Finding Ever After

by Stephanie Hoffman McManus

  Or was I so afraid of being hurt that I just didn’t want to admit how much this frustrating, arrogant, overbearing, bad boy really meant to me? Because despite all those things, he was also one of the sweetest, most unselfish and fiercely protective people I had ever met.

  He was passionate, insanely artistic and talented, pouring his soul out to the world in the notes and lyrics of his music. He made me laugh even when I wanted to be mad at him. He was constantly surprising me, like the way he was with my niece and his students. Every time I got another glimpse of some part of him that he kept hidden, it further convinced me that there was so much more to him than most people saw.

  I wanted to be the one that he let know him in a way no one ever had. Just like that, my decision was made. Even though it could end up costing me, even though it might be the wrong choice, I wasn’t going to change my mind. Maybe life isn’t so much about always making the smart choice and getting everything exactly right. Maybe there are things that matter more, like being kind, showing love and forgiveness, and being brave enough to take chances. If so, could loving Kyden ever really be a mistake?

  He was watching me intently. I wasn’t sure what he was seeing on my face as I worked through it all, but he didn’t push me for a response. He was willing to give me as much time as I needed to absorb and consider his words, but I didn’t need any more time. He must have seen the resolve on my face, because whereas his face had been blank moments ago, it now showed apprehension.

  He was afraid I was about to reject him. That’s when I realized, he didn’t just have the power to hurt me, but I could hurt him as well. It was almost shocking to see that someone so strong and confident could ever doubt himself, but is was plain as day in his eyes. He didn’t believe I cared for him enough to give him the chance he was asking for. He had no idea how truly amazing he was, flaws, insecurities, all of him. He was unsure of what he meant to me, so I told him.

  “I think I’ve been yours for a long time. Even when I didn’t want to admit it.” I saw the apprehension on his face replaced with a smile that lit up his whole face. I wanted to do anything I could to keep it there. His grin was sexy, his smirk was infuriatingly charming, but his smile was breathtaking.

  “Yeah?” He was still a little unsure, but I was going to change that.

  “Yes. I think I was done for the minute you called me Princess and I’ve just been waiting for this moment ever since.” His smile transformed into the grin that makes me shudder and before I knew what was happening my back was pressed down into the mattress and his lips crashed against mine.

  This kiss wasn’t sweet and tender like the first ones. It was rough and demanding. My lips yielded to his assault and when I let out soft moan his tongue swept into my mouth and tangled with mine. The metal ring was cool against his otherwise warm lips. I flicked it with my tongue and then gently bit down on his bottom lip. I could feel him grin against my mouth and the kiss became even more frenzied. When he finally broke it off we were both breathing heavily and I was sure he could hear my heart beating through my chest. I had never been kissed like that before.

  He raised himself up on both arms and hovered over my body, still wearing that stupid grin. “Thank you.”

  “I think I’m the one who should be saying thank you.” I said breathlessly. “I don’t want to feed your ego, but you’re really good at that.” If kissing was an Olympic sport, that boy would take the gold. He chuckled softly.

  “I wasn’t talking about the kiss. Although that was fucking fantastic. I meant thank you for giving me a chance. I know I don’t deserve it, and I guarantee I’m gonna fuck up at some point. Please be patient with me when I do. I can’t make you any promises but I really want to try this.” I believed him. I didn’t know if he wanted it as much as I did, but I knew he was being sincere, and I was going to try my best to do what he was asking. If he was willing to try for me, I would be patient with him.

  The rest of the night was spent laying on his bed. Neither one of us had any desire to rejoin the party. I was perfectly content right where I was. We talked, and laughed and kissed some more. A lot more, but he never pressured me to go any further.

  He wanted to know more about my mom, so I shared the twelve wonderful years I had with her, and then he wanted to hear about the years that came after. He asked a lot of questions about my time with my dad. He wiped away my tears when it was painful to talk and he didn’t push when I didn’t want to talk anymore.

