Drink in case of Emergency

by Oliver, Carl

  Beth felt a shiver as she crossed the lawn to the stairs that led to Justin’s apartment. It was a cool night, even for spring, and this reminded her that winter was a 5 month long season up here in Illinois, or at least it felt that way. Maybe she would move down to South Carolina, live with her aunt while she finished up her four year degree. She would ask Justin what he thought about this plan. Maybe he would come with? It wouldn’t hurt to ask.

  The lights of the apartment were all on, as far as she could tell, and it looked like the door was halfway open. The only sound she heard as she made her way up the steps was the squeak of each stair beneath her feet. The eeriness of it all sent another shiver up her spine. When she reached the landing, she found the door wasn’t halfway open, but it was ajar. She pushed open the front door the rest of the way and peered through the doorway before stepping gingerly through the threshold and into the apartment. She was immediately certain that Justin had been robbed. The furniture was strewn about, a recliner lying on it’s side and a lamp on the floor. Beth was reaching for her phone to call 911 while her eyes scanned the rest of the scene.

  There was a small cooler in the corner of the kitchen that was full of empty beer cans and leaking what she hoped was just water onto the kitchen linoleum. The kitchen table as well as the coffee table in the living room each had several bottles of liquor, mostly empty, sitting atop and next to them. Her eyes followed a dozen empty bottles of wine that seemed to form a trail leading back through the apartment toward the bedroom and bathroom.

  “Hu.....Hello?” Beth finally chirped out as she took another step into the apartment. She jumped back as something lept out from behind the couch to her right.

  “SHHHHHHHHHHHH” Tyler hissed as he reached for Beth’s arm. She recoiled in surprise. Beth backed into the kitchen and was now six feet away from Tyler, but could still smell the booze on his breath. He looked as terrible as he smelled. His clothes were wrinkled, and stained in a few places in dark yellows and browns, most of which came from the bottles in the apartment, she hoped.

  Tyler’s eyes had the glazed looked of a man who was too drunk to be talked out of a bad idea. He looked disgusting, and then he started talking in what Beth could only describe as a shouted whisper.

  “ARRRRRRRGHHH...We’re playing Blind Pirate Pete. Hurry with me, lass. Hiding time it beeee.” Tyler hissed out his words, his whispered urgency coming out rather loudly. Beth was too flabbergasted to respond. As she was starting to get her bearings, there came a shout from down the hall, in the bathroom.

  “Blind Pirate Pete hears your words, and he be comin’ to take away yur tallywackers!” Justin burst from the bathroom with what appeared to be a pillowcase on over his head. Beth stared in awe as he hurried down the hallway with surprising speed given his circumstances as Blind Pirate Pete. Bumping against both walls like a pinball, he quickly emerged into the living room.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” Beth screamed in confusion, ending the game as quickly as she unwittingly joined it. Justin pulled off the pillowcase before responding.

  “Oh, hi hun. We were playing Blind Pirate Pete, but it looks like I lost since you made me take my mask off. Don’t worry about the mess, Tyler can clean it up tomorrow. He needs a job.”

  “Truth ye be speakin’! Does the fair strumpet care to try her luck at the trial that is Blind Pirate Pete?” Tyler spoke up in his pirate accent, climbing awkwardly over the couch, tripping and nearly falling when his foot caught between the cushions. As her heart rate began to fall back within normal levels and her shock subsided, Beth felt her anger begin to rise.

  Beth had always felt like her anger was a burning coal. She knew that if she held onto it, she was only hurting herself. She learned not to hold it in back in middle school when she started getting headaches from her anger. If she let the anger go somewhere, if she threw the coal at someone, she wouldn’t get the headaches. In short, she needed to hurt someone, and there was only one person here who deserved to hurt.

  “You lost your job? And instead of doing what any normal person would do and start looking for a new one, you decide to get drunk and fuck around with my boyfriend?” Beth let the question hang in the air for just a moment, just see how Tyler would respond.

