Through The Barricades: Winner of the SCBWI SPARK Award 2017

by Denise Deegan

  She’d wait ten minutes. Then she’d go. But where could she bring guns and ammunition? Not home. Never home. She would never put her family at risk.

  After the slowest, most terrifying five minutes of her life, Maggie heard the sound of approaching footsteps. She froze. And looked about the shed in panic. Should she hide? Could she anyway behind a pathetic mound of coal?

  The steps halted at the door.

  She held her breath and stayed very still.

  Time seemed to stop.

  Then came a knock. It was the code that she had been instructed to use. Either Patrick had got it backwards or this person had. Slowly, she opened the door.

  Standing before her was a giant of a man. His quick smile was warm and confident.

  He entered without hesitation.

  Maggie took a step back.

  He closed the door behind him. ‘Thank you for coming all the way out,’ he said, looking at her bicycle. His lilting accent was from the country. He offered his hand. ‘Michael Collins.’

  She shook it. ‘Maggie Gilligan.’

  He rubbed his hands together. ‘What have you got for me?’

  ‘Two Lee Enfields and some rounds.’

  He smiled, then looked at her as if to say, ‘Where are they?’

  ‘You’ll need to turn around. I have them hidden.’

  ‘Ah,’ he said. He winked. Then he turned.

  She moved quickly, ignoring the pain as she tore the tape from her legs. She held the guns in her arms.

  ‘I have them now,’ she said.

  He turned back and, on seeing the weapons, chuckled. He took them from her, examining them as though works of art. Compared to Mausers, they were.

  ‘Nothing like the sweet irony of fighting the British Army with its own weaponry,’ he said.

  She thought of Danny and wished that this would be all over before he got home.

  forty-one

  Daniel

  March 1916

  Daniel wished that he had never sent those telegrams to Maggie, Michael and his family to let them know that he had arrived back in Dublin. After his X-rays, he had been confined to bed and immobilised in a metal brace to restrict his movement. Now he looked up at the doctor standing over him and tried to take in his words.

  ‘I would like to think that, with steady hands, I can remove the shrapnel successfully. However, you must understand that the operation brings with it the risk of paralysis.’

  ‘And if you don’t operate?’ Daniel asked.

  ‘There is a similar – if not worse – risk. As you move about, the shrapnel inches closer to your spine.’

  He tried to nod but couldn’t.

  ‘I’ll give you time to decide.’ The doctor patted the bed awkwardly and left.

  Daniel stared up at the ceiling. He had walked into that hospital. Now here he was again, flat on his back. It was as if all the progress he had made had been deemed a lie. About him, the familiar sounds of hospital life continued – hushed conversations, curtains being pulled around a bed, a nurse coaxing a patient to take another step. Daniel’s next step would decide his future. He thought of Maggie and what she would do in his situation. And then he knew. It would be ‘the steady hands’ – or the promise of them. The alternative would be a life lived in fear. And he had enough of that.

  He called the doctor before he changed his mind.

  ‘Good!’ was his one-word response. Suddenly, he was all business. ‘If you’ll excuse me, there is much to organise.’

  The decision seemed to hurry away with him.

  Daniel lay trapped, watching the hands of the clock advance another day.

  He was slipping into a doze when a shadow fell across him. He opened his eyes. His father stood gazing down at him with the softest expression. He removed his top hat.

  ‘My son,’ was all he said but those two words seemed to hold all the love in the world. Daniel feared that he would cry in the face of a man who hated weakness.

  ‘I’m sorry that I cannot sit up,’ he said.

  ‘The doctor has explained everything, Danny,’ he said softly. He hadn’t called him Danny in years.

  To escape the emotion, Daniel glanced at the clock. His eyes returned to his father in surprise.

  ‘Are the courts not in session today?’

  ‘The courts can go a day without me. My son has returned from the war.’ His hands circled the brim of the hat. He looked at Daniel desperately. ‘Had I known that you would sign up I’d never have said what I did. I should never have said it, anyway. I have carried that regret with me like a weight since the day you left.’ His eyes filled with tears.

