Once we were in the car I tried to explain my side of the story, hoping that maybe Mr. Lambert had left something out, and that if she just knew everything, she might not look at me like that again.
“Jill said I was gross and stupid and that I look like a boy, and that the only reason Bas played with me was because he thought I was a boy and that I should have to go in the boy’s bathroom. She said I even had a boy’s name and that I must have been such an ugly baby that you couldn’t tell what I was. I was just so mad that I pushed her in the puddle and called her names.”
“Yes, I heard all about the words you used on the playground and I don’t think that your behavior convinced anyone that you are a young lady.” She was still disappointed. Why didn’t she see that it was Jill‘s fault not mine?
“But Jill started it.” I insisted, still trying to make her understand that I hadn’t done anything wrong.
“Did shoving her and calling her names make you feel good?” I wanted to say yes, because it had, but something told me that was the wrong answer, and if it was, then maybe was I wrong too?
“I don’t know.” I settled for the safest answer I could think of.
“Was what you did any better than what she did?”
“But I had to do something, she was being a bully.” I didn’t see where Mom was going with this, but I was frustrated because I still felt like I hadn’t done anything wrong.
“So you decided to become a bully as well?” What? No? I wasn’t the bully.
“I was just sticking up for myself.” I said defiantly.
“No, what you were doing was trying to hurt that girl because she hurt you.” Well yeah, I wanted her to pay for what she said. “There’s a difference between standing up for yourself and getting revenge. Revenge is ugly and cruel and it makes you just as bad as the bullies. What you did was wrong. You don’t want to be someone who wants to hurt people do you?” When she said it like that …
“Well, no, but-”
“No buts sweetie, because that’s what you did today. There’s always a better choice than to sink to their level. It doesn’t matter what your reasons are, when you start acting and thinking like a bully you become one too.” Dang it, I hated when she was right, but I knew that she was.
“I’m sorry mom. She just made me so mad.”
“I know Princess. You’re a sweet girl, you have a good heart. You’re better than what you did today.” I really wanted to be better. She believed in me and I didn’t want to let her down again.
Chapter 27
When I woke up the next morning, my mother’s words, from that day in third grade, resonated with me. Back then it was just schoolyard bullies, now it was much bigger than that. Now every choice I made would have harsher consequences than being sent to the principal’s office or grounded from the TV.
I was determined not to hide or run, but I knew that I wasn’t capable of turning the tables and dishing out that kind of payback, nor did I want to be capable of it. I sighed with frustration; I was right back where I started last night, hurt and angry with no way out that I could see.
I grabbed my cell phone and saw that not only was it already after nine, but I had texts from Vi and Shane saying they were on their way over. That was over half an hour ago, which meant they were already here or would be very soon. I had no doubt that went for Bas as well.
I drug myself out of Chris’ big, comfy bed. I almost felt bad that he’d given it up for me. He probably slept on the couch. I threw a hoodie on over my tank top, but didn’t bother changing out of my sleep shorts before leaving the comfort of the quiet bedroom.
I groaned thinking that it was too early for me to have to play the voice of reason to a bunch of amped up alpha males. There would be a lot of arguing. I just hoped that Bas, Chris and Shane would be on my side. Shane knew better than anyone, the hell that this could turn into if someone made just one rash decision.
I walked into the kitchen and everyone else was already scattered throughout the room, sipping from coffee cups and shoveling in various breakfast foods. There didn’t seem to be much conversation going on, at least nothing serious. From the looks I got when I walked into the room, I knew that was about to change. Vi immediately rushed me and wrapped her arms around me tightly before I made it any further into the room.
She didn’t need to say anything; I felt everything she was trying to tell me. After she released me, we both grabbed seats around the kitchen table. Danny and Marcus were also seated at the table with Spade. Looked like everyone was going to be in on this. Bas, Chris and Kyden were standing around the counter and Ace was digging around in cupboards. Shane was leaning against the wall just off to the side. At first nobody seemed to want to be the one to bring up the reason why we were all here, but finally Spade dove right in, with his usual tactless approach.
“So I don’t get why we have to have a meeting to discuss the appropriate course of action. It’s simple enough to me. I grab my rifle and take the bastard out, put an end to this.”
“I agree. We’ve handled shitheads a lot more dangerous and hard to reach than this punk.” Ace backed him. I wanted to slam my head down on the table, this was going to be fun.
“You can’t do that.” I argued.
“Why the hell not? We’re not afraid, and we can do this without anyone seeing.” Spade countered. “Hell, we’ve done it dozens of time just on orders, without even knowing the why sometimes. At least this time it’s with damn good reason.”
“This isn’t the same thing, this isn’t some third world country where you’re gonna be dropped in and then flown back out. This is Boston, and it’s illegal.” I pointed out.
“So is what he’s doing Princess, and the law isn’t doing a damn thing to stop it.”
“Because they can’t, and you guys can’t do anything either. I won’t let you.” I told him, meeting his fiery stare with my own.
“You gonna stop us Princess?”
“Knock it off Ky.” Chris chimed in.
