"Not...really." He rolled his eyes. "But the next time you try to figure out if fruit is ripe or not, just look at it. The damn thing is as orange as an orange can be."
"...Right you are!" I exclaimed, picking up the orange. "Orange as an orange can be. I must remember that."
"And if you don't, I'll grind your brain into orange juice. Got it?"
"Well, technically you can't grind my brain into orange juice since it's technically not an orange..." I realized I was rambling while he was still glaring at me. It wasn't a 'dude, you are weird' glare but a 'die already, you lousy kumquat!' glare. I had to stop.
"I got it."
“Good.” He patted me on the back. “What do you want, chump?”
“I, uh...good morning!” I greeted them. “What are you up to? You guys are so loud that Rachel and I can't do our lessons!”
“Our usual?” Aurora said. “Are we disturbing you? Because we can stop.”
“Oh, you don't disturb. It's my family that you might disturb if you did this at my house though. I mean, they are Indian and Indi an na people aren't that crazy affectionate. So it might come off as disturbing. You understand what I'm trying to get at here? Please say you do.”
“I get it. I get it.” Aurora sat up and pulled away from Dylan. “Let's try to keep to ourselves, Dilly. I don't think his family would approve.”
“Yeah, I know. Sorry.” He apologized to me.
Rachel came in at that moment. She was still wearing the sari she had put on yesterday. “Well, I learned how to pee wearing this thing.”
I looked worried. “You didn't ruin it while trying, did you?”
“Hell no! I'm a little bit more careful than that. In fact, I unwrapped it, did my business, and wrapped it up again. Did I do a good job?” She turned around and I saw that she had indeed done a very good job of wrapping a sari. There were Indian girls out there who still didn't know how to wrap a sari so this was impressive.
“Well done!” I nodded. “My mother would be proud of you.”
“Yeah, well, I hope she's proud of me because I'm going to take this off. I've been wearing it for so long.” She slowly unwrapped the sari. "You know, this has been a weird couple of days."
"You're telling me. My relatives aren't even here yet. You and I still have a long way to go. But...what happens after all this?" I asked. "Do we stop being friends?"
"I don't think we can stop that. I mean, I'm too far into your life now. If I wanted to, I could have you wiped off the earth."
I took a step back at that. "You...you what?"
"Calm down, Anwar. I'm not going to do that."
"Then why mention it?" I winced. "Why bring up the very thought of killing me?"
"Oh jeez! No wonder you've had girl troubles! It was just a joke!"
"Well, funny, I'm not smiling."
"Anwar, quit being a grouch! You need to loosen up like Dylan. He used have that sourpuss look all the time. Then I made fun of his pouty lips and he loosened up. I did the same with Cal when he was around. So we're all cool."
I stopped cringing long enough to hear that. "You made fun of him and got away alive?"
"Yes! He doesn't bite. Give my sister and her boyfriend a chance too. They'll be stuck with us for a while. I know Aurora's going to want to know everything about our 'wedding' and Dylan will be right there listening to her and making fun of you."
Terrific. I had Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-don't mess with me tagging along and making me sick. I still had images of them being all cute and lovey dovey while I looked like a complete nimrod next to Rachel. I could still picture Aurora all shirtless and rubbing her boobs against her boyfriend. Ugh. I needed to wipe that out of my memory forever. Not when I had someone as beautiful and charming as Rachel. I knew she would be amazing in the nude even with fake breasts. In fact, I wanted to know what it would be like when I finally saw her naked.
Wah! What was I thinking?! I wasn't going to marry for real! I wasn't having sex so why the hell was I picturing the poor woman in the nude? I had to stop with this. She didn't deserve to be seen in the nude, not even in my head. I wasn't a pervert. I had to remember that. I was a good man and I didn't check girls out in that dirty way.
"You know, I've been thinking about something." She began. "Your relatives are flying in tomorrow, right?"
"That's right."