  Daniel’s own eyes smarted. ‘You didn’t place the gun in my hand, Father.’

  ‘I may as well have.’

  Daniel tried to shake his head but the brace stopped him. ‘There were other reasons.’

  ‘What reasons?’ he asked, disbelieving.

  ‘A girl. Maggie. I am engaged to be married, Father.’

  He laughed in surprise. ‘Lord, but you’re a fast mover.’

  ‘War does that to a person.’

  There was pain and regret in his father’s eyes. He took a thin silver flask from his inside breast pocket. ‘I suppose you’re a drinking man now?’

  Daniel smiled. ‘War does that too.’

  They were far from the trenches and yet his hand still shook.

  They pretended not to notice.

  Whatever the drink, it tasted like honey compared to army grog. Daniel took another sip before passing it back.

  His father lifted the flask in a salute. ‘To my son! I am blessed to have you back, Danny.’

  Danny speared a tear with his finger before it could go any further. ‘I’m sorry.’

  His father grabbed his hand and squeezed it. ‘It is I who am sorry. I have changed, Danny,’ he said urgently as though he feared that they would be interrupted or run out of time. ‘When you left, I visited my properties. Till then, I’d had a man handle it all. Well, I was appalled by the conditions and instantly sacked the man. At first, I considered selling the premises, washing my hands of them but then I realised that, if I did that, nothing would change. So I invested in the buildings, improved conditions, indoors and out.’ He stopped. ‘What happened between us has brought some good, at least.’

  ‘How that cheers me.’

  ‘When you are well, perhaps we could visit the properties together and see how things have changed?’ He seemed to be seeking Daniel’s approval.

  He smiled. ‘I’d like that.’

  ‘How I wish that you did not have to suffer for my eyes to open.’

  ‘I’ll be fine, Father.’ With steady hands. ‘Poor Michael did not fare so well.’

  His father’s eyes glistened. ‘You were only boys. Boys.’ He gathered himself. ‘At least, you’re home now.’

  ‘Should the operation succeed, I’ll have to return.’

  His father pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘I’ll never forgive myself.’ His voice broke.

  ‘I need you to. I need for this to be behind us.’

  Once more, he squeezed Daniel’s hand. ‘I prayed that we’d be given this opportunity. Every day, I prayed.’

  Daniel smiled. ‘You were not alone in that.’ He looked at his father for the longest time, filling in the details of a face that had blurred in his mind, like all faces had – remarkably blurred, terrifyingly blurred. ‘How are mother and Niall?’

  ‘You can see for yourself! They are waiting outside in the corridor! I wanted to speak with you first. Will I call them in?’

  Daniel hesitated. ‘Will they be all right seeing me like this?’

  ‘They are longing to see you, whatever way you are.’

  But, on seeing Daniel, his mother burst into tears. ‘They’re tears of happiness,’ she insisted. ‘It is so good to see you, Danny.’

  His own tears escaped again and he laughed to camouflage the emotion.

  ‘You’ll never guess what happened in scho
ol!’ Niall exclaimed, saving the situation. His stories tumbled out, one over the other, each one reminding him of the next.

  Daniel soaked up the normality, bathed in it. When, at last, Niall ran out of steam – it took half an hour – Daniel looked at his mother and smiled.

  ‘I cannot think of any news whatsoever!’ she said and laughed. It was as if her life between Daniel’s leaving and returning was of absolutely no relevance.

  How he loved her. How he loved them all.

  ‘Your son has news of his own,’ his father said. He looked at Daniel.

  He was momentarily confused.

  ‘He seems to have acquired a fiancée, somewhere along the line!’ his father helped.

  His mother’s hands shot to her face. ‘Good Lord! How did that happen?’

  Daniel smiled. ‘It’s a long story, Mother. I’ll tell you sometime.’

  ‘I’ll remind you.’

  ‘I’m sure you will,’ her husband said, grinning. ‘You old romantic.’

  Daniel looked at him in surprise and thought that maybe war did good things too, like dissolved the coldness between a father and his family.

