He was a drug that I was having a hard time resisting. Nothing made me forget where it would end if I gave in. The only hope I had of keeping him in my life was to resist. The moment I gave would not only be the moment I lost respect for myself, but it would also be the moment I lost him period. Even all of his mood swings and man whoring couldn’t make me want that. I was clearly a glutton for punishment or masochist to want to keep going through it.
When it came down to it, he was there for me when it really mattered and that friendship meant more to me than any number of kisses ever could. Even if I was sure they would be world rocking, heart stopping, leave you panting for more kisses. I’d had plenty of time to let my imagination run wild and when it came to his lips and what I thought they would feel like pressed to mine, my imagination had been working overtime.
Like right now, he was standing across from me in the kitchen, in a pair of athletic shorts and a sleeveless shirt, sweaty from the run he just finished, chugging an ice cold bottle of water and how I wished for a moment to be that water bottle.
Uhnn. I silently groaned in frustration and shook my head it to clear it.
“Problem Princess?” He raised an eyebrow and gave me a smirk that told me he didn’t need to be a mind reader to figure out the direction my thoughts were heading in. I didn’t give him the satisfaction of a response. I just picked up my glass of water and left the room.
Marcus, Ace and Spade were in the living room playing Xbox, taunting and swearing into their headsets as they blasted through their opponents. Even quiet, shy Marcus had a competitive, foul mouthed side that I only ever saw come out when he had a controller in hand.
“There’s my girl. Get over here Rainbow.” I set my glass on the coffee table and plopped down on the couch between Spade and Ace. “Here, take the controller.” Spade tried to hand it off to me.
“What? No. I can’t play.” I protested, but it did me little good.
“Yes you can, I’m gonna teach you.” He grinned like he thought it was the best idea he’d ever had. Somehow I found myself holding the controller and attempting to follow his instructions, but I was having a hard time figuring out the different commands, and kept accidentally tossing grenades instead of shooting. At one point I called in an air strike when I simply meant to change weapons.
Without Marcus and Ace sticking close to cover me while I got the hang of it, I would have been dead several times over. Although, I don’t think Ace was real thrilled when I accidentally shot him because I panicked thinking he was someone from the other side trying to sneak up on me. However, when the voices of the other players on our team came over the headsets with all kinds of comments on my intelligence for shooting my own teammate, and all the other mistakes I had made, Ace didn’t hesitate to lay into them. In fact all three guys started yelling through their mics in my defense. It was kind of sweet. The words that came out of their mouths were completely inappropriate, but still sweet none the less.
After a few more rounds my skills improved and I was actually starting to enjoy myself. I still wasn’t even close to level of anyone else playing, but at least I wasn’t killing teammates and blowing up things that didn’t need blowing up. Once Spade felt confident that I had the basics down, he tried to hand the mic off to me as well. Up to that point he had kept it on and done all the trash talking, but apparently it was a vital part of the game that the guys insisted I experience. He had it attached to my head before I could really object or stop him.
“I don’t know what to say.” I whispered.
“Just say whatever you want, first thing that pops into your head.” Spade instructed, and then the guys proceeded to give me more examples, none of which I could ever bring myself to repeat about someone’s mother, nationality or sexual preferences.
“I can’t say those things, that’s really mean and messed up.” I argued. “Oooh nice shot.” I spoke into the mic. Even though the guy wasn’t on my team, he took Marcus out just like that, and none of us saw him. There was some chuckling from guys on the other team when Ace scolded me for commending the guys who shot Marcus.
“Princess, what were they thinking giving you a mic?” I glanced to the right to see Kyden standing in the hall outside the bathroom in nothing but a towel, still dripping from the shower. Holy freakin nearly naked man Batman. He was going to be the death of me. I was pretty sure my heart stopped. Didn’t matter how many times I saw that physique, it was a beautiful sight every time, and I couldn’t pull my eyes away from it.
