A Forever Christmas

by Marie Ferrarella

  The rush he was experiencing was very nearly overpowering and stronger than anything he had ever encountered.

  It was as if he had never desired a woman before, never wanted to make love with a woman to this degree before.

  Never loved before.

  The single four-letter word sliced at him, making him even more fearful.

  And yet, short of the world coming to an end, he wouldn’t have been able to stop himself from making love with her.

  And maybe not even then.

  * * *

  ANGEL REALIZED THAT she was operating on pure instincts, following her body’s urgings. Following them to a place she was utterly certain she had never been to before.

  With every touch of his hand to her body, with every kiss exchanged, she felt her body heating a little more, felt desire consuming her a little more. Each pass took a little more out of her, propelled her a little further into this new, mysterious and wondrous place that Gabe had carved out for her.

  For them.

  As far as she knew, this was a completely new experience for her, one that, somewhere deep in her soul, she’d somehow known was waiting for her.

  But only with this man.

  Gabe had saved her life in more ways than one. In effect, he had given her her life, and everything she was or would ever be was because of him. In return for that, he’d asked her for nothing.

  Which was why she’d given him her heart.

  As desire fueled by eagerness continued to grow within her, she found that both her clothes and his began to disappear, vanishing in a haze and shed almost as quickly as any small, inconsequential inhibitions that might have been lingering.

  She wanted Gabe to take her, to make her body sing. To make love with her until she all but sobbed with relief.

  Angel arched into his touch, stifling a cry of pure ecstasy as she felt his lips pass over her body.

  At least twice, if not more, she’d felt as if she was stepping out of her own body and watching everything unfold before her.

  A spectator at her own field of joy.

  It was incredible.

  Her body ached for him as Gabe, murmuring endearments, led her to the bedroom and laid her on the bed, then slowly slid his body along hers again until he was level with her and his eyes were looking into her depths.

  Anticipation roared through her veins.

  “Now,” she whispered hoarsely. “Now.”

  But when Gabe grasped her, ever so lightly, by her shoulders, a sense of panic suddenly barreled in out of nowhere and exploded within her.

  He felt her instantly stiffening beneath him, heard the change in her breathing. It was rapid now, not from any sort of anticipation of pleasure but from direct fear. Exercising what was quite possibly the very greatest effort of restraint of his life, Gabe forced himself to stop, and drew back.

  His eyes searched her face for a clue. Angel seemed terrified, he realized. Why? “What’s wrong?”

  “I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe,” she cried. Without his weight—and his hands—restraining her, she bolted upright, dragging air into her lungs like a near-drowning victim.

  Gabe’s first instinct was to hold her in order to calm her, but he had a feeling that would only bring the opposite results. So he held himself in check until he could sort out exactly what had set her off and what was happening here.

  He made the only logical assumption. “You remembered something, didn’t you?”

  “No!”

  The denial was automatic, as if she’d been quizzed about her reaction more than once before and this was the answer she gave time and time again. It was, he had a feeling, the expected answer.

  But for who?

  Angel drew in more air, this time more slowly as she struggled to get hold of herself. After a beat, calmer, she looked up at him.

  “Yes,” she answered, bewildered and drained. Rocking, she locked her arms around herself. “He was forcing himself on me, holding my shoulders down so I wouldn’t fight him off.”

  Angel’s mouth dropped open. She seemed as startled by what she’d just said as Gabe was to hear it.

  “Who?” Gabe asked, trying his best not to press her too hard. He wanted her to think, to remember, and he knew she couldn’t if he cornered her. “Who was forcing himself on you, Angel?” he asked more gently.

  “I don’t know.” The frustration was back, spilling out in her tears. “I don’t know,” she repeated. Angel closed her eyes, but there was nothing. Opening them again, she exhaled a shaky breath as she dragged her hand through her hair. “I can’t see him, can’t seem to make him out.”

  Very carefully, Gabe slipped his arm around her shoulders. But rather than pull away or resist him, she relaxed. He could feel her tension draining from her. Whatever had slashed through her moments ago had been leeched out, leaving her exhausted.

  Angel leaned her head against his shoulder. “Why can’t I remember, Gabe?” she demanded. “Or, if I can’t remember, why can’t I just forget about it completely?”

  She hated being stuck like this, half in limbo, half out.

  “Because you’re a strong woman and you want to face whatever demons are secretly tormenting you. And you will,” he promised, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “And when you do, I’ll be right there, facing them with you. I’m not leaving you to deal with this alone.”

  She raised her head to look at him. He was making her a promise, she realized.

  “I’m sorry,” she murmured.

  “Nothing to feel sorry about,” he told her. “We don’t have to do anything. We can just lie here together until you fall asleep.”

  “No,” she said after a moment.

  “You want me to go?” he asked.

  Moved, she cupped her hand against his cheek, caressing it. Warm feelings stirred within her and grew warmer. “No, I want you to make love with me, Gabe,” she said quietly.

  He turned her hand palm side up and pressed a kiss to it. He heard her draw in a breath in renewed anticipation.

