CONVICTION (INTERFERENCE)

by Kimberly Schwartzmiller

  “I do like you. I like you so much that it scares me.”

  “I’m not afraid of you.”

  “Are you afraid of Parker?”

  “No. I mean, he scared me when he tried to kiss me, but he’s harmless.”

  “No, he’s not, Rebecca. And now he’s going to try to do more than just kiss you. You need to be careful.”

  “You said that before. Why?” I asked, confused.

  “Because, now he thinks he’s in competition with me. I’m sure he thinks that I’m going to have what he believes is rightfully his.”

  “I’m not his. I never was. Besides, I already told him you and I are together. It’s not a secret.”

  “Rebecca, I wasn’t talking about him being jealous of us dating…”

  “Then, what?”

  “I’m sure he thinks I’m after…more,” he said, looking away.

  I blushed again. “Oh, well…that’s none of his business. But, um, I’m not really…ready…yet.”

  “I know you’re not. And, just so you know…I won’t touch you until you’re at least 18.”

  I swallowed hard. I knew I wasn’t ready for sex just yet, but I was hoping we’d work our way up to it…slowly; but not that slowly. “That’s not for fifteen months,” I said.

  “I just want to be with you. I can wait.”

  “What if I can’t?” I said, boldly.

  He looked me in the eyes and said, “Then we have to end it now. I will not touch you until you’re at least 18, Rebecca.”

  He said it with such conviction. I knew it was pointless to argue with him at that time. I finally said, “I’ll take you however I can get you.”

  He smiled and touched my cheek, which shot electricity through my entire body. I shivered at his touch and knew it was going to be a long fifteen months.

  Boyfriend vs. Best Friend

  Jillian was back. I’d managed to spend two wonderful weeks with Shane without the interference of my best friend. I had to admit I was instantly irritated with her the second I saw her. We had grown up together and had been friends for as long as I could remember. But, over the years, her attitude had gone from one of carefree and funny, to unforgiving and harsh. She was critical of everything and everyone.

  “We had the best time! You should be so jealous! I mean, nothing can compare with Aspen!” she rambled on at lunch.

  I glanced across the street and knew she was wrong. Aspen couldn’t compare with the feelings I had for Shane. I was daydreaming, and staring at the tire store for a glimpse of the man I had totally fallen for.

  “Earth to Becca!” she shouted. “What’s wrong with you?”

  I decided to just blurt it out. The last two weeks had been the best days of my life and I wanted to share it with my best friend. But I knew she’d turn her nose up at him, and just thinking about it put me on the defensive. Here goes nothing. “Nothing’s wrong. Everything’s…perfect!” I grinned, hoping she’d ask for details.

  “So, then what did you do while I was away? I hope you didn’t sit around moping the entire two weeks, again!”

  “No, I didn’t. Actually…”

  “Good, because you know it’s the only time we’re ever really separated. So, what did you do while I was in Aspen?” she asked.

  “I fell in love.” There I said it, out loud, and it felt great!

  “What do you mean, you fell in love? With whom?”

  “Do you remember the guy…?”

  “It’s not Parker? Oh, of course it’s not Parker. You hate Parker.”

  “I don’t ‘hate’ Parker, but it’s not…”

  “No, don’t tell me. I want to guess. Um, is it Ted Jamison? No, wait, it’s got to be Josh Cartwright. That’s it huh, it’s Josh…?”

  “No, it’s…”

  “NO! I told you, I want to guess. Rick Blakely? He’s always had a thing for you,” she finally stopped talking, certain she had it all figured out.

  “Are you done?”

  She nodded, but was eagerly awaiting my confirmation of her latest guess.

  The bell rang, and she said, “Well, am I right? Come on, spill it!”

  I decided to keep her in suspense a little longer. “I’ll see you after school. You can meet him then.”

  “Meet him? Don’t I already know him?”

  “Well, sort of. See you after seventh.”

  “Hi, are you ready to go?”