Hard planes, defined muscles, sprawling ink, the fine trail of hair that disappeared beneath the towel and the ‘V,’ oh that ‘V.’ Something about it on a guy makes a girl shudder every time, or at least me. I was so caught up in gawking that it was no surprise when I was taken out by a knife without even getting a shot off. I knew I was pathetic, no need to point it out, but that didn’t stop the three guys sitting around me from letting me hear it. Thankfully they waited until after Kyden had winked and then disappeared behind his bedroom door with a grin on his face.
“Damn girl, I thought we were going to have to restrain you to keep you from going over there and licking all the water off him like he was a fucking oasis in the middle of the desert.” Spade teased, and the other two snickered right along with him.
I just groaned, set the controller aside and buried my face in my hands. “Someone should probably just put me out of my misery.” I whined, finally looking up to face their amused expressions.
“Nah don’t worry about, ain’t the first time we’ve seen that look, and honestly you’re the only one who’s ever held out.” Ace tried to assure me, but it really didn’t do much good. I felt like I was seconds away from crumbling, pride and morals be damned. I needed something to take my mind off naked Kyden just a couple doors down from me, more shooting and blowing stuff up would have to suffice.
The guys, thankfully, didn’t give me any more crap about him and were happy to continue instilling me with battle skills and trash talking. That part I never really got the hang of, it’s just too mean, even if it is just part of the game. That doesn’t mean I didn’t manage to get myself in a little bit of trouble with the mic and guys from the opposing side though.
NightShade: I’ve played with Spade before and I don’t remember his voice sounding like a hot chick.
SpadeBringer (me): He’s teaching me how to play. This is my first time.
KillSwitch: I’ll to teach you how to play.
NightShade: So you’re obviously not Spade, what’s your name?
SpadeBringer: Jaxyn.
NightShade: That’s hot. You’ve got a hot voice too Jaxyn.
SpadeBringer: Ummmm thanks. I think.
KillSwitch: Is Spade your boyfriend Jaxyn?
SpadeBringer: No, he’s just a friend.
KillSwitch: Do you have a boyfriend?
SpadeBringer: Uh no. I don’t.
NightShade: I’ll be your boyfriend. I bet you’re smoking. Anyone else know this girl? Is she smoking?
XAcesX (Ace): Yeah she is. (He grinned and winked at me.)
NightShade: Damn. I knew it.
Kaldricus: So Jaxyn this is your first time? We’re not being too rough are we? (Unfortunately I didn’t catch the sexual innuendo until after I opened my mouth and responded.)
SpadeBringer: I don’t mind it rough. That just makes it more exciting.
KillSwitch: Fuck Me.
Kaldricus: So you like it rough?
NightShade: Any time you want it rough, I’d be happy to give it to you that way.
At that point Spade took the mic away, and told me I wasn’t allowed to talk on it anymore. But then Marcus and Ace killed several of them and ended up winning the round. After that they suggested I talk on the mic more often since, apparently, I got the other team a little riled up which served as the distraction the other two needed to eliminate them. Even after they took the headset away I was sitting close enough to Ace and Spade that I could hear voices coming in over the mic, a
nd thanks to my slip up several of the guys from both teams were still expressing desires to show me how rough the “game” could be. One player, DungeonMaster, was so explicit that when I heard his words, my face turned ten shades of crimson. Two seconds later Ace put a bullet in him.
I wasn’t sure if I ever wanted to play again. Guys are such pervs sometimes. Spade got four new friend requests on his account after that game and the guys all laughed. It was their fault for forcing me to talk on the headset anyway, if anyone was to blame for the debacle it was definitely Spade.
They shut off the game in favor of finding food. Danny and Chris both came home not long after, and Bas showed up right behind them to hang out. Spade recounted my Xbox live lesson for the second time when they came in. Kyden had already heard all about it, but apparently it was just as amusing hearing it the second time as it was the first. They were all entertained by my embarrassing chat session.
