Forever Alexa (Book Four In The Bodyguards Of L.A. County Series)

by Beauman, Cate

  She smiled, still holding him tight.

  “This was right, Alex. Making love with you again was exactly right.”

  She wanted to regret the last hour, but she didn’t. Even with the new complications this would surely bring, this was the first time she felt truly settled since he’d walked away. Just for a little while, she would let herself enjoy it. She smiled again as she skimmed her finger along his ear. “Yes, this was right.”

  He touched his lips to hers. “I meant what I said. I want you back. I want you and Olivia to come home with me. If we just made another baby, I won’t be sorry.”

  Her smile vanished as the easy moment disappeared and her fear came rushing back with a vengeance. “No. This is moving too fast. You aren’t giving me time to catch up. Livy and I live here, Jack. We have a house here. My job is here. One evening of passion doesn’t change that.”

  “I have a home for us. We can find you a new job. There’s an elementary school right down the street. Or you can stay home if you want. Ethan pays me well.”

  “I can’t think about this right now—babies, taking Livy away from the only home she’s ever known. I like being with you, I miss being with you, but we need to take this one step at a time.”

  “I think we’re several steps behind. Livy will be happy living wherever you are. I want my daughter in my life, not just on school vacations and holidays. I want her with me every day. She told me she loved me last night. I taught her how to fish, and she told me she loved me. Now that I have her, I can’t live without her.”

  She knew this was bound to come up sooner or later, she just hadn’t planned on it being while Jack was still nestled inside of her. “I think—”

  “I still love you, Alex.”

  Her mind blanked as his declaration sank in. “No. No, Jack.” She pushed at his chest, much harder than before. “Let me up. I need to get up right now.”

  He cupped her face in his hands. “I made a mistake. I made the biggest mistake of my life the day I walked away from you.”

  “Jack, please let me go.”

  He moved so that she could free herself. Her fingers shook as she yanked her shirt over her head and pulled on her shorts. She was completely unprepared for this conversation. She’d always loved him, but that didn’t change the way they had ended. “You can’t expect me to alter my whole life because of, because of this.” She made a sweeping motion with her hand. “We had sex, and now you want to live together and make more babies?” She shoved her hair behind her ear. “I can’t—this is completely—” She huffed out a breath, frustrated by her jumbled thoughts.

  “Alex, I just came in you. That’s a big deal. There are consequences.”

  “I’m very aware. That wasn’t our best idea. I won’t lie and say I regret it. I’m far enough along in my cycle that we should be okay, but it can’t happen again.”

  “I agree—one hundred percent. My goal isn’t to trap you into something by getting you pregnant again. I don’t want you thinking that.”

  “I don’t.”

  “Good. But in the interest of full disclosure, I do want more Livy’s running around.”

  “No more. I can’t do this.” She snapped the blanket up in her panic as he stood. “I can’t do this,” she repeated as she folded the soft fleece.

  “You had to know I still have feelings for you.”

  “Yes, I suppose I did. But love... I just—God.”

  “Why is that so hard to wrap your mind around?” He grabbed his boxers, pulled them on, and pulled up his jeans.

  “Mommy?” Livy called. “Mommy?”

  “I’m right here, sweetie.” She hurried through the door toward their daughter’s panicked voice. “It’s okay, honey.”

  “The light’s off. It’s scary.”

  Alexa gathered Livy close as Jack switched on the dim light on the side table. “There you go, sweetie. It’s not so scary now.” She kissed her little girl’s forehead. “Let’s lay back down.”

  Jack appeared in the doorway of the sitting area.

  “Daddy, I want you.” Livy held her hands up for him.

  He sat on the edge of the bed, and Livy crawled in his lap. “I’m scared. The monsters are going to get me.”

  “There aren’t any monsters, Liv.” He enveloped her in a hug, and Livy clung to him.

  “They live in the closet.”

  Alexa rolled her eyes, still fully regretting the day she let Livy watch that supposedly friendly monster movie. “Sweetie, remember, there are no such thing as monsters. The monsters in the movie were nice.”