  I was more hesitant to ask him questions. He held a lot inside and I didn’t know how much I was allowed to pry. I didn’t want to risk making him close up on me so soon. He told me a few stories about his childhood and high school years, but nothing heavy.

  I knew his relationship with his parents was strained though. I don’t even think he realized that he tensed up any time he talked about them. It didn’t bother me that he wasn’t ready to open up. I knew it would take time to earn his trust and get past all the walls he’d put up. I didn’t mind waiting, he was worth it.

  I’m not sure how long we stayed up, but eventually my eyelids became heavy and I was unable to hold back a yawn.

  “Sleepy?” I nodded. “You should have said something. We can go to bed.” I liked the way he said we, but I was a little uneasy about our sleeping situation. I didn’t know whether he wanted me to get out and go to Chris’ room, or if he expected me to stay with him. He said before that he didn’t like to share his bed, yet we had slept together more than once. I didn’t know what he would want now that we were a couple, or whatever we were. Crap, I would have to remember to get him to clarify that in the morning.

  “Go grab your pajamas and then get your butt back in here. Be warned, I’m going to cuddle you so hard all night.” I left the room grinning like an idiot. This morning I woke up wondering how I was going to make it through another day being so close to Kyden without losing my mind completely, and tomorrow morning I would be waking up in his bed and his arms. I was still having a hard time wrapping my head around it. One day can change everything.

  “Look at that smile.” I came out of Chris’ room after changing into pajamas and Bas was waiting for me with an amused expression on his face. I shouldn’t have been surprised. I’m sure Ace told them all about what had gone down, and they were smart enough to figure out where I had been the last couple hours. We hadn’t showed our faces since we went into his room, except to slip out and use the bathroom.

  “Are you okay with it?” I wasn’t sure where he stood anymore with Kyden and me. In the beginning he was strongly against it, but then he seemed to switch sides, and now, well I had no idea.

  “All I want Jazz, is for you to be happy, and if it’s that jackass who makes it happen then I’m okay with it.” He was still grinning and I knew he was really was okay with it, almost pleased even. “Just make sure you warn him that if he takes that smile away from you I will hurt him.”

  “Don’t worry, that’s the last thing I want to happen.” Kyden was standing in his doorway looking a little too good in a pair of black pajama bottoms and nothing else. His eyes traveled up my bare legs and he had a dangerous look in his eyes. I probably should have chosen sweatpants instead of pajama shorts.

  “You took too long. I was coming out here to make sure you hadn’t changed your mind and to drag you back if you had.” He was smiling and his tone was lighthearted, but his eyes revealed that he truly had been worried that I changed my mind.

  We said goodnight to Bas and then I found myself in his bed, up close and personal with a beautiful, tattooed chest. With my head resting on his shoulder I got a good look at the ink covering his skin, particularly the tree that ran up his side and over his ribs. I was able to see that almost hidden in the lines of the bark on the tree, was the shape of a guitar and that there were bars of musical notes woven in the branches.

  I would need all day to examine each of the different pieces that made up his sleeve and I could barely keep my eyes open. He was tracing circles with h
is thumb just above my hip, it was relaxing and comforting. He noticed my eyes starting to droop and reached over to turn off the lamp. It wasn’t long before I was sound asleep in his arms using his chest as my pillow.

  Chapter 31

  “Are you sure you don’t just want to skip it and stay in bed all day?” Kyden was trying his hardest the next morning, to talk me out of going to the barbecue Bas’ dad was having. He wasn’t fighting fair either. He tucked me into his chest so that we were spooning and nuzzled his face in my neck. How was I supposed to think about being anywhere else, but right here with him? It would have been really easy to forget all about the barbecue except that Ace and Spade chose that moment to start beating on the door.

  “You two get your asses out of bed and into the shower. Separately. It’s one o’clock in the afternoon and you two haven’t come out of there.” Ace wasn’t entirely right. Kyden had snuck out to snag some breakfast and bring it back.