“This isn’t your guys’ fight. This is about me. As much as I appreciate that you all want to protect me, I will not let any of you sacrifice yourselves, and that’s exactly what you would be doing if you go after him. No matter how you guys feel, this is my decision to make. Nobody is killing or dying for me. I won’t let you put that on me.” They had to listen and understand. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if they did that. I didn’t want blood on their hands, and I didn’t want them to pay for it when they got caught. Not from the cops, and especially not from my dad.
“Fine, so we don’t put a bullet in his skull, we’ll just track him down, wait until he’s alone, and make him realize how bad of an idea it is for him to come after you again.” Spade suggested.
“I can get behind that.” Danny agreed, and I saw a couple more heads nodding along with them.
“Hey dumbasses, that’s a stupid fucking idea.” Not the most compelling argument Chris could have made, and it only succeeded in riling the guys up more.
“Well it’s a lot better than sitting back and not doing a damn thing about it like you assholes want to do. How can you be okay with that?” Ace retorted. Thankfully Bas stepped in before it digressed into a shouting match.
“What he’s trying to say, is that you guys haven’t dealt with anything like this before. Trust me, we get how pissed off you are. You’re forgetting that Chris and I were the ones who saw her bruised and bloody and had to watch my dad stitch her up. If you think I didn’t want to break his neck then, and every day after, then you’re seriously mistaken, but we know what we’re saying when we tell you it’s a bad fucking move.”
“We won’t get caught. We’ll jump his ass and disappear.” Spade disputed. I just shook my head and looked around in desperation. One by one I took in their expressions, hoping they weren’t all that single-minded and reckless. Danny. Marcus. Ace. Kyden. Spade. They all had the same determined look. Finally my eyes met Shane’s, and I silently pleaded with him to do somet
hing. He straightened up and spoke to them.
“You might not get caught, but that’s an awfully big risk you’re willing to take on a maybe’s chances and I don’t think any of you are fully aware of just how great a risk it would be. Connor might be a sick fuck, but I have no doubt that he’s smart enough to figure out who would want to protect her. Kicking his ass is an even worse decision than killing him. Leaving him alive guarantees he comes after you, but either way if Connor or my Dad decides to come after you, you’re done, and these guys play by their own set of rules. It’s not just you they’ll come after if they decide they really want you to pay. You’ve all got people you care about, and you’ll be putting targets on their backs as well.”
Finally, something that sobered them up. I saw hesitation and doubt to creep into their features. They couldn’t ignore his arguments, like they dismissed the rest. It was obvious though, that none of them were happy about the facts. Kyden still looked down right murderous, but this time I could tell it was because he had accepted there wasn’t anything he could do. I doubted that was a feeling he had often.
“So then what, we just let him at her again because nobody can do a damn thing about it?” Kyden growled.
“I didn’t say nobody. There are two people in this room who could do something about it.” I caught on to his meaning right away, and everyone else was close behind me. “My father and I aren’t on the best of terms, but he wouldn’t come after me, and he wouldn’t go after her either,” he looked at me when he spoke next. “There’s no way I’d let you have any part of this, which is why I’ll be handling it.” Wait, what? No.
That’s not what he was supposed to say. He was supposed to talk them down and that’s it, not volunteer himself. How could he possibly think that was any better? I mean I know that I briefly considered it myself last night, but deep down I had known there was no way I would be able to go through with it. I meant it when I said I didn’t want to be responsible for any spilt blood.
“The hell you will.” I declared. “When I said I didn’t want anyone going after him, that meant you too.”
“Too damn bad, little sister. The only way for this to stop is for you to go to Dad, or me to take him out, and since I know that you won’t go to Dad for help-”
“Because it wouldn’t do any good. He’s just as much responsible for this as Connor. No matter what you say. He. Does. Not. Care.”
“I know you believe that, which is why I’ll take care of it.”
“No-”
“Just stop. This isn’t the first time I’ve had to do something like this, and it’s never mattered as much as it does now. Like your friend said earlier, at least this time it would be for something, someone, important, and not just following orders. I can get to Connor like no one else can and he won’t see me coming. He got a pass before when he shouldn’t have. I should have ended him a long time ago and I’m not going to make that mistake again. He’s never going to touch you again.”
“But you’ve got a family. You got out.” I tried to remind him. He turned his back on all of it to give his wife and daughter a better life, to be a better man and now because of me he was going to throw himself back into the violence.
“And I’ll still be out when it’s done, but it is going to be done. So stay here until I tell you. If you have to leave I want someone with you at all times and no one tries to get anywhere near Connor.” He looked around the room to make sure everyone heard and understood him. The man barking out orders and laying down the rules was the man my father raised to take over. This was a room full of egotistical and domineering guys, but not a single one of them questioned Shane. He looked back at me. “Stay out of the bars and clubs, and you really shouldn’t be left without at least two people here.”
