Fang Me

by Parker Blue

  And, speaking of that backlash and what had caused it, why wasn't I more upset? This wasn't natural. It wasn't like Mood was around to control my emotions. Or was she? Upset, I sat up, prepared to call Micah and demand to know what was going on.

  Fang spoke from beside the bed. CHILL. IT'S NOT MOOD—IT WAS KYLE.

  "The dream demon? What did he do to me?"

  HE PLANTED A SUGGESTION IN YOUR DREAMS SO YOU WOULDN'T FREAK OUT ABOUT WHAT YOU DID. HE TRIGGERED IT BY PATTING YOU ON THE SHOULDER WHEN HE SAW HOW UPSET YOU WERE.

  And now that I knew that, the dam broke and the emotions poured back in."Damn it, he had no right."

  MICAH ASKED HIM TO. HE DIDN'T WANT YOU WORRYING ABOUT IT UNTIL YOU WERE ABLE TO HANDLE IT.

  For some reason, that just ticked me off."I can handle it just fine."

  NOT FUN WHEN YOU'RE ON THE RECEIVING END, IS IT?

  I glared at him. "Shut up."

  IS THIS YOU HANDLING IT? 'CAUSE I GOTTA SAY, BABE, IT SURE DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT.

  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Why was I letting the hellhound get to me? Maybe because the sudden flood of overflowing emotions needed some outlet? Hell, I couldn't just sit here and let them overwhelm me. I had to deal with them somehow.

  Grabbing my stakes, I headed for the Valkyrie.

  Where you going? Fang asked as he trotted close behind me.

  "I don't know. Out."

  WELL, YOU'RE NOT GOING WITHOUT ME. SOMEONE NEEDS TO KEEP YOU GROUNDED.

  "Whatever," I muttered. At the moment, I didn't care. I just needed to deal with these emotions churning inside me. Fear . . . shame . . . anger . . . they all warred for dominance.

  Fang jumped up into his sheepskin-lined seat on the back of the bike. CAN YOU HELP ME WITH THE GOGGLES? I THINK I'M GONNA NEED THEM.

  Impatiently, I strapped the goggles on over his head to keep the wind out of his eyes, then swung my leg over the seat and started the bike, revving the engine. I poured all of my frustration into gunning it the hell out of there, and as soon as I got on Highway 10, I sped up until I barreled along at breakneck speed, blowing the last of the cobwebs out of my brain. I couldn't worry about the emotions. All my concentration went to controlling the bike, fighting the wind and dodging other drivers on the dark highway.

  I did just fine until we came up on the town of Seguin, and Fang warned me the police would likely be patrolling near the town. His warning came just in time. As I slowed to the speed limit, I saw a cruiser parked alongside the highway.

  FEEL BETTER NOW? Fang asked.

  Since he wasn't snarky for a change and actually sounded like he cared, I said,"Not really."

  DID YOU HAVE, YOU KNOW, AN ACTUAL REASON FOR COMING HERE?

  I sighed. No, I just wanted to clear my mind. But it hadn't gotten us any closer to finding the books.

  MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK YOUR PROBLEMS OUT WITH SOMEONE INSTEAD OF STEWING ABOUT IT, HE SUGGESTED.

  I thought about it."Maybe." Yeah, I should talk to Micah. He'd be the most likely to understand, since he had the same kind of issues I did.

  Fang nuzzled me. IT'S WORTH A SHOT. I HATE IT WHEN YOU'RE OUT OF SORTS.

  I smiled. So now I was supposed to do it for the hellhound's sake? I could deal with that. I pulled off the highway to get gas and something to eat and drink, then headed back to Club Purgatory.

  On the way, I tried not to dwell on the fear lurking within me, thinking instead how nice it would be to take a vacation. I preferred taking a cruise to somewhere they didn't have demons or vampires, but Fang claimed that kind of place didn't exist. Besides, dogs weren't allowed on cruises, and he deserved a vacation too. We batted some other ideas back and forth, agreeing to avoid long flights when he'd have to be caged, and opting to go somewhere we'd never been. Since that was pretty much everywhere outside of Texas, there was lots to choose from. Maybe San Francisco, Taos, or Colorado Springs. They all sounded like great places.

  When we arrived at Club Purgatory, we'd finally agreed to take a long driving vacation and make a loop to wander through New Mexico, Colorado, Utah, California, and Arizona to see the sights. It sounded like fun, but now that I was at the club and off my bike, I was wrenched back into the everyday world. Taking off Fang's goggles, I said wistfully,"Maybe someday."

  Fang nuzzled against me for a moment. LET'S PLAN ON IT . . . ONCE YOU'VE MET ALL YOUR OBLIGATIONS.

  Yes, that was the problem, wasn't it? My obligations. Sheesh, I was only eighteen. I wasn't supposed to have this many obligations. Not only was I contracted to the Movement until the books were found and the vamps came out, but the demons seemed to want to use me as a sort of enforcer, the Special Crimes Unit still wanted me to train vampire hunters, and my parents thought I should set a good example for my half sister. Would it never end?

  Fang jumped down off the bike. HEY, THAT'S WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A GROWNUP.

