by Parker Blue
Trevor gave me a half smile."You didn't believe me? Or Shade? He said the same thing I did."
"That's not what I meant. I was just trying to show you that I agreed with you." When he gave me a knowing smile, I said screw it. This wasn't me and no one would believe it."You know, if you gave us something we could use, I might be less skeptical. Like that shield you have. It would come in real handy for some of our folks."
Everyone turned to look at Trevor and he grimaced."I wish I could help you, but it's not something external that anyone can use. It's something internal, peculiar to me and my needs."
"Oh? What are those needs? What kind of demon are you, anyway?"
"Val, really," Micah protested.
Okay, yeah, I knew that was supposed to be the height of rudeness in the Underground community, but how could I find out if I didn't ask?
Trevor's smile disappeared."I prefer to keep that private. It's necessary to protect myself."
"I thought so," Shade said.
Huh?
My guy smiled."I've figured it out. There's only one type of demon I've read about who needs to keep up a constant shield like that. Add that to your ability to sense magick, and I know what you are."
Trevor looked apprehensive, but silently, I urged Shade to tell all.
Shade's grin widened."You're an empath demon, aren't you?"
Some emotion flickered across Trevor's face, but it was gone so fast, I didn't know what it was. He gave Shade a rueful grin."You figured it out."
Micah and Tessa looked enlightened, but I still didn't have a clue."What's an empath demon?"
"Sort of the opposite of Mood," Shade explained."They can sense the emotions of everyone around them to know what they're feeling, but can't influence them. If he didn't have his shield to keep the emotions out, he'd probably go crazy." Shade looked at him with compassion."Are you ever able to use your gifts?"
"Only as a keeper," Trevor said."My ability to sense when the books are getting dangerous is invaluable."
"But if you can't influence emotions, how can you control the books?" I asked.
"An empath has other abilities as well, plus the training I received as a keeper gave me the control I need." Trevor raised an eyebrow."It doesn't take an empath to see that you don't believe me. What have I done to merit your suspicion?"
"Act suspiciously," I shot back."Keep secrets, let us believe things that aren't true, like your membership in the Underground."
"I've explained all that," Trevor said mildly, apparently refusing to let me bait him."But I think I know why you're so suspicious when it's so unwarranted."
Unwarranted? Ha! "Oh yeah, why?"
"I think it's your prolonged exposure to the books."
"What do you mean?" Shade asked, looking interested and not at all like he didn't believe the creep.
Addressing me, Trevor asked,"How long did you have the books? About thirteen years?"
I nodded warily, not sure where he was going with this.
"How do you know they haven't influenced you against me?"
"That's ridiculous."
"Is it? They knew a keeper would come for them eventually. What would keep them from influencing a young, susceptible mind? Make that young mind believe that keepers are bad and shouldn't be trusted?"
Dang. He made it sound so plausible."I think I'd know if that happened."
"Would you? Would you really?"
This guy was beginning to get on my nerves.
"Andrew didn't remember where the books told him to hide them," Shade reminded me.
"But he did remember that the books told him what to do."
Trevor shrugged."The books didn't have as much time to work on him as they did on you." He cocked his head and gave me an insincere smile of concern."I wonder why they programmed you that way. And what other things did they plant in your impressionable mind?"
Damn, he was good. He almost had me wondering. And from everyone else's speculative expressions, he was well on his way to convincing them, too.
ASSWIPE, Fang said with a growl. HE'S TRYING TO TURN THEM AGAINST YOU, MAKE THEM QUESTION YOU.
Yeah, I got that."Don't be ridiculous," I all but spat out."Remember who's in those books? Your father. Why would he hide from you?"
"He wouldn't. He's not in control—the books are. Maybe they're asserting undue influence over you even now."
"Oh yeah? Then why is it so hard for them to reach me? Why can I only hear them speak when I'm damn near unconscious?"
I was gratified by the stunned look on his face until he said,"What? They talk to you?"
Oops.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
"What do you mean, they talk to you?" Micah asked, indignantly echoing Trevor.
Crap. I really wished I hadn't let that slip. Wonder if I could pretend like I was joking and laugh it off.
NO WAY, Fang said. YOU'RE NOT EXACTLY KNOWN FOR BEING A CUTUP. BETTER TELL 'EM THE TRUTH.
Okay . . . some of it anyway. I shrugged like it was no big deal."Something or someone is trying to reach me. I thought it might be the books."
Trevor's eyes narrowed."Are you sure?"
"No, I'm not. That's why I didn't say anything." That, and the fact the books wanted me to find them before he did.
"How did this happen?" Micah asked.
I sighed."Look, it only happened when I was unconscious or deep in a trance. It's like that's the only time the voice could reach me."
Shade linked his fingers with mine, his frown becoming visible."That doesn't sound good. What did the voice say? Is it trying to control you?"
"No, the only thing he's said so far is to find him, and that we're looking in the wrong place."