  Was he a fighter, or was he weak? Beth glared at him for a full two seconds, waiting for some show of defiance. When she saw none, she knew she had already won this fight, and continued pouring out her anger. “You have to destroy my apartment and waste everyone else’s day because you’re too stupid to keep a job?” She was furious at Justin for having such a loser friend and then being so weak that he rearranged his entire day to have a pity party with him. A pity party that she was sure she would have to clean up after. She couldn’t direct her anger at Justin though, he didn’t deserve it. He was just trying to do what he thought a good friend should do.

  “You’ve always been such a loser, Tyler. I don’t even know why Justin wastes time on you. This is not what I want to come home to after a long day of…”

  “Wow....that escalated quickly.” Beth was cut off by a voice and the sudden appearance of another person in the corner of the room. Beth looked up in surprise to see another figure climb out from behind the Lay-Z-Boy recliner.

  “Shit!” Beth clutched her hand over her heart at this new figure’s emergence. “Well look...” Beth paused, her concentration broken as she tried to remember Chris’s name, “Justin’s other loser friend.” Chris’s gaze did not fall to the floor as Tyler’s had.

  Was this one worth fighting? “Look douchbag, I have a right to be angry when I come home from a full day’s work at my REAL JOB and have to deal with my boyfriend and his drunk friends destroying my apartment.” Beth could feel her anger spreading. It was no longer a single burning coal, it was like a small fire that was growing. With two small whispered words, Justin caused a conflagration.

  “My apartment." Justin said quietly, almost in a whisper. Beth was in shock, but she didn’t miss a beat.

  “What?” Beth screamed at Justin. Maybe he did deserve it. Is this all the thanks she gets after six months of her life? Playing backup to a bunch of loser friends in Justin’s life?

  “He said ‘my apartment’.” The figure in the corner said, answering her screamed question. Beth couldn’t remember this guy’s name, but she knew that he had never really liked her, probably because he was secretly gay.

  She would not let him control the conversation. Beth felt herself redirecting her anger, ready to destroy this new opponent, but he got out one more statement that stopped her in her tracks. “The only things in this apartment that belong to you are a bag of clothing and a dead cat.”

  “Wha…?”

  Beth's face twisted at his final two words. Tears began to well in her eyes as her fists curled into tight balls of fury. She took a deep breath in through her nose, ready to lash out. Ready to break bottles and bones. Ready to draw blood. She felt the veins bulging out in her neck.

  What kind of sick sons-a-bitches would hurt a helpless cat?

  As she opened her mouth to begin her verbal barrage, a soft 'meow' sound came from behind the couch as Tiger padded around the corner of the sofa and into view, a sleepy look on his face. Beth felt her heart leap to happiness, making her dizzy from the emotional roller coaster.

  “And he's all better!" Chris called out excitedly. Ten seconds of awkward silence passed, marred only by the soft purring that Tiger gave off as he rubbed against Tyler's leg. Beth felt herself recovering, readying herself for the long fight. She could make his friend’s pay later, right now she just wanted some peace and quiet.

  “Justin, I work hard.” Beth put a pause in after her first sentence. She learned in ninth grade how to use uncomfortable pauses to emphasize her point. “I put in eight long hours today being unappreciated at the hospital. As your girlfriend, and as one of the few good influences in your life, I feel obligated to tell you. These fuck ups,” Beth paused and gestured to Tyler and the mouthy one in the corner as
she spoke. “They’re dragging you down. I mean, it’s a Thursday night, and they’ve got you carrying on like you were still in college.”

  As she was finishing her statement, Beth saw that her words had struck. Tyler’s shoulders fell in shame, and the one in the corner even looked away from her, although it was only for a second.

  Time to end this. She touched Justin’s arm, locking eyes with him. His blue eyes were glazed over, he was really drunk. Beth began thinking of things she was going to make him do tomorrow to torture while he was hungover. It was the only way to break him of this habit, that’s what her mom had done with her dad. Beth was going to make him mow the lawn, paint her nails, maybe drive her to the mall at 5:30am so she could go mall walking with her mom. As many bright lights, loud noises, and strong odors as she could muster...Justin’s glazed eyes sharpened for a split second. In that second, Beth felt fear for the first time that evening.

