by Lacey Wolfe
“You’re not helping.” I groaned.
“Yeah, well, the truth hurts, but you need to hear it.”
I was doing just fine not knowing the supposed truth.
“So,” she scooted closer to me, “I can make you feel better.”
I shook my head and smirked. “I’m sure you can, but sorry, I’m not interested.”
She rubbed a hand along my thigh. “Just tonight.”
“I thought you wanted to hook up with Evan, if I recall from a recent conversation.”
Kelly removed her hand. “Talk about a guy playing hard to get. We made out once, but I couldn’t get him to go all the way. I don’t want to play games. Besides, he’s hung up on your girl and I did all I could to keep him entertained. I wasn’t the one he longed for.”
My girl. Or so she had been. God, how had this happened? Paisley had been my world for what felt like an eternity at this point. Ever since I’d laid eyes on her, she’d changed everything. I’d been under a spell, one I thought we’d both been under.
“Hey.” Kelly rubbed my shoulder. “Forget her. Be Gabe, the one we all remember. Not the pussy-whipped one you’ve become since meeting Ms. Prude.”
“Don’t call her names,” I snapped.
“Okay, okay.” Again, she quit touching me.
Now, to get her to leave. “So, I’m fine, as you can see.” I stood, hoping she’d catch my drift.
A knock sounded on my door. Crap, who was it now. I excused myself to see who it was. Opening the door, my stomach flipped. Paisley stood there, looking broken, with her friend.
“Gabe, I’m so sorry.”
I was about to reach out and embrace her, when Kelly appeared again.
“Who is it, Gabe?” she asked like the bitch she was. “Oh, hi, Paisley.” Kelly rested a hand on my shoulder.
Before I could shrug it off, Paisley grabbed her friends hand and ran away. The look on her face had been similar to the one I’d seen earlier. I wanted to call after her, but I didn’t have the strength at this point.
“You bitch!” I said to Kelly, hoping Paisley didn’t hear it and think it was her. “Get the hell out of here.”
Kelly laughed and walked out of my home. “See ya around, Gabe.”
I slammed my door. Fuck this evening. What the hell had I done to have my whole damn world blow up?
I’d slept like absolute crap last night. Glancing over, I saw Kristy lying awake next to me, too. She had to leave today and I hated it. My best friend going home at a time like this was horrible.
“How are you?” She rolled to her side and propped herself up.
My heart was broken and my mind confused. “As good as can be expected, I guess.”
“I’m really sorry. Last night was like, the worst.”
“I know.” I’d hoped when I woke today, it all would’ve been a nightmare. “I just can’t believe he had Kelly there.”
“Well, don’t jump to conclusions.”
Easier said than done. My mind had gone down a very dark road of no return. “Yeah, well, I need some time. Before last night, I was ready to give him my virginity. Now, well, that’s changed, I think.” I sat up, positioning the pillow behind my back. I really needed to stop and think about things. I’d gotten so wrapped up in Gabe, that I’d forgotten about my future. I wanted him in it. At least, I thought I did. The pain of seeing Kelly at his place, it hurt like nothing I’d experienced before. Growing up sucked. I wasn’t sure I was ready for this.
“You’ll get past this. It was a misunderstanding. It’s not like you enjoyed kissing Evan,” Kristy said.
I sucked in my bottom lip.
“Pais…”
“Kissing Evan was much different than kissing Gabe.”
“How so?”
I took in a deep breath then let it out. “When I kiss Gabe, my world stops. Everything just dissolves away and it’s just us.”
Kristy placed her hand over her heart. “The kiss every girl dreams of.”
I smiled. “Yes. The kiss I thought was only in books and movies. When I’m with Gabe, I always feel, I don’t know, unsure. Not if he likes me, but if it’s real, because it feels like such a fairy tale, if that makes sense.” I hoped so. “When Evan kissed me, it was familiar.”
“Familiar? Have you kissed before?”
