It was time to let Sydney, any hopes of being with Sydney, and any memories of Sydney go.
A date would surely help.
*
Sydney flopped back onto her couch and surveyed her handiwork. It was amazing what a little pop of color could do for a room. The light blue scarf valances twisted around the wrought iron rods she’d installed above the living room windows really changed the entire look. The color was a few shades lighter than that of the couch, but in the same family, and Sydney finally understood what it meant to “tie a room together.”
“Looks nice in here, doesn’t it, Marge?” The fish ignored her, choosing instead to swim in circles. “Well, I think it looks nice.” The painting on the wall was also new. Sydney hadn’t planned on purchasing it. It was in the display window of a furniture store in the mall, and when she’d walked by it, it had pulled her. It was the image of a serene landscape, a clear blue lake in the distance, trees and grass and wildflowers. Something about it brought her…peace, was the only word she could come up with, corny as that sounded. The painting brought her peace, so she’d marched right into the store, forked over more than she’d have expected, and now it hung on her living room wall helping to further “tie the room together” with its blues and greens and bringing her a warm sense of relaxation.
Pushing out a lungful of air, she stood up and got herself a Diet Coke from the fridge, then grabbed her laptop. When she sat back down and signed onto her e-mail account, a photo of a dog showed up in her news feed and her thoughts immediately veered toward Jessica. Which was nothing new.
It had been more than three weeks since their last encounter. Sydney had fought the urge to call her, text her, e-mail her dozens of times because she’d always come to the same conclusion: that Jessica was probably better off—for now, at least—if Sydney just left well enough alone. The fact that Jessica hadn’t contacted her either simply solidified the decision.
She felt different. Sydney knew this for a fact. Since spending time with Jessica, she’d changed. Something inside her had…altered, she guessed was the right word. Shifted. She couldn’t put her finger on exactly what. She simply knew it to be true, felt it in her heart. It was a good thing, despite the vagueness of it, so Sydney simply accepted it and did her best to live her life.
Her inbox was fuller than she liked, but that’s what happened when you weren’t online every other minute of the day. That’s what happened when you spent your Saturday shopping for, then installing, curtain rods and window dressings. That’s what happened when you had somewhat of a life outside of work. She grinned as she sifted through junk, answered a couple of e-mails from Connor about the interviews they were doing next week, looked at photos of three separate pairs of earrings Zack had sent, asking her which ones Laura would like best. Then she stopped. First at one e-mail, then a second e-mail. Two. On the same day.
The first was from the TV station in Austin, Texas.
The second was from a TV station in Raleigh, North Carolina.
She read each one. Then she read each one a second time. Then a third.
She took a moment to breathe. Just breathe.
Carefully, she sat forward and set her laptop on the coffee table. Then she slowly stood up and walked around to the middle of the room.
She was reasonably sure Dr. Green could hear the whoop of excitement from inside her own apartment.
*
Two days later, Sydney found herself knocking on the door of Vivian Green’s apartment, pizza in one hand, bottle of Merlot under her arm.
“I have got to be crazy,” she muttered with a shake of her head, closing her eyes and wondering what in the world had gotten into her. She was not a winger. Sydney Taylor did not fly by the seat of her pants. Yet here she was, standing at the door of her elderly neighbor who had no idea she was coming, hoping against hope that she’d let her in.
The door opened and Dr. Green took in the sight before her, letting her gaze travel from Sydney’s hands up to her face. “Is there pepperoni on that pizza?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Dr. Green opened the door wider. “By all means, then, come in. Come in.”
Sydney entered the apartment, again loving how warm and full it felt. At the small table, she set down the pizza and held up the wine. “Corkscrew?”
Without a word, Dr. Green walked past her into the kitchen. Sydney followed, took the offered corkscrew, and went to work opening the wine. Dr. Green took two wine glasses out of a cupboard, then two plates. They worked in silence. Comfortable silence, which was oddly wonderful for Sydney.
