The Lonesome Gods

by Louis L'Amour

  “I must find him.”

  “Meghan, no one could find him. Perhaps Mr. Kelso, who works for me. He will be trailing those stolen horses and riding very fast. It will be in wild, wild country.”

  “I didn’t think he’d go off like that. I thought I’d be seeing him again. I—”

  “Meghan, you must try to understand. From his earliest memory Johannes has known his life was in danger, that his own grandfather wanted him dead. He saw his father killed, and he himself was carried off and left to die. Whether you believe it or not, he is sure Don Federico was one of those who abandoned him.

  “He seems relatively untouched by all this, but that isn’t the case. He has no waking moment when he can feel safe, and he has become exceptionally wary as a result. I am sure he is, or was, in love with you, but suddenly he discovered that even that haven was no longer secure, and he discovered that you, whom he loved, were welcoming an enemy.

  “Now he has gone into the desert, and if you have learned anything about him at all, you must know he has an affinity for the desert and it for him.”

  “He has talked of it.”

  “The first happiness his parents knew together was in the desert. Even in flight they found a peace there, and a quiet. Johannes has experienced the desert himself. He has lived with Indians, and where others might feel lost and terribly alone, he feels at home.”

  “What are you saying?”

  Miss Nesselrode rested her hands on the desk. “What I am saying is that even if he survives, he may never come back.”

  “What? You mean he might stay out there?”

  “That is exactly what I mean. Human relationships are often fragile, they need to be nurtured until they can put down roots, and Johannes is one of the most complete human beings I have known. He has understanding, compassion, and strength. He possesses an inner tranquillity and poise such as no one I have ever known, with the exception of a Buddhist monk I met in crossing Mongolia as a girl.

  “What you must understand is that Johannes does not need anyone.”

  “Then what chance would there be for me?”

  “I said he did not need anyone. I did not say that he did not want someone. He told me once that happiness was born a twin, that it must be shared. He had the example of his mother and father, who found happiness in each other no matter whatever else they discovered.

  “You and Johannes were just finding each other. Each of you, I think, was reaching out. Johannes, I think, with less confidence than you. You are a beautiful girl. People come to you. Your finding of people has been natural, easy, without strain. You have never had to work at it.

  “Johannes has lived in many towns. He has met people, but before liking or understanding developed, he had to move away. Close relationships are strange to him. He has no foundation of security on which to build. The result is that through sheer loneliness he has had to become more secure within himself. He has learned to live alone, to be alone.”

  “You have known him a long time?”

  “Longer than anyone here. Only Mr. Kelso and Jacob Finney have known him as long, and they did not live in the wagon with him as I did.”

  Meghan was quiet, and Miss Nesselrode gathered her papers together and began checking her correspondence, some of which had come by sea and some overland from the States. “I guess I do not know him at all,” Meghan said at last. “I thought—”

  “That he was like the others? He is not. He is vastly more complicated and much more simple. He has read more than anyone I know, but what is more important, he thinks.

  “He thinks about what he has read, about what he has seen, and about what he has learned.”

  For a time they sat silent, Miss Nesselrode working over her correspondence, checking notes on future business dealings and projected plans. She missed Jacob Finney. Kelso was good but not as astute. He carried out her orders to perfection, but he was less aware of the nuances of business and less aware of indications of weakness or strength on the part of those with whom she dealt.

  “I do not know him either.” She spoke suddenly. “I think Elena is the wisest of us; she does not pretend to understand him, nor wish to. She simply loves him. First, she loved him because he was Consuelo’s son; now she loves him for himself. She would die for him. I know that, for she has risked much, risked all, in fact.”

  “I must find him!”

  “It is impossible. I do not know where he has gone, nor does anyone else. He is following a trail left by thieves, wherever it takes him.

  “He lost his great black horse, too. The one he has been hoping to ride. When the thieves stole the other horses, the stallion escaped. It has run away into the hills, nobody knows where.”

  “Why did he have to go? Why did he not at least tell me!”

  Now there were people on the streets. Horsemen were riding by, a wagon or two, and a carreta.

  “He is the son I never had,” Miss Nesselrode said suddenly. “I scarcely knew his father, but there was an affinity between us, an understanding, if you will. And with Johannes also.”

  “His father was very ill?”

  “He was dying, and he knew it. He was desperately worried about Johannes, so much so that he risked his life to find a home for him. I believe he would cheerfully have died if he could have been sure Johannes was cared for. He need not have worried, for the Indians accepted him as one of their own.”

  “I wish he had not gone.”

  Wind stirred dust in the street, and a man walked down to the door and stood there, not looking in. It was Alexis Murchison.

  For a moment he looked around; then, turning quickly, he lifted the latch and stepped in. A quick glance to where Meghan sat brought an irritated frown to his face.

  “Ma’am? May we speak alone for a moment?”

  “Whatever you have to say, sir, you can say here. I can think of no reason why we should be alone.”

  “I am from Russia!”

  “Of course. And so?”

  “We wish you to come home. We want you to come back to Russia. To your mother country.”

  “Russia is no longer my home. And the czar sent me to Siberia.”