  “If you two don’t start getting ready for the barbecue we’re coming in there and dragging you out. I don’t care if you’re naked. In fact Rainbow, if you’re naked tell me now and I’ll be right in.” Kyden reached over me and threw one of his shoes at the door. Both guys burst into laughter.

  “Sorry to disappoint you Spade but we’re both fully clothed so you might as well just go away.”

  “Not happening Rainbow. Not until you guys get up.”

  “I tried.” I said to Kyden and he just groaned when they didn’t show any signs of shutting up or leaving. They continued to bang on the door and taunt Kyden until he finally got up and yanked open door.

  “You guys are assholes.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Get over it and get your ass ready. We’re leaving in an hour. You can resume your love fest tonight.” He winked at me over Ky’s shoulder. “I would also like to mention that if you keep her locked up in there and she quits cooking and baking for us I’m probably going to knife you.” Spade had gotten used to me making breakfast for them the past two weeks.

  “Can you blame me for wanting to keep her to myself?”

  “Nah man. I know if she were mine I’d have her-”

  “If you don’t want me to break your nose then don’t even think about finishing that sentence.” Ace just shook his head and Spade laughed at the threat. It was going to be a long day. Spade wasn’t about to stop giving him crap, no matter what he threatened, but I kind of liked Kyden going all possessive caveman. It was sweet, and a little entertaining.

  I had one sundress with me and decided to wear that since it looked like it was going to be hot today. Kyden tried to talk me into the dress Vi had brought last night. She’d left it behind and he spotted it when I hauled my stuff out of Chris’ room into his. After I reminded him that if I wore it, he wouldn’t be the only one getting to see so much of me, he quickly changed his mind and took the dress away from me.

  I was still in a dress though, which meant no motorcycle. While I would have loved to spend the forty minute drive wrapped around him, the bike still made me nervous. I was much more comfortable taking his car, at least I was until Spade and Ace climbed into the backseat wearing matching grins. Danny, Chris and Marcus were picking up Maysie and some girl Chris had invited.

  The entire ride there was more of the same ribbing. Spade kept trying to provoke Kyden by commenting on how nice my hair looked or how much he liked my dress, and my legs. Ace just laughed the whole time. He knew Spade was going to get it the minute the car stopped, and he did.

  As soon as we pulled into the driveway at my house, Spade ripped his seatbelt off and flew out the door and through the yard next door. Kyden put the car in park and shot after him, not even bothering to grab the keys out of the ignition. When Ace and I rounded the corner of the house into the back yard Kyden had Spade in a head lock. Spade got himself out of the hold and he must have said something to Kyden because he turned around to look at me and grinned. Then he started walking toward me while Spade just stood there chuckling.

  “Have I told you how gorgeous you look in that dress?” He put his hands on my hip and brought my body in closer to his.

  “You like it?” I teased.

  “I do. I really, really do.” He pressed his lips to my forehead in a feather light kiss before tucking me into his side and heading toward the picnic table where Lissa, Vi and Jake were sitting. Kyden took a seat and when I went to slide in next to him he tugged me onto his lap instead.

  I was enjoying all the affection from my boyfriend, yes I said boyfriend. I didn’t even have to ask him what our status was because he called me his girlfriend when he kissed me good morning. I admit that hearing him refer to me as his girlfriend made me giddy, and I went into the bathroom to do a little happy dance. I know, I’m super lame but I don’t even care.

  Being in his lap was giving me a similar feeling. For someone who was so sure that he wouldn’t be any good at it, Kyden was really excelling in the boyfriend department. It must have been all the Nicholas Sparks movies I made him watch.

  “Stop it.” I said trying to squirm out of his grasp, but he had one arm wrapped around my waste and his other hand was tickling my side. I was gasping for breath and trying to laugh. The result was awkward noises coming out of my mouth and a beet red face. It was an attractive combination. “Stop. Please stop.” I squealed between gasps until he finally relented.

