“And that I love you. And that we’re…waiting,” I said, half-heartedly.
“And your mom?”
“Well, she’s a bit more…unconventional…I guess.”
“What does that mean?”
I wasn’t sure how to tell him about my being on birth control without sounding guilty. It wasn’t my idea, but I wasn’t sure he’d believe me.
“Don’t get mad, okay? It wasn’t my idea.”
“What wasn’t your idea?”
I took a deep breath and said, “My mom took me to the doctor…”
“Were you sick?”
“No, and I didn’t want to go. I didn’t need to go, but she didn’t believe me.”
“Rebecca, what are you talking about?”
“Birth control.”
“What?” he asked, shaking his head in utter confusion.
“She made me go to the doctor for birth control. I got a shot two days ago. And I have to get one every 12 weeks.”
He put on his socks without saying a word.
“Shane, it wasn’t my idea. I didn’t ask for it. I know how you feel. But, when she saw us kissing, she assumed…that now, you’d want…more. I told her you wouldn’t change your mind…”
“She’s right, Rebecca. I do want more.”
“What?” I asked, not sure I heard him right.
He sat up and kissed me again, softly. “I’m not saying now. It’s just…”
I looked up into his eyes, “It’s just, what?” I asked, praying I’d heard him right.
“It’s just, I kissed you, and it’s all I’ve thought about since that night.”
“It’s all I’ve thought about, too. And, you know how I feel.”
“I know. And I’ve always been the first to say with absolute certainty that we have to wait. But, I’ve waited two weeks just to kiss you again. I love you, Rebecca. I don’t think I can wait ten months to show you how much.”
“You mean it?” I asked, a thrill shooting through me.
“I’m not saying today, tomorrow or even next week. I’m just saying that I love you, and we’ll know when the time’s right. No more time-lines, okay?”
I nodded, and pulled him to me for another kiss. “I love you, Shane. I’ve missed you so much.”
His breathing was a bit erratic as he said, “Yeah, well, we better go.”
“Where are we going?”
“Somewhere…less private.”
I rolled my eyes and said, “As long as we’re together, I don’t care where we are.”
It was the end of summer, and things were wonderful. Shane went with me to sign up for my classes at the university and he signed up for a couple of night classes. I wanted to study marine biology. So, we were able to take a few core classes together. I was thrilled.
My father had managed to call a truce with Shane and I finally felt comfortable when we were all together and I no longer had to worry about my parents’ approval. My mother loved him, my sister had a huge crush on him and my dad was even willingly spending time with him. Everything was perfect.
Even my relationship with Jillian was a little better. She and Parker were still dating and we’d been out with them a few times. Parker seemed happy with Jillian and that made Shane happy, although he said, on numerous occasions, that Parker was only waiting for him to screw up so that he could get me back.
“He never had me, so how could he get me back?”
“Don’t be fooled by him, Rebecca. I’m not.”
“Well, I love you, so he can’t fool me. I don’t know what Jillian sees in him, but hey, as long as they’re happy.”
He smiled at me, but it was a look that said there was obviously more to Jillian and Parker than met the eye.
We had spent the day at the beach and we were planning on going out to dinner. But, I had other plans. My parents were out of town, and I planned on breaking the ‘upstairs is off-limits’ rule, but I knew I was in for a fight.
He took me home and we both showered and got ready to go out. I met him at the bottom of the stairs thirty minutes later. He looked so gorgeous standing there, dressed in a pair of jeans that hugged him in all the right places. I looked at him and blushed. He knew I liked those jeans and I knew he’d worn them only to see me blush.
“You’re not dressed,” he said when he saw me standing there in my robe.
“I wanted to see what you were wearing first. Come upstairs…”
“No!” he said, shaking his head.
“Just to help me pick out something to wear. My parents are in Las Vegas. It’s okay. No one will ever know.”
“No, Rebecca. I’ll know. I promised your father that I would stay on the bottom floor. I’m not breaking that promise.”
I sighed. “Okay, you stay there, and I’ll try on a few things.”
He nodded, but didn’t budge from the bottom of the stairs.
“Mom got me some new clothes…again. I really should be grateful, and I guess I am, but she doesn’t need to spend so much money. How’s this?” I asked, standing at the top of the stairs wearing a dark blue dress.
“It’s great. Come on, we’re going to be late.”
“You have to choose!” I said, heading back to my room and changing into a red, strapless dress with a rather revealing neckline. I had always tried to hide my cleavage. I hated my breasts for the simple reason that men always found them so fascinating. I hated it when they talked to my chest. But, Shane was different, and suddenly I thought I could use what God gave me.
“What do you think?”
He glanced up at the top of the staircase and I watched his eyes almost pop out of his head. “Too much?” I asked with a sheepish grin.
“Um, what?”
“Is it too much…for tonight?”
He stared me up and down and said, “Um, no, actually, it’s not enough. Wear the first one,” he stammered. “I’m going to get something to drink. Want something?”
“Yes,” I said, but it wasn’t a drink that I wanted.
“Okay, meet me in the kitchen.”
“Okay.”