  We’d been dating for over two weeks now and yet he still took my breath away and triggered that unstoppable blush whenever I saw him. “Yes, almost. I wanted to introduce you to Jillian…” I said, knowing he was less than thrilled with the idea of my friend being back from vacation.

  But, true to form, and his ever-present good nature, he smiled and nodded and waited for the inevitable. He knew she was going to hate him. He wasn’t wrong.

  “So, who…?” she stopped when she saw us talking.

  “Jillian, we were waiting for you. This is…”

  “You’re that guy from the mall!” she said with a grimace.

  “Jillian, this is Shane. Shane, Jillian,” I said, hoping to shut her up.

  “Can I talk to you for a minute?” she asked, ignoring Shane completely.

  I looked up into his eyes and knew I had nothing to hide from him.

  “I’ll wait for you over…” Shane said.

  “No, stay.” I turned to my best friend of 13 years and said, “Jillian, Shane and I are dating. We’ve been dating since…well, since you left.”

  “Casual fling?” she snapped, evidently irritated by my use of the word dating.

  “Jillian, please be nice.”

  “Nice? Why should I be nice about you dating…him? He’s…”

  “STOP! He’s wonderful, and kind and caring.”

  “Yeah, until he’s tired of using you!”

  I took a deep breath. “Jillian, we’ve been friends for 13 years, and I’ve always over-looked your pretentious, over-bearing attitude. But, if you want to continue our friendship, then you need to adjust your attitude, or we’re done.” It needed to be said, and I knew that she’d probably storm off, telling me we were through, but she’d come around in a day or two and we’d make up and eventually she’d accept Shane. But, I already knew that even though I hated the thought of losing my best friend, if push came to shove, I’d stand by Shane. And, as I stood there staring into my best friends eyes, defending him, that’s when I knew I was madly in love with him.

  “You can’t be serious! You’re willing to throw away our friendship over some guy you met at the mall? Some guy who’s just trying to get into your pants?”

  “Jillian, I’m not out to hurt Rebecca.”

  “Don’t call me Jillian. You don’t know me!”

  “JILLIAN!” I shouted.

  “What? You expect me to just keep quiet and not tell you you’re making a mistake? His friend ripped you off! It was a set up.”

  “It wasn’t a set up. Shane made him give the card back.”

  “Yes, it was. I’m not stupid. He brought it back to get to you. You’re blind if you think this guy cares about you. Get over him, he’s bad news!”

  “I can’t get over him, Jillian. I love him.”

  She looked at me like I had three heads. She threw up her hands and stormed off without another word.

  I closed my eyes and turned toward him. “I’m sorry.”

  “I’m not,” he said, staring at me strangely.

  “But, she was so rude…mean! How can you not be angry?”

  “Did you really just say that? Did you really just tell your best friend that you…love me?”

  I blushed. “Yeah, I guess I did.” I looked down, embarrassed.

  “Did you mean it?”

  I looked him in the eye and said, “Of course. I wouldn’t have said it if it wasn’t true. I thought you knew that. How could you not know that?”

  “Because you never told me.”

  “I guess I thought you could see it, feel it. I thought it
was implied.” I was shaking now, worried that I had scared him off. “It’s okay if you don’t feel that way about…me.”

  He didn’t say anything for a few minutes. He just stared at me. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore and said, “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I really thought you knew. I’m sorry if I shocked you.” I looked down and then started to head toward my car, hoping…praying he’d follow.

  He reached out his hand and grabbed my arm gently, but firmly, and turned me back to face him. When I refused to look at him, he gently cupped my chin in his hand and lifted my face up to look at him. There were tears in my eyes and I tried to blink them away, but they managed to escape anyway. He reached out and gently wiped them away with his thumb and said, “Rebecca, you did shock me. You surprised the hell out of me. I just never dreamed you’d say it…first.”

  “What?” I asked, the tears more prevalent now.

  “I love you, too. More than anything.”

  I was so relieved. My legs turned to jelly and suddenly I found myself wrapped in his arms, holding onto him for support.