Once they were seated, each had a glass of wine and a slice of pizza in front of them, Dr. Green met Sydney’s gaze with her rheumy blue eyes. “Spit it out.”
Sydney looked at her, confused. “I’m sorry?”
“Not that I don’t love a surprise visit now and then, especially one that includes dinner and wine, but I spent my entire career reading people and you look like you’ve got something on your mind. Want to talk about it?” She took a bite of her pizza and waited.
Sydney inhaled a large breath and let it out slowly. “Do you mind?”
“If I did, I wouldn’t have let you in.” Vivian winked and Sydney knew she was teasing.
“I just…I could use the opinion of somebody who doesn’t know me so well. Somebody who can be objective. You know?”
Dr. Green nodded, took a sip of wine, and waited.
“I have a problem.” Sydney took a sip of her own wine, not sure why she felt nervous about talking to Vivian Green. The woman seemed wiser than most people Sydney knew and she’d been a therapist. God knew Sydney could use a little therapy. When Vivian said nothing, simply continued to eat, Sydney grinned. “Do they teach you that in psychology school? To stay silent so the other person feels the need to fill it?”
Vivian smiled and still said nothing.
“Well, it works.” Sydney laughed, took another deep breath, and poured her heart out to this woman she barely knew. She gave her background, filled her in on her career up to now, her goals, her current job and how well it had been going. “I mean, my intention has always been to keep moving, to keep stepping upward. That’s always what I’ve wanted. And a couple days ago, I got not one, but two jobs offers, both from bigger markets than this one. That’s totally what I’ve been shooting for, been working so hard for since I graduated from college. And they’re here. Right now. Tossed in my lap. I mean, I have actual options!” She stopped, the wind suddenly leaving her sails. “But now…”
“You want something different,” Vivian said after a beat. She’d watched her face the entire time Sydney talked and it was like she was hearing more than the things Sydney said out loud.
“I might. Yes.”
“Different how?”
Sydney swallowed, studied that lovely painting on the wall as she thought. “Different in that…maybe I want to stop constantly moving so much?”
“Are you asking me?” Dr. Green grinned at her.
Sydney chuckled back. “No. No, I’m telling you that I think I might want to…stay still for a while.” Laura’s words came back at her then, telling her she never stayed still for long.
“And what precipitated this change in goals?”
Sydney caught her bottom lip between her teeth and turned back to the painting.
“That pretty girl from the animal shelter, perhaps?”
Sydney’s eyes widened in shock. “How did you know that?”
It was Vivian’s turn to chuckle. “Oh, honey, I’ve seen more clients in my career than you can possibly imagine. You don’t think any of them were homosexual?”
Realizing she’d been silly worrying about coming out to a professional therapist, Sydney nodded. “Yes. The pretty girl from the animal shelter. Jessica.” And then came more pouring out of her heart. She told Vivian everything, from their initial meeting to the last time they’d slept together; she left nothing out. “She’s got me all twisted up inside. I can’t
get her out of my head, no matter how hard I try. And believe me, I have tried.”
“And it’s been, what? A few weeks now?”
“Since I’ve seen her? About that. Yeah.” Three weeks, two days, and thirteen hours, to be exact.
“No phone calls? No texting? Nothing at all?”
Sydney shook her head, suddenly feeling miserable.
Vivian took a deep breath and gazed off into the middle distance as if collecting her thoughts. Sydney sipped her wine, chewed her pizza, waited.
“The bottom line is pretty simple.” Vivian finished her wine, refilled her glass from the bottle, folded her hands on the table in front of her, and gave a shrug of nonchalance. “The only one who knows what you really want is you. Career, location, living arrangement, love life. Only you. Nobody can tell you what makes the most sense or the least. Nobody can tell you your wants or goals are silly or perfect or anything in between. Only you. You are in charge of your own destiny, my dear. Just you.”
“Me.”
“You.”
