Finding Ever After

by Stephanie Hoffman McManus

  He had one arm wrapped around my head, covering my mouth again, and one pinning my arms to my side. He started dragging me back into the parking lot, but not toward my car. He must’ve had a vehicle waiting. I knew I couldn’t let him get me into a vehicle. I had to get away now or I never would. I waited until we stopped moving, we had to be at his car. Before he could turn and get a door open I slammed my head back with as much force as I could muster and felt the crunch of his nose again. He yelled and stumbled backward. I slipped in the snow, and in my attempt to get away from him I fell forward, my knees and palms slammed into the ground.

  My head was still throbbing and I could feel my body about to give in to the pain. I tried to get to my feet but I was dizzy and slipped again. I started to crawl, but then his hand wrapped around my hair and he yanked me back. I was finally able to get enough air into my lungs to force a scream from my throat as he drug me backwards through the snow by my ponytail. I tried to get my feet underneath me, but continued to slip in the snow. He stopped again and jerked my head roughly to the side sending me to my knees. He stepped around to face me.

  “Stupid bitch.” His fist came down hard on my face. I was knocked backward and my head struck something behind me. His car?

  I slid the rest of the way to the ground. I was on my back looking up at him while black spots danced through my vision. Blood ran down his face and there was so much hatred in his eyes as he glared down at me. I knew I was going to suffer for breaking his nose. I tried to shuffle away from him, but he lowered himself onto me and I was trapped again. I reached my hand out for anything to use as a weapon as his weight crushed me. I felt something hard and cold, roughly the size of my fist. A rock.

  He tried to pin my arms but before he could I brought the rock up and smashed it into the side of his head. It was enough to knock him off me. I started to rise so I could run again but my body was in so much pain that it wouldn’t move as quickly as I was telling it to. Halfway up a sharp, searing pain ripped through my side followed by a second one in my abdomen. I felt something warm spreading over my stomach. I got out one final scream before my body slid to the ground.

  “Looks like I’m going to have to say goodbye a little earlier than planned. That’s too bad, I really wanted to play with you first.” He hovered above me on all fours, hands and knees on either side of my body, and he smiled down at me. His face inched closer and all I could do was watch in agony as he pressed his lips to mine and forced his tongue into my mouth. Everything about the kiss was wrong. His lips were nothing like Kyden’s.

  Kyden.

  I was going to die without ever getting to tell him how much I loved him. That sent a whole different kind of pain tearing through me. At the end it’s not the things you did with your life that you regret, at least it wasn’t for me. It was all the things I left undone. Unsaid. I felt the chill creep into my bones as I laid there on the cold, wet cement while all of the life drained out of me and Connor disappeared. Somewhere I thought I heard my phone ringing and then everything went black.

  Chapter 41

  My entire body ached like I’d been tossed into the cage with an MMA champ. I didn’t know where I was. I tried to remember anything, but my mind was so groggy that it was like trying to wade through peanut butter. There was a heaviness pressing down on me, I couldn’t open my eyes or move. I thought I felt pressure on my right hand, like someone was holding it, but when I tried to turn my head, my entire body protested and I let out a groan, then winced at the pain in my throat. I thought I heard voices around me and the pressure on my hand increased, but before I could make anything out, sleep washed over me.

  The next time I woke up the pain was still there, but I didn’t feel so weighted down. I still couldn’t open my eyes and frustration coursed through me. I wanted to scream or throw something, but I couldn’t even manage to blink. I did succeed in letting out a noise that was half whimper, half groan.

  “Princess?” Everything inside of me responded to that sound. I knew that voice. My heart sped up in recognition. It sounded too far away though, I couldn’t get to him. I wanted so badly to open my eyes and find him. It was all coming back to me, the song, the attack, bleeding out in the snow.

  The memory of facing down Connor in the parking lot sent a wave of terror radiating through my body. I needed to get up, I had to open my eyes so I could get away. My heart was racing and all I knew was the fear that Connor was going to kill me.

