“Yes, it is,” she said more forcefully, turning back to look at him. “Frankie, I really need to tell you I’m sorry. And I really need you to forgive me.”
“Roxie I would forgive you anything.” He paused, smiling sadly. “You know, Candy once told me that if I was ever lucky enough to have you standing before me again...I should swallow my pride and do my best to convince you that I do love you.”
“After everything I’ve done to you, and after all that’s happened, you can still love me?” A part of her wanted that to be true.
“Yes. We both made a lot of mistakes. But the mistakes you made were not malicious or spiteful toward me.” He looked at her with pleading eyes. “I know now that whatever you did back then, none of it was ever meant to hurt me.”
“I need you to help me. I need you to share with me your memories of us.”
“Well...” He grinned impishly. “My memories may be rather one-sided.”
“That’s a chance I’m willing to take.”
“Then I will try to be as objective as I possibly can.”
“Tell me about when we met?” she asked. “And not some summarized version, either. I want to know everything that happened and don’t leave out a single detail.”
“Okay.” Frank laid his arm on the back of the bench. His hand barely touched her arm, but still, chills rushed through her. “Let’s see…it was a Saturday night and the band wasn’t playing,” he said of Garrett-Hollander. “I was out by myself at this club called The Other Place. It was pretty crowded, but it didn’t take me long to single you out. I watched you for a while before you spotted me. Candy spent most of her time on the dance floor and every so often she’d come over and chat with you briefly.” He smiled, recalling the evening in detail. “After a while, you caught me watching you. And I’ve gotta tell you…when we first looked at each other, something happened.” He paused, as if trying to figure it out. “From that moment on, I’ve never been able to look at another woman without wanting and wishing for you.” Frank had finally confessed something he’d never admitted to anyone, except maybe through his music.
“That’s very flattering.” She turned a vivid scarlet color around her cheeks.
“And true.” He sighed heavily. “You looked away shyly. Before too long Candy was at your side again, so I took the opportunity to move to a different place in the bar undetected. When she went back to the dance floor, you looked back over to where I’d been standing. When you saw I wasn’t there, disappointment spread over your face...and that’s when I knew.”
“That’s when you knew what?” she asked cautiously.
“That you and I were on the same page,” he said. “That’s all the encouragement I needed.”
Roxanne remembered what Candy had said about giving him encouragement. “If you’d seen inside the dining room this evening, you would’ve most likely seen that same look of disappointment on my face.”
“Really?” Frank asked, hopeful.
“Yes.” She was too embarrassed to look at him. “I was hoping to see you at dinner, and I was disappointed when you didn’t show up.”
“I’m sorry.” He found himself apologizing. “I wasn’t avoiding you. I just needed some time to think things through.” He shook his head. “Believe me, it’s a scary feeling when the one you love doesn’t know who you are.”
“I wish I could remember you. I wish I could remember us.” Surely there must have been some love at some point. They did after all conceive a son.
“If you’re willing,” he said. “We can always make new memories.”
“I’m very open to that idea.” She smiled shyly, unable to tear her gaze away. “Normally, I couldn’t admit this to you…but with things the way they are, I’ll tell you that I’m very attracted to you and I find the thought of never seeing you again a little disturbing.”
“Well then...do you think we should take the time to see if our marriage can survive?” he asked with a measure of hope. “I mean, we could start all over again. If you give me a chance, I’ll make you fall for me.”
“If you play your cards right,” she said suggestively, “that might not take much effort at all.”
“That’s what I’m counting on.” He flashed her a genuinely happy smile.
“But you still have to share your memories with me. I want to know what made me fall for you in the first place.”
“I can only give you my view of that.”
“That’s all I’m asking for. You’re the only one who can show me what we shared.” She stared with longing at him. “What was it? What attracted you to me?”
“Have you looked in a mirror?” he asked offhandedly. “I’ll admit, the initial attraction was purely physical.” He let out a little chuckle. “But I guess the attraction was so strong that I kind of became obsessed with possessing you—” He stopped abruptly and cut his eyes to look at her. “But I’m getting ahead of myself...let’s go back to that first night.”
“Yes, lets.”
“Well, like I’ve already said, something happened to me that night. You were different from all the other girls I’d ever known.”
“How so?”
“Well...” He paused, as if thinking about it. “I was used to women going the extra mile to throw themselves at me. And there you were, so shy and reserved.” A haunted smile crossed his face. “You didn’t know I was in a band until I told you. But it was clear beforehand...you liked me. Not the guy who got up on stage and sang a pretty song. You claimed my heart and I was never able to offer any part of it to another soul—until I met Frankie.”
