Forever Alexa (Book Four In The Bodyguards Of L.A. County Series)

by Beauman, Cate

  “Evelyn’s an amazing woman. She’ll understand after I talk to her.” A small, nasty thrill coursed up his spine when Alex flinched as he complimented his current lover.

  She shook her head. “This isn’t a good idea.”

  Anger still ruled him as he pulled her closer. “You owe me, Alex.” Their bodies brushed and their eyes locked. “You owe me three and a half years I can never get back.”

  She stared at him for several seconds, then nodded. “Okay.”

  “Let me call the detective and talk to Ev, then we’ll go.” He released Alex from his grip and walked off, trying to digest the huge change his life had just taken, while he struggled to ignore the familiar scent of vanilla and flowers that had haunted him for years.

  Chapter 6

  Alexa ran her hand along Mutt’s soft, golden fur as Jack drove his Lexus through yet another neighborhood. The Los Angeles area was overwhelmingly huge and the car ride painfully long and tense. She slid him a glance while she fought to keep her foot from tapping away her endless supply of nervous energy. Jack’s brooding silence and furrowed brows made the uncomfortable drive almost unbearable. He was so mad. Jack rarely got angry—he was too busy being funny—but on the rare occasion he did, it wasn’t pretty. Four years hadn’t changed that.

  “Mommy, are we there?”

  Alexa peered over her shoulder and attempted a smile. “Soon, honey.”

  “I want to play with Mutt. Jack, I want to play with Mutt.” Olivia brimmed with excitement.

  Alexa winced when Jack seared her with a look as their daughter called him ‘Jack.’ Dear God, this was messy. As messy as she’d feared it would be.

  “Just a couple more turns and we’ll be home,” he said.

  Home. They were going home with Jack. This was so surreal. She’d imagined the three of them together more times than she could count, but now that they were, it wasn’t the warm, loving experience she’d woven into dreams on so many lonely nights.

  Livy had no idea the stranger with the puppy was her father. Jack had barely spoken since they left Ethan and Sarah’s estate, except to say tersely that the detective would call him back. They were going to a house where Jack’s girlfriend waited for their arrival. No, this wasn’t what she’d hoped for at all—not that she’d ever planned on any of this in the first place. After Jack broke things off, she’d fully expected to raise their daughter on her own.

  Sighing, Alexa stared out the window, taking in the massive palm trees, bright in the warm California sun. She struggled to focus on anything but the unending complications of late. She’d worked so hard to give Livy and herself a quiet, simple life, free from the worries that had plagued her throughout her youth. She’d succeeded until their bubble of tranquility burst Friday evening at the isolated Maryland rest stop.

  Moments later, Jack turned into a driveway, pulling up to a charming, smaller upscale house. The dark blue ranch with creamy trim was so pretty, its flower boxes bursting with bright white blooms—a woman’s touch. Evelyn’s touch.

  The front door opened, and the stunning woman with shoulder-length black hair stepped outside, waving. Jack’s eyes brightened, and a huge grin warmed his handsome face.

  “Are we here, Mommy? Are we here?”

  Alexa turned to her daughter and tried to ignore the twist of hurt Jack’s reaction to his girlfriend caused her. He used to smile at her like that, but that was ages ago. She and Jack were long over. It was vital to remember that. “Yes, honey. Go ahead and unbuckle.”

  “Can I play with Mutt?”

  “In just a minute.” Jack took the puppy from Alexa’s lap, barely sparing her a look. He stepped from the driver’s seat and opened the back door for Olivia. “Come on. I want you to meet someone.” He took Livy’s hand, and they started up the drive. Evelyn met them halfway. Jack handed her the small ball of fur, and her pretty brown eyes widened as she laughed and hugged Jack. He gave her a kiss before he picked Olivia up and said something to Evelyn as she smiled, then said something to Livy.

  Alexa studied the couple Jack and Evelyn made. They looked good together. It would be hard for them not to; they were both gorgeous. Even in jeans and a navy blouse that accentuated sleek, sexy curves, Evelyn appeared every bit the smooth professional. And Jack was so different. His tailored khaki slacks and aqua-blue collared shirt were a long way from the denim and tight football t-shirts he used to live in. A lot had changed in four years. He’d grown up.