  “What’s happening to her? What are you giving her?” There was that rich, soothing voice again, pulling at my soul like a magnet. Then I heard another voice, soft, female, and unfamiliar to me.

  “It’s just a sedative to calm her down until she’s ready to wake up.”

  He said something else to her, but he was getting farther away from me, I tried to hang on to his voice, it was my life raft in the middle of a hurricane, but it slipped away.

  The first thing I noticed, when I finally came to, was the fluorescent lighting and then a steady beeping sound coming from somewhere close by. I was in a bed, a hospital bed. There were needles in my arms hooked up to different tubes. Things were still a little hazy, which is why it took me a second to realize that the pressure and warmth I felt against the side of my body was someone’s head.

  Kyden.

  I hadn’t dreamt him, he was really here. I tried to sit up, but gasped at the pain in my abdomen and collapsed back down on the bed. Either the movement or my cry woke him because his head shot up and he blinked a couple times, like he was afraid what he was seeing wasn’t real.

  “You’re awake.” His voice was soft and almost reverent. I tried to speak but my throat protested and it came out a harsh croaking sound. “Don’t try to talk. The doctor said it will hurt for a while, the bruising was pretty bad.” My fingers moved up to my neck and I remembered the feel of Connors hands there, choking me. I shuddered at the memory.

  “It’s okay. You’re safe now.” He reached up and pulled my hand away, taking it in his. With his other hand he reached over to the stand beside my bed and grabbed a glass of water with a straw. “Here, just take a small sip.” He held up to my mouth so I could drink. The cool liquid soothed some of the burn, but swallowing was difficult.

  “I need to go tell the nurse you’re awake, but I’ll be right back.” I didn’t want him to leave me, my hand started trembling with fear and I squeezed his tighter. I knew I was being irrational and he needed to get the nurse, but I didn’t want him to let go of me. “I promise I’ll be right back. I’m not going anywhere.” I finally released my grip on his hand and nodded.

  Just like he promised he returned less than a minute later, followed by a nurse and a man who I recognized as the same doctor who operated on Shane. “It’s good to see you awake Jaxyn. I imagine you’re still in a quite a bit of pain.” I just nodded again. They stayed about ten minutes checking and poking various things, they explained what they were doing, but I didn’t pay much attention.

  My eyes never left Kyden’s as he stood across the room watching me, while the doctor told me I would have to stay another few days to make sure everything healed without infection. I didn’t care how long I had to stay as long as Ky stayed with me. It still felt unreal that he was here, but I wasn’t going to question it.

  When they finally left us alone again, after upping my pain meds and telling me to talk as little as possible, Kyden took his seat at my side again.

  “What happened?” I managed a whisper. “I remember he stabbed me and then that’s it.” He grabbed my hand again and pressed his lips to the back of it.

  “A couple of guys, I think you know them, James and Drew, they said they were instructors in your krav maga class, found you in the parking lot. They were walking past to get to their cars out on the street, but they heard a phone ringing and didn’t see anyone so they went to check it out. That’s when they saw you laying on the ground. You had been stabbed twice and left there.” He faltered.

  “Connor was already gone,
but thankfully you hadn’t been lying there very long. James put pressure on your wounds which slowed the bleeding while they waited for an ambulance.” My eyes stung and I blinked back the tears trying to escape at how close I had come to dying.

  “Hey, hey. It’s alright.” He brought his hand up to my face and cupped my face, rubbing his thumb gently over my cheek. “Everything is okay now. You’re safe and he’ll never touch you again. He’s gone.”

  “Gone?”

  “Yes. Your father was here yesterday. He found him. Connor’s not coming back Princess. I promise.” I couldn’t contain the relief that washed over me, it was overwhelming. The tears I had been holding back spilled onto my face. He wiped them away with his thumb, but they kept coming. Kyden’s lips brushed over my cheeks, following the trail of tears until they ceased. I was having difficulty breathing but for an entirely different reason. I never thought I would feel the caress of his lips again. I didn’t want to ruin the moment, but I had to ask the question that had been on my mind since I woke up and found him at my side.