I went back to my room and slipped into one more outfit. I looked in the mirror and took a deep breath. “You love him. You can do this.”
I headed downstairs and into the kitchen.
“Oh, you’re ready to go,” he said, reaching out to hand me a bottle of water. “Isn’t it a little warm for such a heavy jacket?” he asked when he noticed I was wearing my full-length winter coat at the end of August.
“I um, I just wanted to show you one more outfit.”
“Rebecca, you always look beautiful. Nothing you wear could possibly make you more beautiful than you are.”
I took a deep breath and untied the long jacket, letting it fall to the ground. The black lace bra and panties stood out in bold contrast to my very fair skin and long blond hair.
I heard him gasp. “Oh Damn! I stand corrected,” he said. His breathing was coming in short, quick breaths. He stepped back, staring at me, obviously torn between his self-imposed rules and physical desire. “You um, you can’t…I mean, that’s not…you can’t wear that to dinner.”
“The only thing I’m hungry for…is you,” I said, taking a few steps toward him, but not as fast as he was peddling backwards, while fighting with his conscience.
“Rebecca…Oh, God, stop…please.”
“I don’t want to stop. I love you.”
“I know. I love you, too. I don’t feel right…here.”
“Okay, then where?”
He picked up my jacket and wrapped it around me. He took a few cleansing breaths and said, “We’re going out to dinner…that’s all.”
He closed his eyes, trying to regain his composure, and it was at that moment that I knew my mother was absolutely right. I did have all the power! I dropped the jacket again and wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down to kiss me. He started to say no, but I didn’t give him the option. Our lips met and soon his arms were wrapped around me
, his warm hands caressing my mostly naked back.
“Shane, come with me,” I said, grabbing his hand and leading him out of the kitchen. He followed along silently…obediently. The only sound was his ragged breath as he watched my half-naked form lead him to the forbidden staircase.
He hesitated at the bottom, knowing that if he followed me, he’d not only be breaking a rule, but a promise.
“Rebecca…”
“It’s okay. I love you…I need you,” I said, pulling him along.
I had him half-way up the stairs and I thought I’d won, but as I looked back at the man I loved more than anything, I realized by the tortured look on his face that what I was doing to him was wrong. I had him right where I wanted him, but as I looked into those perfect steel gray eyes, I knew I couldn’t go through with it.
I sighed and stopped. I turned so that I was facing him and said, “Shane…”
“What?” he said, still taking short ragged breaths.
“You don’t want to do this…do you?”
“What I want and what I think is right are two different things at this particular moment.”
“So, what do you want to do? It’s your choice. I don’t want to force you.”
“I want you!” he said with such conviction, that I almost attacked him right there, in the middle of the staircase.
I took control of my own breathing and said, “But, you’ll still feel guilty in the morning, won’t you?” I asked, wishing I didn’t already know the answer.
“It’s taken me a long time to earn your father’s trust.”
“He won’t know,” I said, pointlessly giving it one, last-ditch effort.
“I will.”
I took a deep breath and grabbed his hand and led him back downstairs. I walked over and picked up my jacket and draped it around me.
“I’ll be right back,” I said as I walked up the stairs, leaving him standing at the bottom of the forbidden stairs, more confused than before.
I came back down a few minutes later wearing jeans and a blouse. “Okay, let’s go.”
He closed the door silently and we headed to Red Lobster for dinner.
“Rebecca?”
“Yeah?” I said, lost in thought.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For not giving you what you wanted tonight. Please believe me, it’s not because I don’t want you.” He closed his eyes and added, “You have no idea how much I want you. It just…it has to be right…perfect.”
I nodded and smiled. “Perfect for both of us. I’m sorry that I…I’m sorry.”
“I’m not. Now I have another image to commit to memory.”
“Image?” I asked.
“Yeah, I have a lot of pictures of you. You saw some of them in my room at Blake’s that day.”
“But, you don’t have a picture of me dressed…like that.”
“I don’t need an actual picture, trust me, it’s ingrained in my memory.”
I blushed and we quietly finished our dinner, both thinking of what we ‘could’ have been doing at that moment...
We pulled into the driveway and I noticed the garage was open and my parents’ car was parked inside.
I looked at Shane and a chill shot through me. “Oh, thank God for your conscience!”
He was speechless. I could see the wheels turning in his head. We would have been caught…in bed…by my parents!
We both took a deep breath and he slowly got out of the car and walked around to let me out and walk me to the door.
“Okay, you have to stop blushing now. It’s okay, we didn’t do anything…”
“I know,” I said, looking up at him longingly.
“What?” he asked.
As I looked into his eyes I said, “I’ll bet it would have been worth it.”
“I have no doubt…” he said and leaned down to kiss me.
The door burst open and Shane pulled away, immediately apologizing to my father.
“Um, come inside. Both of you. We need to talk to you, Rebecca.”
“Maybe I should go,” Shane said, knowing this was family business.
“No, you can stay. I think she might need you,” my father said.