  Daniel’s father launched himself at Daniel’s next visitor, dragging him into an embrace and patting his back with almost brutal enthusiasm.

  Michael laughed in surprise.

  Mister Healy, fearing suddenly that he had overdone it, took a step back.

  ‘It is wonderful to see you, Michael. But you and Danny will have much to discuss.’ He nodded to himself. He looked at Daniel as if he had only said half of what he had intended to say. ‘We’ll call again, tomorrow.’

  ‘They might be operating,’ Daniel warned.

  Worry crossed his mother’s face, the worry of someone who knew the risks.

  ‘I’m in good hands,’ Daniel reassured. Steady hands.

  ‘Are you all right in there?’ she asked of the brace.

  ‘Happy as Larry,’ he lied. ‘I can’t tell you how good it is to see you.’ Tears threatened once more.

  ‘Tomorrow, I’ll bring Humbugs,’ Niall promised.

  ‘I’ll hold you to it.’ Daniel winked.

  But the final words were his father’s. ‘Let us leave our boy in peace.’

  Michael approached the bed. ‘What have they got on you?’ he asked as if it was an instrument of torture.

  ‘It’s to stop me from moving.’ Daniel explained about the shrapnel.

  ‘But you’ll be all right?’

  ‘Grand.’ Daniel looked up at his friend. Neither mask nor face was as bad as he’d imagined from the letters. He’d seen worse. ‘You look well, Mick.’

  ‘If only I could say the same for you.’

  They laughed.

  ‘I missed you,’ Daniel said. The words did not feel strong enough. ‘What happened to you, Mick? I watched that lighter take you away, not knowing if they’d get you onto a trawler…’ He couldn’t go on. Was this what happened when you left a war zone – you fell to pieces?

  ‘Well, the story goes,’ Michael cheerfully began. ‘They got me onto a hospital ship, where I was operated on, then taken to a hospital in Malta where more surgery followed. Then it was off to England where the Countess of Carnarvon herself tended to me. After that, it was the mask doctor,’ he said in the manner of “evil scientist”. ‘Do you wish to see my face?’ It was a dare.

  ‘Nothing would shock me, Mick. You know that.’

  Michael closed his eyes and nodded. ‘You’re right. I use it to shock. It has become tired.’

  ‘I missed you. Have I said that?’ Daniel smiled.

  ‘You’ll have a smoke?’

  They shared a slow cigarette and silence.

  ‘How’s school?’ Daniel asked.

  ‘I lasted a day.’

  Daniel frowned.

  Michael waved his concern away. ‘My father has found me work in Dublin Castle. I begin tomorrow. It’s only filing but it’s a wage and a start and I won’t end up in prison for the murder of a schoolboy.’

  Daniel laughed. ‘How I’ve missed your humour.’

  ‘Maggie thinks it’ll get me a girl some day.’ He looked doubtful.

  ‘How is she?’ Daniel’s heart swelled at the thought of her. He longed to see her and yet he had a terrible feeling that on seeing him she would realise that she no longer loved him. How could she love him when she no longer knew him? He had changed so much. Everything had.

  Michael sighed deeply.

  ‘What is it?’ he asked, panicking now.

  ‘I could not write of this but...’

  Fear gripped Daniel.

  ‘She has joined the Irish Citizen Army.’ Michael told him all that had happened. ‘Perhaps you could talk her out of it, now that you’re home.’

  Daniel felt a tug at his heart. ‘I would never try.’ He smiled. ‘She wouldn’t listen anyway.’

  ‘True enough. When she discovered that I was behind her dismissal from Na Fianna, I thought she’d kill me.’

  Daniel smiled and his heart filled with sudden hope. Maggie, at least, had not changed.

  And then there she was.

  The light was fading and Michael had gone. Daniel stared up at her. She had changed entirely. Gone was the boy-girl he’d carried with him in his heart. Her hair had grown. It was nothing like the sad little clump he’d thumbed to death, the little clump he still had. The sight of her sent him into a blind panic. He had fixed his bayonet, he had climbed over the top, he had run into machine-gun fire and been shelled to kingdom come yet what he feared most was the girl he loved.