  “What are you doing here Ky?” For a moment he didn’t respond, his forehead remained pressed against mine and I thought maybe he wasn’t going to answer me. Then he pulled away and I could see the pained expression on his face.

  “Ace was trying to call you that night, but you didn’t answer. He thought you were upset about something he sent you, so he kept calling. Finally Drew answered.” He paused for a moment, his breathing ragged and his eyes watery. “When Ace told me you were hurt … I’ve never felt so scared in my entire life.” He squeezed his eyes shut but I could still see the moisture leaking out. “I thought I was losing you.” He choked out. I ignored the pain in my stomach and leaned forward to bring my face to his and I pressed a kiss just under each eye, I could taste the salt of his tears on his skin. He brought his arms around me and gently pressed my body into his.

  I rested my head in the crook of his neck while he placed soft kisses in my hair. He started to release me but I tightened my hold on him.

  “Please just lay here with me.” He pressed one more kiss to my forehead and then climbed up on the bed beside me. I scooted over to make room for him and then he gently tucked me into his side and I laid my head on his chest. The exhaustion swept over me quickly. I thought I heard him singing my song just before sleep fell over me again, but it could have just been in my head.

  “I don’t think they’re allowed to do that.”

  Spade?

  “I’m not going to be the one to wake him up and tell him that, but if you want to then be my guest.”

  Ace?

  “Hey look, I think she’s waking up.” I blinked my eyes a few times and felt a hard warmth beneath my head. I couldn’t stop the smile when I remembered that the hard warmth was Kyden. His arms were still cradling me against him. I would have completely forgotten about hearing the other voices and buried myself deeper in his embrace, but then someone cleared their throat.

  “I think you two have had enough alone time, it’s our turn now baby girl.” I looked up to see Ace and everyone else grinning down at the two of us. Even Sadie was there. Before I could try to speak, I felt Kyden’s chest rumble beneath my head.

  “Go away, I haven’t had nearly enough time with her. You jack asses can come back in a few days.” He growled.

  “I don’t think so. You’ve been with her for the past five days straight, and you were supposed to call us the second she woke up. We still wouldn’t know if Chris’ dad hadn’t requested to be notified personally by her doctor. So who’s the jack ass now?”

  Five days.

  I didn’t know what was more shocking to hear, that I had been out for five days or that Kyden had stayed with me the entire time. I shifted in his arms so that I was resting on my back. Any movement still sent sharp pains through my stomach, but I didn’t care about anything except the arms around me and the people in the room.

  “You don’t know how good it is to see you awake Jazz. We’ve all missed that smile so much.” It was so good to see him too, but Bas looked wrecked, liked he hadn’t slept in … five days. In fact looking around, there were a lot of red eyes and disheveled faces.

  “Just so you know, I’m never letting you out of my sight again baby girl.” Ace declared.

  “Same here. Sorry Ky but you better get used to having us around, because I don’t care if you two are getting it on, we’re not even taking the chance that she could bump her head against the headboard.” Spade joked. At least I hoped they were joking.

  “In all seriousness Tink, this has been the scariest five days of all our lives. I’m glad you’re okay. We all love you so much.” My eyes watered as Chris’ admission.

  “And you‘re not allowed to go anywhere until I say.” His brother continued. “So basically never Jazz.” I didn’t know how I had any tears left, but I did. I wasn’t the only one either. Vi’s cheeks were streaked with her own, and Sadie’s makeup was smeared all around her swollen eyes. I noticed that Ace was gently rubbing his hand down her back. I wondered what was going on with that. I raised an eyebrow at him and he just winked and smiled back. Just then there was a knock at the door and three more faces joined the crowd around my bed.

  “I’ve got someone here who really wants to see you.” Shane spoke up and a squealing Izzy came running to the bed side. Kyden reached down and scooped her up into his lap. She wrapped her little arms around my neck and whispered in my ear.

