The Doctor's Not-So-Little Secret

by Cindy Kirk

  “He doesn’t.” Even though Kate liked the attorney, having Joel bring his name into a conversation raised any number of red flags. “Tell me what he said.”

  Joel’s gaze met hers. “He said you’re in love with me.”

  When Kate was twelve she’d fallen off her bike and had the air knocked out of her. She remembered that feeling. She felt the same way now.

  Although she cursed Ryan for interfering, she realized he’d spoken the truth. A truth she hadn’t even admitted to herself until this moment. If she didn’t feel so much like crying, she’d laugh at the irony. She’d fallen in love with the one man who could never be hers.

  But if she confessed that love, it would be over between them. Kate knew that as well as she knew her own name.

  “Of course it isn’t true.” She kept her tone matter-of-fact. This wasn’t, after all, a hearts-and-flowers moment. “But I do like you. I hope that’s okay.”

  A tousle of hair had fallen across his forehead. She wanted nothing more than to brush it back. How foolish she’d been to think she could keep herself from falling in love with him.

  Joel expelled a ragged breath and dropped down beside her on the sofa. “I like you, too.”

  He reached over and took her hand and Kate let out the breath she’d been holding. When she was with him like this, she could almost believe everything was okay. And it appeared to be, at least for now.

  “I did a lot of thinking tonight. There’s really no reason we can’t continue to see each other when Chloe returns. As friends, of course,” he quickly added.

  “Friends without benefits,” Kate clarified.

  “If that’s the way it’d have to be—”

  “It would be too complicated for us and too confusing to Chloe any other way.” Kate didn’t want the stipulation any more than he did, but she had to figure out how to keep some distance between them…for her heart’s sake.

  “But that won’t start until Chloe gets back.” He brought her hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss in the palm.

  A smoldering heat flared through her. She gazed at him through lowered lashes. “Correct, again.”

  Her gaze met his. Time seemed to stretch and extend.

  Joel’s grin was a little lopsided, his fingers not quite steady as they touched the curve of her cheek, trailed along the line of her jaw. “I’m going to make this a night we’ll never forget.”

  Excitement coursed through her when she saw the gleam in his eyes. There was a promise there, one that said there was more, much more to come.

  She looped her arms around his neck and pressed a kiss against those lips she’d come to know so well. “See that you do.”

  As his lips closed over hers and his hand flattened against her lower back, drawing her close, Kate gave in to the emotion, to the feelings sweeping through her body like a wildfire.

  If one more night was all they had, she was going to make it a night they’d both remember.

  * * *

  “Dr. Kate and I are going to paint our nails and toes today,” Chloe announced over breakfast. “Then later we’re going to meet Mrs. Delacourt and Addie for an Italian soda.”

  Joel added some more cream to his coffee and smiled. Because Kate wasn’t on call today, Chloe was spending the day with her instead of with the teenage girl who normally watched her when he had to work on the weekend.

  During the past few months, he and Kate had settled into a routine. One night during the week she’d make dinner for them, then later in the week, he and Chloe would make dinner for her. On the weekends he and Kate would go out Saturday night. Sundays were their family days.

  It would have been a satisfactory arrangement except for one factor. They no longer slept together. Even though it had been part of the rules laid out, Joel couldn’t help wishing it wasn’t so, well, set in stone. He could understand when Chloe was in the house. But even when his daughter was away on a sleepover—which had been happening with increasing regularity—all clothes stayed on.

  He supposed he could push the issue. During their good-night kiss, which sometimes lasted a half hour or more, it was apparent that celibacy was as hard on her as it was on him. With a little encouragement Joel knew he could have her in his bed. But it was better this way.

  Or so he kept telling himself.

  Their two-week affair had been simply a physical release. Continuing to date Kate didn’t seem like a betrayal of what he and Amy had shared because they were merely good friends. No love involved.

  The only concern he had was Chloe. She’d grown attached to Kate over the past couple of months. But he consoled himself with the fact that Kate wasn’t the type of woman who’d ever abandon a child. Even if their relationship came to an end, he had confidence she’d remain Chloe’s friend.

