Secondhand Sinners

by Genevieve Lynne

  God, what was he doing? She wanted to see her mom, and he needed to see Levi, so he had no other choice. That’s right. No other choice. No choice at all.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Emily

  “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

  Emily stood between Alan and Jack and stared at the nail that was sunk into her flat front tire. She wanted to cry, though not because of the nail. Flat tires were nothing. She was embarrassed and confused by the way Miller practically encouraged her to go with Alan. It was so ridiculous because it was better for her that he didn’t argue with her decision, although she would have liked it if he had pretended it bothered him. She’d thought everything was going well. It was. Until she told him about Daniel. He needed some time alone to work it out. Yes. That was it. He simply needed some time. She didn’t blame him for that.

  She cringed when Alan’s hand hooked around her shoulder again. She was stuck with someone she hoped she’d never have to see again. Not after that night when she was twenty-one and she ran into Alan at Double Wide, her favorite bar in Dallas.

  If Miller found out before she could explain it, he might not want her anymore. The way he clenched his jaw when he and Alan were talking after she got into the cruiser was unmistakably hostile. Even if she explained what happened—how and why she was so depressed, how she happened to run into Alan at the bar, how drunk she got—it still wouldn’t change how much he hated the man who cheated with his wife.

  “Guess you’ll have to ride with me,” Alan said, squeezing her shoulder.

  “I’ll drive Levi’s X-Terra.” She twisted out of his grasp and headed for her brother’s front door.

  Alan caught her hand and pulled her to him, bracing her against his body with his hand on the small of her back. He moved his face too close to hers and said, “You know I was pretty crushed that morning when I woke up and you were gone.”

  If she could take back one night of her life, it would be the night Daniel died and she ran away. If she could take back any other night, it would be that lonely Thursday after hearing from Levi that he saw Miller and Sara with their little daughter in Durant. She was already drinking when Alan sat down next to her and bought her one rum and Coke after another. “I thought we agreed to forget about that.”

  “No. You said something about it in your Dear Alan note. We, however, never agreed to anything.”

  “It was wrong.”

  “Really? Looked to me like you were feeling pretty good. Felt pretty damn good to me.”

  “You know what I mean.” Emily reached behind her and tried to pull his hand off her back.

  “Yeah. I do.” He readjusted his grip and held her tighter. “I don’t know how many times I have to remind you that Daniel and I weren’t really related.”

  She knew she would never be able to explain to Alan why that night was such a huge mistake and that it had nothing to do with Daniel. Up until the day Miller and Sara got married, every decision she made was based on the hope, the confidence, that Miller would forgive her for leaving. That when the time was right, she’d call him and tell him where she was, and they would be together. After Miller got married, she fell apart. Emily could look back at those few years and imagine her life as a universe filled with bad decisions, each one a black hole from where she collapsed on herself and was crushed under the weight of her own insecurities. How do you tell someone he was a black hole in your life?

  “Seems kinda silly now, doesn’t it?” Alan said. “All those wasted years.”

  “Wasted years? That was a chance encounter that couldn’t have led to anything.”

  “It wasn’t a chance encounter, Emily. I knew where you were.”

  “No you didn’t.”

  “Think about it. Wasn’t it a little too convenient that we happened to run into each other? In Dallas?”

  “How? The only two people who knew where I was were Levi and my grandfather.”

  “Dallas phone book. You may not have told anyone specifically where you were. Everyone knew you lived in Dallas.”

  “My phone wasn’t in my name.”

  “It was under Chester’s. I told you when you were fourteen that you would be my girl one day. I knew that afternoon you knocked me on my ass for kissing you on the cheek that I had to have you. Before I went into the Air Force, I looked you up and waited outside that gated apartment complex I can only guess Chester paid for. Then I followed you to that bar.”

  Emily tried to stifle the shudder that threatened as a chill shot through her. “That’s really creepy.”

  “Some women would say it was romantic.”

  “Women who write love letters to men on death row, maybe.”

  “Okay. You win.” Alan held his hands up in surrender. “I get it, all right? Loud and clear. I would’ve hated myself for not trying. Again. I won’t say nuthin’ else about it.”

  She wasn’t sure. “You did say that when we were kids though.”

  “Good God, Em. I was kidding. I got married a year after that night. Stayed married until last year when my old lady ran off with my kid’s soccer coach. I don’t mean to brag, but I’ve had my fair share of women over the years.”

  “So I’ve heard.”

  “All I’m saying is I haven’t exactly been sitting around here pining for you. If memory serves me right, I saved you from some yuppie prick who was trying to make the move on you.”

  He was right. If he hadn’t followed her to the bar that night and she hadn’t gone to his hotel, she probably would have ended up in bed with a stranger. It was their encounter that showed her that the one-night stands weren’t helping her and things needed to change.

  “I’m sorry. I have a hard time trusting people. I guess I always expect the worst.”

  “You’re safe with me.” He tapped the gun in his holster. “Can’t think of anyone you’d be safer with.” He took her by the hand and led her into Levi’s house. “If you insist on driving Levi’s truck, then we need to go find his keys.”

