The first thing I did though was jump on Kyden and try to shove him under. It turned into an all-out, epic free for all water war with everyone splashing and dunking each other. Sometime in the middle of the battle, I heard three more bodies hit the water and then we were joined by Vi, Jake and Bas.
By the time I pulled myself onto the dock, my limbs were exhausted from all the swimming and treading water. I sprawled out on my back and just the sun’s rays soak in, warming me all over. Vi crawled up after me, but most of the other guys swam to shore to get out and head for the beer. We laid there side by side, enjoying the heat. Neither one of us said a word at first, but then Vi who broke the silence.
“What are you going to do?” I didn’t need to ask what she meant, sometimes she could see right through me even more so than Bas.
“I don’t know. Become a nun?”
“Sweetie I have a feeling that boy would have no trouble seducing even a nun.”
“It’s not the seduction that’s getting to me, it’s everything else. He’s funny, playful and smart, even though he uses his intelligence for devious purposes. He can cook and that voice, oh man, you should have heard him singing A Whole New World to Isabelle.” Vi hadn’t met my niece yet but she’d heard all about her.
“Even though most of the time he is absolutely infuriating, and vulgar and makes me want to punch him, he can be really sweet and kind. He’s been there for me several times now during this whole Connor situation. Last night I was a wreck and he took care of me. He got me calmed down and home and he stayed with me all night.” I sighed. “Crap, it’s worse than I thought. I really like him Vi.”
“Oh babe, that’s just a different kind of seduction. He’s seducing your heart, not just your body and I’d say you’re past like.”
“I don’t know what to do about it.” I groaned. She looked at me sympathetically,
“Maybe you should just tell him. He might surprise you.”
“No way. Absolutely not. I already told him that I don’t hook up casually that I want the whole package, and the look on his face was almost panic. He straight up told me he doesn’t do relationships.”
“Maybe he’s just as scared as you are, but he might come around.”
“I don’t think so. He’s just not right for me.” It wouldn’t do me any good to get my hopes up. We both lay there another ten minutes before going inside to prepare lunch.
Chapter 16
After we ate, the rest of the day consisted of more sunbathing and swimming. Then I lost epically at a game of ladder golf and didn’t fare much better in our three on three volleyball tournament. I should’ve sat that one out with Marcus, who isn’t big on sports, but I let them coerce me into playing so that they would have three even teams. Jake and Vi would’ve been better off with just the two of them. Bas and Chris knew better than to let me on their team, but Vi is a softy and Jake’s too nice to admit that I’m terrible. Mostly I just tried not to get in their way. Thankfully they’d all consumed enough alcohol that it helped even the odd, but not much. Our team only won a single match out of the four we played.
Bas and Chris bbqed chicken for dinner, using their dad’s secret bbq sauce recipe. It’s not all that secret and it’s actually really simple, but still delicious. We sat around on the front deck eating and talking and still arguing about whether or not the volleyball had been out of bounds on the final hit of the “championship” game. Danny swears that it was in, but he’s the one who hit it so what else was he going to say? Of course Ace agreed with his teammate, but Spade and Ky wouldn’t accept the loss by one whole point.
Later he and Spade got out a couple guitars and softly played while we watched the sun go down over the water and everyone but me, sipped a beer.
It was a long day, fun but exhausting and I barely remember climbing up the two flights of stairs sometime after midnight and getting ready for bed before I crawled between the sheets and passed out. I couldn’t tell you when Kyden came up to bed, only that he was already up and out of the room when I woke just after ten. I found him out on the deck with everyone minus Chris and Danny, when I went downstairs in search of breakfast. If I had known how the morning was going to end up I might have gone back to bed.
“Morning Sleeping Beauty.” Bas smiled. They were all sitting around the large patio table, most of them with cups of coffee in front of them. I slid into the empty seat between Vi and Bas. Kyden was directly across from me, but he hadn’t looked up once since I came out here. He was engrossed in what he was doing. He was sitting back in his chair with one foot up on the seat and a composition book the he was writing in, opened against his leg.