"And they've never met me, right?"
"No. They know very little about you."
"Well, are they going to expect me to be a virgin?"
Yikes. "Usually, yes, we are expected to be virgins."
She winced. "Damn. I don't know how I'm going to lie about that. I can convince them why I have fake boobs but..."
"If we can fake our relationship, we can fake our virginities. It's not like they're going to have sex with us." I hadn't realized what I had said until I had said it. My hand went to my mouth but it was too late. She heard it. She heard the word that I never meant to say.
"Virginities? You mean you're..." The smile crept up on her face. “Oh Anwar, you dirty dog. I had no idea.”
"Sophomore year of college, frat party, a guy did me!" I blurted out. "He did me in the ass! That's right! I got done in the ass!"
"Whoa, you lost your virginity to a guy?!"
"Shhh!" I silenced her. "Your sister and her boyfriend are down the hall! I haven't told them my secrets! They know nothing of it!"
"Sorry, it's just...I didn't think you'd do such a thing."
I gulped. She had gotten to the one subject matter I could not bring up with my own parents. Granted, me losing my virginity to a man was an accident but it had happened. It had been finals week and I was too stressed to do anything. When the invitation to some frat party came, I decided to live life a little. Get loose. Do something other than chemical equations for a change. So I accepted the invite and went over to the house. After what felt like a hundred wine coolers, I was drunk. I did not remember very much after getting drunk other than saying 'yes' a few times, losing my pants and shoes somewhere in that room, and falling down on a bed. When I woke up, I was now a man thanks to a man. It was a night I barely remembered but I knew I could not forget. I hadn't told my parents this yet. I wasn't going to until I had a death wish.
I explained all this to Rachel who look ed on with awe. "Wait, you had sex with a guy while drunk. And you agreed to it?"
"Yeah. It wasn't a crime ; , it was me being an idiot." I sighed. "I agreed to make love to a guy. He apparently asked me and I said yes. Or something close to a yes."
"And? You were tested later, weren't you?"
"My tests came back normal." I assured her. "I don't have any diseases."
"Good. Cause I took tests and they came back normal too."
"What about your sister and the leather basket? Are they..."
"Dude, you think they would be virgins? Nope! But relax, I don't think your relatives are going to care what Rory and Dylan do. They are in their own world and we are in ours." She sat up. "So let's talk about how we are going to fake virginity and chemistry?"
"We're faking chemistry too?"
"Well, I thought we're faking the whole thing?" She looked puzzled.
Oh right. "Yes, fake chemistry! We are indeed faking all of this! I'm sorry. I almost forgot we're not really dating!"
"Yeah, we're not..." Her voice trailed off at that. "I guess we're not."
"You wanted us to date?"
"Oh no! No!" She shook her head. "I'm just getting too caught up in all this! It's been exciting. Hanging with you, learning about you, learning so much new stuff...I kind of don't want it to end."
I knew what she meant. Thinking about it was making me feel guilty for lying to everyone in the first place. I had to change the subject. "Let's practice our chemistry."
"Yeah, let's..." She inched closer to me. "Take my hand."
"Take my whole life too." I sang. "For I can't help...falling in love...with...you." I laughed at myself before starting up to song. I couldn't help it.
She had provided me a perfect opportunity."Wise men say only fools rush in. But I can't help...falling in love with you."
"Shall I stay?" She continued, leaning closer to my face. "Would it be a sin? If I can't help falling in love with you."
"Like a river flows surely to the sea...darling, so it goes...some things...are meant to be." My nose touched hers. Was all of this real? If we were supposed to be faking chemistry, then we were doing a very good job of it.
"Take my hand." We both sang. "Take my whole life too. For I can't help...falling in love...with you." Her lips brushed against mine and I felt them press down. Fake chemistry. This had to be some good fake chemistry over here. Her tongue went into my mouth and I swear I saw galaxies left and right. Was this what people felt when they fell in love? Did they see a million constellations and meteorites flashing by? All of this was making everything in me explode.