  Inside the apartment, Emily put a new shirt on Jack and told him to get his Legos together while she got her purse and checked her phone. She had seven missed calls from the same number with a Bokchito area code. Her mom must’ve really needed her.

  “Looks like you need that ride, after all,” Alan said with too much triumph when they couldn’t find Levi’s keys. “Or we could take off our clothes, climb under the covers of that bed in there, and—”

  “Shut up, Alan.” Emily cocked her head at the table where Jack was sitting with his Legos. “There are little ears in this room who don’t need to hear that kind of crap. My father is in ICU, my brother is in jail, and I have no idea what happened between them. All your little come-ons are nothing but a huge pain in my,” she lowered her voice to a whisper, “ass.”

  Alan narrowed his eyes. “You don’t know anything about why your brother beat your dad?”

  “You wouldn’t let me in to see him, remember?”

  “Miller didn’t tell you?”

  “He wouldn’t talk to Miller either.”

  One corner of Alan’s mouth turned up. “Oh. Yeah.”

  “Help me, please. Levi’s car is here…” she said, combing her hand through her still-damp hair. “His keys have to be here somewhere. They could be in the barn.”

  “If they’re in the barn, you’re really outta luck cause that’s a crime scene, remember?”

  “Couldn’t you go check for me?”

  He shook his head. “Don’t even think about it. Official business only.”

  “Since when did you start following the rules?”

  “Since I started paying child support to a cold-hearted bitch who will throw my ass in jail if I miss a payment because I got fired for breaking into a crime scene to look for a set of keys.”

  “Oh. Okay.” She was cornered. There was no other choice. “Guess I’ll take you up on your offer.”

  “Which one?” Alan smirked and reached for her. “The nice one or the naughty one?”


  She slapped his hand. “My God, you’re exhausting. The one where you keep your hands to yourself and I don’t smack the shit out of you.”

  ***

  The ride to the hospital was PG rated. Thankfully, for as much of an ass as Alan was, he must have gotten the message to behave with Jack in the car. He redeemed himself when he offered to watch Jack in the ICU waiting room so she could go visit her mom and dad in her dad’s room, and then again when he crammed his hands into his back pockets and said, “Sorry about all that back at Levi’s. Obviously my wife didn’t leave me because I’m so refined.”

  Emily smiled a little and shrugged. “It’s okay.” She walked down the hall and stood in the doorway to her father’s room. Her mother was listening, eyes closed, to a grim-faced doctor who had his hand on her shoulder. She couldn’t make out what he was saying entirely, though she was pretty sure the words deteriorating condition were used. That was it. Her father was dying. Levi was in big trouble.

  The nurse who was in the room looked up. When their gazes locked, Emily was unsettled by the recognition on the nurse’s face. Did they know each other? They looked pretty close in age, and God knew there were people in town she hadn’t thought of in years or had completely forgotten. Surely there were plenty of people in town who’d forgotten about her too. She’d kind of counted on that. This lady clearly recognized her, knew who she was. This lady was coming to talk to her.

  “Bless your heart,” she whispered as she stepped through the doorway and took Emily’s hand in between hers. “You must be so worried.”

  “Um…yeah. How is he?”

  The nurse glanced through the window briefly. She patted Emily’s hand and said, “It doesn’t look good. It was a pretty bad stroke. Your mom’s having a hard time dealing with the truth. They’d been married for so long, I guess it’s hard for her to imagine her life without him.”

  “I guess so.” It was hard to believe her mom had never imagined her life without her father. Wasn’t that what you did, after all, when your choices started to reap their consequences? Or was she the only person who wondered if any of the choices she didn’t make were the right ones? Had her mom never imagined her life with other consequences?

  “Everyone’s talking about how you’re back in town, you know? Whenever anyone says something I tell ‘em to mind their own business. You did what you had to do, right?”

  This lady knew her, knew her family. Emily had no idea who she was, which made the whole exchange feel awkward. She forced a smile. “I guess I did.”

  “It’s hard to watch, isn’t it?” the nurse said. “How’s Levi?”

  The question stunned Emily. Not only had no one asked her that question, she really didn’t have an answer. “I don’t know. He’s not talking to anyone.”

  “There’s no way he did this. He’s too gentle.”

  Was this nurse a friend of Levi’s? That would explain how she could know her so well without Emily having any recollection of her. Something was off though. This woman was practically hovering. Emily was still trying to decide how to respond when the doctor who was in the room with Emily’s mom looked up. The frown on his face cut a deep line in between his eyebrows. He was about to come out there and give her the same bad news he’d given her mom. She knew it.

  He patted Gail on the shoulder, said something, and then walked to the door. Emily was more than a little relieved when he offered his hand and introduced himself as Dr. Nichols. “Your mom’s not taking good care of herself.”

  “She never has.”

  “She needs to go home and rest.” Dr. Nichols scribbled something on a script pad and handed her a prescription. “Make sure she takes this. Jennifer…” He cocked his head as he addressed the nurse. The scowl was for her, not Emily. “Didn’t I tell you to go back to the office?”

  “I was filling Emily in on her father’s condition.”

  “That’s not your job.”