  Livy buried her face against Jack’s naked chest.

  He looked at Alexa as he rubbed a soothing hand over Livy’s back.

  “We watched a movie that was supposed to be for kids her age. She’s been terrified of the dark ever since. Livy, why don’t we snuggle up and get a little more rest?”

  Livy tightened her grip around Jack. “I want daddy. Daddy will keep the monsters away.”

  “I’ll lay with her for a few minutes.”

  Alexa nodded. This was another moment Jack and Livy had every right to. Livy deserved to know the comfort of her father chasing the monsters away.

  “Come on, let’s go back to sleep for a while.” He lay down and settled Livy in the crook of his arm. “Close your eyes, Liv. Daddy won’t let anything hurt you.”

  “Okay, daddy. I want mommy too. Lay with me too, mommy.”

  Alexa hesitated for a moment, wanting to give Jack and Livy this time, but their little girl was pale with terror. “Of course, sweetheart.” She crawled to the center of the bed and lay down on her side, stroking her daughter’s cheek. “Go to sleep, Lovely Livy. Mommy and Daddy are right here.”

  “Closer, mommy. I’m so scared.”

  Alexa scooted forward until her knees touched Jack’s, and they cocooned their exhausted, terrified baby between them. She reached for the sheet and pulled it over all three of them. “Think of good thoughts, Livy. Think of driving the boat with Grampy or playing with your new dollhouse or fishing with Daddy,” she whispered.

  Livy’s eyelids drooped. “I caught a fishy. The cheese is stinky,” she slurred.

  Jack grinned. “We used bleu cheese for bait,” he said softly.

  Alexa smiled. “Pew.”

  His grin widened. “That’s what Liv said.” His smiled disappeared as he stared into her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

  “Jack, I—”

  “I’m sorry this is the first time I’ve been here to comfort our daughter in the middle of the night.”

  She closed her eyes, unable to handle the regret in his voice.

  “I’m so damn sorry I walked away from you and left you to do this by yourself.”

  She met his gaze again. “You didn’t know, Jack.”

  “But I would have if I hadn’t been so stupid. I’ve regretted it every single day.”

  “Why? Why did you do it?” The question she’d longed to ask since that cold night in February slipped out before she could stop herself.

  “Because I was overwhelmed and afraid, which doesn’t make any sense.” He reached out and brushed the hair back from her temple. “That night… I was freaking out. I’d pulled a gun on a robbery suspect for the first time, and it scared the shit out of me. I still can’t figure out why I thought pushing you away was the best way to deal with it.”

  They continued to stare at each other, blinking in the moonlight. “I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to think or feel. I would’ve helped you.”

  “I’ve been pissed at myself for four years. I never got you out of my head, Alex. You’ve haunted me. That laugh, those eyes. I ended up leaving the force after a while, because I couldn’t stand knowing you were two hours away and no longer mine. I felt lik
e I was dying a slow, painful death. Dad knew someone who knew somebody out in LA who was hiring for some bodyguard firm. He encouraged me to give it a try, to get the hell out of here and get on with my life. Ethan hired me, and I dove into my job. I went to Europe for a while and worked my ass off to become one of the best in my field, but no matter where I went, no matter what time of day or night, I couldn’t leave you behind.”

  “What about Evelyn?”

  “She was my attempt at moving on. She loved me, and I wanted to love her. I tried to love her, but she wasn’t you.”

  She captured his hand and pressed his palm to her cheek. They’d lost out on so much. “I’m scared. I’m scared to let myself feel again.”

  “What can I do? What can I do to show you how much I love you?”

  Hearing Jack say that again brought her as much joy as terror. She’d learned to live her life without him. She’d found a way to move on and make a home for herself and her daughter. How could she just hand him her heart again? “Let me breathe for a while. There’s so much going on. I can’t think about my future, or Livy’s or much of anything else until Abby comes home.”