"He?" Micah said.
"Well, it sounds like a man's voice. Do you think it might be your father?" I asked, trying to deflect the attention back on to Trevor.
"Perhaps," he said, but from his suspicious expression, I could see he doubted it."So where did the voice say we should look?"
"I don't know. Every time it tries to tell me something, we get cut off or interrupted, like we have a bad connection. Really, I don't know anything or I would've found them by now." Lay off, dude.
Trevor relaxed then, and I wondered what I'd said that had caused that reaction.
"Can you tell where the voice is coming from?" Micah asked.
"No. I hear it in my head."
Trevor glanced at Shade with an I-told-you-so look which ticked me off more.
"No, it's not all just in my head," I snapped at him."I heard what I heard."
Shade still frowned, and Micah glanced back and forth between Trevor and me uncertainly."Fang, can you add anything?"
NO, SORRY. He gave me an apologetic look. I WASN'T CONNECTED IN WHEN SHE HEARD THE VOICE.
I hated the way that sounded. Damn it, I wasn't hearing voices. Well, okay, I was, but it wasn't just my imagination . . . was it?
"Maybe the blows to your head . . ." Trevor said suggestively.
"Nope. The voice tried to contact me before Micah hit me." Sheesh, I hated how defensive I sounded.
"Of course you'd believe that now." Trevor's expression held a fake look of concern that might fool everyone else, but it didn't fool me.
Why was he trying to discredit me? Come to think of it, why wasn't he pressing me harder to help him find the books with the voice's help? Did he really believe I was crazy? Or faking it? Once again, I really wished Fang could read the guy's mind.
Fed up, I said,"You know what? Never mind. Forget I said anything. If you want to believe I'm delusional, I'm cool with that. I'll just find the books before you do."
Shade gave me a one-armed hug. Normally, I'd love that, but right now I'm sure I felt stiff as a stake in his hold."Val, no one believes—"
"Let's drop it, okay?" I said."So, why did you two come here? Did you have an appointment with Micah?"
Most of them looked like they wanted to say something else to me, but they let me change the subject.
Shade squeezed me."I was worried about you. I asked Micah and Tessa to let me know if you blamed yourself for what happened. I wanted to make sure you're all right."
"It's okay," I said. I wondered how to explain that Micah had talked me down from the ledge, so to speak, and I was feeling much better.
I'LL LET SHADE KNOW, Fang said.
Thanks.
Shade squeezed my arm a little. He'd gotten better at not reacting to Fang's mental invasions. He probably had a lot of practice with Princess.
"How are you feeling?" Shade murmured, as if it was only the two of us in the room.
"Almost healed, but a little tired," I admitted. I still wasn't back up to a hundred percent.
"Then why don't you let me take you home?"
I thought about denying I needed help, but getting Shade away from Trevor's influence held a lot of appeal . . . and besides, it was past ten and I had nothing else planned for the rest of the night."Okay," I said softly.
GOOD CHOICE, Fang said. LET HIM BE THE STRONG ONE FOR A CHANGE.
Yeah, I guess guys liked that sort of thing. And I had to admit, it was nice to have someone who actually wanted to take care of me.
No one objected, so we left on the Valkyrie. It was a tight fit with Shade driving and me squished between him and Fang's seat, but very cozy. I snugged my arms around him, laid my head on his back and enjoyed the ride home. It was really nice to have an excuse to hold onto Shade, especially with Lola out of commission. Made me feel like a normal girl on a normal date with her boyfriend. Even Fang was quiet for a change. Closing my eyes, I enjoyed the sensation of being warmed against Shade's body, feeling safe and cared for.
When we arrived at the townhouse, I didn't want this lovely, serene feeling to end, so I invited him inside, into the bedroom. Fang headed outside as I ditched my jeans and got under the covers, patting the space beside me invitingly.
Shade hesitated."I'm not sure this is such a good idea."
"It's okay," I assured him."I just want to cuddle for awhile, no Lola involved." When he hesitated, I added,"I feel better just being around you."
"All right, then." Toeing off his shoes, Shade started to join me on the bed.
"Wait—don't you want to take off your jeans? Get comfy?" Yes, I was pushing the limits a bit, but I'd been living most of my life on the edge lately.
He paused for a moment, then shucked his jeans and joined me under the covers.
I snuggled up to him, laying my head on his chest and throwing my bare leg over his. Oh wow, this was great. Sighing, I closed my eyes and let the feelings roll over me. He made me feel . . . I couldn't even describe it. So good. Like my bones were melting and fizzy water ran through my veins. And warm, really warm. Though I felt a much milder version of the slamming need that Lola forced me to feel, it was so much better. It felt . . . real, genuine. Truly me.
Shade squeezed me tight."Maybe this isn't such a good idea," he whispered.
"Feels pretty good to me," I whispered back.
He chuckled softly."That's the problem. It feels too good." He released me.