“I agree, we need to just give her a mic and let her loose on em every time we play, won’t know what hit em.” Chris completely supported Ace’s suggestion that they use me a distraction tactic. I didn’t know if I should be offended.
“I’m pretty sure half of them were hard just listening to her talk, and then after she said that, I don’t even think they cared that we were picking them off like flies.” Ace added.
“It’s not like I meant to say that, or, well I didn’t mean it like they took it. It’s not my fault they’re depraved.” I defended myself.
“That’s kind of the point Jazz. You don’t know what half the shit you say does to guys because you’re too cute and innocent for your own good sometimes. Couldn’t even tell you how many guys’ faces Chris and I had to get in back in high school to keep them away from her.”
“What?” How did I not know about this? “I don’t remember you having to get in anyone’s face for me.”
“He’s telling the truth Tink. I’m pretty sure I had to threaten most of the guys on the football team. After practice a lot of them would stand around and watch you girls finish your soccer practice. I finally had to tell Bas that he needed to steal all of your damn short shorts when you weren’t paying attention just because I was afraid I was going to get into a fight if they kept checking out your legs and ass.”
“That’s where all my shorts went?” Bas had a guilty expression on his face. “I thought Janine was taking them out of my bag because she was mad I made varsity freshman year and she didn‘t. It totally makes sense now why you kept offering to loan me your extra shorts every time I said I needed to go buy new ones.” After freshman year I was used to wearing Bas’ slightly baggy shorts for practices and just kept some of them.
Bas and Chris thought it was a good idea to share more embarrassing stories from my teenage years, but I put an end to story time by threatening to bust out my own arsenal of embarrassing stories. They finally shut up when I shared the time that Lacey Flores dumped her lunch over Chris’ head in the middle of the cafeteria and then started hitting him with her tray because he slept with her and then asked someone else to homecoming.
I had cheered Lacey on that day when I saw her laying into him. Even if he was family, guys who pulled that crap had it coming. On the other hand she did give it up pretty easy so she was partially to blame for letting him use her like that.
One more reason I wasn’t going to give in to my feelings. I had no desire to end up in her shoes, humiliated and shamed. I’d seen too many of those girls in Chris’ past, and had now seen a few of them since getting to know the rest of these guys. I loved them all, but almost every one of them engaged in casual and then blew the girls off after a few dates at the most.
I was genuinely surprised none of them had permanent indentations on their faces in the shape of handprints from just the number of times I had seen them get slapped. I had to admit that most of those girls should have expected it. They portray themselves as sex objects and then get treated like one. Every girl deserves better than that, but they can’t expect it if they don’t demand it.
I understood what it was to be tempted though. Kyden made it so enticing, but I didn’t want the cheap imitation of love that the world sells. It’s not ‘just sex’ and it will never be ‘just sex.’ I don’t have many examples of the real thing in my life but I still know the difference.
Maybe it’s silly and childish to believe that there is one special someone, not five or ten different someones, out there for me, but I do. I can wait for him. I’m convinced that what I’ll have with him will be a thousand times better than anything I could ever find or feel in something purely physical and entirely temporary. First I had to convince my heart to give up its obsession with Kyden.
Chapter 29
“I asked you to bring me something cute to wear. Were you in a freaking tunnel or something and you misheard me and thought I said slutty? If so you should have asked me to repeat myself because in what reality would I ever ask you to bring me something slutty?” Vi stood in front of me holding a scarf, yes I say scarf because there wasn’t near enough fabric for that thing to be a dress.
“Would you just put it on already?” She tossed it at me.
“No! I can’t wear this out there.” I hissed and threw it on the bed. “I wouldn’t even wear that clubbing, and this is just a house party. I would look so inappropriate.” I wasn’t tall by any means but that scrap would barely cover my butt. The back was completely missing except for the tiny halter straps, and it was so stretchy it looked like it belonged on hooker Barbie, not a real person.