  And it wasn’t as if Kate was sitting around pining for him. Kate was now going on an occasional date with other men. She’d told him because they were simply friends that it was best they not get too dependent on each other. He’d agreed. But if it was for the best, why did it feel so wrong? And why couldn’t he bring himself to ask anyone out?

  “Can we go out for pizza tonight, Daddy?” Chloe hopped up, taking her bowl to the sink without being asked. Another good habit she’d picked up from Kate.

  Joel took a sip of coffee. “Kate and I go out on Saturday night. Remember?”

  “Not tonight, Daddy. She has a date with Dr. Campbell.”

  Joel slowly lowered his mug to the table. “I’d forgotten.”

  It wasn’t that he hadn’t been warned. Kate had told him weeks ago that Benedict had invited her to attend some medical-society function with him and that she’d accepted. No, he hadn’t forgotten, but neither was it something he dwelled on. If he did, he’d have to confront the fact that sooner or later Kate would find someone else. And that was something he preferred not to think about.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Kate finished dressing and putting on her makeup while Chloe played happily in the living room. Even from her bedroom, she could hear the little girl singing to herself.

  As she applied her copper-colored lipstick, she smiled. These Saturdays that they spent alone had given her a chance to get to know Chloe…and to fall even deeper in love with her daughter.

  She knew she shouldn’t think of her in that way, but it came so easy now. It might not be right, but she wasn’t saying it aloud, so what did it hurt? After casting one last glance in the mirror, Kate retrieved her shoes from the closet and carried them with her into the living room. She dropped them next to the sofa.

  Although her toes had completely healed, she tried not to squish them any sooner than necessary.

  “I like your new shoes.” Chloe picked up one of the taupe peep-toe pumps with the pleated accent. “Very stylish.”

  Kate hid a smile. Those were almost the exact words Mitzi had used before she’d left the house to go shopping. Often when Chloe came over, Mitzi would stay and the three of them would spend the day together. But tonight was a big medical-society event at the Spring Gulch Country Club.

  Mitzi swore she hadn’t a thing to wear. Even though she was just going with Ryan—her words, not Kate’s—she’d headed out for an afternoon of shopping. That left Kate alone with Chloe for the afternoon, a fact that suited Kate just fine.

  In the past two months, she and Chloe had developed a relationship. The child sometimes came to her for advice, but most of the time they simply enjoyed doing “girl” things together.

  “I’m glad you like them.”

  “You’re going to look so pretty tonight.” Chloe’s gaze settled on the black dress, with a swath of tan down each side, draped over the sofa. Her smile faded. “I just wish—”

  Kate looked up from the toenail she was painting a deep burgundy. “You wish what, sweetie?”

  Chloe chewed on her lip, then ducked her head. “I shouldn’t say.”

  After finishing the last nail, Kate put the applicator into the bottle and screwed it shut, then gave
Chloe her full attention. “What have I always told you?”

  “That there isn’t anything I can’t tell you.”

  “Okay, then.” Kate gentled her tone. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”

  “I wish you were going with my dad,” Chloe blurted out. “He’s every bit as handsome at Dr. Campbell and you two have so much fun together. I don’t know why you’re not taking him. It just seems so…wrong.”

  It felt wrong to Kate, too. But dating other men was a survival thing. Joel didn’t love her. Oh, she knew he cared about her, but it wasn’t enough. She’d spent too many years coming in second to her sister to settle for any man’s leftovers.

  Dating other men made it feel like she wasn’t pining for someone she couldn’t have. She was still out there keeping her options open. It seemed ironic—and more than a little sad—that the only man she wanted was the one she couldn’t have. But that wasn’t something Chloe could understand. Heck, she barely understood it herself.

  “Your father—” Kate paused, praying for the right words “—loved your mommy very much. He may not ever marry again. But I’ve never been married and one day I’d like to have a husband and some children. So, while I admire your dad and enjoy his company, we’re just friends.”

