have to be with me and then with someone else so quickly? But I remembered it was just a dream. It didn’t stop my jealousy from rearing its head. I was having a hard time distinguishing dream Enzo from the real one. The noises got louder. The dream had clearly messed with my head because I normally would never have made my way into his room to check on him, but that was exactly what I did.
He was writhing and moaning when I made my way into his room.
“Enzo,” I whispered softly as I shook him lightly. He leaned into my touch. He was clearly having a very bad dream if he sought comfort in me.
“Enzo,” I said louder and shook him a little stronger.
“What?” He shot up much like I had in my own room. He looked around the room, trying to focus on the surroundings. I saw the puzzled expression on his face as he realized where he was and then watched it grow in confusion as his eyes landed on me.
“You’re here?” he asked. The way he worded it was a bit awkward, but I understood what he was asking. He wanted to know why I was in his room.
“You were having a bad dream, and I heard you in my room. I came to wake you up.”
I was expecting some kind of retort, to which I had already thought to reply with something like, “It was for purely selfish reasons. I couldn’t sleep with you yammering away here.”
Instead, I got, “Oh.”
“So, um, bad dream?”
“Something like that,” he muttered.
“Want to talk about it?” I mentally slapped myself on the forehead. I should have turned and walked away after I woke him up, but again, I was seeing Enzo as something different. Reality and fantasy were blending.
“No, no, I’m good.”
“Well, all right, then.” I back up a step. “Good night.”
“Yeah, good night,” he responded, his eyes locking with mine. They were saying something, some kind of message I couldn’t understand, at least not in the dark with the shadows clouding them. I doubted I’d be able to read him in the light of day either, but I wanted to. I really wanted to know what private conversation he was trying to have with me.
“Well, good night,” I repeated like an idiot and turned, making my way swiftly to the door.
“Hey, Paige,” he called out.
“Yeah?” I turned, my hand already on the doorknob.
“Thanks.”
I nodded, too shocked for words. That was certainly one word I never thought I’d hear Enzo utter. That and “sorry.” Maybe fantasy really was reality. I went back to sleep and as far as I know, had no more dreams, erotic or tame. That night had been a turning point for me, maybe even a little bit for Enzo, too.
We continued our routine as always – with bitter contempt – but from that point on, there was some kind of underlying goodness; some unspoken quality neither of us wanted to talk about but also didn’t quite ignore. I couldn’t say that I liked Enzo after that night, but I would say this. I no longer hated him. Even when things were “bad,” it didn’t eat at me the way it had before. Don’t get me wrong, there were plenty of times I wanted to beat him with whatever object was closest to me, but things were different. I’d never truly be able to explain why or how. They just were.
Twenty
Enzo
The dream had felt so real, so very real. I had walked into Paige’s room simply to talk about the kiss, but her deep blue eyes, the dark depths of them as the moon highlighted the lighter flecks pulled me toward her. Her eyes were so expressive and she didn’t even realize it. They told me so much about her feelings at any given moment. And what I saw in them surprised me. She wanted me. She craved me. It was all it took for me to lose any self-control and any lingering hatred.
As I moved closer to her, I felt my anger dissipate as if it never existed. As she whispered she wanted me, I became a different person. I was no longer filled with rage toward her; I was the exact opposite. I found her intoxicating, addicting even. I realized that every time I was an asshole to her, it was because I was trying to fight this attraction I had not only to her body but to her very soul.
It became hotter than anything I’d ever experienced and we still had our clothes on. When she moved her hand to tug on my hair, her lips parting on a moan, I was a goner. But then she started shaking me and calling my name. Calling out my name was perfectly acceptable, but the shaking was just plain weird.
I woke with a start and it took me a few minutes to calm my racing heart and adjust to where I was and what had happened. Paige was in my room, but last I remembered, we had been in hers, and she hadn’t been hovering above me, concern glittering in her eyes.
That was when I realized it had been a dream. She had asked if it was a bad dream, and I almost scoffed. It had been an interesting dream … maybe bad was a better term considering I didn’t want to crave Paige the way I had just moments before. Yet even as she stood there, I couldn’t fight my body’s pull toward her. I wanted her in the worst way possible, and I wasn’t one hundred percent sure it was for her body only.
After some stilted words, she left me alone. I didn’t sleep the rest of the night, fighting the urge to go to her room and make my dreams come to life. I wouldn’t dare, but my views about Paige changed … just a little, but they changed after that night. Our outward behavior toward each other didn’t, but my inner voice certainly had. It was just a whisper, just the stirrings of a nagging voice telling me that maybe I didn’t truly hate Paige, but it was enough. It just wasn’t enough to change us.
Twenty One
Paige
I knew the stereotypes associated with “handyman” were because it was usually a guy who was fixing things around the house. But I was a handywoman. While I was studying and learning way too much for a kid my age, it didn’t help that I was curious. I took apart toys to see how they worked and most of the time was able to put them back together. When I got older, I watched how people fixed things and took mental notes. By the time I was in high school, I was fixing the broken objects around the house, unless of course something was just completely out of my realm, like when the clothes dryer needed a new p
art. Well, I couldn’t help my family there.
It would have been nice to at least get praise for those simple tasks I performed, but alas, I never got so much as a nod. It didn’t stop me from doing things around the house, still hoping for some acknowledgment, simply because I liked it.
So when the kitchen sink started leaking, it was surprising to myself that I actually debated on whether to let Enzo handle it. Not that I believed he’d get his precious self dirty, or even whether he knew how to change a pipe. I just figured he’d call a plumber and I wouldn’t have to think twice about it. I had told myself this wasn’t really my house, so it wasn’t my concern. The problem was that it had started feeling like home a while ago. I wasn’t sure when, but I realized it after the night I referred to as “The Dream Event.”
It also didn’t help that it was going to stay on my mind while I studied for my exams, and I wouldn’t be able to concentrate. So after getting whatever supplies I needed from the local hardware store, I found myself sprawled under the sink, and that was how I stayed for about an hour. I had just pulled my head out from under the sink and was on the verge of standing up when something crashed into me. Whatever it was had tripped over my legs, which wouldn’t have affected me, except the force of their fall sent me flying as well. The next thing I knew, I was half sprawled on top of a body, a very hard, rigid, chiseled body.
“What the heck?” I asked as I tried to sit up awkwardly.
“I could ask you the same thing,” Enzo responded, trying to find a better position as well. His tone didn’t hold the usual sharpness, but it wasn’t exactly pleasant either.
“I was fixing the sink.”
“You?” he asked, the credulousness in his voice had me bristling to both defend myself and be proud that I had shocked him.
“Yeah, me. Why do you sound so surprised?” I was still struggling to untangle myself from Enzo even though he wasn’t making any move to help me.