Crazy For You
Page 23
Straining to look out the window, she wanted to see if she could see the water. She felt so cold. If she could just see the ocean, but everything was a blur. Except Jerry. While she couldn’t see him clearly, she knew he was there. As long as he was with her, he’d protect her from Frank. “Jerry…” She turned toward him. The fact that she couldn’t see him or anything else was irrelevant. “I’m sorry.” The words caught in her throat and she coughed them away. “Would you tell that to Candy, too?”
“Roxanne…why did you do this?”
“Don’t blame yourself,” she told him. “It’s not your fault that you couldn’t help me.”
“Why couldn’t I?”
“Because…I was crying in the rain.”
“Crying in the rain?”
“Yeah. It’s hard to help someone when you can’t see their tears,” she said. “And nobody saw them because they were hidden by the rain…” Her thoughts trailed off and she stopped talking. It was getting really hard to concentrate. More than anything else, she just wanted to go to sleep. “Jerry…I’m getting sleepy. If I fall asleep, will you wake me when we get to the beach?”
“I will,” he said. “You just rest now.”
So tired now, she rested her head against the window. She’d hoped to stay awake long enough to make it to the beach, but she couldn’t hang on any longer. Her heart broke a little because she’d desperately wanted to see the ocean one last time, but she was quickly slipping into darkness.
In her last seconds of awareness she thought briefly of Frank Garrett….
***
Chapter 24
Rich ushered Candy through the emergency room doors. Frank was sitting alone in the waiting area with his head hung low. He looked like he’d just lost everything that was good in his life. “Frank, how is she?”
Frank slowly lifted his gaze to look at Rich and Candy. He tried to smile but it turned out badly. “I don’t know,” he said. “They’re pumping her stomach right now…but they’ve been doing that for a long time.”
Candy felt for the chair and sat down beside Frank. “She’s going to be okay.” She was near tears. “She has to be okay.”
“I keep trying to tell myself that…but if you’d seen her face.” He shook his head slowly. “She hates me so much. She truly wants to die.”
“This can’t be happening.” Candy sucked in a deep sigh. “What about Frankie? What’s he supposed to do without his mother?” Her tears fell freely.
Rich dropped into the chair beside Candy and pulled her into his arms, trying to offer comfort.
Frank lowered his head and didn’t say anything more. This was all his fault. He was the one who’d convinced her that Frankie was better off without her. Frank could blame it on Jerry all he wanted, but he was the one who’d driven her over the edge.
“Look,” Rich said, “I just know…any minute Jerry’s gonna come out here and tell us she’s okay.”
“Candy, I didn’t want this to happen,” Frank said. “I love her. I do.”
“I know that, Frank.” Candy’s tears spilled down her cheeks. She knew they’d just walked in, but it felt like they’d been waiting an eternity for Jerry to come out and tell them something. Anything. Any news would be a vast improvement over none at all.
Candy leapt to her feet. “Where is Jerry? Why won’t they tell us something?”
As if he’d heard her pleas, Jerry appeared through the double doors marked “authorized personnel only”. The look on his face told Rich the news wasn’t good.
“Here’s Jerry,” Rich said to Candy.
Frank stood and faced Roxanne’s doctor.
“Frank. Candy. Rich.” Jerry hesitated and shook his head. He didn’t understand it. He and the hospital staff had done everything they could possibly think of, but so far none of it had helped Roxanne.
“I don’t want to hear you say that she’s dead,” Frank said. “Don’t you dare tell me she’s dead.”
“She’s not dead,” Jerry said. “But she is in a coma.” The words fell reluctantly from his mouth. “And she’s unresponsive.”
“Okay,” Frank said, hopeful. “When will she wake up?”
“I don’t know, Frank.” Jerry sounded powerless. “I don’t know if she’ll ever wake up.”
“No!” Frank shouted, refusing the diagnosis.
Candy wanted to scream. She drew a breath, but before she could release it she fainted.
Rich was having trouble processing what was happening to Roxanne and his reflexes weren’t quick enough. Candy hit the floor. Hard. Her head bounced off the steel bars securing the chairs to the floor.
Jerry, Rich, and Frank all dropped to her side. Jerry went to work checking her pulse and pulling her eyelids back. “She’s okay.” He sighed his relief. “She only fainted.”
Rich picked her up off the floor.
“Bring her in here.” Jerry led him into the treatment area. “We’ll find an empty bed so she can rest.”
Frank trailed behind them and while Jerry was preoccupied with Candy, he decided to go find Roxanne. He had to talk to her. He had to tell her he was sorry. Desperately Frank searched each room, behind every curtain, until finally he found her in a room all alone.
Slowly he moved toward her. She had tubes in her nose and mouth and an IV in her arm. The sight of it sent chills rushing through his soul. They’d bandaged her forefinger and taped a couple of butterfly strips onto her neck. The heart monitor’s constant beeping would have annoyed Frank had it not been for the fact that it let him know she was still alive. He reached down and caressed her face gently, silent tears slipped from his eyes.