Sydney dropped her shoulders and pressed her lips together in a tight line, took some time to absorb what had been said. After a moment or two of contemplation, she helped herself to a second slice of pizza. Maybe this had been a dumb idea. “You know,” she said finally, then took a bite. After she’d chewed and swallowed, she said, “Not that I don’t appreciate your help, but…is it bad that I sort of hoped for some…clearer advice?”
“You don’t think that was clear?” Vivian showed no signs of irritation or even surprise. In fact, if Sydney wasn’t mistaken, she was smiling slightly as she simply sat there, ate her dinner, and watched her neighbor.
“Not really.” Sydney tried to lift one corner of her mouth and keep any hint of dejection from her voice.
“Huh. Maybe I’ve grown rusty in my old age.”
Something about her tone told Sydney that Vivian was saying exactly the opposite. “Oh, I’m sure that’s not it. I just think you didn’t really tell me anything I didn’t already know.”
“Now that, I agree with.” Vivian cocked her head, sipped her wine, and smiled.
CHAPTER TWENTY
The summer afternoon was blazing hot, which Jessica hated. She was not good with humidity. She didn’t like that it made her sweat. She didn’t like that it frizzed her hair. She didn’t like that it made her cranky.
She was a little less cranky lately, though. That was true. Millie nuzzled her hand as she sat at her desk in her office, and Jessica stroked the short, silky fur absently. “Hi, sweetheart.” She smiled at the dog when she lifted her head to look into Jessica’s eyes and it was, not for the first time, something that amazed her about Millie. Touched her deep inside. Millie looked right at her. Often. Like, direct eye contact. And more than once, Jessica had seen a glimpse of something almost…human in that gaze. It warmed her heart and reminded her yet again that she and Millie were meant to be together. Adopting her was one of the smartest moves Jessica had ever made and Millie, in turn, had filled her heart with so much love, she felt almost peaceful. Almost.
Her phone beeped, telling her she had a text, so she pulled out her phone.
Trish.
Got an extra ticket to the game tonight. Come with me?
Jessica smiled. Though she and Trish had figured out immediately that they had no chemistry during their “date” more than a month ago, they ended up liking each other anyway and decided together that it was impossible to have too many friends. As two single women, having each other was a plus if they were invited to a party or gathering of some sort where they didn’t want to show up alone. Trish got baseball tickets through her work, so she and Jessica had attended a couple games so far, and Jessica’d been surprised to enjoy herself. She was ambivalent about baseball, but learned quickly that going to the stadium to watch a game live (and stuff herself with tons of junk food she wouldn’t normally eat) was infinitely more fun than trying to watch on television and wanting to blow your own brains out.
Let me see how the afternoon goes, okay? she texted back.
Though things had died down at Junebug a little, it was still bustling. Adoptions had been steady, but unfortunately, so had their intake. When she’d first started to learn the ins and outs of shelter business, one of the hardest things for Jessica to learn was that even if the shelter was doing well re-homing animals, they would never stop coming. There would always be abuse cases. There would always be underground dogfighting rings. There would always be careless owners.
She was also in the process of interviewing for a new head of public relations. The day after the telethon, a very coolly worded resignation e-mail from Anna arrived. It was addressed to Jessica, but also CC’d the rest of the board. Jessica, David, Catherine, Maggie, and three other members of the shelter’s staff got a blow-by-blow of exactly why Anna was resigning. Unprofessional, to say the least, but a big part of Jessica knew she’d deserved it. So she’d sucked it up, taken her medicine, apologized to her staff, and moved on. She’d been painfully embarrassed for the next week or two, but she’d pushed through and her staff was finally beginning to look at her like normal again.
Tossing her phone to her desk, she forced herself back to the e-mail she’d been responding to. She was just finishing up when Regina buzzed her on the intercom.
“Excuse me, Jessica?”
“Yes?”
“There’s a customer here to adopt a cat. They asked if they could have your help choosing.”