Roxanne looked away. “Do I really deserve to be loved so much?” The misery of not being able to remember haunted her.
“You’ve never done anything to not deserve it.”
“I hid your son from you,” she reminded him. “And worse yet, I let someone else publicly claim to be his father,” she added with a measure of self-condemnation in her tone.
“It really wasn’t as hateful as it sounds.”
“You’re awfully forgiving. How did we ever part?”
“My crime is not seeing then what I see now.”
“Well maybe this time we’ll both learn from our mistakes,” she said, hopeful.
“I know I have.”
“Candy says you’re the reason I wanted to stay in Tampa all those years ago.”
“Oh, God...” He sighed, remembering the anguish he’d felt when he learned she was only visiting the city. “When you told me you didn’t live in Tampa, I thought I was gonna die.” He laughed at himself. “I took a big chance in not pursuing you too heavily that night.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I think we could’ve slept together that night if I’d pressed the matter,” he speculated. “But there was also a chance I could’ve scared you away. So in the end, I just let you know I really wanted to see you again and asked you to call me, even if it was only to say goodbye.”
“So I called?” she asked, enjoying the story.
“Not for about two weeks.” He snorted. “That was the worst two weeks of my life. I spent the entire time replaying every second of the night we met, trying to figure out where I’d gone wrong.”
“Two weeks...?” Roxanne didn’t understand her own actions. “Why did I wait so long?” she asked no one in particular.
“I think it probably had something to do with the fact that you were looking for a place to live. You bought a condo and settled in during that time.”
“Well thank God you didn’t blow me off!” She gasped, feeling a shiver of panic. “Especially after I waited so long to call you.”
Frank could only laugh at the absurdity of that idea. He could have sooner stopped breathing than blow her off. “You and I were inseparable from that day on.”
“It sounds like we were really happy.”
“We were.” Frank’s gaze traveled over Roxanne. She looked tired. “It’s getting late. Do you want to go in?”
�
�I am a little tired,” she said reluctantly. “Maybe we should call it a night.” She drew a breath. “This won’t end here. Tonight. Will it?”
“It’ll never end,” he said with certainty. “Not even your lapse of memory can stop it…don’t you see? You and I…we were meant to be.”
Frank knew it was true because he’d seen it in her eyes. That same look from such a long time ago. Finally, the look of fear was gone. It’d been replaced with the look of love.
Frank walked Roxanne to her bedroom door. “I cannot begin to tell you how happy I am to have you standing here before me,” he said.
“Thank you.” She smiled. “As it turns out...it hasn’t been nearly as scary as I’d imagined.”
“You have nothing to fear from me.”
“Do you think we should take Frankie home tomorrow? I mean, it would probably be better for him if we all went home, don’t you think?” Nerves had her rambling. “I know we have some things to work on…but we can do that just as easily at home, right?”
“Yes.” He nodded. “It would probably be better for all of us if we just went home. Shall I make the arrangements first thing in the morning?”
“Yes. Let’s go home.”
Frank couldn’t believe his luck. After everything he’d done to her, she still wanted to go home with him.
She couldn’t remember the things that had happened between them. But she wanted to go home, mainly because she figured that’s where she was supposed to be. Frank couldn’t agree more.
The next day the entire party, including Jason and Jerry, headed back to Tampa. But Jerry wasn’t quite ready to turn Roxanne over to Frank Garrett. Not totally. Not yet. Sure, Candy believed Frank’s intentions were honorable, but Jerry wanted proof. Even though neither Frank nor Candy had exactly jumped up and down to welcome Jason and Jerry to accompany the family back home, they went anyway.
Once back home in Tampa, Roxanne breathed a sigh of relief after learning that Candy and Rich lived next door. It made her rest a little easier knowing Candy was so close.
Frank moved his things out of their bedroom and into Candy’s old room. He knew it was better for the both of them if he gave her the time and the privacy she needed. Just like before, he needed to give her the opportunity to fall in love with him before he attempted to sleep with her.
It didn’t take Roxanne long to realize they’d returned home a few days before Thanksgiving. Right away she wanted to talk to Frank about the dinner. Surprisingly, she found him in her study. A puzzled look crossed her face over finding him sitting at what was supposed to be her desk.
“What’s wrong?” Quickly, he got up and moved around to the front of the desk. “Are you okay? Is there anything I can get you?”
“Do you write too?” Roxanne asked curiously.
“No.” He chuckled. “Well, songs. I write songs. I used to anyway.”
“And you don’t anymore?” She sat down on the edge of the desk.
“No.” He leaned against the desk and crossed his arms over his chest.
“Why not?”
“Because I can’t.”
“You can’t?” she asked. “Or you won’t?”