  “That is all forgotten. You are wanted at home.”

  “No doubt. What would it be this time? Siberia again?”

  “Please! I can arrange transportation. You would see your family again.”

  “I have no family. They died in Siberia. This is my home, and here I shall stay.”

  “Please, I have been sent to see that you return. I am not alone in this. Your country wishes you back.”

  “You are wasting your time.”

  Murchison was silent, glancing at Meghan; then he said quietly, “My advice would be to come now and come willingly. We will give you a few days to settle your business here, whatever it amounts to, and then you must go. Do not make us go to your government.”

  She smiled. “Mr. Murchison, you amuse me. By all means, go to my government. Go to any official you wish. I suggest it. In fact, I entreat you, please go to them. Tell them what you wish.

  “I can think of no reason why anyone in Russia would want me back unless my presence, and perhaps a trial, would be embarrassing to someone, but I have no intention of returning, nor is there any way you can force me to return. You may know your government, sir. You do not know ours.”

  “I have been sent to get you. I cannot return without you.”

  She smiled again. “Then why don’t you stay? Why go back at all?”

  His lips tightened. “Madam, I am an official. My duty—”

  “You are not an official here, Mr. Murchison. Over here I think we would call you a bounty hunter.” She got to her feet. “Will you leave now?”

  “And if I do not?”

  She smiled again, amused. “Mr. Murchison, I need only step to that door and call out. There would be a dozen men here within the minute. They might simply rough you up, but they might shoot you or even hang you.”

  He was coldly furi
ous. He stared at her; then slowly he moved toward the door. “I shall go, but I shall begin the proper steps. You shall see.”

  When he had gone, Meghan stood up, her face pale. “How can you be so strong? I would have been frightened.”

  “Once, I also would have been frightened. It is so no longer. I have friends. My advice to you, Meghan: make friends. Wherever you are, make friends.”

  “You have seen the last of him, I think.”

  “No, I have not. He will go to our officials, I believe, and he will get nowhere. Then he will try force. I know them. It is their way. It has always been their way.

  “A thing to remember, Meghan: governments may change, but a people do not, nor does their basic thinking change. My people, the Russians, have always had a suspicious government. The Russian government has never trusted its people—and they have always been suspicious of outside influences. This is not a new thing, but it is a way of life for them. The czars have always ruled with cruelty and repression; no matter what kind of government they have, that will remain the same.”

  “I shall go now. If you hear of Johannes, if you hear anything, will you tell me, please?”

  “I shall.”

  Miss Nesselrode hesitated and then said, “Your father’s friend…Yacub Khan? I believe I shall ask him to come to your house and stay there while your father is gone. Do you mind?”

  Chapter 46

  THE OAKS WERE islands of blackness in the pale moonlight. We had made coffee and eaten jerky and then we had left our fire behind and ridden about two miles before camping on a small bench among the scattered oaks.

  It was a good place. Below us the long hill sloped away to the trail, all white and empty in the stillness. The slope above us was steep and rocky, impossible for riders and not easy for men on foot, who would be sure to set a stone rolling.

  As usual we had scattered, not bunching together but bedding down in our separate areas of darkness under the trees. Several of the oaks had fallen, others had shed massive limbs, and we had chosen a spot where these could make easy breastworks in case of attack. Our field of fire was excellent.

  It was a dry camp, but our canteens were full and at the foot of the long slope there was a stream. Further along, the canyon grew narrow and the walls too steep for a horse. The tracks we left to ride up to our camp were fresh. Our stolen horses were not far ahead.

  “They won’t go much further,” Finney suggested. “We’re already a whole lot farther out than I expected.”

  That thought was a worry to us all. We were many days’ ride from Los Angeles and there’d been no need to lead us so far that we could think of. An hour out of Los Angeles was wild country in almost any direction but the seacoast.

  Was it our alertness? That could be it. Maybe they were just waiting until we grew careless.

  We took off our boots and our gun belts but we kept both close at hand. Wherever I rode I carried a pair of moccasins with me. They were light of weight and took up no space to speak of, and they were handy in the woods or at night. When in wild country I often slept with them on in case I had to move out fast. I pulled them on, then lay down with a six-shooter close to my hand.

  The moonlight made black-lace patterns of the leaves against the sky. Sleep never came easy for me on moonlight nights in the open. No one is entirely free of atavistic memories left in the subconscious from primitive times, when men had to fear not only others of their kind but wild animals as well. I lay awake, resting, yet alert. Wind rustled the leaves, then died away. One of the horses stamped a hoof. I put my hand out in the darkness and touched the butt of my gun.

  Then I heard the sound—a faint beating of horses’ hooves against the turf. Rising on an elbow, I looked down toward the trail that followed the creek.

  Three riders, black against the pale grass.

  They drew up at the stream, watering the horses. A faint rustling from nearby told me at least one of my crowd was also listening. The men by the stream were talking, but they were a good hundred yards away and we could hear nothing but a distant muttering. Then they mounted again and rode away.

  “Three of them,” Monte McCalla said. “That means three more to deal with.”

  “Get some sleep,” I suggested. “Tomorrow will be soon enough.”