Jessica sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. This was not uncommon and had actually increased since the most recent telethon. People saw her on TV and felt like they knew her, like they trusted her. So often, they asked for her guidance when they adopted an animal. Jessica glanced at the stack of papers in her inbox and gave a small groan.
“Lisa can’t help them?” she asked hopefully.
“They specifically asked for you.” Regina’s voice was apologetic and Jessica didn’t want to put her in an uncomfortable position.
“Okay. Ask them to give me five minutes and I’ll be out.”
She hung up the phone, finished her e-mail, and hit Send. Then she looked down at Millie. “Want to come with me? We can get one of your cat buddies a new home. What do you say?” Millie’s nub of a tail started wagging and Jessica leashed her up.
It wasn’t long after the lunch hour, so the lobby was fairly busy. A summer camp was visiting as a field trip, so about a dozen five-year-olds were buzzing around like bees, three camp workers—easily designated by their neon green T-shirts—tried their best to wrangle. The gift shop had three people waiting in line to pay for their purchases.
As always was the case, Millie was a draw, especially for the kids. The process was always the same. First, they’d do a double take. Second, an expression that was a combination of slight fear and deep curiosity would land on their faces. Third, they’d look up at Jessica. As soon as eye contact was made, she’d ask if they wanted to pet Millie. The answer was almost always unanimously yes.
She was squatting in the middle of the lobby as four members of the field trip gently ran their hands over Millie’s body when Jessica glanced in the direction of the cat wall and felt her breath stick in her lungs.
Sydney Taylor stood there watching her, a hesitant smile on her face.
Oh, my God.
They were the only coherent words that would enter her brain. She’d done her best to wipe Sydney from her memory banks (impossible). She avoided the Channel Six news at all costs, but she honestly thought Sydney would be long gone by now. Off to Austin. Or Raleigh. Or Tallahassee. Or someplace—anyplace—other than here. And yet, there she stood, looking annoyingly beautiful in black dress slacks and a pale yellow silk tank top. Her hair seemed a bit shorter and it swooped to the opposite side as Jessica remembered. The eyes hadn’t changed, though, and neither had Sydney’s ability to make Jessica blush from across the room. She cursed her pale skin as she felt her cheeks warm, and turned her attention back to
the kids for a bit longer, asking them questions about their own pets or pets they wished they had.
She needed time. At least a few minutes. To steel herself. Brace for impact. Prepare. All this time, she’d shaken it off, joked about it even. No big deal. She’d told that to her friends. She’d said it to herself. And yet, there stood Sydney Taylor, not fifteen feet away, in Jessica’s lobby, and all she could do was feel the butterflies in her stomach like she was a teenager about to talk to her crush.
“Okay, Millie and I have some work to do,” she said to the kids as she stood, simultaneously excited to talk to Sydney and dreading it. “But thank you guys for being so nice to her.” The kids waved as Jessica led Millie away and they walked toward Sydney.
“Hey,” Sydney said, meeting Jessica’s eyes with obvious uncertainty. She squatted down to lavish attention on Millie. “You did it?” she asked Jessica without looking up. “You adopted her? I’m so glad.”
“Yeah, I decided I had to. We were meant to be together.” Millie looked up at Jessica with utter devotion in her eyes and Jessica made a mental note to give her an extra treat later for that performance. “So. You’re looking for a cat?”
Sydney stood and the way she wet her lips and her still stunning eyes darted around made it clear to Jessica that she was nervous.
Good. That makes two of us.
“I decided I’d like to give it a shot. I’ve got the goldfish, but…” She let her voice trail off.
“A cat’s gonna need a bit more care than a goldfish does. You know that, right?” Jessica sounded a little snippier than she’d meant to, and she grimaced in reaction.
“I do.” Sydney nodded with enthusiasm, apparently unoffended. “I do. Yeah. I’m ready.”
Jessica stepped toward the cat wall and scanned. “Do you think you want an older cat or a kitten? We have both.”
“What do you suggest?”
Dare to Stay (Puppy Love Romances Book 3) Page 25