Shattered Identity

by Sandra Robbins

  His face reddened. “I know you’re talking about Lisa, but we’re just friends.”

  “You haven’t acted like she’s a friend.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Betsy sighed. “The way your eyes light up when you look at her sends a signal that you think she’s the most beautiful woman in the world.”

  Scott raked his hand through his hair and exhaled sharply. “I didn’t realize I was being so transparent. I’ll have to do something about that.”

  Betsy reached out and touched his arm. “It’s all right, Scott. You deserve to have some happiness, and Lisa is one of our best friends. She’s perfect for you.”

  He shook his head. “No one’s perfect for me,” he growled.

  Betsy’s eyes grew wide, and she straightened to her full height. “What are you talking about?”

  His hands shook, and he grasped the back of a kitchen chair to steady himself. “You don’t know what I’ve seen, Betsy, or what I’ve done either.”

  She placed her hand on his and squeezed. “You still can’t lay your battle experiences to rest, can you?”

  “No,” he whispered. He clenched his jaw and stared at her. “I’ve killed people, Betsy. How can I ever get past that?”

  Tears pooled in her eyes. “You aren’t a murderer, Scott. You served your country and did what was expected of a soldier. You can’t live the rest of your life blaming yourself for what happened in battles where you were trying to stay alive and keep your men safe.”

  “But there were so many I couldn’t save. I still hear their voices in my head.”

  “You may always hear their voices, but there’s one you need to listen to more than those. It’s God’s voice. He loves you and wants you to live again without guilt about the past.”

  Scott took a deep breath. “I know that, and I’m trying.”

  She smiled. “He’s started you on the road to recovery by bringing you here to a family who loves you and wants to help you.” She glanced toward the living room. “And he’s given you a chance with a woman who seems to be as interested in you as you are in her.”

  He chuckled and shook his head. “Now you’re trying to placate me. Lisa doesn’t care anything about me. She’s going to leave this island as soon as we catch the guy who’s been terrorizing her.”

  Betsy tilted her head to one side. “Oh, I don’t know about that. I noticed during dinner she kept watching you all the time. Maybe you aren’t picking up on her signals.”

  “Signals? Are you serious?”

  Betsy laughed and looped her arm through his. “Oh, Scott. I see you need the expert guidance of your sisters when it comes to understanding a woman’s feelings.” She pulled him toward the door. “Let’s go back in the living room, and you ask Lisa to take a walk on the beach with you.”

  He shook his head. “She’ll turn me down.”

  “You think so, huh? Ask her and see. If she agrees to go, I’ll fix all your favorite foods for dinner for the next week.”

  The playful glint in Betsy’s eyes warmed his heart. Having three sisters in his life was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Maybe Betsy was right. God didn’t expect him to carry this guilt with him forever. He had to try to move on in his life even if he met with disappointments. Asking Lisa to walk on the beach might not seem like a big deal to some men, but to him it was as scary as a baby taking his first steps.

  He smiled. Baby steps. That’s what he had to do. Take one step at a time. He squeezed Betsy’s hand that rested on his arm. “Okay, sister, let’s go see what she says.”

  Scott’s burst of courage fizzled when he walked into the living room. Treasury sat on the sofa between his sister Kate and Lisa, whose gaze appeared fixed on the small box in her hands. She glanced up at Scott. “These earrings you gave Treasury for her birthday are beautiful, Scott. You have great taste.”

  Her face glowed in the room’s soft light, and he thought he’d never seen anyone more beautiful. “Thank you,” he mumbled.

  She placed the box back on the coffee table and smiled. “Remind me to let you know when it’s my birthday. I like earrings, too.”

  His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down, but he couldn’t speak. Betsy’s elbow punched him in the side, and he cleared his throat. “I’ll do it.” He took a deep breath. “Lisa, I was thinking I might take a walk on the beach. Would you like to join me?”

  She frowned. “I’d like that, but I really need to help Betsy and Kate with the dishes.”