“He was the first one awake. He’s been going at that all morning.” Vi informed me.
“What’s he working on?” I asked even though he could no doubt hear me.
“Lyrics.” Ace answered. “Once he finds inspiration he’s like a mad man and doesn’t stop until he gets it all down on paper and then reworks it over and over until he thinks it’s just right. He’ll probably be sitting there for another couple hours.”
“You know I can hear you guys, right?”
“Yeah we know man. Just keep writing.”
“Then shut up and quit talking about me asshole.”
“Hey, she asked. I was just sharing with her your ‘creative process’ dickhead.” Oh great, they would probably go back and forth until one of them ended up throwing something. Chris and Spade barely gave them any notice as if this was nothing new. Bas just shook his head and chuckled as the two continued trading insults. Vi got up to refill her coffee mug and I leaned back in the chair and closed my eyes.
A minute later Vi returned to her seat and I heard the clink of her cup as she set it back on the table. The next thing I knew there was a clatter, I felt the table shift and then I was covered in scalding hot liquid all down the front of my stomach. I jumped out of my seat and without even thinking, quickly tugged my shirt over my head to get the heat away from my body.
“Oh Shit, are you okay Jax?” Vi asked jumping up behind me. “I’ll grab some ice.” She said rushing back inside the house. Getting ice on my burn was suddenly the last thing I was worried about when I looked around and saw so many pairs of eyes riveted to my chest. I knew better than to be offended or pissed at them for staring at my boobs, because that’s not what they were fixated on. No, their attention was glued to the long, jagged pink line that ran from below my belly button all the way up to in between my breasts. The horrified look on each of their faces was understandable, but it still hurt. A lot worse than the hot coffee. Vi came back out and I heard her gasp and the ice pack she was holding hit the ground.
Bas and Chris were there the night I refused to go to the hospital and their dad had to stitch me up, so they were the only ones not staring. Bas was quick on his feet and tore off his own shirt and handed it to me to cover up. I pulled the shirt on but they had all already seen it. I felt the tears welling in my eyes and rather than let them see me collapse right there, I ran back in the house. I heard something shatter against the side of the house and as I climbed the stairs Kyden’s bike thundered to life and took off down the road.
I threw myself down on the bed and just let myself sob like I hadn’t in a long time. I didn’t try to clear my head or make them stop, I just let them flow. On either side of me the bed dipped down and I felt two sets of arms wrap around me. They didn’t say anything, just held me and I cried even harder, sandwiched between two of the only people in the world who really understood. Even though Vi didn’t know all of the details, I’m sure she had guessed most of them over time and now she would know.
Bas rubbed my back as my body shook. Vi’s body was racked with her own sobs as she pressed against me from the front, her forehead touching mine. We laid there for what could’ve been ten minutes or an hour, I’m not sure, but when I was finally done and there were no tears left in me, I knew I would eventually have to face everyone downstairs. I let my body relax and I inhaled a fe
w deep breaths before they released me and I sat up.
“You going to be okay Jazz?” I couldn’t find my voice yet so I nodded and wiped my eyes. Thankfully I hadn’t put any makeup on today so I wouldn’t look like a raccoon. Bas pulled me in for one more hug and he placed a kiss on my forehead.
“I know you never wanted them to see, but they’re good guys. If you want to tell them, they’ll understand, but if you don’t, they’ll understand that too. Either way they won’t make a big deal out of it. They care about, every single one of them and they can handle it.”
Once again I just nodded. I wasn’t sure how much I would tell them but they deserved to know at least part of the truth. They were all going out of their way to take care of me and help me out, they should at least know why they were doing it.
It was Vi’s turn to speak up, “Do you want to stay up here?” I shook my head.
“I love you both. I don’t know what I would do without you guys, but I just need a minute to get myself together. I’ll be down in a minute.” Vi tugged me into her and I pulled Bas with me until we were all tangled in a three way hug.