  With a deep sigh, Alexa opened her door. She didn’t want to do this. It would be so much easier to call a cab and head to the airport, but Jack was right; she owed him, and he could help her with Abby. And more importantly, Olivia was safe. With a final steeling breath, she closed the door and walked over to the commotion of her chatty daughter and yipping puppy, a smile pasted on her face.

  Evelyn glanced up. “Hello. You must be Alex.”

  “Yes. Alexa,” she amended as she took Evelyn’s outstretched hand, staring at the truly beautiful woman measuring her. Perhaps it was petty to correct her, but only one person had ever called her ‘Alex.’ It would be better if Jack called her Alexa, too. ‘Alex’ ceased to exist years ago. “Thank you for having us in your home.”

  She nodded. “I hope you’ll feel welcome. I know how important this is to Jackson.” She circled her arm around his waist.

  Alexa read the message loud and clear—welcome, but not too welcome. They were here because that’s the way Jack wanted it. “Thank you.”

  “Let’s go inside. Can I get you anything to eat?”

  Her stomach jittered and clenched with nerves. Although she’d had nothing since the few bites at breakfast, the thought of food made her shudder. “Um, no thanks. Livy ate at the Cookes’. Sarah fixed her an early dinner. She’s still acclimating to the time change.”

  Jack walked to the car and strolled back with the large suitcase, his own carry-on, and a bag full of items for the puppy.

  Alexa rushed forward. “Oh, I can take my luggage.” She wanted something in her empty hands.

  “I’ve got it.” He moved ahead to the house, not looking at her. His tone changed, and he smiled as he took Livy’s hand as he passed her by. “Welcome home, Olivia.”

  Alexa’s discomfort grew as she realized this would be Olivia’s home on occasion. Livy was no longer just hers; she would be Jack’s, too. And probably Evelyn’s as well. Jack was serious about this woman. He’d moved on.

  He held the door open and Evelyn carried the puppy inside. Alexa followed, stepping into the living room. Sea-foam-blue walls and dark, wooden furniture accented soft, creamy couches and beautiful nautical paintings. Area rugs over glossy wood drew out splashes of color in the art hanging about. Thriving plants set around the space, absorbing the sun. Alexa peered into the next room beyond and spotted the small table set for two. Crystal wine glasses still held chardonnay. White candles had been lit and blown out.

  As Alexa glanced around the cozy space Jack and Evelyn had made, she realized she couldn’t do this. She’d spent the last four years of her life loving, needing, and missing a man who’d stopped yearning for her so long ago. I didn’t want you, Alex. Jack’s angry words echoed through her head like a nightmare. He’d stopped wanting her that cold February night, and she’d never gotten over it. But as she stared down at Jack and Olivia, petting the puppy, smiling identical smiles, talking, she understood she hadn’t had the right to keep them apart. She’d stolen something from both of them. Alex and Jack were over, but Jack and Olivia were just beginning. One had nothing to do with the other. Suddenly overwhelmed, Alexa pressed her fingers to her temple, trying to stem the stirrings of another headache. The small nap she’d taken had refreshed her a bit, but the slight recharge was quickly fading.

  Evelyn laid a hand on Alexa’s arm. “Alexa, are you all right? You’re a little pale.”

  Ja
ck’s eyes snapped up.

  “Yes. Yes, I’m fine. Thank you.” She tore her gaze from Jack’s and smiled at Evelyn, then glanced at her watch. She’d lost track of time. Forty-five minutes. She had less than an hour and no money for Abby’s kidnappers. Her heart raced as heat rushed through her body. “I’m—I’m just going to sit down.”

  Jack stood. “I’ll show you to your room. You look like you could use some rest.” For the first time since he saw Olivia in the Cookes’ living room, his voice gentled with concern.

  “No. No, I’m okay. I should stay here with Livy. She might get nervous if I leave her alone in a house she’s not familiar with.”