  Somebody chuckled, blankets rustled, and then there was silence again.

  Three men, traveling late and traveling fast. It was unlikely they were not involved. To be traveling this late meant they were expecting to be someplace at an appointed time or were close enough to someplace they knew to keep riding.

  Lying on my back, staring up into the lacework of leaves, I considered the situation. A trap was being laid, probably no more than an hour’s ride away, for I doubted they would ride farther in the night. Their horses would be tired as it was.

  So then? Somebody wished to be in at the kill? Don Isidro? It was a possibility, but fine a horseman as he was, I doubted if he would ride half the night to get anywhere. Don Federico was another matter.

  Until Captain Laurel warned me, the idea that I might be wanted out of the way because I was a possible heir had not occurred to me. But with the known negligence of some of the older Californios insofar as business was concerned, it was possible Don Isidro had made no will. He was growing old, and Don Federico would wish to inherit, so he had a very good motive aside from hatred for wishing to be rid of me.

  Had he only realized how little I cared! The idea of inheriting had never entered my mind, and I could not care less. Great wealth had never been one of my ambitions. It was more important for me to become a good human being, and to learn, for there was so much to learn, from the Cahuillas, from the desert and mountains, from books, and from the people around me.

  There was also the mystery of Tahquitz, a mystery that haunted me and was never far from my thoughts. Who or what was this strange creature who lived in the night? Who read the books I read, who created that beautiful floor, who left that gigantic footprint? Did he truly live in a cave somewhere atop the San Jacinto Mountains?

  When the horses are recovered, I must ride back to the palm canyon where the hot springs are, back to my lonely house near the mountains. I must take books with me to replace those he must have read.

  When I awakened, a small fire was burning from smokeless wood, and the coffee was on. I sat up, pulled off my moccasins, and tugged on my boots. Monte was at the fire and Myron Brodie had taken the horses down to the creek for water.

  “Quiet,” Finney said, sitting up, running his fingers through his thinning hair.

  “It will be today,” I said.

  Owen Hardin stood up, slinging on his gun belt. “I think so,” he said.

  Squatting by the fire, I warmed my hands on the cup. Nights in the desert or near it were always cold. Uneasily I studied the rim of the hill above us, studied the scattered oaks, patches of prickly pear, and the rock outcroppings.

  “I don’t like it,” Finney said. “It doesn’t feel right. What will we do if that trail goes up the canyon?”

  I had been thinking of that. “Tough,” I said. “It leaves us wide open to anybody up on those slopes with a rifle. They can get us going and coming.”

  “We can wait,” Monte said. “We can just set an’ make them come to us. We can outwait them.”

  The coffee tasted good. I chewed on a piece of jerky. The morning was bright and clear. The sun was not up yet, but the bits of mist were fading away under the trees. A tuft of redbud pushed its way out of the brush near the creek.

  Finishing my coffee, I stood up and threw the dregs on the ground. “Take your time,” I said. “I’m going to shave.”

  “Shave?” Brodie asked, swinging down from his horse.

  “I like Monte’s idea. Let’s let them wonder what we’re going to do. You boys do what you want, just stay close. They are expecting us, so let’s give them a chance to worry about us.”

  There was a clump of willows and several large cottonwoods on the creek, and I
went down to them with my rifle, scouted the patch thoroughly, then leaned my rifle against a tree and propped a small mirror in the fork of the tree.

  The water was not warm, but I’d shaved under worse conditions. As I shaved, I listened, but could detect none but the usual, natural sounds. It was quiet but for an occasional gurgle from the stream or bird sounds in the willows.

  Squatting by the stream to rinse off my razor, I considered what lay ahead. I wanted my horses. I had worked hard to get them, as had a lot of others, and we had worked to break them. Given a chance, many of them would go back to the wild, and this was their country, and this was, if he had the chance, where my stallion would come.

  Finding a fallen log from which there was a good view of the canyon slopes ahead of us, I sat down with my rifle beside me and watched the hills, studying them with care. There was, or seemed to be, a dim trail along the side of the ridge above the canyon. I looked away, then looked again. Yes…it was a trail. A game trail or an Indian trail. Did the horse thieves know of it?

  Carefully I studied the ridge for landmarks, knowing that from different angles the view can be very different. When I returned to camp I studied the ridge. The trail was no longer visible.

  Finney had made coffee, and I collected a cup of it and sat down on a log. “Maybe,” I said to him, “just maybe…”

  As they gathered around, I explained what I’d found. “In another light or from another angle, I’d never have seen it. My guess is that it’s an old Indian trail, and I’m also guessing they don’t know about it.”

  “Where does it go? Maybe it angles away from where they are?”

  “Look, Indians liked to travel high country when they could, but they also needed water. I figure that outfit have camped on water, and I’d make a small bet that trail branches off to water. It’s a chance, a wild chance.”

  “Suits me,” McCalla said. “I sure don’t like riding up the bottom of that canyon with them settin’ there waitin’ for us.”

  Monte and Owen Hardin went back down to the creek with me and I found the exact spot where I’d been sitting when I spotted that trail. It took some time for them to locate it.