Thrash

by Jc Emery

  And four hours later, after I took a much-needed nap on the couch and fixed myself a sandwich—because despite the fresh supplies the woman still won’t fucking feed me—it’s time I head out. I still haven’t seen her shithead brother, but I have to go because it’ll be time for Church soon. After spending the last few hours with Nic, the last thing I want to do is walk away now, but I have to. Soon though, she will be asking me to stay, not eagerly walking me to the door like she is now. When the door shuts, I walk to my bike and start her up then head for the piece of shit place that Ryan and I share, leaving behind a place that once was a very happy home.

  Chapter 12

  This shit with Princess is turning the club sideways. The guys haven’t said too much to Trigger because they’re still trying to figure him out. Plus, it’s not like he’s ever been Mary fucking Sunshine. We’ve just never had something like this happen before—a member hooking up with a chick the club doesn’t approve of. I mean, Grady’s wife’s got a bad meth problem that’s fucking up his life royal right now. The club hasn’t said shit about her. Nor have they said a goddamn word about any of the fucked up bitches Diesel brings into the fold—and he’s got those hoes on rotation. They’re not even permanent.

  But what Alex did? That shit is something else. Princess sold her dad out like he was nothing to her, and maybe he was, but still. She ratted on her fucking family. I get the situation she was in—having to choose her brother or her father—and I get why she chose her brother, but fuck. No amount of shared breakfasts and snarky conversation is going to let me forget that. She’s a rat, and as much as I wish she wasn’t, it’s the way the club defines her now. Silence is a big fucking deal around here, and she couldn’t manage it. And seeing how twisted up Trigger is over her makes us all nervous.

  We have to be able to trust a guy’s judgment because he’s the guy next to any one of us, fighting for us. His head being fucked like this, and he could start justifying that shit she pulled. Then we lose a brother, and that kind of fracture can pull a charter under. At this point, I couldn’t give a shit about Trigger being with Princess. Not really, anyway. I’m just tired of talking about it, and as much as I think it’s a bad fucking idea, it’s not my choice to make. Besides, with the way Princess tunes into his every move, I don’t know how much longer we’ll be able to keep her away from him.

  Sitting down in my seat across from Ian, the club’s treasurer, I survey the room. Ever since we voted on the trip to Brooklyn, Jim’s made it mandatory to be armed at all times, even in church. Being at the table with my piece is odd as hell, and I can’t say I’m not on edge because of it. Every single one of our guys looks grouchy as fuck. This is going to be fun. Slowly, the guys filter in. When Ryan drops his moody ass into the seat beside Ian, I turn away. The tension in the room is high, and we all know what we’re here to talk about: Princess.

  It’s total bullshit that Grady’s making this a fucking thing, but he is. He worries what kind of heat Princess is going to bring the club. If he weren’t a senior officer, I’d tell him to suck his own dick. We’re already in deep where Princess is concerned, so what does it fucking matter if Trigger gets in deeper? It fucking doesn’t, that’s what. If he thinks Ryan is going to wait for his approval to talk club business with Princess, he’s dead wrong. It’s the way shit goes, and any motherfucker who says he doesn’t talk club business with his woman is a bitch ass liar. Shit was different before she got here, but now that she’s here and making friends, it’s time to let this crap go.

  It feels like it takes for fucking ever for the guys to get their sorry fucking asses in their seats. When Jim finally slams the gavel into the wooden table, I’m tense as all get out. Jim clears his throat and leans forward in his chair. “We’ve never had a situation like this before—this shit we’re dealing with about Alex. I thank you again for doing what you do for this club and for each other. I’m just sorry that we feel we have to do this.”

  Jim ain’t even that old, but he sounds just like his old man when he gets going like this. Back in the day when Ryan and I were kids and Rage ran things, we would find a corner to hide in and listen in on Church. It was a big deal that we never got caught—which brings up concerns over lack of adequate security—but back then we thought we were the shit for pulling it off. Rage used to speak with the same slow manner during Church that Jim does now. That family has some seriously strong genes. When Jim was my age, he looked almost exactly like Ryan, and Rage looked how Jim does now. Come to think of it, maybe if we just showed Alex a picture of what awaits her years down the road, she’d pack up her little crush for good and we could call it a day.