“Both,” he said. “See, Roxie, I figured out that it was the music that destroyed you. You felt like I chose music over you. I won’t let that happen again.” He shrugged and shook his head. “This time I won’t make the same mistake.”
“Thanksgiving is in a few days.” She wanted to change the subject for now.
“Do you want to have a dinner?”
“Yes. I’d like that. We can invite Candy and Rich.” She paused, gathering the nerve to discuss Garrett-Hollander. “Where’s the rest of the band? Do you want to invite them?”
“That’s not necessary,” he said shortly.
“But aren’t they your friends? Why would you exclude them from the day?”
“I don’t want to put too much on you.” He easily explained it away. “Although—” A cynical inner voice cut through his thoughts. “Glenna’s probably anxious to see for herself that you’re okay.”
“Glenna?” Roxanne had no recollection of Glenna.
“She’s married to Glen. He’s the band’s drummer. And you and Glenna were pretty good friends.” He hesitated, clearly uncomfortable talking about his former colleagues. “I think the rest of the guys are probably in Europe.”
“Well…we have to invite Glen and Glenna.”
“Okay.” Frank willingly agreed. He was prepared to do whatever it took to make Roxanne happy.
Of course, he knew he couldn’t give her what she really wanted—her memories. Or her ability to retain information about the past. He’d lost count of how many times they’d talked about Glen, Glenna, and the rest of the band. But even the idea of what she’d lost was fleeting, and she had a hard time retaining the facts within the recesses of her mind. Jerry had warned him that her ability to hold on to the information about her lost years would be a constant and repetitious learning experience.
After a week of repetitious learning about her connection with Glenna, Roxanne decided she owed her old friend an apology. A big one. She planned to do just that on Thanksgiving Day.
Finally, the day came, and Roxanne quickly pulled Glenna aside, Can I talk to you?”
“Roxie, you don’t know how happy I am to see you.” Glenna followed Roxanne into the room that housed her piano.
“I wish I remembered you.” A cold knot formed in Roxanne’s stomach. Sometimes she felt like everybody was keeping secrets behind her back, even though no one had done anything to warrant such feelings.
“Nothing sparks for you, huh?”
“No.” Exasperation washed over Roxanne. “And it’s not likely that anything ever will.” It wasn’t the questions she was growing tired of, so much as having no means to rectify the problem. “But that’s not why I wanted to talk to you,” she said, getting back on track. “I need to apologize to you.”
“Apologize to me...whatever for?” Glenna asked, almost laughing. “You don’t even remember me.”
“True. But I still know what I did to you.” Roxanne sucked in a breath and swallowed her pride. “I lied to you. I told you something that was entirely untrue. In the process, I made a lot of people mad at you. And for that, I’m truly sorry.”
“Yes.” She nodded. “But I chose to believe your lie, when deep down inside I knew it couldn’t possibly be true. And besides…you’ve already apologized for that, and I’ve already accepted...so, there’s really no need for any more apologies.”
Later that evening, after the sun had long since disappeared, their friends had gone home and Frankie was tucked safely in bed, Roxanne and Frank lounged lazily out by the pool in a double lawn chair.
“Today was a good day, don’t you think?” It was more of a statement than a question for Roxanne.
“Yes, I think it went very well.”
“You know I’m going to grill you some more, don’t you?”
“Grill away,” he coaxed her. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”
“Well,” she hesitated, a little embarrassed. “I’m going to get a little personal here.”
“Okay,” he said cautiously.
“I want to know about the first time you and I had sex.”
“We did not have sex,” he corrected her. “It was so much more than that.”
“Really...?” Frankly, she was astonished to hear a man say that. “Well enlighten me then,” she said in a half-teasing way.
“I guess you want every little detail too?”
“Each and every one.”
“Well...it was the fourth of July and that was the day I told you I was in love with you.”
“So...I suppose I said I loved you too?”
“Yes.” A smile turned up one corner of his mouth. “As a matter of fact you did. That was also the day you told me about Chuck.”
“Why did I wait so long to tell you about him? What is it with me and not being forthcoming
with information?” The whole notion troubled her.
“Roxanne…if you want me to keep telling you about the things that happened between us...you’re going to have to stop condemning yourself for the things you did back then.”
“I’m sorry.” Her apology was riddled with her frustration. “I just don’t understand how I could do the things I did to you. Jesus...I was supposed to love you.”
“You did love me,” he said.
“I really don’t mean to upset you. I’ll try not to do it again.”
“Roxie,” he started to object. “I don’t want you to be afraid of upsetting me. You’re not upsetting me. I just hate to see you condemning yourself when there’s really no reason.”
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