  “Wait a second...If you worked an eight hour shift today, where have you been?” Justin tilted his head to the side and began scratching his head in confusion. He looked like a puppy that heard a noise it couldn’t comprehend. Beth paused, thinking through how she could answer, how she could talk her way out of this one.

  Shit, think. Think dammit. Beth looked down and saw Tiger brushing up against Tyler’s leg. She couldn’t think of a way out. Not enough time.

  “Where were you for the last five hours?” Justin’s drunken pallor was fading away. Beth tried to move fast. Half truths might work.

  “I got off at 5:30. After work I went out with people from the hospital for a few drinks and dinner.”

  Shit. It wasn’t working, too many details. Justin’s eyes were sharpening. The fat one in the corner was watching intently, his eyes moving quickly from Beth to Justin. Tyler, drunk and petting Tiger, didn’t seem to pick up on what was happening, but still asked the one question she didn’t want to answer.

  “Awh snap! That sounds fun. You shoulda called us and we could have met you. Who did you go out with? Anyone looking for a boyfriend who is unemployed but willing to try really hard in bed?” Tyler joked, having clearly shaken off Beth’s previous comment about him being a loser. Beth’s strong eyes faltered at his question, so Justin repeated it.

  Shit… lost to a bunch of drunk assholes.

  “Who? Who did you go out with?” When Beth didn’t respond right away, he asked the real question. “What’s his name?”

  “Jeremy.” Beth said quietly, slowly lowering herself into one of the chairs around the kitchen table. “His name is Jeremy.”

  “Who’s Jeremy?” Justin’s buzz was completely gone now, his emotions starting to build.

  “Jeremy Robertson. Dr. Jeremy Robertson. Justin...I’m so sorry. Can we please talk about this alone?”

  “Yeah, that’s about all the uncomfortable feelings I can handle right now anyway. Tyler, lets go wish upon some falling stars. We’ll get you a new job and everything.” Chris was moving towards the door and Tyler moved to follow him, mumbling as he crossed the room.

  “I’m gonna wish the shit out of some falling stars.”

  *****

  Tyler and Chris walked outside and lay down in the grass, not saying a word as they looked up into the clear night sky. They couldn’t make out the exact words being said in the apartment, but they heard Beth’s volume gradually increase over the first ten minutes. After another couple minutes Scott came down the stairs and mumbled something about hiding under the bed and nobody telling him the game was over. He lay down next to Chris and Tyler and looked up at the night sky with them.

  Another 15 minutes later the apartment door opened and they could hear Beth’s screaming clearly now. “You’ll never fuckin’ amount to anything, ever! And don’t think you can call me next week and ask me to come back. This is it. You can start writing your Taylor Swift song about this relationship! And another thing, Jeremy has a bigger dick than you, too.”

  Beth stomped down the steps, dragging her duffle bag and holding the squirming cat. “Hey losers, go back to your pirate butt sex or whatever you were doing before....fags.” Climbing into her black Pontiac G6, she flicked off the group of friends as she slammed on the gas, causing the tires to squeal as she drove away.

  Still lying in the grass, Scott and Chris sat up, nudging Tyler to wake up him. Without saying a word the friends climbed back upstairs and into the small apartment. Justin was sitting on the couch, face hiding in his hands, elbows on his knees. Tyler walked over and sat down next to him, offering Justin the bottle of vodka that had been sitting on the end table.

  “Stupid Jeremy and his big dick...” Justin mumbled as he took the offered bottle.

  Over the course of the rest of the night the group of four young men became dangerously intoxicated. Justin drank to forget the pain of the last half hour. Tyler drank to forget the pressure he felt on his chest at the thought of getting fired. Scott and Chris drank, well, because there is a strict obligation to do so with friends who are mourning.

  Part 2: The hangover begins; everything else ends.

  Tyler found himself sitting in a familiar seat on a moving train. He looked around curiously at the packed train car.

  How did I get here?

  Where am I going?