  “Forsaken Old Ladies have always been what keeps us from killing each other. Our women know our secrets and our troubles. They know our dirt, and they love us anyway. Shit, Ruby’s gotten more dirt on her hands on behalf of this club than half of you bitches have. Our women trust us to get our shit done, and they expect us to call on them if need be. But that can only happen if we can trust them. Some members have come to me, concerned because they don’t really think Alex can be trusted and they worry how deep Trigger’s getting with her.”

  “She can be trusted,” Ryan mutters. He blows out a deep breath and shakes his head. “Do we all have a bunch of fucking pussies or something? We’re grown fucking men sitting around talking about relationships and shit?”

  Grady’s chair scrapes as he pushes it back a few inches then looks down the table to his left, meeting Ryan’s eyes. Everything seems all calm and controlled now, but one wrong move or one wrong word and any of these guys are likely to pull their gun.

  “Some of us question your judgment,” Grady says to Ryan. It was Jim’s time to talk, but it looks like that’s over now. The club’s taking the floor.

  “I’ve been questioning your judgment for a long fucking time,” Trigger says back.

  “You might want to explain that one, brother,” Grady says, drawing the words out.

  “It means that you can’t keep the mother of your kid off the glass pipe, so I don’t know what fucking business you have worrying about me and mine,” Trigger bites back. And just like that, the shit has hit the fan.

  Grady shoves his chair back and stands up. Ian moves backward quickly to avoid being the meat in a knuckle sandwich. And Trigger—he just fucking sits there and very slowly turns toward Grady. Standing, Ryan looks relaxed. He always does just before he’s about to fuck somebody up. I don’t know that he even can fuck Grady up, but it looks like he’s damn determined to try.

  “Sit down,” Jim says firmly, but neither man moves.

  “This ain’t your business, Pres,” Grady says, using his nickname for Jim. Very slowly, he reaches behind his back and wraps his hand around his pistol. Fuck. And this shit is why we don’t bring guns into Church. The once quiet room erupts into a cacophony of sound as the entire table pushes their chairs back and draws their weapons at the same time. Trigger pulls his piece, and, when his eyes focus in on Grady, they widen just slightly. I’m so distracted by everybody else’s reactions that it takes me an extra second to stand and draw my piece, but when I do, I got Trigger in my sights. He’s wild as fuck, and even though I don’t think he’d shoot Grady, I’m not sure I know him as well as I thought I did. Best friend or not, shooting another patched member is a fucking death wish—especially doing it in Church. Fuck Jim and his fucking call that we need to be at the ready in case Mancuso shows up.

  At least if I lay Trigger down, I know it’ll be quick. One of these other fuckers shoots him and he might bleed out on the floor for a couple of minutes before he finally passes, and I don’t want that kind of suffering for him.

  “Put down the gun, Trigger,” I say in warning. His eyes slide toward me for half a second before returning back to Grady. He shakes his head.

  “Fuck you,” he spits. “Everybody else wants to give me shit, but they don’t like it when it’s thrown back at them.”

  “Too far, brother,” Ian says from his positi
on behind Grady. Moving just slightly to my right, I see that Ian’s gun is pointed at Grady’s shoulder blade. Doesn’t matter how quiet and disturbed the guy seems, he’s really a pacifist at heart. “Put down the gun and Grady’s going to let this shit go.”

  “The fuck I am,” Grady says. “Got out-voted on the trip to Brooklyn, but this shit I ain’t cool with. I don’t like this bitch in Pres’s house. I don’t like her this close to the club. She’s a fucking security risk, and I’m not willing to risk my freedom just because she’s Ruby’s long lost kid.” Shaking his head he asks, “You really trust this bitch?”

  His words come out as a bark, but his eyes are pleading with Trigger to understand. It looks like he just wants him to ‘get it’ already, but Trigger’s one dense fucker. He won’t say it out loud, but he pretty much thinks Princess shits rainbows. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t be making a trip to the house every day just to walk around the fucking place and avoid Alex while he’s at it.