Shaking my head, I said, “No, no. I know Evan.” Or I thought. Since when did he do drugs? “I grew up with our parents joking we’d get married and all that jumbo. In some ways, I thought when Evan and I turned thirty, if we were both single, then we would.”
“Get to the point. Did you like kissing Evan?”
Yes, no, I don’t know. I really didn’t know how to answer. And that’s where the trouble came in. This was where I was confused. I glanced at Kristy and shrugged.
“Girl, seriously?” she asked.
“It was a good kiss.”
“Did your world stop?”
I shook my head. “No, I was aware of everything going on around me. I knew when my tongue met his and the kiss felt like it went on for an eternity.”
“Huh.” Kristy sighed. “Does a kiss feel like an eternity with Gabe?”
“God, no. They always feel way too short.”
“Why are you so confused? It sounds like Gabe is the guy.”
“Yeah, it does. But I need to figure this thing out with him. I’m so young. There is no way I’ve met the guy I will spend my life with.” The way I felt, I was beginning to think love had entered the equation—the screwed up equation.
“It sounds like you’re trying to decide right now if you want Evan or Gabe.”
How the heck did that happen? “I’m just worried about Evan. He needs help.”
“Yeah, doing coke isn’t cool.”
“No.” How long had he been doing it? Could it explain why Evan just wasn’t Evan anymore? I needed to talk to him, and soon, to see how long this had been going on.
“I’m starving.” Kristy tossed the covers off. “Got anything good to eat?”
“I think I have a box of microwave sausage.”
“That’ll work. Come on. Let’s enjoy our last few hours and put last night on the back burner.”
Sounded good to me. Now, how did I get my mind to stop thinking about it?
***
Kristy left about thirty minutes ago to see her mom before heading back to her place in Florida. Ever since, I’d been pacing the length of my apartment. I felt so torn. Go to Gabe, or go to Evan.
I needed to see Gabe to explain what had happened and find out about Kelly being at his place. But Evan, he might need me. I hated that I had to choose between Gabe and Evan. Life was so much more complicated as an adult.
Drugs. I still couldn’t believe it. That worried me. Even though we’d been at odds lately, Evan was a best friend of mine. Almost like a brother. A brother I kissed. I had to be there for him. Friends before boyfriends, Kristy had always said. Though, that was high school.
I grabbed my purse and keys from the side table and left. That solved it. Whatever dilemma Gabe and I had, it could wait.
Just as I started the car, my phone alerted me of a text message.
Can we talk?
Gabe wanted to talk. Of course he did, right after I chose to go to Evan instead of him. God, life was messed up sometimes.
I responded, hating having to tell him no. Soon. Can’t right now.
I put the phone on the center counsel and drove toward Evan’s. My phone alerted me again of a text, but I ignored it. I never understood how people actually wrote a message while they drove. I’d tried it a few times. It was impossible for me.
Ten minutes later, I pulled up to the place Evan and Pete shared. A shiver swept down my spine. The last time I was here, bad things happened.
I slid my phone in my back pocket after climbing out of the car and took the pathway toward the front door. I knocked softly and Pete opened it.
“Hey, Paisley. To what do we owe this visit?”
“I w
anted to see Evan. Is he here?”
Pete nodded then shook his sandy hair from his eyes. “Yeah, he’s in the back playing Xbox.”
I brushed past him. Damn, this place was a wreck. Cups, trash, and clothes were strewn everywhere. Guess everyone liked to party, but didn’t want to clean it up.
“Excuse the mess.” Pete plopped down on the couch and un-paused whatever he was watching.
I kept walking until I was in the back den. Evan sat there, his blond hair a mess. No shirt and a pair of athletic pants on. He glanced at me. “Hey.”
I sat down on the couch next to him. “Hey. How are you?”
“Tired.” He shut the game off and dropped the controller on the floor. “What brings you by?” His tone sounded irritated.
“To check on you.”
“I’m fine, Pais. You can go on now.”
Was he mad at me? And why? “I’m worried about you.”