  “I’m so glad Santa heard my wish. All I wanted for Christmas was you to wake up. This is the best Christmas ever.” My eyes widened at her words and I pulled her in tighter.

  “Yes it is.” Kyden agreed with her. “I know I didn’t wish for anything else either.” When they said five days I should have put it together, but I didn’t until just then.

  “It’s Christmas? You guys shouldn’t be at the hospital, you need to be with your families. And you guys, you’re supposed to be on tour, are you going to get in trouble for being here?”

  “Shut up Jax.” Leave it to Vi to be the blunt one. “We wouldn’t be anywhere else. You are family.” They all voiced similar sentiments and I had never felt so loved in all my life.

  Every one of them stayed until the doctor came and kicked them out. Apparently they exceeded the number of visitors allowed at one time. He also admonished them for keeping me from my rest. You’d think having slept for five days would be rest enough, but not according to the doc.

  Everyone filed out, after a procession of careful hugs and kisses on my forehead. Then it was just the doctor and Kyden left. When he gave Kyden a pointed look it was just returned with a fixed glare. The doctor just shook his head and left the room. I got the feeling it wasn’t the first time that had happened.

  Even though the doctor told me I needed more sleep, I didn’t feel tired in the least. It may have had something to do with the person in the bed next to me. My body was buzzing at his closeness. I don’t know if it was that energy humming through me, or the almost dying that made me brave, but I had to get it out. I didn’t ever want to regret not saying it. I was laying on my back and Kyden was on his side looking down at me.

  “I missed you so much. I still can’t believe you’re here with me. It really is the most amazing Christmas. I never thought I would get to feel this again.” I confessed. He looked at me, his eyes searching mine. Whatever he was looking for he must have found because then his face lowered slowly and his lips met mine in the sweetest, most tender kiss. It wasn’t forceful or demanding but it was every bit as passionate and powerful as his most searing kiss. There was nothing rushed about the moment. It was a slow caress that I felt all the way in my toes. Kissing him was like finally coming home after being away so long I thought I’d never see that place again.

  “I’ve been thinking about that for four months now. Even better than I remembered.” He breathed out heavily.

  “You really thought about me?” I asked timidly.

  “Every second of every singl
e day. I was such an idiot to walk away and I regretted it before I even did it. You shouldn’t even be here. None of this would have happened if you had been with me, where you belonged, but I was such a blind asshole. I know I don’t have any right to ask for your forgiveness but I swear I’ll never run from you, from us again. I can’t lose you. I’ll do whatever it takes to earn your love again if you give me the chance.” He ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breathe.

  “I spent a six hour plane ride preparing what I would say if you made it, and now I’m completely screwing it up, but what it comes down to is that I love you.” I gasped. “I should have said it a long time ago, but I was a coward and I walked away because it was easier than fighting for you. I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you and that terrified the hell out of me. I’ll never deserve you. I’ll never be good enough for you and I was so scared that you would see that and leave me, so I left first.” His voice was full of anguish and I just wanted to take it all away. I put my finger to his lips before he could say anything more. This wasn’t all his fault and he wasn’t the only who needed to apologize.

  When he just said he loved me I was surprised, but not because he said it. I was surprised because I already knew it. This whole time that I had been telling myself he could never love me as much as I did him, he already had. I could see it now. It was there all along, in every single touch, each kiss and look he gave me, just like my mom had said it would be. He wasn’t the only one that gave up and walked away instead of fighting.

  The truth I had ignored was that night in his room, when he said I could still go with him on the tour, it really was a genuine offer. Deep down I had known it then, but I didn’t want to believe it. It was his way of telling me then, that he wanted me with him, that he wanted to keep fighting for us. He was trying to say everything I wanted so badly to hear, the only way he knew how, but I didn’t hear it, or didn’t want to hear it because I was also scared. Too scared to realize that he put everything on the line, laid himself out there, by asking me to go with him, and I rejected him. Not the other way around.