When they were back downstairs I finally got up and looked in the mirror above the bathroom sink and grimaced. My eyes were red and puffy and my cheeks were splotchy as well. I splashed some cool water over my face but I knew there was no way I was going to be able to hide the evidence of my breakdown.
When I got downstairs everyone except for Kyden was still out on the deck, including Marcus and Danny who must‘ve woken up at some point. When I stepped outside conversation died down and they all looked up or turned their heads my direction. The apprehension on Marcus’ and Danny’s faces matched the others’ expressions, so I knew someone must have filled them in on my gruesome strip show.
“We didn’t tell them anything Tink, and you don’t have to either.” Chris reassured me.
“He’s right, if you want us to pretend we didn’t see anything, we can do that beautiful.” Ace’s smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, but I knew he meant what he said. They weren’t demanding anything from me. They would do whatever I wanted them to do in this situation, which was all the more reason why I owed them some sort of explanation. I just didn’t know how to start. I closed my eyes and took a couple of deep breaths to steady myself.
“What you guys saw, the scar.” My voice was shaking and I knew I was probably going to lose it again. Bas stood up and walked over to me taking my hand in his and squeezing it. God, thank you for him.
He really was my rock, but I needed to be strong enough to do this on my own so I gave him one squeeze back and then let go of his hand.
“The guy in the bar from before, he’s the same one who slashed my tires last night. His name is Connor. And he …” I didn’t know if I was going to be able to get it out. I took another deep breath. “He, attacked me a few years ago, and the scar is from the knife he used on me.”
I hadn’t ever spoken about that night out loud. Bas was the one who found me and he filled his dad and Chris in when he brought me home, bleeding out all over. Talking about it now flooded my mind with the memories of that night and it felt like I was right back there. My heart was racing and my whole body started shaking as the fear took over. My fingernails dug into my palms as I clenched my fists. I was struggling to breathe, and then my knees buckled beneath me.
All I could see were the branches of the trees above me and the sliver of the moon that hung in the sky, providing almost no light way back here on my dad’s property. Connor stood above me and I was certain I was going to die tonight. The tears welled in my eyes as I begged, but that only seemed to make him enjoy it more. He was getting off on my terror, but I couldn’t help it. I was so afraid. I didn’t want to die.
I might have felt like it lots of times over the last six years, but now, laying here on the hard grown in my torn clothes, staring up at the monster I was sure was going kill me, I wanted to live. Funny how that happens, how it takes being on the verge of losing something to make you realize just how much don’t want to give it up. In this case, it was my life.
“Come on Princess, you’re okay. You’re here with me.”
Wait. That wasn’t right, that voice shouldn’t be here.
Then Connor started to undo his belt buckle I knew it was going to be so much worse than just death. I’d take death over this any day. I screamed for all I was worth, but he just laughed. Out here it wouldn’t do any good. There was no one to hear.
“Connor’s not here, he doesn’t have you. Just breathe, Princess, breathe.”
Kyden?
“Come on Jazz, open your eyes and look at me. Open your eyes damn it.”
They blinked open and instead of Connor sneering down at me I saw the faces of my friends, filled with concern.
“That’s it, Jazz, I‘m here. We’re at the cape house. You’re safe. Nobody is going to hurt you.” Once I realized that I was in fact safe and that I had only been experiencing a panic attack, I was able to calm my breathing, and my heart rate slowed. Bas was leaning over me while everyone else stood around us, but my back was pressed up against something hard and warm. I could feel someone’s legs straddling my hips and there were a pair of arms under my own wrapping around me. I was lying in someone’s lap.
“Ky?” I whispered.
“Yeah, I’m here Princess. I’ve got you.”
I’m really glad you’re here.
“Me too.” I hadn’t realized I’d said that out loud.
“You okay Jazz?” I hated that he had to keep asking that, but his time I wasn’t going to pretend. I think it was pretty obvious to everyone that I was very much not okay.