  Even grown-ups get vacations, I reminded him, feeling sulky.

  THEN LET'S FIND THE BOOKS AND HELP THE MOVEMENT COME OUT TO THE WORLD SO WE CAN TAKE ONE.

  Good plan. But first, I needed to talk to Micah. I went in through the back and headed through the fake flames and hell theme of the club to his office, feeling the deep, thrumming beat of the music in the club. I'd never really been drawn to that scene, maybe because none of my friends were. But the clubbers all seemed to be having fun . . . I envied them for that.

  Micah's office door was open, so I went in. He was working on some kind of paperwork. The simplicity of his office was a nice contrast to the drama of the club.

  "Hi," he said."Come to visit?"

  I shrugged."Just kind of need someone to talk to. Do you have time?"

  "Of course," he said, and came around the desk to close the door, then sat in one of the side chairs."What do you want to talk about?"

  "I just realized Kyle made me . . . stop feeling things."

  Micah grimaced."I'm sorry. I knew you'd be upset, but I figured it was for the best at the time. Fang said you'd blame yourself for losing control."

  I glanced down at Fang, but he gave a sort of doggie shrug and laid down with his head on his paws. Oh well, it didn't matter. I was all over my mad, and I knew they were just trying to help. "Who else is there to blame?"

  "Blame for what?" Micah asked softly."You saved a lot of lives that night . . . vampires and demons alike."

  "I lost control, Micah. I enjoyed it. If you hadn't stopped me, I would have killed all the men there."

  "But I did stop you."

  "What if you hadn't been there?"

  Micah shook his head."You don't get it yet, do you?"

  "Get what?" What was there to get?

  "That's what the Demon Underground is for. Sure, we help each other find jobs and provide others to socialize with like ourselves, but we're here primarily to help each other deal with our gifts." He could obviously tell I was puzzled, so he added,"You're not alone, Val. There's not one of us here who hasn't been tempted to use our powers in a way others would find unacceptable. We help each other to be strong, to get beyond that temptation, to be better people."

  "I—I didn't realize."

  "What it means is that you don't have to go it alone, that we're here to back you up . . . just as you back us up."

  Sheesh, and here I'd been whining about my obligations to the Underground. Made me feel kind of stupid.

  YOU'RE TOO HARD ON YOURSELF, Fang said. LISTEN TO MICAH.

  "I get what you're saying," I told Micah."But that doesn't change the fact that if you hadn't been there, I would've killed a lot of people."

  "I doubt it. If I hadn't been there to control the women, they would have stopped you. Or Fang would have found a way."

  YEAH, Fang said. IF ROSA HAD CAUGHT YOU ABOUT TO DRAIN ALEJANDRO DRY, I DON'T THINK SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN AS GENTLE AS MICAH IN STOPPING YOU.

  I hadn't even thought about that. For some perverse reason, that made me feel better. Fang was right—Rosa and the other women would definitely have kept me from taking e
verything. Grimacing, I said,"I guess I owe you one, cuz."

  He grinned."I don't think so. After all, you saved my life and have helped the Underground in many other ways. I probably still owe you."

  I waved that away. I wasn't interested in keeping score. It was enough to know we'd be there for each other.

  And what he said was beginning to sink in. It wasn't all one way—I didn't have to be the savior all the time. Wow, I'd never really had anyone who'd be there for me like that. And, I now realized, any of the other demons would have probably done the same thing for me that Micah had. Kind of like a family. For the first time since I joined the Underground, I actually felt like I belonged somewhere. Nice.

  But that didn't change certain other facts."I appreciate that, really I do, but what happens now that I've let the genie completely out of the bottle? Can I ever stuff her back in?"

  Micah gave me a half smile."I think you can do anything you set your mind to."

  I shook my head impatiently."Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I don't need that rahrah stuff. I need to know if I can trust myself to ever use my powers again."

  "It's not 'rah-rah stuff' as you call it. It's the honest truth." Micah leaned forward, his expression earnest."Val, you are one of the strongest people I know—"

  "That's not important—"

  "I'm not talking bodily strength, but strength of conviction, strength of purpose, strength of character."

  Whoa. Was he really talking about me?

  HE IS, Fang confirmed. NOW SHUT UP AND LISTEN.

  "You kept your succubus side suppressed for a very long time, longer than I thought possible. You were getting a handle on it with Shade's help. You did it once—you can do it again."

  I shook my head."But what if I can't control it? What if I . . . suck him dry?"

  "You won't."

  "How do you know that?" I wanted to believe him, but the evidence didn't support it.

  "Succubi and incubi were designed to enthrall one person at a time. I had a very hard time controlling the small number I held, and you had what? Four times that? And you didn't lose control until you tried to take on too many."

  "Maybe."

  "Think about it this way. You've been out and about all day. Have you had the urge to consume anyone yet?"

  "No," I admitted,"But my succubus circuits are fried—I couldn't even enthrall a horny teenager right now. But when they're healed . . ."

  "Then now is a good time to work on getting control, don't you think?"

  "I guess," I said doubtfully.