  “Sorry I just can’t help myself. You’re finally mine now and I just can’t keep my hands off you.” He grinned and looked at me with those deep green eyes and I couldn’t even pretend to be annoyed. I was in so much trouble.

  Ky slid me off his lap and hopped up to go grab a beer and talk to Chris and Bas who were helping their dad with the food. My eyes followed his movements as he walked away. They lingered on the jeans that hung low on his waist and hugged his long, lean legs. They had really nice back pockets.

  “You two are sickening.” Vi teased, startling me. I quickly turned my head away from the direction of Ky’s backside but didn’t even pretend to be embarrassed or ashamed. Thankfully it was just us girls sitting at the table now. Jake had already disappeared to help set up the volleyball net. The guys wanted to get a game going. Maysie took his seat since they wrangled Marcus into joining them.

  “Oh man, you’re so far gone girl.” Vi laughed at the stupid grin I still had plastered on my face and the other two agreed with her.

  “I am not. Or at least I don’t think so. I’m just enjoying myself. I’m happy. He makes me happy and to be honest, I don’t know how long it will last.” I felt like I could be completely open with them. As overjoyed as I felt, there was still a voice in the back of my head spewing doubt.

  “Oh shit Jax. I was just messing with you. I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad.”

  “I know, but do you think I’m jumping into this too fast? Do you think I’m being ridiculous?” I hadn’t had a chance to talk to her about it yet. Her opinion mattered to me and I knew she would be honest with me.

  “No, babe. I think you’re a girl in love with a boy, and he’s crazy about you too. I think you tried for a long time not to feel what you do, but you can’t help it. If he’s being good to you and making you so happy, which it appears that he is, don’t let anyone make you feel bad about it. Be as disgusting and cute as you want.” It helped to hear that.

  “I agree with her. I don’t know Kyden that well, but in the times I’ve been around him since Bas and I got together, I’ve never once seen him treat a girl as well as he does you. In fact I’ve never seen him be much of anything except an arrogant ass. You seem to bring out a better side of him that Bas always insisted existed. I didn’t believe it until now.” Lissa and I had already come a long way in our relationship, and her support meant almost as much to me as Vi’s.

  “Thanks guys. I needed that. This is all really different for me. I’ve never had a serious boyfriend. I don’t know how serious Kyden is but I do know that I’m in way over my head with a guy like him. Right now everything feels amazing, but I
’m so damn terrified he’ll change his mind at any second. I know I’m going to say or do something wrong.”

  “All I know is, I wish Marcus would look at me the way that guy has been looking at you all day.” Maysie sighed.

  “Well then turn around Mayse,” Vi told her. “He’s staring right now.” Sure enough Marcus’ attention was fixed on the cute red head at our table. They’re eyes met briefly then they both blushed and looked away. Vi and Lissa started grilling Maysie on all the details of her and Marcus’ near relationship, but I was distracted by the volleyball match starting. Kyden had stripped off his shirt and my eyes were glued to the way his muscles rippled and strained every time he moved for the ball.

  Ace caught me staring and said something to Ky. He looked over and our eyes locked for just a brief moment before he winked and then returned his attention to the game. I shuddered.

  After we ate, most of the guests hung around until almost six and then it was just our group remaining. I’d gotten to visit with some of the neighbors I still remembered, they all said how sorry they were about the fire. The only person I hadn’t really talked with, that I wanted to, was Mr. Cross. He’d been a busy host, which is why I was glad when he came and joined me in the kitchen where I was wrapping up the leftovers.

  He asked how I was handling everything with Connor and hugged me when I honestly told him I didn’t know what to do. He also grilled me about my new relationship like any father would his daughter. It made me smile.

  “You ready to get stuff from next door?” Kyden popped his head in and asked.

  “Yeah. We can go now.” I hugged Mr. Cross goodbye and kissed him on his cheek then followed Kyden over to my house. The day after the fire Shane and Bas insisted I get an alarm system installed. I should have done it sooner. At least now all of the windows and doors had sensors and there were motion detectors in each part of the house.