“Dad, what’s wrong?” I asked, and as I looked up to the top of the stairs, I knew what was wrong. I knew we were both dead…and for nothing. I remembered I left the black underwear on the floor next to my unmade bed. I knew we were about to be punished, forced apart…when we hadn’t actually even been together…
I started to apologize and tell them it wasn’t true when I saw my mother come into the room with red, swollen eyes. “Mom, what’s wrong?” I asked.
“Hi Honey. Um, why don’t you sit down? Shane you sit next to her, okay?”
“Mom? What’s wrong and what are you guys doing home?”
“Um, it’s your grandmother, Honey.”
“Nana?”
“Yeah, um, she had a heart attack this afternoon.”
“Oh, no. Is she okay?”
My mother fell into my father’s arms, sobbing. I took that as a no. This instantly brought me to tears and suddenly Shane was holding me.
They let us cry for a while and finally we all sat up straight to talk about funeral arrangements.
“So, the funeral is probably going to be next Wednesday.”
“Okay,” I said, making a mental note.
“You’re starting school Monday, Rebecca. I think you should stay here.”
“But, Nana…”
“Nana would want you to stay in school. In fact, she’d be really angry if she knew you missed school to cry at her funeral.”
I thought about what she said and knew she was right.
“What about Sam?”
“Sam’s going to spend the week with Sarah. She’s already there, anyway. She starts school, too.”
“I can take care of her.”
“I know, Honey. But, you’re taking night classes and you’ll be in and out.”
“Sam’s almost 15, she’ll be fine.”
“Well, Sam has a boyfriend now,” my mother continued.
“I know.”
“Well, we’re not so sure he would abide by the rules as well as Shane,” my mother said.
“The kid’s a lunatic. No way is she going to have any alone time with that…that punk!” my father said.
If the circumstances were different I would have laughed at my father, but I knew it wasn’t the time. “Okay. I’ll do whatever you want.”
My father looked at Shane. “You um, you watch out for my girls, okay? I’m counting on you.”
I know Shane felt a sense of pride at my father’s request and he said, “They’ll be fine. I’ll make sure of it.”
“Good, then it’s all settled. We’re leaving Monday morning and we’ll be gone for about ten days. I want to help…my dad…get settled…” my mother said, tearing up again.
Shane left about an hour later and when I walked upstairs, I found my mom sitting on my bed.
“Hi, mom. Are you okay?” I knew it was a stupid question. She’d just lost her mother. Of course she wasn’t okay. But what do you say at a time like that?
“Yeah, I’m okay,” she said, sniffling.
“Did you want something?” I asked, when I noticed she didn’t move from my bed.
She held up the black underwear that I had, once again, forgotten about.
“It’s not what you think…believe me!”
“So, you didn’t wear these…for Shane?”
“Okay, it is what you think. But…nothing happened. You were right though, I do have all the power.”
“What does that mean? Or do I want to know?”
“I um, I tried…I mean, I wore those for him and led him half-way upstairs…”
“Half-way?”
“I had him…but I couldn’t go through with it. He looked so guilty, like he knew he was letting you and dad down. We um, we went out to dinner, instead.”
“I
see. Well, that’s a good thing, because you’re dad…”
“I know!”
“Rebecca, I’m going to trust you while we’re away. Can I trust you?”
“Well, you can trust Shane…”
“That’s not what I asked.”
“Mom, you took me to get birth control for a reason…”
“YOU WHAT?” my father shouted from the doorway.
I looked over at mom for support and knew I was dead…we both were.
“Bradley, calm down.”
“You took our under-age daughter to get birth control without discussing it with me?” he ranted.
“If I’d asked you about taking her to get birth control, what would you have said?”
“HELL NO!”
“That’s why I didn’t ask.”
I sat on the edge of my bed, afraid to move…afraid to breathe. I knew my life was over. He’d never let me see Shane again…and we hadn’t even broken the rules.
“Charlotte, you know how I feel about this! I don’t want my daughter…doing…”
“You’d rather she got pregnant?”
“NO!”
“Bradley, she’s a teenager. She’ll be 18 in six months. You can’t keep her locked up forever. She has a steady boyfriend; a boy that we both like and approve of. I wanted her to be safe!”
“Safe? NOT having sex is SAFE!”
“You know how it is when you’re young and in love…”
“I know you waited for me…even if you didn’t wait…” he stopped and looked over at me, afraid he was going to spill the Brigham family secret about my mom and uncle. Too late, the cat was out of the bag. “Forget I said that,” his tone softening toward my mother. He turned to me, the anger immediately returning. “YOU! You’re in big trouble now!”
“Daddy, can I say something, please?”
“NO! I don’t believe a word you say anymore. Nothing but lies!”
“DAD! You promised you’d listen to me…”
“Well, I guess I lied, too!”
“Nothing’s happened! Mom made me get the shot, I didn’t ask for it! I told you…we’re waiting.”
“How could you not discuss this with me?” he asked my mother, starting to calm down a little.
She stood up and walked to her husband. “Honey, she’s growing up. She’s not lying. I made her go, she didn’t ask.”
He sighed, starting to give in to his wife’s pleadings, but as he thought about it and looked around my room, something got him riled up again and suddenly his eyes turned to fire once again and he started to storm off.
CONVICTION (INTERFERENCE) Page 11