“Me? Why? I figured you’d be more worried about fixing things with Gabe.”
I was, and by the way he was acting, maybe I should be at Gabe’s instead of here. “Evan, I saw you do coke. How long has that been going on?”
He shook his head and snorted. “Do you really care?”
“Yes.” Damn it, why couldn’t he see that?
“You know, since college started, you’ve been up Gabe’s ass. You seem to have forgotten everyone in your life.”
“That’s not true.”
“Hell yeah, it is. We used to be close.”
Wait, he was not going to blame our distanced friendship on me. “You’re right. We did. But you hate Gabe and you’ve made it known. This shit about him liking only innocent girls, or whatever, and taking virginities. Well, mines still intact and if I sleep with him, it’s because I want to.” I took a deep breath and continued. “You’ve been weird yourself. We’re friends, Evan, no more, but you act like we should be.”
“I was confused.”
“Apparently.” I crossed my arms and slouched back into the cushion. “Things have really changed between us, but I still care for you. I don’t want to see you go down this road.”
“And what road is that? One different then your prefect little life?” He glared at me.
When had he gotten to be so cocky? I didn’t want to argue with him. “Don’t do drugs. It’s stupid.”
“I know it is, and I’m not doing it all the time. Only when I need some stress relief.”
I could think of ten other ways to relieve stress that was better than snorting cocaine. “When’s the last time you went home?”
He looked up, avoiding eye contact. “I’m home now.”
“To your parents.”
He shrugged. “It’s been awhile.”
“I think you should go visit and get a break from this,” I glanced around at the rat hole of a house, “And get your life together. You only get one.”
“My life is just fine, for the last time.”
This was like talking to a brick wall. What was the point? I’d made the wrong choice. I should’ve gone to Gabe and fixed that. Evan was too far gone right now. He didn’t want help. There was nothing I could do. He had to do it on his own, but I’d still be here if he needed me.
“All right. Well, I’m out of here.” I stood.
Evan cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, Paisley. I shouldn’t have kissed you.”
“It’s okay.” Though it wasn’t really. It was just a stupid thing we always said to people after they apologized.
“If it makes you feel better, I realize now that we’re just friends. No offense, but that kiss sucked.”
I was postive my mouth had dropped open. I should be offended having my kissing skills insulted, but I understood where Evan was coming from. Kissing him was odd.
He smirked. “Not that you’re a bad kisser. You’ve got skill, but I felt nothing.”
I giggled some, happy to see some of the Evan I knew. “You know, Debbie from our math class had been here.”
He perked up. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” I smiled. “She came for you. However, I advise you to stay away from her until you get your shit together.”
Evan groaned and ran his hands through his hair. “I’m fine, for the millionth time. I’m not a druggy.”
Part of me believed him, but the other part didn’t. Using coke to relieve stress wasn’t the way to do it, but Evan had to figure that out on his own. However, if it got worse, I wouldn’t hesitate calling his parents.
“See ya.” I made my way back through the dirty house, and wasn’t sure where things stood between Evan and me. At least I knew he was over the need to date me.
I glanced at Pete who looked up at me and nodded. I returned the gesture and left.
Now, did I go to Gabe, or not?
***
Let’s ride. I set my phone down after texting Gabe; now to wait.
I glanced out the window positioned behind my couch and watched as the cars drove by. All these people, going somewhere, and I had nowhere to go until later today when I had to work.
A motorcycle stopped behind a blue car. The bike was almost like Gabe’s, but the guy sported leather pants. I snickered, imaging Gabe’s tall, lean body in a pair of shiny leather pants. I then laughed as I paired those pants with a polo shirt and ball cap.
My phone dinged. Be there in ten.
I had ten minutes to put on the perfect outfit for Gabe and I knew just what to wear. I’d bought it with him in mind when Kristy and I went shopping. In my bedroom, I put on a white jean skirt that would show off my tanned legs, and the pale yellow button-up, sleeveless blouse. When I’d picked out the shirt, I could imagine Gabe unbuttoning each one slowly as he gazed into my eyes.