  “Okay.” He looked down at Livy and kissed her nose. “Will she be all right? She was so afraid.”

  “Yes. Now that she’s snuggled up with you, she’ll sleep just fine.”

  He yawned. “We both need to get some rest. I’m not sure what you want me to do here.”

  “Close your eyes.” He wanted it all, but this was what she could give him for now.

  He held her gaze. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.”

  Jack wiggled out of his jeans and drew Livy more solidly in the crook of his arm. “Good night, Alex.” He took her hand and laced their fingers, the way he always had when they fell asleep together so long ago.

  The old gesture brought her comfort more than fear, so she shut her eyes. “Night, Jack.”

  Chapter 15

  Jackson nudged opened the door to his father’s office with his shoulder, carrying two steaming mugs of his mother’s spectacular coffee in his hands. “I thought I would find you in here.”

  Tucker glanced up from his laptop.

  Jackson handed over one of the mugs. “Sorry I bailed on you last night. Alex was pretty upset, then Liv needed me.”

  “I ended up heading to bed. Ethan didn’t have anything new when I checked in.” Tucker leaned back in the comfy leather chair, holding the cup close to his nose, breathing deep. “Damn, this smells like heaven.” He swallowed and groaned. “I want to marry your mother.”

  Grinning, Jackson sat on the edge of the desk, sipping the hot, strong brew, and sighed. “Nobody makes coffee like mom.” He drank again, eager for the kick of caffeine. Despite sheer exhaustion, he’d only slept in snatches while he lay with Alex and Olivia. He hadn’t been able to shut down his mind. There was too much to think about between Abby’s case and the abrupt change in direction his relationship with Alex had taken.

  So much for slow and steady. In a matter of an hour, he and Alex had gone from cautious friends to full-on lovers again. He kept waiting to regret their lack of precautions and his confessions of love, but he didn’t. How could he? The woman he thought he would have to live without had been wrapped around him, warm, naked, and completely with him—touch for touch and kiss for kiss. He hadn’t been able to get enough.

  Hints of Alex’s vanilla scent still clung to his skin, even after a shower. He and Alex had taken a huge step in the right direction, but he wanted more; he wanted everything, and they had a long way to go. When the heat of passion cooled, her guard had gone back up. Alex was still leery; she was waiting for him to hurt her again. It would take time for her to realize he wouldn’t be walking away. He had a lot to make up for, even more to prove, but first they had to find Abby. With another deep sip of his coffee, Jackson pushed Alex to the back of his mind and focused on her sister. “Did Ethan come up with anything we can use?”

  “You could say that. We just hung up about twenty minutes ago. Apparently he didn’t find much in Canon’s files, which was what he was searching when I called him early this morning. So he took a detour through a few of the ICE agent’s files instead.”

  Jackson choked on his next swallow. “Ethan hacked into Immigration and Customs Enforcement? Fuck, man, that’s Homeland Security.”

  Tucker shrugged. “If anyone can cover his tracks, it’s Ethan.”

  Jackson shook his head. “Ballsy bastard. So, what’d he find?”

  “He thought it interesting that ICE and Canon’s taskforce are monitoring a couple of the dating websites in the Baltimore area. Baltimore Dates seems to get a little more scrutiny than others. A few red flags have been raised over some of the ladies frequenting the site—pretty young foreigners looking for their ticket to the States. Maybe there’s something to it—more than likely—but then again, maybe not. You just never know.”

  “Sounds interesting.”

  “Ethan was intrigued enough to dig deeper, because,” Tucker shrugged, “that’s what Ethan does.”

  “Naturally.” Jackson crossed his ankles, getting comfortable. Tucker would get to his point eventually.

  “Just for shits and giggles, Ethan decided to play with that new facial recognition scanner he’s all hot and bothered about and entered Abby’s photograph, along with the other young women recently kidnapped, into the system. He got a hit on Kristen Moore, the teenager who disappeared a month before Abby did.”