“Roxie…please wake up,” he pleaded with her, even though he didn’t think it’d do any good. “I have to tell you how sorry I am.” Leaning over her, he brushed his lips against her cheek. “I love you,” he whispered. “Don’t you leave me.”
Instantly the heart monitor stopped beeping. Now it was this one long and very frightening alarm. Frank’s heart pounded wildly as he scanned the room. He thought he knew what that sound meant. He just couldn’t accept it.
Medical personnel rushed in and pushed Frank aside. He stood by, watching helplessly as they tried to revive her.
“Get him out of here!” someone yelled.
Directly, a nurse went to his side. “Sir, I’m afraid you’re going to have to wait out in the hall.” She didn’t wait for a response. She escorted him out.
About ten minutes later, Jerry appeared through the double doors a second time. “Frank, I don’t want you to sneak back there again, okay?” Jerry scolded him. “I will let you see her when I know she’s stable.”
“When will that be?” Frank asked, bitter. “Will you ever know if she’s really stable?”
“I’m going to run some tests tonight,” Jerry said. “But I’ll be honest with you...I really don’t know if she’s ever going to wake up. And I’m not very optimistic about it.”
“I’ve got to get out of here.” Frank backed up a couple of steps before turning and storming out. Not knowing where to go or what to do, he went home.
He wanted to go to the condo but Roxanne had rented that place out years ago. He couldn’t go over there in the middle of the night, demanding the tenants vacate. But if he’d thought he could get away with it he would have.
Back at home, Frank sat down on the stairs and rested his head in his hands. This couldn’t be happening. She had to come out of the coma. She just had to. If she didn’t, he didn’t know what he’d do. How would he carry on? How was he supposed to live with himself? Why hadn’t he taken her seriously the first time she’d tried this? If only…
Memories flooded his mind…the first time he saw her. She was so beautiful. And shy. He knew from that moment on she was the woman he wanted to love forever…
And the first time he told her he loved her…“Hell, I’ve tried so hard to write you a song,” he’d said. “And I can’t even come up with the words to express how I feel about you.”...“The on
ly thing I can ever come up with is…I love you!”…
…The first time they made love. She was so ready, willing, and eager that it made him crazy. They were good together. Now that he thought about it, he had to admit they always had been. Nothing or no one could ever make him feel the way she had…
Her birthday, the first one he’d celebrated with her…He’d watched her open the present eagerly. Holding the leather bound thesaurus, she glanced up with tears in her eyes.
“Read what I wrote inside,” he’d encouraged her.
She read his inscription…Dear Roxanne, I just want you to know how much you mean to me. And if writing is your heart’s desire, then consider me standing beside you all the way. I love you with all my heart! Forever, Frank…
Her birthday had just passed. And Frank had missed it. Actually, it was more accurate to say that he just hadn’t cared. Waves of guilt rippled out from his heart.
She was just trying to help you! A little voice inside reprimanded him.
I know, he agreed. I know. But she didn’t know. She had no idea it was wrong. She was only trying to help and he’d condemned her for it. Now he was sorry.
He wanted to condemn her for taking Frankie away, too. Do you really blame her? asked that little voice inside his head.
No. Considering the way he’d treated her, he didn’t blame her at all. Not anymore.
But it was too late. As much as he wanted to believe otherwise, deep down inside he knew better. For as much as he wanted to think she’d be okay, he was afraid that wasn’t going to happen.
Frank went upstairs to their bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed. He saw them lying on the silver tray. The rings he’d given her. He picked them up and was flooded with an overwhelming desire to cry. Looking at the rings in his hand, he didn’t want to acknowledge what that meant. She’d taken them off. Now everything was becoming crystal clear. She wasn’t going to come out of the coma because she didn’t want to. And there was nothing he could do or say to make it right.
If only he could go back and change things. But what would he change? How could he have kept this from happening? He surveyed the room, wondering what he could have done to change the outcome. And then he saw it leaning against the wall.
His guitar.
It was protected within its case, but he knew it was in there. That was the problem. The music was the root of the whole problem. Frank had no delusions that he could change what had happened, but he could rid himself of the problem that had caused the tragedy in the first place.
Tears finally escaped, streaming down his face as he took the guitar out of the case. He had so much guilt and sadness built up inside him, so much sorrow and loss—the loss was the worst of all. With a firm grip he picked up the guitar and let all his frustrations come to a head as he raised it over his shoulder like a bat and spitefully swung it against the wall. The instrument crashed into several broken pieces, leaving Frank standing there with only a portion of the arm remaining in his hands. He’d managed to destroy the guitar but he’d failed to get rid of any of those uninvited emotions that had invaded his soul.
Feeling helpless and out of sorts, Frank slumped to the floor. Rage poured out and he threw the piece of guitar at the wall. Then tears began to drop from his eyes again. “Roxanne…!” he called out her name desperately. “Please don’t leave me? Please don’t go…” his voice trailed off with his tears.