“You're kissing me.” She pointed out.
“Are you complaining?”
“No.” I brushed my lips against her just like that one time. We kissed again.
“Me either.”
“I kind of like this fake chemistry. We should have it more often.”
I nodded and let her kiss me once more. It was passionate, her tongue was down my throat, and I wasn't freaking out. Her hands ruffled through my hair and I could feel my nails going into her shoulders. If I hurt her, she didn't cry or scream.
“Have sex with me.” I whispered.
“You sure?” She asked.
“Just once, that's all I need.”
“Then let's do it.” She started kissing me all over again. “Let's do this thing. Let's fake some more chemistry. It's good.”
I returned the kiss and we made out again. Suddenly, I didn't feel so bad. Not like at the club. The club was too public. Here, we were alone. We could get away with our make outs and our kisses and not have anyone question us. Not even the lovebirds could keep me from kissing this woman. Good God, I was in love with her. I wasn't ashamed of my behavior now.
It wasn't long before we were upstairs in her room and making out. Then she decided that we had to go to my place for sex. And that was the day we did it everywhere we could be. The car, the kitchen, my room. If it could have sex on it, we had sex on it. Careful sex but it was sex all the same. We were having the chemistry lesson of a lifetime.
Fake chemistry was good indeed.
127
Carter Tachikawa
Chapter 14
I woke up the next morning to find Rachel curled up next to me. I was three seconds away from a heart attack when I saw her, pink and blonde hair all over my pillow and long legs hanging off my bed. But our sheets were clean so I didn't know what to make of it. Did she fall asleep in my bed last night and I wasn't aware of it? I hoped my mother did not walk in to find us together. Sleeping together came after the marriage. And technically, we were not getting married. So there was no reason for us to have sex. Not to mention, I had not been wearing a condom when I fell asleep. Oh God, I was not wearing a condom! Ma Kali, please tell me I did not have sex last night!
"Morning." Rachel rolled over and greeted me. She was barely awake, her hair was a clumpy mess, and we both had breath that could kill the bugs in my bed. But for some reason, I was happy with all this. I was happy with the lack of hygiene from both of us.
"Morning, yourself. How've you been?"
"Much better than I was last night." She admitted. "We had a good time."
A good time? Oh no. Oh no way to the Underworld was she saying what I think she was saying. "You mean we did it?"
"No! Relax, you're still a “virgin” and according to your family, so am I." She winked. "And if they really care to know, I can fake it. I faked it five times in college."
“So we did use a condom?”
“Uh huh. And it didn't break so we're safe for the most part.”
Yipes. But a part of me felt a great deal of relief. I had not knocked a girl up before marriage! Score! "Well, I doubt they'll ever ask for that much proof. Anyway, today is the big day. Everyone's going to be preoccupied with cleaning up the place. They're coming."
"Goody." She sat up and put on the robe I handed her. "I remember that I have to pray to them and serve them and just be a good person in general."
"Right. Don't worry if you don't understand them. I'll be there to translate everything they say." I promised. "If they don't smile back, don't worry. I swear, my grandmother's smiling muscles have probably died. Heck, she's about 90 now ; , there is no reason for her to smile. But she'll like you. Even if she can't show it, she'll like you."
"Cool. So is there anything special I need to do this morning?"
"Other than brush up, clean up, and get ready? No." I shook my head. "I'll pray in the prayer room, you just get dressed."
“Goody. I'll be waiting then.” She said, kissing me again. “Pray hard.”
First thing I did once I got in the prayer room was light the agarbatti. The smell spread throughout the room and put it in its little stand. I got down on my knees and bowed before them, praying that this would go through smoothly. I did not know if the gods were real or not. I only believed what my parents had told me. I believed in Brahma the Creator, Vishnu the Preserver, and Shiva the Destroyer. I believed in Ma Durga and Ma Kali. I believed the stories about them and I believed they would make me stronger. I knew they had answers to everything. If I prayed and believed in them long enough, everything would fall into place.