  “Yeah,” Trigger says. “I do, and so does Ma. I’m taking responsibility for her.”

  The room goes dead silent. I don’t realize that I’ve lowered my gun until my arms drops and the weight of the .38 is apparent in my limp arm. The rest of the room all blends together like I have a bad fucking case of tunnel vision. All I can see is Ryan—not Trigger, the guy he’s become—and, for a moment, it takes me back to before either of us were patched.

  Back in the day when we were just dumb fucking kids with a dream and no goddamn clue as to what the reality of being patched means. I wouldn’t trade a single fucking second of the time I’ve spent in this club and all that it’s given me—family, brothers, loyalty, and even pride—but there’s a price for all of those things. My choices aren’t my own. The club says jump, and I don’t ask how high. I just fucking do it and wait to be told I’m doing it wrong. That’s how this life goes, and, for the first time since I patched in, I realize there may be a downside to that kind of loyalty.

  “How well do you know her?” Grady shouts. The hand that holds his gun shakes with fury. Something about this situation is really fucking him up, and it’s more than just not trusting Princess. Something about this irks him on a much more personal level than I expect for it to. “You really standing here and telling us you’re going to take responsibility for her? If that mouth of hers gets her ass busted? You’re going to bet your life on her silence?”

  Everything about this is fucked in a way I’ve never seen before. Ryan isn’t an idiot. He knows what it means to take responsibility for Princess. It means that if she talks, it’s his ass on the line. Taking responsibility for your woman is what we do when we ask the club to vote her in. Trigger’s not stupid enough to push for that yet, but taking responsibility for Princess is a big fucking deal. Looks like Grady’s about to have a serious fucking fight on his hands because I know damn well the next thing Trigger proposes to the club is going to be to vote Princess in—and then she’s everyone’s responsibility.

  Looking around the room, I find that a few of the other members have also lowered their guns. We’re witness to something pretty big happening right now. Ryan’s always been a selfish fuck, so for him to be willing to make that sacrifice must mean that he’s serious about Princess. I can’t quite figure it out though. He avoids her like the plague, and when he is around her he’s all moody and shit. Not that he’s Mr. Smiles around anybody or anything, but he’s always so tense in her presence. I didn’t see it before, but now I do. I see a selfish, bastard of a man falling in love.

  And it fucking kills me.

  I never thought I’d see the day when Trigger was a better man than me. He’s always been the bastard between the two of us, but the way he’s taking it to the wall for his girl? Fuck if I don’t feel like a goddamn tool for not doing more for my girl. She won’t ever admit it, but she needs me, and she needs the club. She’s got Forsaken in her bones and in her heart. Nic’s not a civilian. Like me, she couldn’t make it in her perfectly bland fucking world filled with cubicles and nine to five paper pushing. We need the edge, and the grit, and we need to feel alive. I just have to show her that I can be the man she needs me to be.

  “Enough,” I say. I bring my gun back up and point it at Grady’s arm. “This isn’t a fight you’re going to win, Bro.” Grady’s eyes slip over to mine. His features turn downward at the corners, as if he’s in physical pain from what’s going on.

  “This ain’t right,” he says much more quietly than I expect. It’s not exactly defeat that shows on his face, but it’s a temporary concession. “We’re a brotherhood. We live and die by a code. If we don’t got that, we don’t got shit. If that doesn’t mean something to the rest of you then I don’t even know who we are anymore.”

  Grady lowers his gun and shoves it back into the waistband of his jeans then stalks out of the room. The heavy wooden door wooshes at his exit then slams in his wake. We lower our guns, but don’t move to sit back down. The room is far too charged with energy. We’re just going to have to table the discussion for another time.

  “You see what’s happening here?” Diesel says as he places the palms of his hands on the table and rests his weight on them. First, his eyes meet Ryan’s, and then mine. “We’re falling apart over pussy, and it’s bullshit.”

  Trigger twists, turning toward Diesel, and he’s back to being the bastard that Forsaken’s made him into. His cold gray eyes look hard as steel, and his shoulders are set in that near permanent raised position. Diesel raises an eyebrow at him and gives him a slow, almost mocking shake of his head.