  It was the first and only physical contact we’d shared, other than the few, brief, failed attempts I’d made at hand-holding. I know it was me that initiated the hug, but I think he knew I needed it, so he allowed it…for a minute, anyway. But it wasn’t long before he pulled away and led me to my car.

  I thought for sure that now that we’d both confessed our mutual love for each other, he’d ease up on his strict rule of ‘never laying a hand on me.’ I was wrong!

  Mom…and Uncle Brent?

  “Mom, how old were you when…I mean, when did you know…?” I stuttered and stammered and couldn’t get the sentence out. I needed advice, and since my best friend had pretty much avoided any conversation that even involved Shane, I knew I had to look elsewhere for help. And, elsewhere was standing in the kitchen doing dishes.

  “What are you asking, Rebecca?” she asked, turning to look at me from the sink.

  I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t bring myself to ask my mother about her and my father’s love life. “Nothing, never mind.”

  “Honey, what’s bothering you?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Something’s bothering you. It’s been bothering you for a while now. What is it? Are you still nervous about your valedictorian speech? It’s perfect!”

  “I’m nervous, yes, but, I told you, it’s nothing. Goodnight.” I headed upstairs to my room to get ready for bed.

  I did my nightly rituals, slipped into my nightgown and climbed into bed and sighed. I had just spent another wonderful, but extremely frustrating evening with Shane. I loved spending time with him. I loved him. But, he’d been my boyfriend for over four months now, and he hadn’t even so much as kissed me. I know he felt guilty about the girl from his past, but we loved each other and I, for one, needed to express it…physically. But, he refused all of my advances, gently reminding me that we agreed to wait until I was at least 18. I reminded him that I didn’t agree to that rule, but he was steadfast in his convictions, and all of my pleading fell on deaf ears.

  My mother knocked on my door a few minutes later. “Becca, Honey, are you still awake?”

  I sat up, “Yeah, Mom. What’s up?”

  “That’s what I want to know,” she said, sitting down beside me on my bed. “You seem so worried or upset about something. If it’s not your speech, then what is it? You’re graduating high school in three days. You should be having the time of your life right now, but you don’t seem…happy.”

  “I’m happy! I’m very happy.”

  She brushed my hair back from my face. “Okay, maybe happy not’s the right word. You’ve been very happy since you started dating Shane. But, something is definitely bothering you. You started to ask me something downstairs. What was it?”

  I blushed, remembering the fleeting moment when I started to ask my mother when she and my dad first had sex. I looked down, not sure how to get out of this one.

  “Honey, whatever it is, you can tell me. You can tell me anything.”

  “It was nothing, really. I just…” I couldn’t do it.

  “Rebecca, Honey, are you pregnant?” she closed her eyes and I could see she was having a difficult time not crossing herself in prayer. She was silently praying she was wrong…which, of course, she was.

  “No! Trust me, you’re way off!”

  I could see her breathing returning to normal and I know she silently gave thanks to God that she wasn’t going to be a grandmother just yet. “Okay, good. I’m sorry, it’s just, well you’ve been so distant lately. Is everything alright with you and Shane? You didn’t break up with him, did you?”

  “Do you think I’d be this calm if I broke up with my boyfriend? Mom, I love Shane…and before you tell me I’m too young to know what love is…”

  “I wasn’t going to tell you that. I see how you two look at each other. I know you love each other. So, what’s bothering you?”

  “If I ask you something, will you try not to read more into it than there is?”

  “I can try.”

  I took a deep breath. “How long did you and daddy date before…I mean, did you wait…until you were married?”

  She thought about it for a minute and said, “Yes. We waited…until our wedding night.”

  “Oh. Okay. How long did you date before you got married?”

  “Not quite a year. We were just friends at first.” She smiled and patted my hand. “What’s this about, Honey? Is Shane pressuring you?”

  “I wish!” I said it before I could stop myself.

  “What does that mean?”