  Kate pushed to her feet and propped her hands in the small of her back. “I’ll help Betsy. The baby gets restless if I sit too long. You go on with Scott, and we’ll take care of the kitchen.”

  Lisa jumped up. “Are you sure you’re up to it?”

  Kate laughed. “Lisa, I’m having a baby. Women do it all the time.” She waved her hand in dismissal. “Now, go on and enjoy this nice evening out on the beach.” She glanced at Scott. “Take the flashlight on the table beside the door. It’s dark out there this time of night. I’ve shown you the spot where Brock and I like to sit and enjoy God’s handiwork. Take Lisa there.”

  He nodded. “I will.”

  Lisa grinned and headed for the door. “Then let’s go.”

  Scott picked up the flashlight and glanced over his shoulder before he followed Lisa onto the front porch. Kate and Betsy stared after him, smiles on their faces. “Come on, Kate,” he heard Betsy say. “I have to make a grocery list. It seems like I’ll be cooking Scott’s favorite foods for a while.”

  He shook his head and grinned as he pulled the door closed. Lisa waited in the front yard. The light from the house lit the way toward the dune ridge beyond the sandy yard. However, once they stepped onto the beach, darkness enveloped them. Scott flicked on the flashlight, and the beam lit their way.

  The splash of waves breaking on the beach drifted on the night air, and Scott guided Lisa toward the sound. “Want to wade in the surf?” he asked.

  Lisa giggled joyously. “I haven’t done that in years, but it sounds good.”

  They pulled off their shoes and inched closer until the rolling water lapped at their feet. Scott grasped Lisa’s hand, and they walked in silence along the shoreline. After a few minutes, he guided her away from the water and to a spot farther back on the sand. “Let’s sit here. Brock and Kate come here a lot to listen to the sounds of the night and watch the stars.”

  They dropped down on the sand. Lisa propped her arms behind her and leaned back to gaze into the sky. “It’s so beautiful here. Sometimes I wonder why I want to leave. I’ll never find another place like this.”

  He nodded. “I never expected to find a place like this. Now that I’m here, I doubt if I’ll ever leave.” He hesitated a moment. “Maybe you’ll change your mind and stay.”

  “Maybe,” she whispered.

  With that one word, Scott’s heart soared. Could Betsy be right? Was Lisa interested in him? Then the reality of all the unanswered questions in Lisa’s life hit him. As soon as she found out who wanted to kill her and who her father was, she would leave. If he didn’t watch out, he’d be left behind with a broken heart.

  “I know you’ll make the right decision.”

  She sat up straight and groaned. “I’ve had a wonderful time tonight, Scott. So great that I almost forgot what’s happened in the last few days. But I can’t let myself forget. I have to remember.”

  She began to sob, and he put his arm around her and pulled her closer. “I know how you feel. Betsy and I were talking in the kitchen earlier about my past. She told me that God didn’t want me to dwell on things that had happened to me, and He wants you to be happy, too, Lisa.”

  She shook her head. “How can I be when I feel so guilty for Wayne’s death? It’s my fault he’s dead.”

 
; “You’re not responsible for that. Brock thinks whoever did this broke into your house before you arrived and turned the gas on full blast hoping you’d come home and be asphyxiated. Wayne just happened to be there when the house exploded.”

  The tears flowed from her eyes. “But don’t you see, Scott? Wayne gave his life for me. How can I ever repay his family for that?”

  He took both her hands in his. “Again it seems like our lives are similar. I’ve felt like that so many times in the past. God has been telling me I’m not to blame for all the men who died around me, but I haven’t really listened to Him. It’s the same with you.” He released a deep breath. “You don’t have to repay Wayne’s family, Lisa. You have to do the same thing Jesus tells me every day. You have to live your life so it would honor His death. God wants you to be happy, Lisa.”

  The tears on her cheeks sparkled in the moonlight, and he wiped one away from underneath her eye with his thumb. Her lips trembled as his thumb grazed her skin. “Do you think God really wants me to be happy, Scott?”