  “Are you sure, Angel?” he asked. He didn’t want to do anything that would bring back that frightened look he’d just seen.

  “I’m sure,” she told him with certainty. “Make the demons go away, Gabe.”

  She was asking a lot of him, but he wasn’t going to fail her, he silently swore.

  Drawing her back into his arms, he started making love to her very slowly, kissing only her lips until she all but melted against him. And then he widened his scope, anointing her throat, her shoulders, working his way down to the sensitive insides of her elbows.

  Hearing her sigh as his own blood heated, he kissed one breast at a time until she was all but panting beneath him. Her pleasure was his aphrodisiac.

  He trailed his lips along her belly. It quivered in response.

  Angel twisted and turned against him, attempting to absorb every sensation, clinging to the ever-growing surge of desire. Catching her breath as each arrow of desire shot through her.

  All the while, she was determined that the shadowy figure would be vanquished by this man she’d entrusted with her heart.

  This time, when he came to her, Gabe deliberately switched their positions, gently guiding her hips until she was the one over him. She looked down at him with wonder and he smiled, silently coaxing her to take the lead. The exhilaration he saw in her eyes aroused him to a higher degree.

  Driving himself into her, gently but forcefully, he could feel her arching against him, letting him know that she wanted this union as much as he did.

  Locked in an embrace, their souls sealed to each other, they quickly built up the rhythm that would in turn usher them to the ultimate moment.

  And when they reached it, when a shower of lights and sounds and feelings finally rained down on both of them, they clung to each other, each trusting the other to keep them safe and whole, and out of harm’s way.

  Chapter Twelve

  It took a while for the euphoria to fade into the darkness.
When it did, and Angel still hadn’t said a word, concern prompted Gabe to quietly ask her, “Are you all right?”

  He heard a soft sigh escape and then she turned into him. There was a smile on her lips. “I’m perfect.”

  Gabe laughed. “I already know that. But I’m asking if—”

  Angel didn’t let him finish. She pressed her fingertips against his lips, not wanting to spoil the memory of the afterglow with questions about her temporary break from her present reality.

  “Everything’s fine. Better than fine,” she added with feeling. Her eyes held his as she implored, “I don’t want to talk about what happened earlier.”

  Ever so slightly, Gabe tightened his arm around her. “All right,” he agreed, although they both knew that she would have to talk about it eventually. Talk about what had panicked her like that. They needed to solve the puzzle that had been her life before she came to Forever and this could have been a very important piece in that puzzle.

  But that was for later. For now, he wanted her to enjoy what they’d just shared. They both deserved a little happiness after everything they’d gone through in their lives before their paths had so abruptly crossed.

  Not wanting her to feel that he was crowding her, Gabe began to get up.

  Surprised, Angel caught his hand before he could leave the bed. “Where are you going?”

  “To the sofa. I thought you might want your space,” he explained.

  Space was the last thing she required right now. Space allowed her to think and all she wanted to do was feel, not think.

  “Stay with me,” she said to him.

  It was a request, not a plea, but either way, it wasn’t in his power to refuse her. Lying down again, looking for a way to lighten the serious mood, he warned her, “I might hog the blankets.”

  In response, a smile curved her mouth. “I’ll chance it,” she said, curling up into him. “Besides, you’re nice and warm. It’s like having my very own fuzzy electric blanket.”

  To emphasis her point, she lightly stroked her fingertips along the downy hair on his chest. With a contented sigh, she laid her head on it, the sound of his heart beating beneath her ear giving her more than a little comfort.

  “Fuzzy electric blanket, huh?” Humor curved his mouth. “First time anyone’s ever called me that.”

  Her even breathing told him he was talking to her while she slept. Gabe wasn’t certain why, but he found the thought immensely comforting.

  * * *

  “SO? HAVE YOU DECIDED yet?” Gabe asked Angel.

  It was several days—several incredibly blissful, lovemaking days—later and he was finally getting the chance to make good on his promise to take her Christmas tree hunting.

  While, in his opinion, Angel was in a class by herself in many, many ways, she now displayed a trait considered exceedingly common to the female of the species: she couldn’t make up her mind. In this case, she was undecided between two trees.

  Initially, there’d been five trees, five semifinalists she’d circled around slowly so she could see which of the trees had the most “good sides.” Now that they were down to two, she was having a harder time finding one to eliminate.

  “You’re going to have to make up your mind before it gets dark,” he told her. “Otherwise, we’ll have to come back.”

  She noticed that he didn’t say “tomorrow,” which meant that he probably wouldn’t be able to take any more time off for at least a few days. Which, in turn, meant a few more days without a tree and Christmas was drawing closer and closer.

  She had to make up her mind now. But it was hard.

  “I have narrowed it down to just a couple of them,” she reminded him in her own defense. Vacillating, she made her way back to a small tree. Once cut down, she knew it would more than adequately fill the living room, the room.

  “Angel…” Gabe’s voice trailed off as he waited for her to finally choose.

  The temperature was dropping and they were both getting colder. It was time to pick a winner. “Okay, okay, this one,” she declared, choosing the tree closest to Gabe.