"Is that such a bad thing?" I asked wistfully.
"I'm sure it won't be," Shade murmured."But I don't want you to do something on the spur of the moment that might affect you for the rest of your life."
"But—"
"No, I want you to be sure. This is something you won't be able to take back."
Dang."Why are you so darned sensible?"
He laughed."Someone has to be. And if it weren't for the fact we need you as you are right now, I wouldn't hesitate."
"Really?" I asked, trying not to sound pitiful and needy.
He kissed me on the nose."Absolutely. You can tell I want you. I've always wanted you."
He turned me over so we could spoon. I don't know if he thought it would help or not, but it left me with a heightened awareness of him. But the guy was a gentleman, darn it, and did nothing but smooth my hair back, then lay his arm across my waist.
"So," Shade said,"did Micah really help you understand that no one blames you for what almost happened?"
I guess it was time to talk. Holding back a sigh, I said,"Yeah. Actually, he helped me to see that someone would have had my back, no matter what."
"Good. Because it's true, you know. Any one of us would have helped."
"Even Trevor?"
"Of course. He respects you. He's mentioned it several times."
To Shade, maybe. But in my world, actions spoke louder than weaselly words. But I had to know . . ."Why do you like him so much, Shade? Maybe if I could see what you see in him, I might think differently." Well, not really, but I did want to know the appeal.
I felt him shrug."I don't know—he's a friend. I just like the guy. He understands me, what it's like to be a shadow demon. He knows a lot about other things, too."
"Like what?"
"Guy things."
I wasn't sure I wanted to know what that meant."Really? He owns hair salons, for heaven's sake."
"That doesn't make him any less a man. He's not gay, you know."
No, he didn't seem to discriminate at all between the sexes."But he's not exactly contributing to society in a meaningful way, now is he?"
"He's not a slayer, you mean?" Shade asked, an edge to his voice.
"No, that's not—"
"He contributes in other ways. He's a keeper, remember?"
Maybe. I wasn't entirely convinced of that, either.
"What do you have against him, Val?"
I thought for a moment, trying to find a way to sugar-coat it, but nothing came."I guess I just don't trust him. There are too many unanswered questions. Too many secrets."
"Maybe he has just as much reason as I do to keep some things quiet. I prefer to let him keep his privacy." When I didn't say anything for a moment, Shade added,"Are you worried that I'm spending too much time with him? That he's taking your place?"
The jealousy thing again? "No—"
"Because if you are, don't worry. If it ever comes down to a choice between him and you, there's no question. It's you, Val. It's always been you."
Feeling suddenly overwhelmed,"Oh" was all I could say.
He squeezed me lightly."I've been waiting for the right moment to tell you this, a time when you knew I wasn't under Lola's influence." I heard him take a deep breath."I love you, you know."
I inhaled sharply, then couldn't breathe for a moment. Oh, wow. I didn't know why people did drugs—this was the biggest high I could imagine. I turned to face him."Seriously?"
"Seriously." He kissed me softly on the lips."Don't worry, you don't have to say it back."
"But I do. I-I think I love you, too."
"You think?" he teased.
Thank goodness he was amused, not offended."Well, I've never been in love before, so I'm not sure. Is it love when you see someone and you feel all mushy inside . . . sometimes sick to your stomach or like you're really dizzy?"
"I think so. I feel that way, too."
I ran my hand under his shirt, feeling that need rising again."Then you know what the logical next step is, don't you?"
"Going steady?"
Startled, I glanced up at him to see laughter in his gorgeous blue eyes. I hit him."No, you know what I meant."
"Yes, I know. And I'd like nothing better, you know that. But I can wait. Forever . . . if it's for you."
Maybe he could, but I wasn't so sure about me . . . .
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
I woke feeling chilled, then smiled, remembering how nice it had felt to sleep spooned in Shade's arms. But when I groped to recover his warmth, I realized I was alone in the bed. The yummy aroma of frying bacon clued me in, and I realized Gwen must be cooking breakfast. Shade was probably in the kitchen with her.
YOU'RE HALF RIGHT, Fang said, speaking from another part of the townhouse. BUT IT'S SHADE DOING THE COOKING. GWEN ISN'T HOME YET. COME JOIN US, SLEEPYHEAD. IT'S ALMOST NOON.
WHY? Princess asked petulantly. SHE DOESN'T
DESERVE IT. SHE KEPT MY HUMAN HERE ALL NIGHT AND LEFT ME ALONE.
NOT INTENTIONALLY, Fang soothed her. BESIDES, HE GOT UP EARLY TO GO GET YOU, DIDN'T HE?
YES, she grumped. BUT HE SHOULD HAVE DONE IT LAST NIGHT. HE FORGOT ALL ABOUT ME.
That last part sounded so forlorn, I almost felt sorry for the self-involved hellhound. But not quite. Shade indulged her too much. It was good for her to put someone else before herself for a change. Character-building, as Rick would say.