  “I know He does. Just like He does for me.”

  Her eyebrows pulled into a frown. “But you still can’t put the memories of the past to rest, can you?”

  He stared at the waves rolling onto the beach and tried to say the words he knew God would want him to speak. “I still have problems, Lisa, but that’s not God’s fault. For right now, I’m thankful for the strength He gives me to face each day. He doesn’t push me to hurry. He just waits for me to come to the point I can give it all up to Him.”

  “When do you think that will be?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve come a long way, but He’s not through with me yet.”

  “I wish I could have faith that God wants to help me,” she whispered.

  “But He does. All you have to do is ask Him. God loves you, Lisa. I’d like for you to come to know Him.”

  She stared at him for a moment. “Thank you, Scott. Maybe we can talk about this again sometime.”

  He took her hand and pulled her to her feet. “We will. Now I think it’s time we went back. Everybody will be wondering where we are.”

  They walked hand in hand across the beach. As they came closer to the house, he wished their time together didn’t have to end. It felt so good to have Lisa beside him. A year ago he’d thought finding his sisters was all he could ever wish for, but now there was a new desire in his heart. It focused on the woman beside him.

  TEN

  Lisa hummed as she walked down the stairs at the bed-and-breakfast. Ever since waking this morning, her attitude had been more upbeat than it had in days. She stopped about halfway down and leaned against the banister. Her good mood might be a result of the talk she and Scott had on the beach the night before.

  His words had touched her and made her realize other people had bad things happen to them. Something else had happened on that beach, too. Her attraction to Scott had moved into another realm. What she might have once considered infatuation had crossed over into a much deeper feeling.

  Lisa hopped down the rest of the steps and hurried to the kitchen in hopes there was something left from breakfast. She came to a halt at the kitchen door and stared in shock at Scott sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of coffee.

  He set his cup in the saucer and grinned. “It’s about time you got up. Treasury went outside, but she said if you hadn’t come down by the time she got back, she was going to roll you out of bed.”

  She swallowed her surprise, strolled to the coffeemaker and poured herself a cup. Easing into the chair across from him, she took a sip and closed her eyes. “Umm, that’s good. You need to know I’m not very talkative until I’ve had my first cup of coffee. But what are you doing here on a beautiful Saturday morning?”

  He crossed his arms on the table in front of him and shrugged. “Since neither one of us has to work today, I came to ask you to go somewhere with me.”

  “Where?”

  “I thought we could visit the Graveyard of the Atlantic Museum over on Hatteras. I saw online that they have an exhibit about the Elena.” He glanced at his watch. “If we hurry, we can catch the next ferry.”

  She leaned back in her chair and cleared her throat. “Scott, I appreciate that more than you’ll ever know, but you don’t have to spend your free time trying to help me find out about my past.”

  “I want to spend my time helping you. Truth is, I like spending time with you.”

  Her heart fluttered, and she smiled. “I like spending time with you, too. I’ll go get my purse.”

  She started to get up from the table, but he pointed to her cup. “What about your coffee? I don’t want to spend the day with a cranky woman who won’t talk because she didn’t get her caffeine fix.”

  She laughed, picked up the cup, and chugged the contents. Setting the cup in the saucer, she murmured, “Taken care of. I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

  Lisa dashed from the kitchen and took the stairs two at a time to the top. In her room, she rushed to the mirror and checked her makeup, then twisted and turned to study her reflection. The shorts and tank top she’d put on looked perfect for the excursion. She turned to leave but glanced back and smiled. The color in her cheeks wasn’t from the powder blush she’d applied earlier. It came from the surge of happiness that shot through her body at Scott’s words. He liked spending time with her.

  She liked being with him, too, even though she knew it might lead to heartbreak later on. Today she didn’t care. She and Scott had both had their share of bad times in the past. They deserved to have some fun, and today that was just what she wanted to do. She was going to enjoy being with this man who made her feel so incredibly special.