  To Kate’s surprise, Chloe’s face took on a mulish expression. She crossed her arms. “You kiss him. Friends don’t kiss like that.”

  Heat rose up Kate’s neck. Two nights ago, when she and Joel had both thought Chloe was asleep, they’d decided to begin saying good-night while sitting on the sofa in his living room. That had been a big mistake. If Chloe hadn’t come in when she had, Kate had no doubt that she and Joel would have gone “all the way” instead of having a forced stop at second base.

  “Not casual friends,” she finally managed to choke out. “But your father and I are good friends.”

  Thankfully Kate was spared having to say more by the ringing of the doorbell.

  Chloe hopped up and raced to the front door. “I’ll get it.”

  Kate rose to her feet and followed behind. In a matter of seconds, the UPS guy had deposited the large box on the floor of the foyer and was sprinting to his truck.

  “What’s in it?” Chloe’s eyes sparkled with curiosity.

  “I don’t know.” Kate looked at the return address and sighed. “It’s from my mother.”

  “Is it your birthday?”

  Kate shook her head and lifted the box, relieved that it wasn’t as heavy as it looked. “Let’s open it and find out.”

  Chloe clapped her hands. “This is going to be so much fun.”

  For the little girl’s sake, Kate hoped it wasn’t a box of old sweaters. Because it appeared her mother had used a whole roll of packing tape, the child’s anticipation had built to a fever pitch by the time they finally got it open.

  “Toys,” Chloe squealed. “And pictures.”

  There was a letter inside, written in her mother’s perfect penmanship, telling Kate that because she would likely remain in Jackson Hole, she was sending the rest of her childhood memorabilia.

  Chloe pulled out a Cabbage Patch doll with brown pigtails and freckles and clasped her to her chest. “She’s beautiful.”

  “Her name is Lottie Rose.” Kate remembered how she and her mom and sister had stood in line for an hour before a local department store opened in hope of getting one of the popular dolls. “She was my firstborn. I eventually got two more, but Lottie has always held a special place in my heart.”

  “Where are you going to put her?” Chloe looked at a glass-topped side table and then in the direction of Kate’s bedroom.

  “Actually I’ll probably pack her away.”

  Chloe’s face fell. Her hold on the doll tightened.

  “Unless—” Kate swallowed against the emotion welling up in her throat “—you’d like to have her?”

  A shriek burst from Chloe’s throat. “Yes. Yes. Yes. I want her. Are you sure? Can I really have her?”

  It had been an impulsive offer but it felt right. Lottie had been a special gift. She should be handed down from mother to daughter. “I can’t think of anyone who would give her a better home.”

  Kate had barely choked out the words when Chloe flung herself at her, wrapping her arms around her neck and hugging her tight. “I love you, Dr. Kate.”

  Kate wrapped her arms around the child—her child—and blinked back tears. “I love you, too, sweetheart.”

  She’d thought Chloe would jump back, eager to play with her new doll. But she settled her head against Kate’s chest, as if content to be simply held.

  Kate stroked the girl’s dark satiny hair and forced herself to breath past the tightness gripping her chest. This was the first time she’d held her daughter this close since that last day in the hospital.

  Oh, Chloe, I’m so sorry. I should never have let you go.

  Chloe lifted her head and for a second Kate worried that she’d spoken aloud. But the little girl just smiled and laid her head back against Kate’s chest.

  When they finally broke apart, it was with none of the awkwardness Kate expected.

  “Are you ready for a snack?” Kate’s voice sounded husky, even to her own ears. She cleared her throat and tried again. “I have apples with caramel dipping sauce.”

  Because Joel wasn’t picking his daughter up until five-thirty, Kate knew it would be six-thirty or seven before the two ate.

  “Can we finish looking through your stuff first?” Chloe dropped a kiss onto the top of Lottie’s head.

  “Sure.” Kate glanced at the large cardboard box, wondering what other old memories it held.

  As they dived into the contents, it appeared that the box held a little bit of everything. More dolls, though none as special as Lottie Rose, a boatload of stuffed animals and lots of games. And in the very bottom, a shoe box filled with pictures.