  “Nothing. No, he’s not pressuring me. He um, he wants to wait…until I’m at least 18,” I admitted to my mother.

  “And, I’m guessing you don’t want to wait?”

  I thought about it for a minute and said, “Would it be terrible if I said no?” I blushed again and looked down and played with a piece of thread on my bedspread.

  “Rebecca, it’s not wrong to want to have a physical relationship with someone you love. Not that I’m pushing you into it, mind you. I just want what’s best for you.”

  “Shane’s what’s best for me. I love him, and I know he loves me. It’s just…I feel like whenever I talk to him about it, he shuts me out. It’s like, he doesn’t want me…that way.”

  “Oh Honey, I’m sure that’s not it. He’s very protective of you. Maybe he just doesn’t think you’re ready, yet. Or, maybe he’s not ready. Maybe he’s never…”

  I looked up at her with eyes that said she was wrong about that one.

  “Oh, I see. Well, maybe he’s just waiting for the right time.”

  “Wow, I thought you’d be angry with me. It’s just, well, I love him…and, I know we should wait, but I guess I’m not as strong as you. He’s driving me crazy. ”

  “Honey, I’m going to tell you something no one else knows…well, besides your father…and your uncle.” She took a deep breath and said, “Before I dated your father, I dated…Uncle Brent.”

  “What? No way!”

  “Yes, I did. In fact, that’s how I met your father…through Brent. Brent was so handsome…gorgeous, really.”

  “EW! Gross!”

  “I’ll show you pictures of him when he was young, you’d be surprised. He’s changed…a lot. But, back then…I found him very hard to resist.” She took a deep breath and said, “In fact, I found him so hard to resist, that I didn’t.”

  “What?”

  “I slept with your Uncle Brent. It was long before your father and I started dating. It was just one night…and honestly, I regret it. But not because I wasn’t married to him, but because I knew that I didn’t really love him, I just loved the thought of him. He was a ‘bad boy,’ or so I thought, and I just couldn’t help myself. Do you understand?”

  “Not really,” I said, seeing a whole new side to my mother.

  “He was very attractive, but, as you know, he’s not the sharpest too
l in the shed. It was lust Rebecca, not love. So, when you’re father and I started dating, I told myself that I was going to wait to get to know him before we…became intimate. But, I fell in love with him so fast and so hard, that I didn’t want to wait. But, you know your father, and when he gets something in his mind, there’s no changing it. He refused to touch me until our wedding night…and I’m sure you don’t want to hear this, but, he was worth the wait.”

  “Double EW!”

  She smiled and said, “Nevertheless, my point is, that even though your father gives Shane a hard time, they’re alike in a lot of ways. Give him time, Honey. Trust me, it’ll be worth the wait.”

  “You and…Uncle Brent?” I was still reeling from that bit of news.

  She laughed and left the room for a minute, promising to quickly return. She sat back down on the side of the bed and handed me a picture.

  “Is that…?”

  “I told you, he was gorgeous.”

  “Wow, I would have never guessed in a million years that was him.” I handed the picture back to her and said, “Well, he may have been gorgeous back then, but you still got the better brother. Dad’s great, and I’m happy to say he’s certainly aged much better than Uncle Brent.”

  “Definitely. So, did I help you at all?”

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  “Honey, give him time. I told you…it’ll be worth the wait. And, with Shane, you get the best of both brothers rolled into one. Looks and brains.”

  I smiled at her. “I know, that’s what makes him so hard to resist. It wouldn’t be so bad if he’d just show me some affection.”

  “He’s very affectionate. He’s always doing little things for you, fussing over you…”

  “That’s not what I mean. He’s always considerate and he does do nice things for me but…”

  “But, what?”

  “He won’t hug me or hold my hand…”

  “Some guys just don’t feel comfortable showing that kind of affection around other people or in public.”

  “Mom, he won’t do it in private, either.” I looked down. “He hasn’t even…kissed me yet.”

  “What?”

  “It’s true…not once.”