  Jackson’s brow shot up as he sat up straighter. “No shit.”

  “She had a profile—LoveGoddess17. Her information has since been erased, but whoever wiped it clean wasn’t aware that Ethan Cooke, Super Computer Geek, would be flying in for a look-see.”

  “How could they’ve figured?”

  “Exactly. Kristen looks pretty damn different from the missing posters her parents plastered all over the city and news. In those pictures she’s virginal—an innocent schoolgirl. Here she’s blonde, brown-eyed, and beautiful and definitely doesn’t look like she just turned seventeen.” Tucker turned the laptop. Kristen was indeed all of those things.

  “Certainly has the three B’s.”

  “Not to mention a recent track record for running away and a turbulent home life. Her parents decide to call it splits, and she starts looking for trouble. She was the perfect mark.” Tucker turned the computer back in his own direction. “She and someone with the profile name Crazy80 had a few conversations, which Ethan was more than happy to copy for our benefit and send along.”

  “Son of a bitch.” Jackson set his mug down as he stood and walked to Tucker’s side of the desk. Finally they were getting somewhere. “Let me see.”

  Tucker handed over the printed sheets.

  Jackson skimmed the first couple of conversations between Kristen and ‘Crazy80’. They did the typical get to know you dance with casually flirty questions and answers. Crazy80 bragged about his career in the fashion industry. Kristen shared her plans to get out of Baltimore and move to New York, where she wanted to start her modeling career. She ranted about her parents and their divorce and her desire to be far away from them. “Crazy80’s a fucking pro. He keeps things nice and vague, but Kristen sure as hell is willing to spill.”

  Tucker leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms. “He structures his responses with double talk. It seems like he’s saying something, but really he’s not saying a goddamn thing. Kristen eats up the sympathy he dishes out while she feeds him more information about herself. Pretty classic fishing.”

  Jackson grunted as he continued scanning through the chats. Crazy80 had definitely played this game a few times. Poor naïve Kristen didn’t have a chance against declarations of strong feelings and deep connections and promises of a glamorous career. Jackson flipped to the next page and clenched his jaw while he read the
rest. “So they met?”

  “Looks like.”

  “Fucking-A,” Jackson muttered as he shook his head and continued. Crazy80 and Kristen’s date had been magical, something special. Crazy80 wanted to meet with Kristen again and make all of her dreams come true. Jackson frowned as he struggled to decipher Tucker’s chicken scratch notes at the bottom of the page. “Jesus, Campbell, where the hell did you learn to write? Olivia probably has better handwriting.”

  “Where’d you learn to read? It says ‘Kristen disappeared a week after the last web contact.’

  Jackson looked up and met Tucker’s stare. “He’s one of their lures. Who the hell is Crazy80?”

  “That was my take, and we’re not sure. Ethan’s working on that right now, but really, he could be anybody. Photoshop a picture of whoever the hell you want into the profile, make something up, and bam—you’re Crazy80. Whoever he is, he’s smart. He’s been careful to use public access computers at the university and public library.”

  Jackson nodded and scanned the conversations again. “And we’re sure on the time frame between Kristen’s disappearance and their last ‘date’?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “And remind me why the cops never figured this out.”

  “If Kristen didn’t access her Baltimore Dates account at home, there wouldn’t be any record in her computer’s history. According to the information we have, she was in and out of her parents’ house for much of the month before her disappearance. Her mother called the cops several times to report Kristen as a runaway. Kristen may have the three Bs, but she’s also a fucking mess.”

  “This whole thing’s a fucking mess.” Jackson handed the papers back to Tucker. “Refresh my memory—last known whereabouts?”

  “Half a block from her friend’s apartment building—Ellwood Park area. She’d been crashing there because she couldn’t stand her mother, then out of the blue she decided she wants to take the bus home. Her friend encouraged her to stay, but Kristen wouldn’t. Next thing you know, the same friend is calling nine-one-one saying she saw two guys pull Kristen into the back of a van.”