A cool breeze swept through my body causing goose bumps. I wanted Gabe badly, and I didn’t know how much longer I could hold out before finally being with him. I guess first, I had to apologize and hope he hadn’t done anything stupid with Kelly.
I quickly pulled my hair up into a loose pony tail, then collected my phone and house key and went down to the street to wait on him. Thankfully, I didn’t have to wait long; he pulled up on the curb just as I came down the stairwell.
Gabe pulled the helmet off his head. His gaze swept down my body, then back up until he met my own stare.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey.”
He reached behind him and opened the part that held my helmet. He held it out to me and I took it from him. We didn’t say anything else. I climbed on the back, wrapped my arms around him, and finally felt whole again. How had this happened? How had another human made me feel like they were meant for me?
Gabe pulled away from the curb and we headed away from downtown. I had an idea where we’d go, but for now, I’d just hold tightly and enjoy the ride. I rested my chin on his shoulder.
We rode for awhile until he finally parked his bike in front of his place. I hadn’t expected him to bring me here. I figured we’d go somewhere public to talk.
Gabe cut the bike off and climbed off. I followed suit. As we walked on the brick path toward his front door, I took off my helmet and hugged it against me. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be here. Kelly had been here last.
Damn it. We had to talk and figure this out. Where had it gone so wrong?
Once inside, we both set our helmets down.
“Want anything to drink?” he asked.
“Water.”
“Go have a seat.” He motioned toward the couch.
He disappeared into the kitchen and I sat down. Had he and Kelly made out here—or worse—had sex? Stop it, Paisley! I was going to drive myself mad.
“Here.” He held out a bottle.
“Thanks.”
Gabe sat on the opposite end of the couch. This wasn’t good. “We have a lot to discuss.”
I’d never done this before. I’d been in relationships, but nothing serious like this. Nothing that made me feel like if this ended, my heart would be ripped from my chest; that I would have n
o reason to live. I didn’t even know where to start.
“I first want to say, nothing happened with Kelly. You ran away so quickly, I didn’t get to tell you.” He opened the water bottle in his hand and took a long drink. “She stopped by after the incident at the party to make sure I was okay. She tried hitting on me, but I turned her down.”
Was I relieved or jealous? I couldn’t tell. All I knew was my damn heart was beating so fast, I worried I might pass out, but I could do this.
“So you didn’t kiss her?” I asked.
“No. Nothing. I sent her on her way the second you left. She purposely made you think we’d done something. We didn’t.”
So now I was the only one who’d done something wrong. I was the bad guy. Me! All I ever heard was how sweet and innocent I was. Boy, those tables sure had changed.
Tears started to fall and I couldn’t control it. I buried my face in my hands and sobbed. I waited and hoped Gabe would pull me into his arms and tell me everything was fine. He didn’t. Instead, he sat there and let me cry.
Finally, I looked up at him. I’d really screwed this up, and now I needed to figure out how to fix this. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
He cleared his throat, and I could see his eyes watered as well. “What are you sorry for?”
“I kissed Evan back.”
“I know. I saw. Why?”
“Because I wanted to see if what I felt for you was real, and if there was anything with Evan. He’s been hounding me. When he kissed me, I decided to just kiss him back. It was wrong, but I know now that I want you. When we kiss, my world stops. When I kissed Evan, it felt familiar, but not right.”
He sighed. “So you kissed him to see if what you felt for me was real?”
“You make it sound like I went up and kissed him. I just went along with what he started.”
He shook his head. “Paisley, it doesn’t really matter how the kiss came about. The point is you did it. You didn’t push him away. I ended it between you two. How long would you have been lip locked if I hadn’t come along?”
I sucked in my bottom lip. I didn’t have an answer.
“We’re human and we make mistakes.” He set the water bottle down on the table in front of him. “But come on, you had to know it was wrong while you were in the act.”