  They both glanced at Livy laying on the floor, talking to and snuggling with the puppy.

  “Olivia’s fine.”

  “I’m fine, Mommy.” She beamed her confirmation.

  “This way.” Jackson winked at Evelyn as he picked up the suitcase and started down the hall.

  Alexa peered into well-decorated rooms as they passed the kitchen, a bathroom, the master suite—all exuding elegant masculinity that fit Jack well, except for the candles still lit around the Jacuzzi tub in the master bath and quiet, ambient music playing from some distant stereo. She and Livy were interrupting an intimate evening.

  Jack stopped at a spare room across the hall decorated with honey-colored furniture and sage-green bedding. “I hope this’ll work for you and Olivia.”

  She hated his stiff voice and cool eyes as they stared into hers. Unable to bear it, she looked down. “It’s lovely. Thank you. What—what did Detective Canon say, other than he’ll call you back?”

  “They’re sending someone over from the FBI to put a trace on the burn phone.”

  Her brows furrowed. “Burn phone?”

  “A throw away phone like the kidnappers gave you. If they call again, the Feds might be able to triangulate a signal and find out where the calls are coming from. Hopefully they’ll get something. Otherwise there’s nothing new.”

  There would be no comforting words from Jack. He would help her not because he wanted to but because he was too kind not to. “But time’s almost up.”

  “Let them do their job, Alex. Someone should be here soon.”

  He walked further into the room and set the suitcase at the edge of the bed. She wanted to ask him exactly what the detective had said. Jack used to be a cop. They must have said more than what he shared, but he was already on his way out. “Jack, I don’t think this is going to work,” she said in a rush. “I think Livy and I should go.”

  “Why? Because this is hard on you?” He turned his back and disappeared down the hall.

  Wearily, she rested her forehead against the smooth, cool doorframe and closed her eyes, fighting back her tears. There was too much to think about—too many worries, and the weight was so heavy on her shoulders. Abby. Livy. She sniffed and swiped at the tear she wasn’t strong enough to hold at bay. This was hard on her. The entire situation. What did Jack want from her? The decision she’d made had been the right one at the time, or so it had seemed. How could she have known Jack would want their child when he’d tossed away two-and-a-half years as if they’d been nothing?

  Alexa wandered to the window overlooking the pretty backyard with its small flower garden, charming fountain, and a little patio complete with wicker furnishings. Physically spent and emotionally drained, she collapsed on the edge of the bed.

  Jack had ended everything so abruptly. He’d devastated her and broken her heart beyond repair. Jack had been her first love—her only love.

  “The blue sweater or the black?” she muttered as she walked down the sidewalk, clutching her coat closed against the frigid February winds, distracted by thoughts of packing for her long weekend at Jack’s. She glanced up as she approached her dorm and grinned as she spotted him sitting on a bench in the dark.

  Heart soaring, she ran to him and gave him a hug and a quick peck on the lips. “Jack, what a surprise. I didn’t know you were coming. I was just going to my room to call you while I packed.” Her smile faded as she looked into his stony eyes and realized he wasn’t hugging her back. “What’s wrong? Are you all right?” She sat down next to him, her leg brushing his, and he jumped up, whirling to face her.

  “Alex, I can’t do this anymore. It’s not working.”

  Confused, she stood. “What? What’s not working?”

  “I can’t keep driving down here. Two hours one-way… It’s too much. He paced back and forth with fast, jerky strides. “You can’t keep spending the little money you have on bus fare to come see me.”

  She’d never seen him like this. “Where’s this coming from? Come on. Let’s go inside where it’s warm.” She took his hand. “I’ll make us some hot chocolate, and we can talk.”

  “No.” He yanked away.

  She dropped her hand and stared at the stranger before her as he shoved his fingers through his hair.

  “There’s nothing to discuss. This isn’t working for me anymore. It’s just not. We need to move on. I’m so swamped, so fucking overwhelmed with my life right now. I can hardly keep my head above water. I had no idea being a cop was going to be this hard. The paperwork alone… I can’t think. I can’t fucking think.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling this way? Have you talked to your boss?”