The guys were having a party. They’d decided that after two weeks of spending their nights just hanging out at home, they needed to unwind and let loose so they invited a bunch of people over. I hadn’t brought a lot of clothing with me, aside from work clothes and stuff for lounging around the house so I’d asked Vi to bring me something, which was obviously a mistake.
“Vi. I really can’t wear that.” I groaned, disappointed that I was going to have to dig through my pile of pencil skirts and dress pants to try and find something. Nothing could happen between Kyden and I, but I was still shallow enough to want to look good.
“Fine then, I guess you can wear this.” She smiled and pulled more clothes from her bag. I sighed with relief when it appeared to be at least three times the fabric that made up the scarf dress. “I just wanted to see if I could actually get you into that dress.” She rolled her eyes when I practically ripped the second outfit from her hands. “Just think of what Kyden would say if he saw you in it.” She teased.
“I know exactly what he and everyone else would think, that’s the problem. Whore isn’t really the look I had in mind for tonight, or ever.” I started slipping out of the yoga pants and sweatshirt that I had on and changed into the much more appropriate outfit Vi provided.
The skinny jeans, emphasis on the skinny, looked like they were painted on, but were still better than the first option. The purple top hugged my curves almost as snugly as the jeans. It was cute though, and covered everything important so I didn’t complain. I let Vi work my hair into some fancy side braid twist that fell over my shoulder and with a little bit of kohl around the eyes I was ready to join the party. If the noise level outside the room was any indication, it was in full swing.
Turned out that dress might not have been so out of place after all. It would have covered more than what a couple of the strippers, I mean girls, were wearing, but I guess they weren’t invited for their shining personalities. The cute little red head glued to Marcus’ side was the exception. She must be the girl from one of his study groups that he’d been talking about for weeks.
I was happy for him and impressed. Somehow, despite living with a house full of debauched musicians, he remained sweet, and lovable, if not a little awkward. He was used to the scene around him, but red, I think Marcy or Maysie was her name, looked out of place. She was clutching Marcus like she was terrified he would let go of her hand. I hoped she wouldn’t be scared off by it all.
&n
bsp; “Come on Vi.” I tugged her along behind me on my way over to where Marcus and the girl were standing with his brother and cousin as well as a few people I didn’t know.
“Hey Marcus.” I caught his attention. “Introduce us to your friend.” She looked Vi and I up and down, and whatever she saw must have relieved her because some of the tension I saw, melted away. I imagine the harpies weren’t being all that friendly.
“Jaxyn, Violette, this is Maysie, a friend from school.” It was so cute, his cheeks turned pink. He liked this girl. Really, really liked this girl.
“It’s nice to meet you Maysie. We’re going to the kitchen to find something to drink, want to tag along?” She looked a little unsure of my invitation, but must have decided we were harmless because she agreed to join us.
“We didn’t mean to take you away from your boy there, but we figured it would do you some good to see that not all of us are superficial tramps.” Vi reassured her on our way to the kitchen. “The guys’ parties can be a little overwhelming if you’re not used to it.”
“Yeah.” She admitted. “I knew his brother was in a band, and he warned me that sometimes they can get a little out of hand, but I really wanted to come anyway.” This time it was her turn to get a little red in the cheeks. I was glad to see that her feelings seemed to match Marcus’. It would be really good for him to end up with someone nice like Maysie, before he was swayed to the dark side of commitment phobic one night stands.
We snagged our beverages, nonalcoholic for myself and Maysie, she was only nineteen and definitely not a rule breaking, rebel child. Then we bumped into Bas and Lissa. They were, well Bas and Lissa again, the one bright spot in what had been an otherwise an awful day. Not surprisingly I hadn’t seen too much of Bas all week. They were still making up and since Lissa was all smiles, I’d say it was going well. We stole her as well for our girl bonding. Bas didn’t want to let her go, but he’d get over it.
Finding Ever After Page 28