  “Then don’t let it,” Trigger says lowly. And there it is. My brothers might not see it, but I do. Trigger’s picked his side, and it’s not with us. The anger that radiates over him is a quiet fury. He’s mad all right, but he’s holding back from trying to fuck someone up for a change. Maybe he sees what’s happening, or maybe he just doesn’t give a fuck anymore. He stalks out of the room, and when he goes he’s far quieter than Grady was. I barely turn to watch his exit. My brain is consumed with the situation probably as much as his is. I don’t know how real this thing with Princess is for him, but I do know that he’s never acted like this before. We’ve never had to address something like this, and, of all my brothers, I never imagined it’d be Ryan to risk his patch over pussy, but he is, and I can’t decide if I want to fuck him up or slap him on the back for finally feeling something more for someone else than he does for himself.

  But I get it.

  Fuck, do I get it.

  And it terrifies me.

  Chapter 13

  The clubhouse was in a fucking uproar when I left. The brothers were all bitching about that shit with Grady and Trigger, and a few of them tried to drag me into the conversation. Fuck that. I was not about to stand around and shoot the shit after I just had a gun trained on my best friend’s skull. Sometimes I wonder if some of these guys really understand how serious this shit is.

  I rode for a good hour, just up and down the coast, before I’d cleared my head enough to head back to the house I share with Trigger. It’s more of a crash pad, but that’s not uncommon for single Forsaken members. The small house is Forsaken property—thank God—and the standard rules of renting don’t apply to us. Otherwise the owner might take Trigger’s dirty ass to court over the holes in his walls and piss on the carpet in the living room. He did try to clean it after he sobered up, but still. I’m not picky or nothing, but even I think the place is pretty fucking gross, and that’s why I’m packing a bag. Nic doesn’t know it yet, but I’m going to be staying with her. Her house is much cleaner than this one, and I’m pretty sure with the right tactic, I’ll be able to get her to cook for me.

  The walls shake with the intense boom that sounds in the other room. I stand from my sitting position and draw my gun from the back of my waistband. Clicking off the safety and slowly crossing the room with my .38 out in front of me, I take a deep breath and swing my bedroom door open. The hallway is silent save for the low buzzing sound of the
light about to short out over head.

  With my back to the wall, I enter the living room and train my gun on the front door. In the shadows of the covered window stands Trigger. He’s resting his back against the closed front door, and his eyes are closed. For a brief second, I think he looks peaceful, but then I notice the drawn gun in his right hand and the knife in his left. Trigger’s always been temperamental, but ever since Princess arrived, he’s downright maniacal.

  “What the fuck, Bitch?” I ask, lowering my gun and clicking the safety back on. It’s the second time today that I’ve had to pull a gun on him, and if he doesn’t knock this shit off, I might be tempted to give him a flesh wound just for the stress he’s causing me. His eyes open slowly as he pushes off the door and hangs a right into the kitchen. I follow, if only to score a cold beer from the fridge.

  “Where in the hell have you been?” I ask as I retrieve two beers and slide one down the counter to him. He shoves the knife back into his boot strap and places the gun on the counter. Barely paying attention, he reaches out and grabs the bottle. We use the bottle cap openers we have attached to our keys at our waists. He tosses his head back and chugs the entire beer at once then slams the bottle on the counter.

  “House,” is all he says. I take a swig of my beer and nod my head. There’s something I need to talk to him about, but I’ve been avoiding it for as long as I can. After that shit in Church though, I don’t think I can keep putting it off.

  “You see Princess?”

  “Cub,” he corrects me with a snap in his tone. He leans forward and places his hands on the edge of the counter. “Let me ask you something—you got a thing for Nic?”

  My jaw locks up, and I grip the neck of the beer bottle tighter than I should, but without knowing where he’s going with this, I don’t trust why he’s bringing Nic into the conversation, especially when he knows how I feel about her. The entire club knows how I feel about her after Diesel pulled that shit just to prove a point to Nic. Can’t say I like it, but he’d do most anything for my girl, including slamming my skull into the pavement a few times. Fucker.