“I’m not sure if I am, Bas.” My voice came out strangled.
“I know Jazz. I know, but you‘ll get there.” I hope so.
Now that I wasn’t screaming and flailing around on the porch like a total nutter, everyone started trickling back inside to give me space.
“Why is this guy still breathing?” I heard Spade mutter to someone as they disappeared into the house. Then it was just the three of us sitting there.
“I’d like to know the answer to that myself.” Kyden said.
“I’ll leave that one to her to explain.” Bas gave my hand one last squeeze and joined the rest of them in the house. I started to get up, but Kyden held me in place.
“You’re staying with me Princess.” His voice was soft but insistent.
“What do you want from me?” I snapped. My emotions were all over the place and I couldn’t handle his domineering personality at the moment.
“I don’t want anything from you Princess.” That stung more than it should. I didn’t know why it felt like a rejection, but it did. “You need to get it out though. They’re just words now and they can’t hurt you, but keeping them inside is going to rip you apart. Trust me.” It sounded like he was speaking from experience and I softened.
“I don’t know if I can.” My voice faltered.
“Here, come with me.” He lifted me off of his lap and then held his hand. He was making it my choice. I could refuse if I wanted, but in that moment I didn’t want to. I was tired of hiding, so I reached out and took his hand.
Chapter 17
I was sitting on Kyden’s lap, my back pressed to his front, while he gently rocked the wooden swing beneath us. We were tucked away under the gazebo that sat behind the house. It was just far enough away from the house to make it feel like we were the only two people around.
Any other circumstances and our intimate setting would have made me incredibly nervous and uncomfortable, but the rocking motion was soothing and it helped that I wouldn’t have to look at his face when I spoke. I wouldn’t have to see the shock, horror, pity and disgust, or any of the hundred awful emotions that he would undoubtedly experience when I told him what he wanted to know. Despite him saying he didn’t want anything from me I knew that wasn’t true. He wanted me to open up my soul and pour it out to him, so that’s just what I was going to do. I
would put it all out there, and then if he didn’t want anything to do with me, at least I would know. At least I wouldn’t have to worry about him finding out the truth.
“Whatever you tell me Princess, I promise I can handle it. It won’t change anything.” It was easy for him to say that now when he didn’t know, but he was about to.
“The first day I moved into my dad’s house was the same day I met Connor,” I began. “I was barely twelve and he was sixteen and even then I felt that something wasn’t right. I don’t know if it was in his eyes, or just a gut feeling, but I knew the second I laid eyes on him that he was rotten to the core. Unfortunately, the second he laid eyes on me, he decided I was his. He used to watch me all the time. I would get chills and know that he had just entered a room.”
“Who is he to you?”
“No one, to me. To my father, he’s the future of his business, or at least part of it and he wanted Connor to be my future as well. My father was ecstatic that Connor was so taken with me and he encouraged it. Shane was being groomed to take over for my father one day, and Connor was to be his right hand, his VP, just like his father is to mine now. My dad thought that if one day he could marry me off to that psycho, then all of the business would stay in the family. It would also ensure that I was kept in line. It didn’t matter to him that I wanted nothing to do with Connor. He didn’t listen when I told him that I was afraid of Connor and as I got older it just got worse. What my father wants, he gets, except when it came to me. I defied him at every opportunity and he relished in making me pay for it, after all it’s who he is, what he does.”
I felt Kyden stiffen behind me as I got closer to the root of it all.
“The reason I don’t talk about my dad, the reason Bas and Chris won’t tell you guys anything, isn’t just because my dad is a jerk or a bad father. He’s the most notorious man in Boston. He used to be a street boss for the Irish mob, but now he runs a multibillion dollar corporation and calls himself a businessman. However, most of Boston still thinks of him as ‘Mad Jack’ Malloy, even though the feds couldn‘t get anything to stick to him when they took down the heads of the organization before I even met him.”
Finding Ever After Page 18