  But as she came up to it, studying the tree intently, Angel cocked her head as if that gave her a different perspective. “Still…”

  “No, no ‘still,’” Gabe told her firmly, taking the first swing at the tree’s trunk with his hatchet. “This is the tree you just picked and this is the tree that’s coming home with us.” There was no room for argument as he took a second swing and made contact again.

  She threw her hands up in surrender. “Okay. You’re right. This is the tree.” And then she chewed on her bottom lip. He’d begun to realize that she did that whenever she was undecided and vacillating between choices. “It’s just that, since this is your first Christmas tree in your new house, I wanted the tree to be perfect.”

  He took a third swing. “First off, the house isn’t new—”

  “It is to you,” she pointed out as hatchet met tree again. Gabe had on a jacket, but she could just see his muscles rippling.

  “And second,” he continued, “there’s no such thing as ‘perfect.’”

  Which was when Angel smiled up into his face. The look in her eyes caused his gut to all but seize up and do backflips.

  “Yes, there is,” she told him softly and pointedly—just before she brushed her lips against his.

  And just as with the first time, Gabe found himself utterly captivated, unable to resist her.

  Unable to resist the powerful need that sprang up within him. The need to take her into his arms and kiss her for all he was worth.

  Releasing the hatchet, Gabe swept her into his arms and kissed her hard.

  He was surprised by the force of the kiss that met him. Angel had not only returned his kiss, she damn well matched it.

  Gabe could feel his body firing up, and for one dizzying moment he thought of giving in and making love with her right here, in the middle of the forest.

  The next moment, the absurdity of the thought hit him. He was an adult, a representative of the law, for heaven’s sake, not some sex-starved adolescent with his first girlfriend.

  Drawing away, he laughed softly at himself, shaking his head. When had he reverted back to his adolescence? He might not have been the most clear thinking of men, but he’d always been aware of what he was doing, aware of how things might look to someone else. Recklessness was not part of his nature.

  Until now.

  Taking in a breath, he framed her face as he looked into it. Even such a small, innocent action stirred his heart.

  “We keep going like this, we’re going to wind up with hypothermia,” he warned.

  Taking in a deep breath, she waited until she released it again and had steadied herself just a little. Angel nodded as she glanced down at the ground. “Might make for an interesting snow angel—if there was snow on the ground,” she commented.

  “Speaking of which.” Gabe pointed up to the sky with an amused laugh. As if on cue, the lightest of flurries had begun to descend. “Just how did you do that?” he teased.

  Her eyes crinkled. “Wishful thinking.”

  He picked up the hatchet again. “Well, wish for it to continue being light until I finish cutting down your tree.”

  “Our tree,” she corrected since it was going into his house and he was providing the elbow grease used to cut it down.

  He took another swing, cutting away a little more of the trunk. “Our tree,” he amended agreeably.

  And, heaven help him, he really liked the sound of that. Liked the sound of the word our. This after he’d sworn off having anything to do with the so-called “softer” sex, other than serving and protecting them in his capacity as deputy sheriff.

  Without firing so much as a single shot, this petite, vibrant woman had managed to capture him and take him prisoner.

  The tree came down after a few more swings of his hatchet. Though he told her he could handle it, Angel insisted on helping him bind up the tree and, together, they got it up on
the roof of his vehicle. He was surprised at how strong she turned out to be.

  Gabe strapped the Scotch pine down as securely as he could and then they drove back to his house. He was careful to drive slowly, going at a speed that a lame turtle might have thought to be embarrassing. But it was necessary; otherwise, the wind might have wound up knocking off the tree or even taking his roof with it.

  Consequently, it was pitch-black by the time they reached his house.

  Easing the tree down from the roof, they then carried their prize into the house with Gabe doing his best to take on the brunt of the weight without letting her realize it.

  Once they got the unwieldy tree inside, he thought about just leaving it lying on its side where it was, in the hallway. Tomorrow was plenty of time to place the tree upright in the stand that Angel had surprised him with.

  But one look at Angel’s face and he knew that waiting until tomorrow wasn’t going to be an option. She was already moving around the living room, trying to decide where best to place the tree in order to show it off to its maximum advantage.

  “Christmas trees don’t have a ‘maximum advantage,’” he told her, doing his best to hide his amusement. In a way, it was like watching a child preparing for Christmas for the first time.

  He supposed, in a way, Angel actually was.

  “Sure they do,” Angel insisted. “Unlike fake ones, real Christmas trees are not the same from all angles.” She lowered her voice a little, as if sharing a confidence with him. “Our tree has a couple of barren spots.”

  It was getting harder and harder not to laugh, but he didn’t want her thinking he was laughing at her. “If you say so.”

  She looked at him, surprised. “Didn’t you notice them?”

  “Nope,” he admitted freely. “I was too busy being completely dazzled by the angel standing beside me, issuing orders.”

  She shook her head. Now he was just pulling her leg. “Very funny.”

  She started to go to the kitchen to get some water for the base of the tree after they finally got it into the stand. Catching her by the elbow as she went by, Gabe pulled her into his arms.