“Don't let this blow up on me please.” I pleaded. “I'm trying so hard to make this happen.”
But what was I trying to make happen? I figured that was the question they wanted me to answer. They could lead me to the answers but I'd have to come to the conclusion on my own. I knew that's how things were run here.
I just could not see what those answers were.
Rachel was still waiting for me in my room. She could smell the agarbatti on my clothes because the first thing she asked was, “Did you set something on fire?”
“Just the incense. Is it that strong? Are you allergic to anything?”
“Oh no, I was just curious. How do you feel?” She leaned over and squeezed my shoulders. “How was your first time with a woman?”
“I'm not sure to be honest. Do you think we got carried away last night?” I asked.
“With the kissing? Nah. People kiss like that a lot.”
“I still think we might have taken a step further than we should. I mean, we had sex. More than one time, I might add.”
"I think you're taking this a little too seriously. It's just sex. It's nothing to freak out about. Basically, we have to act romantic." She said. "But from hearing about your folks, we have to be romantic without going too far."
"So how do we act romantic without going too far?" I wanted to know.
"We go to the experts for this!"
I soon found out what she meant by experts. Said experts were at her house. More importantly, they were all over the couch. Even more important than that, it was her sister with the boyfriend macking all over that couch. I grimaced when we got to her house again and saw them. How did I know they would at it again? I saw more tongue here than I ever saw in a tongue sandwich (and God knows, the tongue sandwich I saw had too much tongue for anyone to swallow). The sounds alone were making my stomach turn and slush about. I held down the breakfast I had and tried to interrupt this sex scene before me.
"Hey, guys?" I perked up, my voice hitting a disgustingly high chord. "Sorry to be interrupting but this is important. Can we ask you something?"
Aurora sat up in shock. "I swear Dylan and I did not use your shower at midnight, Rachel!"
Rachel turned to me, slightly nauseated. Or maybe she was horny. I couldn't tell from the look. Maybe when she was horny, she was also nauseous. I was slightly afraid to find out later. Regardless how she felt, I was definitely nauseous. I had to hold back the vomit that was shooting up to my esophagus. It burned. I prayed that Rachel did not want
night time showers with me. Or anyone for that matter. It was official; showers made me nauseous.
"That's not it, Rory. We actually wanted to talk to Dylan too."
Now it was Dylan's turn to get shocked. He turned to me. "Dude, I didn't know she was your sister! It happened so fast, hell ; , I didn't even know who you were back then! She told me she had no STDs and that she'd never get any!"
I took a step back. "I don't have a sister."
"Oh." He calmed down. "Never mind then. You heard nothing about that or the midnight shower. Nope."
"Yeah, I'll deal with you two later on that." Rachel shook her head and I could hear cuckoo birds going off in the distance. And here I was thinking that I was a whack job for going through with such a stupid plan. "I wanted to ask you two about how you do it."
Dylan turned to Aurora before turning back to us. I could tell they had gotten the wrong idea the moment he moment his mouth again. "Well, you see, when a man and a woman love each other very much...they have needs. And sometimes, they need to take care of their needs..."
"I don't want sex education talk! I know how a man and woman fuck!" I blurted out. All at once, I felt dirty. I rarely used that word like that. Worse, I sounded like a total dick talking to them. "Sorry. What I meant was can I ask how you two can be romantic without being romantic all the time."
"...You want to be romantic...without being romantic?" Aurora asked.
"Yeah." Rachel nodded. "Anwar here wants to impress his relatives since they'll be coming in today. But we don't want to...do whatever the hell it was you were doing on the couch."
"Making out?"
"Yeah...if you want to call it that." I looked around the room. "I'm talking more subtle like...touching the hand, playing with the hair, staring into her eyes. That deal."
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