  The feeling of deja vu grew stronger, and gave Tyler the slight feeling that something bad was about to happen. An elderly woman was seated next to him, snoring softly.

  Tyler’s uncomfortable fear caused him to rise to his feet, jostling slightly with the train’s movement. Looking around at the car full of people, he didn’t recognize anyone.

  Something is wrong here, Tyler thought to himself. I just don’t know what.

  Tyler felt his stomach lurch, maybe a good time to rush to the bathroom?

  Looking up and down the aisle of the train, Tyler was surprised to find that there didn’t seem to be a bathroom in this car, or at least no sign pointing to one. He decided that it might be best to check the next car, as his stomach began to roll.

  Walking quickly along the rows of seats, Tyler used the handholds near the ceiling to keep his balance. He felt a little surprised that the aisle was completely clear for him to walk down. There wasn’t a single person out of their seat in the entire car, besides himself. This surprise quickly added to his concern, when he realized that the train car had suddenly become silent. Every conversation and mumbled word ended simultaneously.

  What’s going on?

  Why are they all staring?

  Every eye in the car was turned to face him. Dozens of faces were completely blank, staring at him, but as if he wasn’t there at all.

  “Oh....ummm. Sorry everyone. I just needed to use the bathroom.” Tyler meant to speak out loud, so the whole car could hear him, but his voice came out in an awkward squelch. He didn’t have time to worry further, as his stomach gurgled again, forcing a vomit flavored burp up through his mouth.

  Why does it taste like pine?

  Tyler forgot about the staring faces and ran down the aisle. He reached the end of the train car and pulled open the sliding door. He had expected to find another car, or maybe a small area with bathrooms and stairs. What he actually saw made him freeze.

  The door Tyler had opened led into what appeared to be the cockpit of the locomotive. Tyler felt the world tip as the train banked to the left on a side track. The motion knocked Tyler off his feet and into the front seat of the train car he had just run through. He turned to apologize to the owner of the seat who’s lap he had just fallen into, but nobody was there. The train car, a moment ago packed to capacity, was now empty.

  Where did they all go?

  Tyler looked around the train car he was in, and found it completely empty. Where there had been staring blank faces, there was now only row after row of empty blue seats. Pushing himself back to his feet, Tyler walked through the door and into the engine room.

  There were no overhead lights in this car, but the light from a beautiful sunset was coming through the windshie
ld. This car was also much smaller than the passenger car Tyler had come from, all in all it was only slightly bigger than his bathroom at home and filled with the roaring sound of the engine.

  The car was filled with dials and gauges, buttons and switches, which came in variety of oranges, reds, and yellows. Everything looked both important and dangerous. There was only one seat in car, and it was occupied by a woman who was facing forward, away from Tyler. He was fairly certain that it was a woman, as the figure had long blonde hair and what Tyler considered a ‘womanly shaped’ head.

  A female voice spoke over the roar of the engine. Tyler was confused on how this was happening, as he could barely hear himself think over the sound, and the voice was speaking, not shouting. Even in spite of the engine noise, he could hear her question perfectly.

  “You sure you can handle this?” The voice was calm, cold, and slightly mocking. Tyler assumed she was talking to him.

  “I...I think I can.” Tyler felt himself speak, without even thinking. His words came out with more confidence than he felt. He was wondering why he had said that, when the woman spoke again, colder, but just as calm.

  “No. You don’t. But you’re going to have to, they’ll all need you to.”

  It was at that moment, Tyler looked past the woman and through the windshield of the train. The train was going downhill, fast. At the end of this hill, the tracks ceased to exist, falling away into a dark pit Tyler could not see the end of. He felt panic rising in his chest as he felt the train tip over the edge and into the abyss.

  ****

  The sky was overcast the next morning, a pale murky gray, as if the weather hadn’t decided what it wanted to do, so it was keeping all options open. In spite of this weather, Tyler woke as always did after a long night of drinking, painfully early. His body was like a clock. A stupid, frustrating sonofabitch clock that had no respect for the concept of sleeping in, and even less respect for hangovers.