Jerry had put a distraught Candy to bed in the emergency room and given her a sedative. Rich hadn’t left her side during the few hours the drug had induced her to sleep.
When she woke up Roxanne entered her thoughts. “Rocky…” she called out, and the memory of earlier events swept through her mind. “Rich?” Somehow, Candy knew he’d be there.
“I’m here,” he said. “Don’t worry, I’m right here with you.”
“Roxanne. Where’s Roxanne?”
“She’s upstairs,” he said hesitantly. “Baby, there’s been no change.”
And then Candy realized something. She saw Rich standing over her. I can see! Tears warped her restored eyesight. “Oh, God…” her voice cracked.
“Candy,” Rich said fearfully. “Baby, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” She cried until she was almost laughing. “You are a sight for sore eyes.”
“What?” he asked, confused.
“I can see you,” she said. “Plain as day…I can see you.”
At two in the morning, the hard floor woke Frank up. He rolled over and something sharp poked him in the leg. His guitar. Reality came crashing back in as he looked at the shattered guitar scattered around him on the floor. He tightened his fists and felt another poke, this time in his left hand. Roxanne’s rings.
Frank leapt to his feet and ran downstairs. He had to get to the hospital. He had to get to Roxanne.
During the night, she’d been moved to ICU and Jerry had authorized Frank and the others visiting privileges. Finding his way into the hospital’s specialized area, Frank elicited the help of a nurse, who escorted him to Roxanne’s room.
“I guess I don’t have to tell you that this hospital is not to speak to the press about my wife,” Frank said.
“Mr. Garrett,” she responded in a professional manner. “The press will learning nothing of your wife’s condition from us.”
Frank dismissed the nurse’s comments in favor of going into Roxanne’s room. He stopped at her bedside. For the first time in his life he felt like he was totally at someone else’s mercy because he had no control over Roxanne’s situation. He couldn’t ensure her recovery and that left him feeling inadequate and vulnerable. “I’m sorry I left before.” With a one-foot tug, he dragged the nearest chair to her bed and sat down. “But I’m here now. And I won’t leave again.” He took her rings from his pocket and lovingly picked up her left hand. “I brought your rings. I know you were mad at me when you took them off, but I’m going to put them back where they belong.” He slipped them back on her finger. “Roxie…” He wrestled with his emotions. They wanted tears, but he needed to put forth a solid front—for Roxanne. “Baby, if you’ll just wake up,” he bargained with her as if she would hear him. “I’ll fix what’s wrong. I’ll do whatever it takes to fix us. And I’ll never, ever leave you lonely again. I’ll spend the rest of my life proving my love to you.”
He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it and then held it against his cheek. His emotions got the best of him and silent tears spilled down his face.
The door opened, but Frank didn’t move.
Rich and Candy came in. They both looked at Frank—who seemed oblivious to them—and then at each other.
A gentle hand touched Frank’s shoulder. He turned to see who had dared an intrusion.
“You’re not wearing your sunglasses,” Candy said.
“What?” How did she know that?
“Candy can see,” Rich said in a reserved tone.
“You can see?”
“Forget about me,” Candy said. “What can we do to help you?”
“Wake her up.”
“Frank, you know I’d do that if I could. Hell, I’d trade places with her in a minute.”
Trade places? Roxanne’s prayers in the chapel, back when Candy was in the hospital came to mind. “Will you stay here with her?” Frank asked. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Frank went to the hospital chapel, having a few things to say to the man upstairs. He stopped at the same pew where he’d found Roxanne pleading Candy’s case all those months ago. He sat silently for a while, remembering how Roxanne had blamed herself for what had happened to Candy. How she’d asked God to take her instead of Candy. And now, Roxanne was in a coma and Candy’s eyesight had returned. Maybe, just maybe, God was obliging Roxanne.
But that’s absurd. “Seriously now,” he said aloud. “You haven’t done what she’s asked, have you?” His heart pounded wildly. You can’t do this to us. “You can’t do this to our son. He needs his mother.” And so do I.
Rich entered the chapel and walked quietly up to the place where Frank was sitting. “Frank…” He paused until Frank looked at him. “Jerry wants to see us now.”
“Is it Roxanne?”
“I think he’s got some results on the tests he ran.”
For Jerry, facing Frank, Candy, and Rich was a lot like facing a firing squad. In the hallway outside Roxanne’s room, they all stared at him, anxiously hoping for good news. Jerry wished he had some to give them.
“I’ve run every test that’s available,” Jerry said. “And we keep getting back the same results. I have to be honest with you…it doesn’t look promising.” He wished more than anything that he didn’t have to do this. “The amount of drugs she ingested and the amount of time they stayed in her system have rendered her in a deep coma.” Jerry battled his own tears, something that’d never happened to him. He’d never become this emotionally distraught over a patient. “She may come out of it someday,” he tried to sound reassuring. “But at this point…it doesn’t seem likely.”