  Chloe’s eyes widened at the picture of Kate in her band uniform. “You were so pretty.”

  Because orange and black had never been her best colors, Kate knew that was an overstatement, but she appreciated the compliment.

  “I want to look at all these,” Chloe said with a pleading expression. “Can we, Dr. Kate? Please, can we?”

  The clock on the fireplace mantel said they had less than thirty minutes until Joel arrived to pick up Chloe. Ben was supposed to arrive shortly after.

  Still, she was dressed and ready to go, so there was time.

  After maneuvering the box by the sofa, Kate took a seat and Chloe hopped up next to her. She reached into the box and pulled out a picture. “This was me as a baby.”

  Chloe oohed and aahed over the pictures of Kate as an infant and toddler. Even though there were many pictures of both her and Andrea, the little girl never once commented on Kate’s sister’s pretty face.

  By the time they reached the grade school ones, Chloe was totally engaged. They moved on to the upper-elementary grades when Chloe looked at the picture in her hands and gasped.

  “You look just like me, Dr. Kate.” Chloe’s eyes were wide. “We could be twins.”

  Kate glanced at the picture the child held in her hands. She wore her favorite pink skating outfit and was staring unsmiling at the camera. A chill traveled up her spine. The child was right. It could have been Chloe in the picture.

  “Don’t you think we look alike, Dr. Kate?”

  The door had been opened slightly and Kate took full advantage. “Well, we both have dark hair. I could easily imagine you in that skating outfit. So, in that aspect we do look alike.”

  “No,” Chloe said. “Your face looks like mine.”

  “I guess I can see the resemblance… .” Kate glanced at the clock, her veins humming with nerves. “Your father will be here any minute. Let’s look at some of the pictures when I was in junior high.”

  Kate shoved the ones where she was closest to Chloe’s age under the sofa cushion and pulled out another handful. By the time the doorbell rang, Joel was fifteen minutes late and they were laugh
ing at pictures from the camping trip her family had taken Kate’s senior year.

  Without missing a beat, Kate dumped the rest of the pictures back into the shoe box and placed it in the cardboard box, between a Ronald McDonald doll and her Wonder Woman Underoos.

  “I want to look at more pictures,” Chloe whined.

  Kate brushed a strand of hair back from the child’s face and plopped a kiss on her forehead. “Next time you’re here, we’ll finish going through the box.”

  “Pinky swear?”

  Kate locked little fingers with the girl and squeezed as the doorbell rang again. “Pinky swear.”

  “Okay.” Chloe wrapped her arm around her new doll and headed for the door. “I can’t wait for Daddy to meet Lottie Rose.”

  Joel meeting Lottie Rose was one thing, but Kate didn’t want him being there when Benedict Campbell arrived. It felt awkward enough to be going out with another man after what she and Joel had shared, but being in the same room with both of them was something she preferred to avoid. She prayed Joel would make a quick exit.

  “Daddy, Daddy.” Chloe flung open the door. “Look what Dr. Kate gave me.”

  The child held out the doll for his inspection. He touched the yarn pigtails and smiled.

  “She’s pretty,” Joel said. “But not as pretty as you, princess.”

  Chloe clapped her hands over the doll’s ears. “Don’t say that. You’ll hurt her feelings.”

  Joel’s jeans, chambray shirt and boots were covered with a fine layer of dust. He looked rugged, manly and totally magnificent.

  He whipped off his hat. “I apologize for being late. It’s supposed to rain heavily for the next few days, so we pushed to get the house closed up. I lost track of the time.”

  “It’s okay, Daddy,” Chloe answered before Kate could respond. “Dr. Kate and I were busy. We didn’t even miss you.”

  “Is that so?” His lips curved up in a smile as his gaze settled on Kate. “You look nice. Are you going somewhere special?”

  “Tonight is the Jackson Hole Medical Society’s Annual Event at Spring Gulch.” Kate wished he’d remembered so she didn’t have to mention it.