  She slipped her hand into his and lifted it to her lips. But she was crying.

  ‘Your scarf didn’t make it home,’ he tried.

  ‘That hopeless tangle!’

  ‘It saved my face, Maggie.’

  She touched his cheek with the back of her fingers. It only reminded him of the gap between them. She was so soft, so gentle while he was hard, tainted, his heart compressed into a knot. He had taken lives and been glad. He would never be good enough, happy enough, him enough again.

  ‘I’m a killer, Maggie.’ There it was.

  ‘You’re a soldier. There’s a difference.’

  ‘I’ve done things, seen things...’ he said with growing distress.

  Her eyes held his. ‘That doesn’t change who you are.’

  But it did, Daniel knew.

  Maggie bent down and kissed his mouth, so softly, like a butterfly landing. ‘We’re here, now, together at last,’ she whispered. ‘That’s all that matters.’

  And there it was, suddenly, the scent that he had been chasing in a wad of hair. He closed his eyes. ‘How I’ve missed you,’ he whispered and heard the emotion in his own voice.

  ‘I missed you more.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Yes,’ she insisted.

  He could not believe that he was laughing. ‘I love you.’

  ‘Not as much as I love you.’

  ‘You’re so obstinate,’ he said.

  ‘Isn’t that why you love me?’

  He gazed at her face in wonder. ‘You’re a woman, Maggie.’

  ‘Only pretending. As usual.’

  ‘Michael told me about the Citizen Army,’ he said to save her the admission.

  She bowed her head. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t want to tell you when you were overseas.’ She frowned. ‘How did Michael get in here before me anyway?’

  He smiled. ‘I assume you were in school. He was at home. Have you heard? He starts work in Dublin Castle tomorrow.’

  ‘Dublin Castle of all places.’ She shook her head.

  ‘Can we put Ireland aside for a moment?’ He had to say it.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ She looked at the brace. ‘Will you be all right, Danny?’

  ‘Of course I will. It’s a tiny operation.’

  ‘Then why this?’

  ‘They’re only showing off their equipment. Still, I’m glad of it. They had nothing at all in Salonika. Except the best nurses in the world.’
>
  Then she smiled. ‘Have you got my ring yet?’

  He felt suddenly that they would survive this – The Healys. ‘I’ve been a bit occupied,’ he joked.

  ‘No excuse.’

  He laughed. ‘Kiss me.’

  ‘On one condition.’

  ‘What’s that?’

  ‘You never leave me again.’

  His eyes held hers. If only eyes could keep people together, he thought.

  forty-two

  Maggie

  Maggie had longed for this day. She had dreamt of it, prayed for it. Imagined it. And, after Michael had returned as he had, she had prepared herself for it. But nothing could have prepared her for what she found. Seeing him lying there, so unsure of himself, so unsure of her and yet somehow a man, she began to cry – for him, for them. She wished to gather him up in her arms and hold him to her but she could not get near him because of the contraption. All she could do was kiss his hand. Then they were talking, each word bringing them closer, like rocks placed, one by one, across a stream linking two people on opposite sides. They were laughing and teasing one another again. And she began to hope.

  Then, on her way out of the ward, she asked to see the doctor. And he told her the truth.

  Her stomach plummeted. She should have known that Daniel would lie to protect her. Her heart ached for him.

  That night, she tossed, turned and prayed. Just this one thing. His deliverance.

  The following day, with permission from her mam, she headed for the hospital instead of school.

  Daniel’s bed was gone. She stood staring at the space left by it.

  ‘He’s having his surgery, love,’ the man in the next bed told her.

  ‘They took the entire bed?’

  ‘Carried the whole lot out. Didn’t want to move him.’

  ‘Thank you,’ she managed.

  She paced up and down in the space where his bed had been, biting into her fist. And though she was sure the Lord was sick of her prayers she sent Him another.

  ‘Don’t worry, pet,’ the man reassured. ‘They have the best surgeons in the world here.’

  She smiled and nodded.