  Scott opened the car door for Lisa and waited for her to climb out. The afternoon sun reflected off the ocean waves that rippled onto the beach across the street from the museum. He glanced at the white building dedicated to honoring the history of the Atlantic and the ships that sailed it.

  Several monuments about exhibits inside the building dotted the museum parking lot, and Scott let his gaze drift over them. Lisa adjusted her sunglasses and stared out to sea. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah.” He took her hand, and they started toward the entrance, but he stopped next to one of the stone markers. He read the inscription on the sign and gave a low whistle. “Have you ever heard of the Monitor?”

  She nodded. “Yes. It was on its way to Beaufort when it got caught in a windstorm and sank.”

  He glanced back at the words engraved on the monument. “Yeah, in 1862. This says the Monitor is one more treasure that the ocean hides.” He nodded toward the ocean. “There’s no telling what’s buried out there beneath those waves.”

  Her gaze followed his to the rolling waves. “That’s why they call it the Graveyard of the Atlantic. The man I called my father is out there somewhere. His body was never recovered.”

  Scott tightened his hold on her hand. “Come on. Let’s go in and see what we can find out about the mysterious Elena’s fate.”

  Inside the building, hushed voices of visitors greeted them. Small groups of people moved from one exhibit to another across the high-ceilinged entry. Sunshine from the large skylights overhead lit the room.

  Lisa pointed to a sign on the wall. “This says the exhibit about the Elena is down this corridor.”

  They stepped around a family who huddled in front of the Monitor exhibit, and headed toward the other end of the hallway to the glassed-in area that told the story of the Elena. They stood without speaking as they each read the story of the doomed ship whose mysterious tragedy had never been solved.

  “The story told here is exactly the same as what you told me,” Scott said.

  Lisa pointed to a picture of a woman at the christening of the ship. “Th
e caption under this picture says this is Elena Dinwiddie after breaking a bottle of champagne on the bow of the ship. Look at the scarf she’s wearing.”

  Scott leaned forward and studied the long scarf that circled her neck and hung down to her waist. The swirled, monogrammed letters ED were visible on the scarf. “She’s a very pretty woman.” A gasp escaped Lisa’s mouth, and he turned to stare at her. “What is it?”

  Her eyes appeared locked on something behind the glass, and she pointed a shaking finger. “Look at the back of the hand mirror, Scott. It has the same letters that are on the scarf. This has to be the mirror my mother wrote about in her journal.” She whirled to face him. “But if she had it, how did it get here?”

  A woman wearing a name tag that identified her as a museum employee walked down the hallway, and Scott stopped her. “Excuse me. I wonder if you could answer a question for us.”

  The woman smiled. “I’ll try. My name is Susan, and I’m one of the exhibit designers here. What would you like to know?”

  Scott pointed to the mirror inside the case. “Can you tell us about this mirror?”

  Susan’s gaze drifted over the mirror. “Isn’t it beautiful? There’s quite a story behind that piece. When the ship washed up onshore, the manifest was still intact in the captain’s cabin. It had a detailed listing of everything on board. One of the items mentioned was a silver-covered hand mirror with Elena Dinwiddie’s initials in diamonds on the back. It was a birthday gift the ship’s owner, Hiram Dinwiddie, had made for his daughter in Rio, and it was being brought back on the voyage.” She paused briefly then continued. “Over the next few weeks after the ship beached, items that had been on board washed up onshore, and they were checked off against the recovered manifest. But the mirror didn’t show up, and everyone assumed it was at the bottom of the ocean.”

  Lisa frowned. “I don’t understand. How come you have it now?”

  Susan smiled. “About twenty-five years ago Elena Dinwiddie, who was an elderly woman at the time, received a package in the mail. It didn’t have a return address, but it had been mailed from Ocracoke Island. When she opened the box, the mirror was inside. When she died, the mirror passed to her granddaughter, and she thought it needed to be included in the exhibit. She sent it to us about a year ago when we moved the museum into this new building.”