  "I know it is." He leaned back in his chair."Val, what choice do you have? You either need to learn to control it, or it will control you. And I'm betting on you."

  I shook my head, not entirely convinced.

  Looking exasperated, Micah said,"This time, try something radically different. Something way out of character for you."

  "Like what?"

  "Like asking for help."

  "I asked for help with rescuing Josh and Andrew," I protested.

  "Yes, but that was for other people. You don't ask for assistance when you need it, personally."

  Whoa. Was I really like that? Did I really try to do everything myself without asking for help?

  PRETTY MUCH.

  Well, crap. He wasn't the first one who'd said that, either. Maybe Micah was right. Maybe if I had help with this, I could figure out how to not lose control of Lola ever again.

  Micah continued,"People like to help others. They'd love to help you if you ask for it. They just don't know what you need."

  I nodded."Okay, I'll think about it." I rose to give him a hug."Thanks for pounding some sense into my head."

  "No problem." He grinned. "Next time, I'll try not to be so literal."

  I laughed, and a knock sounded on the door.

  IT'S TESSA, Fang said. SHE'S BEEN WANTING TO COME IN, BUT I ASKED HER TO WAIT UNTIL YOU WERE DONE.

  "Come in," Micah called.

  Micah's assistant opened the door and smiled at me."I'm glad you're here. I finally got the call back from the Los Angeles Underground."

  "Good," Micah said. "And . . . ?"

  "They never heard of Trevor Jackson."

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  The LA Underground had never heard of Trevor? Didn't surprise me at all. "Ha, I knew it."

  "Knew what?" Micah asked.

  "Knew he was lying about being a member of the Underground," I said triumphantly.

  Tessa shook her head."Actually, he never said he was a member of the Underground. But since he knew of their existence and ours, I just assumed he was. But he's not in any of their records."

  Back to square one."But doesn't it seem odd that they don't know anything about him?"

  "Maybe," Micah said, then asked Tessa,"Did they give you any other information?"

  She nodded."I asked about mage demons, keepers and the encyclopedia. My contact said the LA Underground is well aware of mage demons, and the word is, when encountering one, to shoot first and ask questions later." Tessa gave Micah, Mr. Dudley Do Right, an apologetic look. "Apparently, a mage demon caused the 1906 San Francisco earthquake that took over three thousand lives and left three-quarters of the population homeless. The Underground there has never forgotten it."

  Micah shook his head, whether in disbelief, denial, or disgust, I wasn't sure.

  "And keepers? What about them?" I asked.

  "She wasn't so sure of that part, but their history says that's when the Underground got together to find a way to control the mage demon. Keepers came into being about the same time, so are probably related. She doesn't remember hearing anything about the books, but knows their predecessors did something to control the mage." Tessa shrugged."I figured it was the keeper. She admits she isn't the most knowledgeable person there, but said she'd see what she can find out and call us back."

  "That wasn't real helpful," I said. I'd hoped to find some kind of evidence that would prove who Trevor really was.

  "More than you think," Micah said."Now we know mage demons do exist, and keepers were probably developed to control them. Maybe we'll learn more after the holidays."

  "That's too late," I protested."We need to find those books now."

  "I'm glad you agree," someone said from the doorway.

  I turned around. Trevor and Shade stood there. How much had they heard?

  NOT MUCH, Fang said. THEY JUST GOT HERE.

  Gee, thanks for the warning.

  He shrugged. WASN'T NECESSARY.

  "But what brought you to that conclusion?" Trevor continued.

  Taking the offensive, I said,"We just learned the LA Underground doesn't have you in their records."

  "Of course not."

  Trevor looked so calm about my dramatic revelation, it really took me aback. I'd kind of hoped he'd come up with a lame excuse that would prove he was trying to deceive us."What do you mean, of course not?" I tried not to sound too challenging, since Shade was standing there, looking all enigmatic and swirly. Sure wished I could see his expression about now.

  Trevor shrugged. "I never joined."

  "Why not?" I asked. After all, he'd been a real social butterfly in our Underground.

  "Things are different in LA. They're more focused on other things."

  "Like what?" Micah asked."I've never really talked to the Undergrounds in other cities much."

  Micah gestured us all to take a seat, so I grabbed one on the couch next to Shade while Micah and Trevor took the armchairs. Tessa perched on the arm of Micah's chair.

  Trevor settled in, looking very comfortable."The LA Underground seems to be more concerned with finding jobs in the entertainment industry, making sure their people are able to pass as human. I've never had a problem passing, so I didn't see any point in joining."

  After what Micah had just told me, I bet there was more to it than that.

  Trevor wrinkled his nose."We had nothing in common, so I didn't socialize with them either."

  Yeah, right.
The metrosexual hairdresser was soooo not the Hollywood type.

  Was Micah buying this? I couldn't tell.

  HE'S RESERVING JUDGMENT, Fang said. GIVING THE GUY THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.

  Shade touched my arm and I glanced at him. He was giving me a warning look. Okay, so maybe I should pretend to believe Trevor, too, and wait for him to slip up.

  "They did confirm that letting mage demons have control of the books is a bad idea," I conceded.