  He scoffed. “I’m not in college anymore. I can’t sweet talk my way out of real life, Alex, like I would with a paper. I need to concentrate on my job—and only my job.”

  His words were sinking in and her breath backed up in her throat as the first dredges of panic bloomed. A simple conversation wasn’t going to fix this. “I’ll come home with you.” She tried to grab his arm, but he jerked away. “I’ll quit school. This doesn’t matter to me. I love you. I want to be with you. We’ll figure this out together.”

  He shook his head. “It’s over, Alex.”

  Heart crumbling, she grabbed his wrist and tugged on the leather of his jacket, desperate to make him understand as the finality in his voice crushed her. “Come with me, Jack. Help me pack. I’ll get a job. I’ll help with half the rent. We can make this work. I just need to be with you. I—”

  “No.” He yanked her against him. “You’re almost done. I won’t let you do this. I won’t be responsible for you not finishing school. You’re not going to throw your life away for me.”

  Tears raced down her face as her breath sobbed in and out. “Please, Jack.” She pressed her hands to his cheeks.

  “It’s over, Alex. Over. We’re finished. Do you hear me? Finished.” He ripped her hands from his face and turned away. “I don’t have room for you in my life right now.”

  She struggled to breathe as she realized his mind was made up. Without any warning, they were through. She stared at his back, sick and trembling. They weren’t getting married after she graduated as they planned all along. They weren’t going to live together and share their lives as they’d dreamed. After tonight, they would go their separate ways and never see each other again.

  Jack turned and faced her as tears streamed down, unstoppable. “I’m sorry, Alex. You have no idea how sorry.”

  She looked into his eyes, knowing this would be the last time, and saw the regret as she swiped at her damp cheeks. Anger grew somewhere beneath the unimaginable grief. “Two and a half years and that’s it? You’re sorry?”

  “Alex.” He touched a lock of her hair.

  “No, don’t.” She shoved him. “Don’t touch me. I don’t understand this. I don’t understand you. I love you, Jack. I love you so much. How can you do this? How can you just throw it all away?”

  He said nothing as she choked on sorrow and wiped at her eyes.

  “Alex—”

  “I don’t want to hear anymore.” Turning, she ran blindly, disappearing into the nig
ht.

  “Knock, knock.”

  Alexa whipped her head around, still reeling from her painful memories. She looked at the man who’d crushed her heart as he held their sleeping daughter in his strong arms.

  “She conked out next to the puppy.”

  “Bring her on in.” Alexa rushed to the head of the bed and pulled the covers back. “Go ahead and lay her down. I’ll change her in to her pajamas.”

  She hurried to the suitcase, struggling with the turmoil of the past and present as Jack laid Olivia on the crisp white sheets. She didn’t know how much more she could take. Focusing on her daughter instead—the one bright light in her life—she pulled free Livy’s lavender-colored jammies and stuffed frog and walked back to kneel next to Olivia as Jack sat on the edge of the mattress. “You don’t have to… You don’t have to stay. I’ve got this.”

  He held her gaze until she looked down and gently pulled Livy’s shirt over her head, replacing it with the short-sleeved top. She unsnapped her tiny jean shorts next and tugged them off, trading them for the light cotton pants. Her eyes darted to Jack’s as she struggled to calm her nerves. “She’s worn herself out. All the traveling and playing with Kylee.”

  Jack reached out and brushed the bangs from Olivia’s forehead. “She’s so beautiful, Alex. She’s so smart and sweet.”

  Alexa stared at the big, masculine hand moving tenderly over their daughter’s face and down her arm to her fingers. “Livy’s my treasure.” She smiled and grabbed the stuffed animal from the floor, tucking the mournful frog under Livy’s arm.

  Jack fingered the light green, webbed foot. “Gordon,” he murmured. “You kept Gordon.”

  She picked up Livy’s shirt and folded the pink, striped cotton, needing to keep busy. “I couldn’t throw him away. He was the only thing I’d ever had won for me at a carnival.”