  “It’s not her fault,” Emily interrupted. “I asked her…Jennifer…for an update,” Emily lied. This lady knew Levi was innocent, and that made her an ally.

  “She’s not even supposed to be here.” Dr. Nichols looked at his clipboard and then his watch. “I have a few more patients to visit, and you have work to do.”

  After Dr. Nichols and his nurse left, Emily went in to her dad’s room. “Mom?”

  “When did you get here?”

  “Just now.”

  “Norman’s getting better.”

  “No. He had a stroke, remember? The doctor says he’s going to get worse, not better.”

  “Did you know we went out to eat last year for our anniversary?”

  “Um…no.” Her mother never could take much stress, but talking about going out to eat for their anniversary? Had she had too much? If so, Emily wouldn’t know because Gail wouldn’t tell her. They didn’t have that kind of relationship.

  “We went to some steakhouse. I wanted to stay home and cook a nice meal. Norman insisted we go out.”

  “It sounds like he wanted to keep you from having to cook.”

  “I like to cook.”

  “Okay. I’m not sure this is the best time to—”

  “It’s ironic, isn’t it? Norman made all the decisions for the past thirty-six years. He couldn’t even let me choose where we would eat for our last anniversary.”

  “I’m sorry, Mom,” Emily said. “I know he can be overbearing.”

  “Now the final decision of his life is up to me. Do you think he would have let me cook dinner if he knew that?”

  “I don’t know, Mom.” First she said he was getting better, and now she was acknowledging the fact that he wasn’t. The doctor was right. She did need to get some rest. Now, on top of everything else, Emily needed to get those pills the doctor prescribed and get her mother home.

  “Do you think he would have made me have the baby if he knew that?”

  “What baby?”

  “Emily,” she said with her eyes fixed on Norman. “Do you think he would have made me have Emily?”

  Emily wanted to run out of the room and get as far away from her mother and father as possible. She already did that once, and it hadn’t solved anything. She liked to think she was a stronger person than she was fourteen years ago.

  “I’m Emily.”

  Gail looked at her and frowned. “When did you get here?”

  “Just now. I told you that.”

  “You look exactly like your father.”

  She took a few steps toward her mother and reached for her. “What do you mean he ‘made’ you have me? You didn’t want me?”

  Gail crossed her arms over her chest, sending a clear signal that she didn’t want Emily to get any closer. “I can’t look at you without seeing him.”

  “The doctor said you need to go home and get some rest.”

  “You should go.”

  “I came to check on you and be with you so you won’t have to be alone. That doctor is very worried about you.”

  “Doctors don’t know everything. I don’t need you here.”

  “Then why did you even call me to come back home to begin with?”

  “Go. Before you find out what kind of a monster your father really is.”

  Emily knew who her father really was. He was a controlling, abusive, self-righteous hypocrite, but she never knew her mother thought that. She always thought her mother was grateful to have someone make her decisions for her and tell her what to do. Between Ma'am and her dad, her mother never had to decide anything for herself.

  “What did Dad do that you don’t want me to find out about?” she asked. “Tell me. Help me understand. You might know something that can help Levi.”

  Gail looked at Emily with vacant, unblinking eyes. “I was going to get out of here, and he made me stay. ‘You’re keeping the baby,’ he said. ‘This child is your punishment.’ Then he came back and we drove her away.”

  “Me? Are you talking about me?” She closed the distance between them, knel
t beside her mother’s chair, and took hold of her chin to force her to look at her. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

  Gail finally blinked. “It’s judgement day.”

  Emily released her mother’s chin, thinking about all those times she wondered why her mother hated her so much. Now she had her answer. Her mother hadn’t even wanted her. She had ruined her life. She left without saying another word and walked back to the waiting room where Alan was sitting on the floor with Jack, who had crawled under one of the chairs. She sat on the floor beside him.

  Jack reached through the legs of a chair and tugged on her shirt. Miller’s shirt. She was still wearing Miller’s shirt. That reminded her of Miller and the way he encouraged her to go with Alan.

  “Whatchya doin’?” she asked, trying to smile.

  “I’m in jail.”

  She looked at Alan out of the corner of her eye. “That’s a bit insensitive, don’t you think?”

  He gave a quick nod toward Jack. “His idea.”

  “I’m in jail, Mom.”

  “Yep,” she sighed. “Seems to be the trend.”

  “How’d it go?” Alan asked.

  “Didn’t.”

  “Wanna talk about it?”

  She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Alan put his arm around her. This time it didn’t feel sleazy. It was actually comforting.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  She shrugged and rested her head on top of her knees. “Something’s wrong with my mom. The things she was saying…I…I never understood why she was so mean to me. Now I know. She hates me. My dad made her have me as some kind of punishment. I don’t even know why she called me to come back here.”

  “Why did you come back?”

  “I thought I could help Levi. How can I help him if he won’t even talk to anyone?”

  “I’m hungry. What about you?”

  “Not really.”

  “When was the last time you ate?”

  “Dinner last night.”

  “Then you’re hungry.” Alan stood up and offered Emily his hand. “Let’s go to lunch.”