That was that. Shane made the decision, obviously before he even showed up this morning, and he laid out how it would go. There wasn’t anything I could do to talk him out of it. Part of me was relieved, because as much as I hated to admit it, Shane could do this. He could take care of Connor like it was nothing, but how was me letting him do it any different from me doing it myself? I knew it would take him a little bit of time to set things up, I just had to hope I could beg and plead and talk him out of it before it was too late to take anything back.
He was willing to live with taking a life, lbut I wasn’t willing to let him. No matter what he had done for my father in the past, that’s exactly what it was, his past. Izzy and Lucy were his present and future and they deserved the Shane who had turned his life around. They deserved better than a killer. He knew it and I knew it, and I wasn’t sure what would happen to him if he went through with it, because there was no way that taking a life wouldn’t change him again.
Shane’s words played in my head over and over again. He said there was another way. It wasn’t the first time Shane had tried to tell me I was wrong about my dad, and I didn’t believe him any more now than I did the first time he tried, but I did wonder if maybe I should. If I went to my dad could it really change anything? Could I save Shane from what he was planning to do and save myself at the same time by giving my father the chance to prove me wrong? What happened though if he didn’t, what happened if he proved Shane wrong? Where would that leave me? If I went to him and he handed me over to Connor, what then?
Chapter 28
The following two weeks were some of the longest in my life. If I thought I was being coddled and crowded before, now I was straight up being smothered. I wasn’t allowed to drive myself to and from work. I couldn’t even hide out in Chris’ room without someone knocking to check in on me every five minutes, as if Connor might have ninjad up the side of the house, in the window and abducted me without them hearing anything.
I was fine with taking precautions and being safe, but they were taking overprotective to a whole new level and I was suffocating. On top of that I still hadn’t talked Shane out of operation hitman, and Kyden was tipping the scale of craziness in my life. He was the worst about hovering and denying me time to myself, but as obnoxious as it was, he was also being unusually pleasant and that’s what made me the craziest.
He didn‘t balk when I made him sit through hours of chick flicks, which to be honest I did just to see how far I could push him. Let’s just say that now he is very familiar with the works of Nicholas Sparks. He didn’t complain once, which had to be difficult for him.
I was also sure that he was responsible for the stock of peanut butter M&Ms in the house. I even found a package of Nutter Butters sitting on the counter and strawberry milk in the fridge. He shook his head and sighed, but didn’t say a word when he watched me devour them. He could have his healthy, sludge protein shake. Give me the sugar. I guess that‘s why he has the chiseled abs and mine are slightly less chiseled and a little more … soft. I was definitely in favor of his diet as he had a habit of walking around the house shirtless. While I didn’t want things to get any more complicated than they already were, I had no problem looking, and I looked a lot.
I probably should have demanded that he remain fully clothed in my presence, but I knew if I did, I would end up looking at his smug grin instead. No way was I admitting that seeing his bare chest made me want to lick those abs. Oh man, I really was losing it if I was thinking about licking any part of him, but that’s what happens when you spend so much time cooped up with someone so attractive. You start forgetting all the reasons why your body parts shouldn‘t ever go anywhere near their body parts.
Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you looked at it, he had the most flexible work schedule of all the guys. He was able to rearrange most of his music lessons, or have them at the house, which meant he was my designated babysitter most days. The few times he did have his students over to the house I sat quietly and listened to them. Two of them were teenage boys and one was a middle aged woman. He was a really good teacher; patient and funny. It was another side of him that surprised me.
I was still undecided on whether or not spen
ding so much time with him was good or bad. My stance shifted daily if not hourly. I couldn’t decide whether it was harder to be his friend when he was being an arrogant, self-centered prick, or when he was so sweet and charming that I wanted to wrap myself around him and get lost in his embrace. Both made it difficult and neither left me with feelings that were strictly friendly.
I was also concerned that I was becoming deranged because there were moments when I was so content around him that I was almost happy about my situation and the amount of time I got with him. I reveled in the fact that he hadn’t gone out once during the week. In fact, none of the guys had gone out or done any partying since our temporary cohabitation began.
Even though my emotions were all over the place with Kyden, I hadn’t wavered from my decision not to go there. Every time I was in the same room with him I got those damn flutters in my stomach and my heart rate picked up, but I didn’t give in. That night at the concert I told myself it wouldn’t be easy and it wasn’t. My heart wanted to do its own thing, despite what my head told it. Still I didn’t do anything other than look, and appreciate and okay maybe a little fantasizing, but that’s it. Even in the moments when I was tempted the most.
Last night was one of those moments. I was curled up on the sofa watching episodes of Supernatural with Kyden when he grabbed my feet, pulled them into his lap and gave me the most amazing foot rub. I tried not to look at him and give away just how affected I was by his touch, but I couldn’t help myself. Only when I did look over at him and our eyes met, I got the impression that he was struggling as much as I was with what he wanted. He had this look on his face, the same one he’d had a few other times when I thought he was going to kiss me. I was sure that if I just made the decision for the both of us and crashed my lips into his, he would welcome it, but I didn’t. Then the moment passed, but the feeling it created inside of me didn’t.
Finding Ever After Page 27